Lily's Harry Week One Flashback

With his treasured promise placed securely in my palm, Harry left me sleeping at 9pm that Saturday night.  One or two over-eager press hanger-oners were still lurking around outside the hospital so with Dad's help he and Dale successfully made it to their car that waited at the employee entrance.  Totally undetected, they sped out of town towards the motorway for the 275 miles, four and a half hour journey to London.

Harry explained later that at 15 miles into the journey he requested the driver to exit at the next junction and return to the hospital.  Dale successfully managed to talk him out of it again.  However, he still felt agitated that he had made the wrong decision and deliberated over and over for the next 25 miles before caving again and saying he wanted to go back.  Dale asked they pull into the motorway services and whilst the driver ventured inside to grab three coffees, Dale talked Harry around a third time.

Still headed towards London, they set off again but all the black coffee did was spike Harry's heart rate and get him even more rattled.  Finally, he put his earbuds in, closed his eyes and somehow managed to sleep for the rest of the journey.  The car arrived at his Hampstead Heath home at around 2am where he slept for a few more hours before waking and making final preparations for his trip to the States.

The last minute flight booking meant he could only secure a business class seat on one early departure that Sunday, due to all other LA-bound flights being full.  He was automatically checked-in online by his PA and with the boarding pass on his phone, and only travelling with hand luggage, it allowed him to arrive at the airport leaving the minimum amount of time required to get through security and practically board the plane straightaway.

During the 35-minute journey from home to Heathrow he texted me to check I was awake before he called me.  Practically choking on my emotions, I thanked him for his thoughtful gift.  He responded with such honest candor that he wanted me to have a piece of him always with me whilst he was away and this did nothing to ease my sentimental fragility.  That set the tone for our conversation that was intensely heartfelt.  He kept reiterating that I only had to say the word and he would cancel everything and come back to me.  Of course I didn't want him to go but in the cold light of day I knew I would be stuck in hospital for at least a week, if not longer, and going to LA to progress his project now, rather than at a later date, would be better for us both in the long run.

As he settled on-board the plane before departure he made a final call to me.  When he stated he just wanted to sleep through the whole eleven-hour fight, I sensed there was still such misgiving laced through his tone.  I knew he was still unsure if what he was doing was the right decision and as I heard the din of cabin crew announcing that passengers must take their seats in preparation for takeoff, I could tell he was looking for me to make it all better.  I hoped my parting words consoled him.

"Listen to me, Bootiful Bun Top, fly to LA, work and enjoy some time with friends then come back to me. I will be here, hopefully stronger and more recovered and we can be together again."

The British Airways flight BA0283 departed from London Heathrow to Los Angeles at 09:45.  He later confirmed he slept soundly the whole flight!  

Whilst Harry was sleeping at 35,000ft, my day was far from relaxing.  It was the day I moved room twice; once to the ward where I settled in nicely only to find I moved again on Dad's insistence of a private room.  Then all my family came to see me and I felt tension in the air and being early days in my recovery, tiredness came quickly.  By 7pm I was out of it and with Harry still roughly a couple of hours in the air, I messaged him to say I hoped he had a good flight but I had to sleep and would catch up with him later.

Through all the drama at my end Harry was my constant.  Actually being removed from the situation, he had a different outlook to everyone else and in that respect his going away proved to be positive.   My daily contact of his 'everything LA' became a welcome distraction from my 'everything hospital'.

However, what would transpire over the next two weeks at his end would totally open my inexperienced eyes for the first time.  During our time together at Summer Haze, he had been the Harry I had come to know - relaxed, funny, loving, protective and well, normal.  Now, with distance between us, he was inside this impenetrable box and I felt as though my nose was pressed up against the glass watching as the drama that is his world unfold in front of me.  His real lifestyle.   

'Harry Styles Gets Mobbed at LAX As He Reappears From Hiatus Hibernation.' - X17 Online - Sunday, 19th June 2016

The whole reason he went away was to draw the press off the scent of finding out about us.  His team were still even in the dark about me. Harry had purely instructed that he very much needed to be 'seen' arriving on American soil.  So he landed at LAX to a packed airport of tipped-off press and fans.

When I woke up on the Monday morning and ventured onto my social media, I was completely shocked at the mayhem simply caused by his arrival.  I had seen such scenes in the past with other celebrities but in a removed member of 'Joe Public' way.  Watching the absolute chaos unfold around someone I actually knew was bizarre to say the least. 

