Sebastian Pov

I can't take it anymore. I never realised how much she meant to me until the moment she left. My aching heart was now non-existent and I had already died inside a long time ago. The woeful stares were getting too much and everytime someone said I'm sorry it made my heart clench more. I guess I deserve this pain, after breaking Kimmy, piece by piece, it was only fair she'd do the same to me, even it was from the beyond. The worst feeling is seeing someone hurting and knowing that you can't do anything about it.

Sometimes I feel like I have cried over so many times that I simply can't find it within myself to cry over anything anymore. Like, I feel sad and I really want to cry but I just can't. I feel like there are no more tears within me and my heart just doesn't want to cooperate anymore. I can't take feeling anymore, I felt so much that I started to feel nothing.

The only reason that I'm still alive is that I'm afraid of what happens next. I want to change this terrible world and the only way I could do that is by ending it all because on the other side there is another one, a better one. The hardest thing to do walk away when I was so in love with her. I still beat myself up for everything. I don't deserve to be here, living my life while Kimmy had to give up hers because of a few selfish people. She should be the one here, living her life and experiencing things. To study and get her dream job and have a family that she loves dearly. Expecting the world to be fair because you are fair is like expecting a lion not to eat you because you didn't eat it.

I keep a lot of pain inside me and my anger and loneliness are tightly grasped in my heart. It had changed me into something I don't want to be and never meant to be. It transformed into a person I do not recognise but I do not know how to let it go. I've learnt that it's okay to be messed up inside and out and it doesn't make you flawed - just human. But even things like this, make me want to end it all. I may even see Kimmy again.

I will see her again and it will better than anything else. There was nothing worse than meeting the right person at the wrong time and in a flash, in a blink of an eye, they're gone, Ripped from your life with nothing left behind but a haunting presence and everlasting smile. I guess sometimes 2 people have to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall back together.

I looked around my room, it was still decorated and the wallpaper was still up. I have all the pictures of her and all the pink furniture. This was the only way for me to feel her presence, it made me so happy yet so sad. Sometimes I'm glad I left it like this, it gave me something to hold on but other times, I want to lash out and rip everything out from the floor. The pain of losing her was unbearable. Everyone had noticed it, trying to help me and give me support but it was useless. I appreciated the efforts but it was useless. The only way they could help me was by removing my pain.

I stood up and walked on my carpeted pink floors until I reached the door. It was 2 am and I couldn't stop thinking of her. I walked down the hallway, going to get Advil to ease the pain in my head - and maybe my heart. I walked past Mateo's bedroom. His door was slightly opened and I saw his sleeping figure. His sheets were sprawled all over the place and he was lying on his tomach (tummy + stomach). I smiled at this little bundle of joy before continuing my journey to the kitchen.

I turned on the lights and blinked as it shone around the room, reflecting off the glossy tables. I walked over to the medicine cupboard and got the Advil out. 1 packet. 2. Maybe 3. I got a glass of water and walked back to my room. I walked into the attached bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. I put the glass and Advil down and took a long stare. My hair was a mess and my eyes looked dead. My skin was pale and there was no spark of life.

I got one of the Advils out and put it in my mouth. It did nothing. I took another. Still nothing. Why is this not easing my pain? Why is my pain still here? Desperately I took handfull. The pain was increasing and my head was starting to go woozy. I couldn't think straight but there was only one thought on my mind. Make the pain go away. Grabbing a piece of tissue paper and a pen I found on the floor, I wrote sorry before collapsing on the floor, falling into a pit of emptiness.

Death doesn't exist. It never has and never will. We've been drawn to the mystery of it, trying to decipher its meaning and comprehend what it is, that now we've got to thinking of it as a being, alive and greedy but when it actually is nothing but a clock that has stopped, a loss, a darkness, an end. Nothing.

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Thank you for reading!

Give a vote for his and everyone else's grieving. I cried writing a few previous chapters. I'm so sad.

Milli xoxo