Harry's POV

I sleep badly, wake early and am preparing breakfast when a disheveled Jeff appears in the doorway, looking like a Neanderthal man. He yawns, releasing a huge groan and scratches his unkempt beard.

"Morning, did you sleep ok?"  I attempt a cheery tone.

"Not really, you?" he gruffs, shuffling into the kitchen.

"So, so." I jiggle of my hand with my response.

He props his elbows on the back of the bar stool and rubs his eye sockets with his fingertips. "Do you want to go over your song selections again this morning?"

"No. I would like to finish what we started discussing last night before you stropped off," I state.

"I did not strop off! I said all I had to say, on reflection probably too harshly for which I am sorry, but I was tired after my flight."

"Whilst I appreciate the apology, I haven't said all I have to say." I point at the stool and place a plate in front of him. "Now sit."

Huffing, he plonks himself down. "Eggs, thanks.  They look great but trying to butter me up with favourite food will not change my mind."

I do not rise to his bait. Last night was last night; today is a new day. I pour two mugs of coffee before I sit down opposite him and stare out of the glass doors into the garden.

"I craved this chance to live simplistically; I spoke to you about it often enough. Truth be told though you were right, as lovely as this place is I would only have lasted a month alone before I would've returned. Then, there she was. In the short time I've known Lily, she has seen more of me than some people I've known for years." My eyes drop to my mug and my grip tightens around the handle.  "I kind of had a mini breakdown."

I wince in preparation for the reaction I am going to see sitting straight across from me then glance up.  A sheer look of horror sweeps across his face as his dropped fork hits the plate with a clatter.

"What?!  Why the hell didn't you call me?" He expresses with concern.  "I would've come straightaway."

I suck in a breath and raise both hands in a 'let me explain' gesture.

"I know and thanks but I needed to work through it myself. You were there during the relentlessness of it all, especially towards the end of the last tour and album promo. It wasn't until I arrived here that I felt everything finally cease.  Trouble was, I wasn't used to being alone and the first few weeks I was a miserable bastard."  My mind recalls how moody I was towards Lily. "My head was a jumbled mess of inner voices asking questions and recollecting memories that I had to get in order. This place has allowed me to set my own pace and given me the time to breathe and reflect on the enormity of what has happened to me."

He shakes his head and sighs whilst grinding black pepper over his scramble.  "I had no idea. You shouldn't have gone through that on your own."

"I didn't. Lily was here and even when I tried to push her away, she stayed right by my side."

"I am glad you had her help but that doesn't alter anything in relation to an NDA."

"Yes it does. What we share is special because she isn't a moth impressed by the brightness of the lights."

"She cannot possibly be prepared though for how life is about to change. Whatever you want to call this," Jeff circles his finger in the air, "in little over a month's time you will return to London. Have you thought about what will happen then?"

"She's not some holiday romance if that's what you are implying.  For the first time I can truthfully say this is real."

"So what's the Lily plan then?"

"There you go again," I retort, "making it sound like an arrangement. I am hoping she will agree to come back to London with me, then she will return here for her commitments and my busy promo schedule starts before I fly to the States."

"Is she coming out to LA to see you at any point?"

"I've not mentioned it yet because in an ideal world I want her to join me but I doubt she will be able to afford the time with her job and her business."

"How do you know if you haven't asked her?"

"She wants to live here and set up her business.  It's her dream and I'm not going to ask her to put that on hold for me."

"A relationship with you requires give and take.  What about when you return from the US?"

"I'll come back here and see her, just like I go home to see Mum. What's with all the flipping questions?" I ask, becoming increasingly irritated by his third degree.

"What's with the answer to every fucking question?" His hand rigidly slices through the air to exaggerate his every word. "I'm telling you now, you won't have time for any visits to her or home or anywhere else."

"Then Lily can come to London."

"Hersh, just stop for one minute and ask yourself, are your lives really compatible?"

"Well that escalated quick from an NDA to questioning my entire relationship! You know you've been living far too celebrity-fied in la-la land for too long. You are being ridiculous."

"No I'm not and you know it. She leads a normal life, you do not, and for the foreseeable future you won't," he attempts to reason.

"That's rubbish and goes against everything I strive for.  When we close the door at night, I am just Harry and she is just Lily."

"But that's here, a place you are not staying. You are returning to your life and however much you like to think you lead a normal one, when you are working you do not."

"Look, the boy band days are over. We're grown ups and so are our fans. The band is still a band, when we will come back together is just unknown. The timing will have to be right for us all and that's a tall order for four people but if we all want it, it will happen. It will never be like those five years again though. The other lads are moving on with their lives and so am I. My new music is all mine. As an artist I could end tomorrow or span the next 30 years.  Am I supposed to ignore my heart in the meantime?"

"The music is what you want. It's what you've always wanted. There's plenty of time for relationships, you're only 22."