The flashing of the camera bulbs was relentless along with the superficial repeated calling of his name; no wonder he wore shades and kept his head down.  Despite politely obliging as many fans as he could with photos, devices were shoved in his face and he was pushed and pulled as he lumbered along with his luggage weighing heavily on his shoulder.  I thought back to him saying the next time he went to LA I would be with him and I imagined being in the midst of all of that and wondering how I would cope with it.  My initial reaction looking from the outside in was not very well.  

'Harry Styles' Heart Is As Big As His Golden Boots' - 1D star pays hospital visit to terminally-ill fan.' - The Daily Mail - Monday, 20th June 2016

After Harry's visit to see Emily at St Mary's the previous Saturday, her friend posted a picture of them together on Instagram.  Fans, and in turn the press, seized on it and touching headlines and articles showed Harry in his true positive light for a change.  Immediately #prayersforEmily trended on Twitter.  However, those articles also assumed that the only reason Harry was at the hospital was to visit her. 

When we spoke he asked after her and how she was doing and I brought up the headlines that he hadn't seen.  His words, "That is what you call fucking ironic. I mean irony being ironic for ironically ironic irony's sake," made me chuckle to myself at his tongue twister.  Then clearly aggravated by the situation, he put his head in his hands and cursed that he need not have left me after all.  He had a point but then no one had stopped to consider that his good deed could have been the reason he was at the hospital.

Although I reassured him again that everything was fine, we were only at the start of our separation and we just needed to get on with it, inside I began to recognise that what I was feeling was a mix of my own stretched emotions about my situation and that feeling of emptiness that comes with missing someone. This was despite him speaking to me every morning when I woke and every evening before I went to sleep with multiple contact in-between.

He tweeted regularly by his standards, much to the delight of the fans, because this was the most 'Harry' they had socially had in forever. I had come to understand that his tweets were usually cryptic and during his time away was no exception. He often had to explain them to me.

"Harry before you go, the Floral Heart tweet, is that a new lyric, it's pretty?"

"Sort of."

"Why are you being coy about it?"

"Umm, Floral Heart is you, Beautiful."

He picked-up on my increasing anxiety as I spoke about my family and the next day flowers arrived.  Not just any old flowers; it was an amazingly beautiful arrangement centered on hydrangeas.  Olive commented on how gorgeous they were and I cried uncontrollable buckets of tears.  She hugged me tight and then asked why I was crying.  Through my mumbling sobs, I explained it was full of the flowers I had talked to him about when we went for our first walk together and I described my perfect florist dream.

She told me that he loved me.  I shrugged it off and denied that was the case because he had never said it to me.  She proceeded to relay to me the full story of what had happened from him impersonating my brother, Dad challenging at him, Mum being the staunch rock and smoothing out the issues, then Harry taking the morning shift every day and reading to me.  My way to deal with the possible reality that what she was saying was true was to tease her about her fancying my boyfriend.  She said she only wanted to get her hands on his hair, nothing more because he loved me.  I tried to dodge it again but I remember her words so clearly.

"Lily, my God, he doesn't need to say it, you have no idea. The way he spoke about you, outlined his plans to protect you, stood up to your Dad.  It was incredible.  I have never seen love like that before.  He was magnificent." 

Further embarrassed, I made light of her describing him as 'magnificent' much to her annoyance at my inability to accept her truth.

Harry was no stranger to LA but of course the fans speculated about why he had suddenly reappeared there after his sustained period of absence.  He worked his schedule around UK time with mornings being free to talk at length to me, go to SoulCycle, do a Yoga class or just relax.  He caught up with friends for lunch or dinner or both and then recording was mainly done late afternoon or early into the evening whilst I was asleep.

What intrigued me most about his presence in the public eye was the hunger that journalists had to write a story about him.  The result was nothing but a load of twaddle about where he was eating and what he was wearing.  Harry didn't appear perturbed by the free PR opportunities, even if the content was irrelevant.  I found most of them ridiculously amusing and an intriguing way to look at someone's life.  That didn't stop me browsing though!

Some of what was reported was the press tipped off that he was going to be in a certain place at a certain time; some of it was from meeting fans who snapped pictures of him or with him and put them on their media accounts and the rest of what he got up to, which in fact was quite a lot, was not reported at all.  It struck me that when he really wanted to, he could move around completely unnoticed.

'Harry Styles Power Lunch with 50-something Gerbers' – The Sun - Wednesday, 22nd June 2016

Harry Styles looked relaxed as he joined Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber for lunch in Malibu on Wednesday.  Harry has a firm friendship with Cindy and her A-List family so it was no surprise to see the famous model was top of the 22 year-old's 'must catch-up' list after touching down in California this week.

Stopping by Café Habana, the One Direction star was greeted with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek from the famous beauty.  Harry could be seen laughing and chatting as the group tucked into some food at Rande's upmarket Cuban and Mexican eatery.

