Moments shared like last night are those in life that should be treasured.  A sight, sound, aroma, taste or touch can all combine to make our lasting memories.

The romance of the warm July evening, the air thick with the laughter of family all assembled to welcome me home from hospital, the mouthwatering sizzle of the grill, the seductive dancing glow of the flames in the firepit, and Harry.  I will never forget the unmistakable click of those boots.  My heart practically exploded out of my chest as his whole body wrapped around mine and secured me within his protective arms and passionate words.  

Here was me thinking that coming home from hospital and the amazing surprise of Harry being back that I would sleep soundly.  No chance.  The unpleasant dreams that aggravate my mind every night prevailed.  In the end, I gave up trying to even rest because my head was throbbing.  Instead, I rose early, hobbled downstairs, took my meds, completed my exercises and cleared up as much of last night's mess as I could manage.  Finally, having exhausted myself as I had intended, I staggered back upstairs and enjoyed three hours of wonderful, uninterrupted, non-dream sleep. I so needed it.  Bliss.

Upon waking, Harry called me and when he asked what 'we' were up to today it sent me fuzzy inside!  My response that I didn't know, whatever he would like to do, was met with his precious reply of 'spend it with you doing nothing'.  I asked how his conference call went but he appeared noncommittal and, dare I say it, agitated about the details.  Although it has left me wondering, I decide not to mention it again unless he brings it up.

He arrived just after lunch.  He had planned to come earlier but after calling me, he fell back to sleep.  On his suggestion, we headed straight out into the garden.  We had agreed to talk today; there is no point in putting if off any longer.

Like last night, we are once again sat next to each other on the swing seat but in the cold light of day the atmosphere could not feel emptier.  The gap between us is glaringly obvious and not one part of us is touching.  The most noticeable awkwardness is the stillness of the swing.  It is as though we are both holding our breaths and afraid to move.

There is clearly something on his mind.  He is leaning forward, his shoulders tense and body hunched over his bent legs.  His forearms are resting along his thighs and his hands are clasped together in the prayer position.  He repeatedly runs his thumb over his cross tattoo of his left hand.

The silence is so excruciatingly uncomfortable that I have to break the tension and go to speak at exactly the same time as he does.  I chuckle gently at our supposed mirroring and notice out the corner of my eye him glance across at me.  A hint of a smirk graces his lips before his features turn a pained scowl.

"My call last night wasn't a conference call.  It was to Jeff.  He isn't very happy with me and our conversation was strained."

I look across at him now.  He looks wearily lost.  The pillows under his eyes that puff when he is worried or tired are plump under his lower lids.

"Why, what's happened?"  I question with concern, rubbing my hand soothingly up and down his bare arm.

Following on from our conversation yesterday, he explains the chain of events the night he had dinner at Ysabel that led him back to me so quickly.  About getting the first available flight and tipping off his press pal, to the statement at the airport about his relationship with Kendall and finally the 'It Matters, Always' tweet.  It was everything I missed because I had my phone switched off but everything that fully explains his devoted words yesterday.  

I gently rest my hand over both of his and squeeze them reassuringly.  "You did all that for me, I don't know what to say."

"What I said yesterday, I mean it wholeheartedly."  He slides one of his hands from beneath mine and places it on top, sandwiching mine in between both of his.  His stare is fixated on our entwine as his fingers stroke mine tenderly.

"Harry, look at me."  I coax.  He turns his head a fraction and catches my gaze.  He needs reassuring.  "I do know. Your words yesterday, they mean so much to me. Harry, I-." I stutter trying to voice what I want to admit but I fail miserably to say.

He looks away, refocusing upon our conjoined hands.  "It's just, you seemed so surprised I came back to you. That worries me."

I twist my whole body sideways to face him.  "I told you that I have never doubted your feelings for me. It is your feelings for her I don't understand."

He hesitates seemingly afraid to go on.  "After I spoke to you the night of the dinner, I called her."  He glances up towards the sky and closes his eyes as though he is bracing himself for my reaction.

"Oh."  Is all I utter.

He pulls my hand up to his mouth and rests his puckered lips on my knuckles.  "You deserve the truth; I won't lie to you.  Your words to me that night hit some home truths.  I had been unfair to her and I wanted to find out why she came to the restaurant."

"She said curiosity brought her there.  She was disappointed that I hadn't called her to let her know I was returning to LA.  She only found out because she saw it online when she was working in New York.  Then Jeff contacted her and at first she thought it was because I had asked him, but deep down she knew if I had wanted to see her I would have contacted her myself."

"She said she was sick of the press speculation; it was getting on her nerves. She wanted to pursue something new but couldn't with unpacked baggage still between us.  She said that as soon as she sat down at the table, she knew that whatever we once had was over. We talked it out, properly and both left the call on as good a terms as they can be."

