Harry's POV

I rest my head heavily in my hands, fingertips presssed hard against my temples, thumbs digging into my cheekbones. My morning mug of tea stares back at me, the steam rising up hitting my face like pin pricks.

What was I thinking? Just as we are getting to a comfortable place and becoming friends, I try to kiss her. How stupid can I be? Very stupid it seems because even after she found out my 'girlfriend' is in fact my sister, she still rejected my kiss.

I can't help myself can I, always pushing it too far, wanting too much of every women I meet. Shit, shit, shit. Will I ever learn? No it seems not. Useless. Absolutely useless.

She flickered something inside of me from the very first moment we met in the Orchard. That day and our subsequent encounters, I was so set on keeping my identity hidden that I didn't even allow myself to look at her but that flicker began to increase into a spark that was continually igniting just from our back and forth banter.

Then when we argued at the kitchen door about the fact she had listened into my call and I intimidated her and made her cry, that was the real first time I'd looked at her. My emotions were all over the place as it had been a very long time since I had made someone cry through upset. Normally the tears that fall are joyful. When I looked at her my breath was totally sucked out of my body that day.

She is so, I can't even put it into words. Pretty? Damn no, pretty isn't strong enough a word for her. She is naturally just beautiful. And the most laughable thing of all is that she has no idea whatsoever. That's what makes her so attractive.

Those huge brown eyes encapsulated within the mass of long floating eyelashes, so bright and expressive when she stares at me that I have to look away because I just want to pull her into my arms and tangle my fingers in that hair of hers and - stop it Harry, this is not good.

Last night when she was pressed against me, the delicate curves of her body filling my hands and her chest squashed against mine, I nearly combusted on the spot. Jesus what is wrong with me. I haven't had it in a while and she's the only person I've seen in the last seven weeks.

My eyes fall closed and all I can picture is her image smiling back at me. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, the ache in my crotch increasing every second I am simply thinking about her. May be that's the crux of it, it's purely lust for sex.

The hot vapour radiates up my face almost burning into my skin and jolts my eyes open. I shake my head, dismissing the untruthful thoughts. No, no it's not, because it's not just her body that I hanker. I've been happy enough here on my own but I have started to look forward to seeing her every week. Almost craving her visits and our conversations.

She is so pensive and knows her own mind and she wasn't afraid to give me a piece of it when we argued over things that are important to her. I like that, it's such a major turn on. But at the same time, she refrained from passing judgment when I was honest with her about me.

Our conversations have centered around us personally, family and relationships. Most people I meet usually only want to talk about the band but she hasn't mentioned it once. It occurs to me that the reason is not because she's not interested but because she knows I'm on a break so doesn't feel it's appropriate to bring it up. That's the sort of person she is, the sort to put the needs of others before her own.

She's confident about what she wants and where she wants her life to take her but she still possesses that little bit of vulnerability that makes her so appealing. She is totally unaware of how gorgeous and sexy she is. It's as though she feels she's not worthy. And she shouldn't feel like that because she is so passionate and genuine. But all that stuff about not wanting love was a total denial. She's romantic alright, she's just been hurt in the past and hasn't found the right person to draw it out of her. Yet.

But the most important thing about her, the one thing that for me is such a vital trait is that she is so trustworthy. She promised she wouldn't tell anyone that I was here and I absolutely trust that she won't.

God I so wanted her to kiss me back last night. Shit. I want her so badly.

Fuck, I need to speak to someone get my mind off this train of thought before I go insane. Who to call?

Louis. Bloody messaging, does he ever pick up his phone anymore?

Jeff. No, it's the middle of night in LA, he won't appreciate me waking him at this hour.

Jonny. No, he's currently in the outer reaches of Australia, uncontactable.

Grimmy. No, he'll be having his usual Sunday lie-in as he has to get up so early in the week for his breakfast radio show, he won't want downer me waking him up on is day off.

Mum. No, she'll only worry and jump straight in the car and head this way.

Gem. No, she'll give me a lecture and although everything she will say will be the exact truth, it's the last thing I can handle right now.

Liam. I'll call Liam and if he doesn't answer I'll try Niall.

"Hi Li." My voice drags, sounding as tired as I feel after one of the worst sleeps I've had in ages, too preoccupied thinking about my unreciprocated kiss and regretting its attempt in the first place.

"Hi Harry mate. You ok?" He must sense my poor mood but I don't want to talk about me so will focus on him and Sophia. I just need to hear a familiar voice.

"Yeah. How was the house move, all settled in?" I try to put on my cheery voice, unsuccessfully.

"It's incredible, we are so happy with it." His enthusiasm is electric but that's Liam about almost everything. "We can't wait for you to see it when you finally come out from wherever it is you are hiding. It's huge, I keep losing Soph. Think I need to install a tannoy system!" I admire the way he unconsciously says 'we' not 'I' and I can't help the small flow of jealously ebbing through my veins.

"I'm sure she'd love that!" That is so something he would do and so something she would hate but she loves him so much she'd humor him and go along with it. Lucky devil.

"Yeah, don't think she'll agree somehow!" He laughs fondly.