Having fully embraced the sunny Californian weather, Harry showed off his grasp of fashion that has earned him a place on British GQ's Best Dressed Men list.  The longhaired lothario teamed a poppy-inspired shirt with a pair of skinny fit Paige Denim jeans and suede brown boots.  He's been friends with the Gerbers for a while now and even secured a few boxes of Rande's Casamigos tequila for his trouble.

"Hi Handsome, how was your lunch yesterday?"

"Great, I love spending time with Cindy & Rande.  They are lovely people you know; they have no agenda. They have always made me feel so welcome in their family, right from when I first started coming to LA."

"I'm glad you have people there you can rely on; that's rare these days.  My Dad is insanely jealous just so you know."

"Well when you parents come out here I will be sure to introduce him to Cindy."

I didn't reply to this statement but it was reeling around in my mind.  "Tell me, did you actually have salad with your salad?"

"Hey! I couldn't decide so yes I had two salads."

"Cute as only you can be."

"Stop it, I'm blushing.  Your hair looks lovely by the way."

"Olive special. Now I'm blushing, behave! I love the flower pots on the wall, unique idea I might have to pinch that."

"Oh you saw that on my Instagram?"

"Yes I did!  The blooms don't look that beautiful though."

"My tweet and the photo aren't connected although the terracotta pots reminded me of gardening and you.  Beautiful, bloom is you."

"You're so mushy!"

"And you're so beautiful, Beautiful."

'Best Sunglasses Ever' - TMZ – Thursday, 23rd June 2016

Harry Styles was pictured rocking some funky retro white sunglasses as he headed to lunch with a group of friends in Beverly Hills on Wednesday afternoon.  The 1D heartthrob displayed his eye-catching tattoos in a casual white top and Paige Denim jeans combination as he made his way out of Lemonade eatery.

The singer appeared to be in good spirits as he chatted with his pals.  Completing his effortless pop star looks with brown boots and a silver ring, the British singer left his famously curly locks to flow free.  Rumour has it that he is in LA to record solo material.

"Nice glasses, very Kurt Cobain or were you going for a more Willy Wonka look?"

"Oh very funny, don't you like them?"

"Quirky. I will be borrowing those, make sure you bring them back with you."

"Ok but only 'cos it's you."

"Thanks Handsome.  Lemons and lemonade, how was lunch?"

"Oh that isn't a restaurant reference although it was the name that got me thinking. You seemed down when we talked last.  I know it's hard but I so want you to be optimistic despite everything.  I believe in you Lily, we will get through this.  The sour lemons will be sweet lemonade again soon, I promise."

"What would I do without you, thank you."

"Well you wouldn't have on-trend sunglasses for starters!"

We always said our goodbyes with palms against the screen then he would pull his phone to his lips and pucker up making me laugh.  Finally, he would still and gaze at me in silence as though he was going to say something but thought better of it. Instead he would wave, thumbs-ups, make a silly face or smile before cutting the contact.  I told him I loved him every time but only after he disconnected.  It was a declaration I wanted to say to him in person, not with 5,500 miles between us.

'Harry Styles Artist Extraordinaire - The Daily Mail Online – Friday, 24 June 2016

Harry Styles appears to be channeling his inner Picasso as he splashed out on a set of materials at an LA art store on Thursday.  The singer is taking his status as one of the world's biggest artists to a whole new level.  We've learned that Harry has taken up painting as a hobby in his spare time.  A source confirmed, "art has become a bit of an obsession for Harry recently. He is not an extravagantly materialistic guy but is a keen collector. Art is one of his luxuries. He is amassing an impressive collection."

It seems Harry has a keen eye and knows what he likes.  His gallery at home reportedly boasts an original Banksy and prints from British artist Hayden Kays plus a sculpture from Ben Turnbull.  Styles is thought to be in LA at the moment taking singing lesson before launching his solo career.

Mum arrived at hospital with a huge and heavy package addressed for my attention that had been expressed delivered to home.  I unwrapped the unexpected parcel to find the most stunning mahogany wooden gift box containing 120 Caran D'Ache Swiss-made colouring pencils housed across three trays.  The colour range of the pencils is breathtaking.  Also included was a selection of adult colouring books - Mandala Meditation, The Secret Garden, Escape to Wonderland and Vogue Colouring.

A handwritten note accompanied the gift:-

Something to exercise those beautiful fingers of yours that I know will be green again soon. Hx.

My tears to Harry over FaceTime about not being able to hold a fork properly had resulted in his trip to the LA art store, not for him but for me.