A chill descends down my body.  I pull my hand away from him and fold my arms around myself in a self-soothing hug.

His ever so slight grimace at trying to read my thoughts causes his words to fall from his mouth in a desperate puff.  "Beautiful, please say something."

"Harry, you came back to me, that is all the truth I really needed," I say softly then harden my tone, "but you said you wanted to talk.  All I have heard is she says, she feels, she thinks.  No disrespect but she is your ex."

"She was never actually my girlfriend." He replies nonchalantly.

"Really?  You said no lies."  I challenge.

"No, yes, I don't know."  He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair.

"Just because you didn't go public doesn't mean you weren't together.  It seems you were having an intimate relationship with her and whether that was exclusive or not, please don't dismiss that because you think it's what I want to hear."

"I'm sorry."  He is now the one turning his whole body towards me and reaching for my hand but I bat his advances away.

"We are together and not public so does that mean you don't see us as 'technically' a couple."  I air quotes in annoyance.  

"No!"  He exclaims crossly.

"I'm only concerned about how you feel and you more than made your feelings crystal clear to me yesterday."  Both my hands are clenched into fists but he grabs one, prizing it apart and entwining his fingers tightly through mine.

"I want there to be no unanswered questions between us."  He is staring right at me seeking the green light to go and when I look at him he takes it as his cue.

"I told you about the St Bart's holiday publicity and how, in annoyance, I returned to the UK.  Well that wasn't the end of it."

I knit my brows together in confusion but he continues.  "In London, I reflected on it and realised I had unfairly blamed her. When I returned to LA in February for my birthday, I don't know maybe it was being back and the lifestyle, the fact that the hiatus meant I had no ties of any kind, I decided I wanted to give us a chance."

I sense him staring intently at me for my reaction.  I look away into the comfort of the fauna and flora.  He leans forward and turns my chin to meet his gaze.

"Please understand that to get to know someone when you are in the public eye is very hard but when you are both under such constant scrutiny, it is even harder.  Everything is magnified tenfold."

"I didn't appreciate that before but having watched you from afar over the last two weeks, I can see how difficult your life is with the constant press intrusion."  I nod in appreciation.  "But this conversation isn't necessary Harry, it all happened before we met, I don't need to know the ins and outs."

"Please, I need to tell you, to be honest." He pauses and when I don't challenge him he carries on. "We spent time together, certainly enough time to find out how we both really felt.  For me, sometimes it didn't feel natural; it felt an effort.  I put it down to all the planning, secrecy and hiding that went on for us to meet."

"Anyway, Dad had already put the wheels in motion to rent Summer Haze.  It was still my intention to come away but she couldn't understand why I was leaving again when we were getting along so well.  She stated that if I went ahead then it was over between us."

"I don't understand.  So you did come here to get away from her." I question confused.

"No.  This trip idea was conceived way before we even got back together.  However, she wasn't working and neither was I but we were both enjoying down time on different Continents.  That said it all to me. If we were enough, I wouldn't have come here.  It hit me that the key thing that was holding me back from totally jumping in with two feet with her was missing.  I couldn't pinpoint what it was.  We both had all the ingredients to be perfect but I didn't feel full."

"Then I met you that first day I arrived here.  I was immediately drawn to you. That is why I pushed you away and cancelled your gardening services.  I wasn't about to jump from one frying pan into another.  She and I spoke and text initially but it started to wane very quickly.  This is harsh but I could take it or leave it; I was happy here."

"You came to do the gardens every Wednesday. You intrigued me. I couldn't keep away from you; I can't keep away from you.  Then I upset you when you overheard my conversation with Liam and I thought that was going to be that.  Kendall text me a hello that same night and it would have been so easy to fall back into the safety of her but I didn't respond. I could only think about you."

"You fill up all my empty spaces so high that they continually overflow at the brim and seep contentment into every crevice in my body.  The holes where my insecurities lurk disappear because I am happy.  All the time, whether I am with you or not, my heart beats profoundly stronger. You and only you do that, Beautiful. You fulfil all of me with positivity and passion."

He has literally rendered me speechless.  He has ripped himself apart to show me his core where his true feelings are normally kept under lock and key, away from the prying eyes of the world.  His one sacred place set aside for him only.

"You asked me why I was so angry that night.  Did I feel guilt because I still had feelings for her?"

"I remember." I manage to choke out trying to hold in my tears at his emotional confession.

"I did feel guilty." He states plainly.