"How's Lily?" Of all the questions he could ask why that one?

"Wait, what, who the hell is Lily?" The familiar Irish brogue interjects the conversation.

"Niall, you aren't at Li's again are you?" I exaggerate my words in disbelief. He is always round there, I don't know why he doesn't move in!

"Sorry Harry, I forgot to say, Niall's here." Liam sounds resigned to the fact that he practically has a new housemate.

"Well Liam, if you will buy a house literally next door to my golf club what's a man to do other than pop in occasionally." Niall's justification is sarcastically charming.

Niall is Niall. What you see is what you get. His cheeky-chappie persona makes it hard to ever be mad at him for too long. He doesn't take life too seriously. He knows exactly who he is and is happy in his own skin. He's found his comfortable truth. He is so laid back, sometimes too much so, that nothing really affects him as he breezes happily through life but I know if push came to shove and any of us needed him, really needed him, he'd be there with no hesitation.

"Occasionally, yeah right, more like every day Niall."

"Come on I'm not that bad." He coaxes.

"Oh yes you are, Soph has started hiding food." I can visualize Liam's eyebrows raised in jest.

"Rubbish, she loves having me around, saves her having to look at only your ugly mug day in day out."

"Charming I'm sure."

"Anyway off the point, is anyone going to tell me, who is this Lily?"

"She's Harry's gardener." Liam's tone suggestive that there's more to her than just my gardener.

"You've got to be fooking kidding me what do you discuss knitting and bingo?" Niall laughs hysterically at his own joke.

"Oh no, she's young and in the words of the man himself, 'she's absolutely wonderful'." They are now entering the realms of taking the piss.

"Oi Oi, it's like Lady Chatterley's Lover in reverse!" Both boys let out howls of laughter.

"Guys, I am actually still here you know." My tone is flatly unimpressed. Please, I didn't count on a comedy duo this morning.

"Come on then, have you shagged her yet?" Niall's question brazonly filters through the air.

"Niiialll!" Both Liam and I say in unison.

"Oh come on, it's never stopped you before Harry."

"Thank you Niall for that inaccurate summary of my sexual habits but it's not like that with her."

"Here we go, what is it like then?" Niall really has no filter.

"We're friends, I like her."

"What like her or like like her?"

"Ummm."

He wastes no time in jumping in. "Hesitation, first sign of denial, you like like her."

"Yes she's great company. We talk about good things, personal stuff like family."

"Well that sounds a bit intensely boring to me but then you are the deep meaningful one Harry so it figures you'd find that attractive in a bird."

"Your use of terminology about the opposite sex Niall really does leave a lot to be desired."

"What did I say now?" He exclaims.

"Bird, honestly." I sigh in disbelief.

"Oh don't get all shitty with me. Come on, something's obviously happened because you're all offish and moody." Although his persona suggests his sole purpose in life is to ridicule everything, he really does listen when you talk to him and can read people's emotions very well.

"No, I cooked her dinner last night, we watched a film, it was a good night."

"Well there you go, clearly that's where you are going wrong. I mean food and films are ok but get in there and kiss her and the rest as they say will be history.

"Really?  Such good advice as always Niall. I tried that already and it backfired."

"Oh so that's why you are acting all down, you're losing your touch Styles. She knocked you back, priceless! Perhaps there's more to this Lily than meets the eye. Interestingly challenging and making you work for it. I like her already." He sounds distinctively smug.

"This isn't funny Niall, I like her but she obviously doesn't feel the same, I don't know."

"Well she sounds like a slow burn and you've got time so just run with it. Hard for you 'Mr- Rush-In-Where-Angels-Fear-to -Tread' I know but sometimes these things simply cannot be rushed. They need to simmer gently."

Liam who typically hasn't been able to get a word in edgeways finally speaks. "Sorry Harry but I have to agree with Nialler. If you like her, take your time, you've got time on your side at the moment afterall."

"Yeah I suppose so, that's if I haven't ruined my chances already. Thanks guys. By the way, has anyone heard from Louis, I've been trying to get hold of him." I change the subject to indicate that the conversation about Lily is over.

"Last I heard he is in LA." Liam pipes up.

"That explains why I can never get hold of him. I'll call him later today and try to catch his morning."

We chat a little longer about what everyone's been up to. It's good to have such jovial banter with the boys and it lifts my mood immensely.

After talking to them, sitting over another mug of tea and thinking it over some more, I worked it all out.

Everything Lily said about relationships and love points to the fact that she craves a stable and rhythmic lifestyle. Everything her parents went through is her worst nightmare. My usual lifestyle is her worst nightmare - erratic, serendipitous, hectic.

Her rejection of my kiss and her words "Well perhaps now you've got more time on your hands you'll meet someone," culminate together to point to one thing, she purely sees me as friend material.

I'd rather have Lily in my life whilst I am here and beyond than not. So, I need to back off.

Just forget about the failed kiss attempt, don't mention it unless she does then brush it off like it was a heat of the moment thing. I'll just have to control my dick when she's around. A long shower every Wednesday morning before she gets here and then an even longer one when she leaves. Great!