I lean my elbow on the counter and rest my forehead in my palm.  "Perhaps I've changed. Perhaps it's not anymore."

"That's a bold statement to make. Are you sure about that?" Jeff asks, clearly testy.

"Yes I'm sure," I sigh, sliding my fingers through my hair.

"So, if she asked you would you give it all up for her?"

I straighten my back and my brows knit together. "She would never ask me to do that."

"That's not what I asked. Would you?"

"Perhaps, I don't know. No! It's a hypothetical question because I can have both."

"Flying solo is going to be harder work than you've ever experienced. Do you need the pressure of a relationship at the moment that adds to that?"

"As much as I try to avoid it, I've seen the hype around my music and quite frankly the expectation is off the scale. I'm not scared though, I'm excited. It's all dangling right in front of me and I intend to make the most of it but it isn't the only success I'm striving for now."

"What are you getting at?" He asks, confused.

"I've been playing with my personal life and no-one has ever made me question my focus. That's why past relationships didn't last because I refused to put them first. She has made me sit up and take note. Once upon a time, I could only envisage my career goals; now my personal happiness is up there equal. I want it all."

"Unfortunately, being who you are you cannot always have what you want, when you want it."

"I don't want to be that guy that looks like he has everything but in reality, he's lonely as fuck. I want to love and to be loved. What I have right now, there is no I, it's we."

"Hate to break it to you but as far as the next six months goes there is only you," he says with a hint of smugness.

I throw my hands up in frustration. "What do you want me to do? Do you not think I've thought about how hard it's going to be to make it work. I don't want it to fall apart just like every other time."

"This is what I am talking about. You don't need these extra worries on top of everything else."

"I had it all worked out in my head. Why do you always make me over question everything? I need you to be supportive."

"I am but it's my job to make you see all angles and I want your focus on the music. I am not suggesting you cannot be together, I am just saying you need to keep the reality of it in perspective."

"I never know anymore if it's your business head talking or your best friend head?"

"Hersh, it is both heads. You know I am right.  Always look at the bigger picture. You get absolute say on your heart; the rest my friend is up for debate.

"But I'm sick of the restraints that there are on certain parts of my life."

"I know but it's part and parcel of the life you lead.  She's more protected here and it's where she wants to be anyway.  When the promo is finished, if you are still together, think about it then."

"What do you mean, if we are still together? Of course we will be. I'm not sure I trust your advice on this one Jeff, it's like you are hoping the distance will separate us."

"I'm not but it's been an issue before."

"I've never wanted it before.  I've found it easy to walk away previously."

He pops the last of his egg in his mouth and points his fork at me. "That is a lie and you know it."

"Don't. That was at a completely different time. She is in the past."

"You took that one hard. You didn't talk to her before you left for that last tour and the distance thing took its toll and your relationship fell apart. My point proved."

"It's not a point proved because I didn't want it enough and she had trust issues. If we had, we would have fought for it and we didn't."

"Agree to disagree but your duty is not to me or to the record label or even to you in the case of your personal life."

"I'm well aware of that, it is to Lily."

"Yes, especially someone like Lily. She is not connected to the industry in any way. She doesn't have a manager or PR looking out for her. It's you and ultimately me. NDA or not, it will need managing and that starts with you being honest with her from the outset about how life is going to be. If you want to stay together you need to prepare her before you go back to reality. If you don't, you risk losing her."

"Firstly, there is to be no NDA and that's final. Secondly, what if that life isn't my reality anymore. What if she is?"

"Don't act on an impulse. Music is your destiny. It's important to take your time and weigh up everything before you and she end up getting hurt."

"I hear you but that's not going to happen if I can help it."

"As your best friend and manager we have to have these difficult conversations. Please don't hate me; I'm just looking out for you. You could say its none of my business but it is. I'm responsible for making sure you deliver what you promise."

"I know and I appreciate it. That's why we are such a good team. In any case, you've just helped me finally decide on the name of my first solo album so thank you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's the perfect title for where I am right now in my life."

"Go on, I'm intrigued."

"Back to Reality."

"So you do admit going back is your reality."

"It depends which way you look at it. You talk about my reality being my London/LA life.  Is it or is life here with her my reality or actually is it both? I've never had to question it before. I am still the same Harry, the only difference is she is now by my side. Perhaps she is my real destiny and not the music after all."

"You cannot fool me you have never thought of it that way. Never."

"Perhaps I am mellowing in my old age. What is my reality? What is yours? I'll leave you to ponder that. Tea?"

I gather both empty plates and rise up to re-boil the kettle with his words uttered under his breath following hot on my heels.

"Too f-ing intelligent for your own good that's your trouble. Do you know that?" He curses at my back causing me to smirk to myself.

He raises his voice further and I chuckle. "Still love you though, you bloody genius."