I shoot my stunned eyes to meet his but only a dimpled smile expands across his face.  He falls to his knees in front of me, resting his hands on my thighs and looks at me. "Guilty because I was there with her when I needed to be here with you.  I should never have left, I am so sorry."  He throws his arms around me and gathers me to him, carrying more of his thoughts through my hair.

"I didn't have to let her go because there is nothing between us.  I had no doubts to quash because I have no feelings for her.  She was familiar and safe but I want excitement with laughter and passion. I am right where I am meant to be.  I need you to believe that.  I want you and only you, Beautiful."

I turn my head so our lips meet and smile against his mouth. "You are the beautiful one, Handsome. Thank you for being my wonderful man. For being here for me and with me. I am so lucky to have you in my life."  I kiss him deeply leaving him in no doubt that all is more than perfect between us.

"Can I ask if you have had contact with her since, you know, your announcement?"

"No." He pouts surprised and shakes his head. "Why would I?"

"I don't know." I shrug. "Because it's the right thing to do. I am not naïve to think you aren't going to come into contact with her in the future."

He sandwiches my cheeks in his palms.  "This is what I adore about you, you have such compassion. I told her about my intentions and she welcomed it. In fact, give it a week or so and she will be seen out with someone new.  We made our peace and drew the line."

"Well, I'm glad."

"A girl who doesn't do jealously, that's a first. So tell me, what is the one thing you would never forgive me, just so I know."

"Oh I do absolutely do jealousy but only if given reason. There is only one thing you could do to hurt me but then you know about that. Cheat. No ifs, no buts.  If we are together, we are together exclusively.  If you cheat, no second chances it's over."

"Well that's fine because that's never going-."  I place my finger upon his lips to silence him.

"Shhsh, don't say it."   

He kisses the tip of my finger.  "Why?"

"Just don't."  I shake my head. 

He pulls back, eyes wide.  "You think I would cheat on you?"

"That's not what I said."  I panic a little bit and close my eyes but this time I fail to hold back the tears that skim my cheeks. "I have issues with trust, you know that. That is more about me than you.  I promise."

His hand cups my cheek and I sink into the warmth of his palm.  "You've been through so much and are still recovering. Can we just get back to where we were?"  He pleads.

"Yes I want to, more than anything." 

He leans forward kissing me sweetly and running his hands up my thighs.  I freeze and placed my hands over his to stop him.  Confusion sweeps across his features and he pulls back immediately.  "Too soon, I'm sorry."

I hesitate then relax. "I just need a bit of time and not because of the Kendall stuff, it's all to do with my accident."

"I know but we do this together. I am back now and nothing is taking me away from you again.  Ever.

He hugs me but his pledge hangs in the air as I silently contemplate the weight and commitment of his words for both of us.

"What exactly are they doing?" His question dismisses my thoughts.

My eyes follow his stare.  "Oh, today is the start of clearing out the junk in the Summer house to turn it into my flower studio." I giggle.

Dad is wearing a cape, wielding a plastic sword and riding around the lawn on a hobbyhorse.  A Maid Marion hat adorns Mum's head and she is laughing hysterically at his silly antics.  I am entranced watching my parents and don't hear Harry speak.

"They look very happy don't they? Lily, Lily?" Harry waves his hand in front of my face.

I shake my head to dispel my dream state. "Sorry, yes they do."

"Lost you there for a moment.  Are you feeling okay, your head isn't hurting is it?"

"Oh it isn't that, my parents," I nod in their direction, "I've noticed since I woke up how together they are."

"What do you mean?"

"Coy little glances between then, subtle touches and occasional kisses when they think no one is watching.  I've never known them talk to each other so much. They are like a couple of lovestruck teens."

Harry laughs.  "Well that's nice isn't it, that they are so close."

"I suppose, I'm just not used to it though."  I shrug.

"I have only known them since your accident but they always seem very much together."

"They are not like that at all usually. This," I wave my hand towards them, "is very new."

"You know sometimes off the back of awful things happening, good things prevail. Perhaps your accident has brought them closer together."

I smile at the thought.  "Yes, maybe. It's a refreshing change to see them so carefree and laughing.  If one positive thing comes out of this mess then that will be great."

"I am sure they love each other very much."  He dimply grins with a brightness now returned.  His striking eyes flirt outrageously with mine.

"Yes, I think they do."  I mimic his gesture, blushing profusely.

As we continue to fond ridiculously at each other, the emptiness in the air drifts, pushed away by a warmth encircling us.

Harry breaks our lovey-dovey moment.  "So, what's going on with this Summer house clear up?"

"Oh, I've got a list of jobs as long as your arm."

He jumps up enthusiastically and extends his hand to pull me up.  With a salute and a wink he announces, "Ready and waiting for instructions, Ma'am!"