"I keep it all inside because I'd rather let the pain destroy me than everyone else."
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"Jesse, please open up." You knocked on his door for what felt like the umpteenth time. "You've been in there for hours. The fact that you're dead quiet is really scaring me."
Your heart stopped as the door slowly opened, making a very loud creaking sound. You stepped into the room and immediately noticed that it was pitch black. You looked around for Jesse. After a few moments, you saw that the covers were formed in such a way that there was no doubt that he was underneath them. How he managed to open the door and make it back there so quickly without being seen was beyond your understanding.
"We need to talk about what happened." You slowly pulled the covers off of him. He had become disheveled in the amount of time he had locked himself away in his room. His hair was a complete and utter disaster and you were surprised when you saw that his cheeks weren't red and his eyes weren't bloodshot, which meant that he hadn't been crying. You did t get why he hadn't been. If you had been in the situation that he was a while ago, you would've lost it. But Jesse seemed like he was drained of any sort of emotion, even sadness. He looked like he was feeling absolutely nothing at this very moment.
He's built his walls and it doesn't look like he plans on tearing them down anytime soon.
It was almost as if he was actually lifeless.
"What did I say to you downstairs?" Even his voice lacked any sort of emotion. "In case you don't remember or you didn't quite get it, I said that we weren't going to talk about what happened."
You sat down on the edge of the bed. "You can't just pretend like it didn't happen."
"That's what I've been doing ever since all that shit started and it's been fine." He shrugged.
"You can't do that. You're only going to make yourself depressed. Besides, shouldn't you know better? You're a psychologist after all."
"Well, not officially..."
"You have a degree though." You pointed out.
"Yeah but I don't have a job as one because I can't fucking find one around here." He snapped, placing his hands on his face a moment later.
"Maybe that's a sign that you should move and find somewhere you can be a psychologist."
"(Y/N), just leaving here and finding somewhere else to live isn't as easy as you think." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His voice then became extremely quiet. "Besides, I don't want to leave you here."
"Why do you care so much about leaving me?"
"Because I know that you're currently dealing with so much shit." He sighed once more. "God, I can't imagine having my significant other dying at my honeymoon."
You looked down and felt tears form in your eyes as you thought of Mark. You had tried not thinking about him since it just made you sad and you couldn't focus on all of the good times that you had with him. All you could think about is the day he died. His last words haunted rather than comforted you.
Why him?
"But I'll leave once I help you and the others get your problems sorted out. I can't be around Angie anymore. She drives me insane. I don't want to deal with her shit anymore."
"Jesse, I want you to find a new place when you help the others." You closed your eyes and sighed. "I'm never going to get over losing Mark. Don't let me hold you back."
"I don't want you raising your daughter by yourself. She needs a father figure in her life."
At that moment, you broke down crying. "I know she does. Cancer's such a fucking bitch. It took the love of my life away."
Jesse wrapped his arms around you in an embrace immediately. "I know it hurts. But it gets better. I know it doesn't seem like it will, but I swear to you that it will." He then muttered, "I'm going to regret saying this." He raised his voice back to a normal volume, "Listen, I know you're going to say no but I at least want to make the offer." He took a deep breath. "If you really want me to, I can step up to be the father figure in your daughter's life."
You broke off the embrace and stared at him in shock. "You would really do that?"
"Yeah." Jesse smiled a bit and nervously ran a hand through his hair. "I know it won't be the same as raising a kid with Mark but something's better than nothing, right?"
You smiled a bit. "Yeah, I suppose so." You then looked him directly in the eyes. "I'll let you be the father figure."
"Really?" A large grin formed on his face. "You will?"
"Yes." You nodded.
"We aren't even a couple though." Jesse protested.
"We're friends though, right?"
"Of course."
"So we'll just be two friends raising a kid together."
I really hope you aren't angry at me Mark. I still love you to death but I have to do what's best for our daughter.
Are you even out there watching over me like your promised?