I'm kinda glad no really reads these because I can talk all I want here. Like my own personal diary or whatever.

So where should I start?

Random stuff like how my day went? Gay stuff? Insecurities? My fears as I stare helplessly at my ceiling, hoping that death takes me soon?

Lmao Okay that last part was kind of a joke. Why not talk about all 4 then?

I guess I can say things are alright for the most part.

My grades are fine, I'm not really stressed or anything with anything school related. People have been respectful, with the exception of a few (I'm looking at you, Jackass. I would've broke your fucking nose or cut you with my pocket knife if it weren't for the fact the teacher was there.) *Clears throat* The only thing I would say that's been bothering me is.. like...my anxiety. It's been getting worse for no reason.
My attacks are triggered more easily, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder with this feeling of dread over me; I hate it.

Like right now:  I've been with my girlfriend for like a while and I love her to pieces, and she loves me from what I can tell. But lately my anxiety just been telling me a different story. I could be texting her right then and there, having a good time, then my brain will start to say: "You're embarrassing yourself in front of her." "She can't possibly love someone like you." "She'll probably hate you after you meet in person."

Just that kind of shit. Sometimes it's even worse. There's time I believe it; there's times I can rationalize myself through it. Just depends.

This isn't even a recent thing. This has been going on for MONTHS.

I know what you're thinking: "Oh, why don't you just go talk to her about it? Don't bottle it up!"

That's the problem. I can't. Not because I don't trust her, it's just that I'm scared. I don't wanna seem possessive. I don't wanna seem oversensitive. I don't want to seem controlling or anything like that. I was like that in the past and it bothered her so I worked on it, and things have been well so far. So why ruin that? I rather just keep her happy and mange it in my own. She probably has enough on her plate already.

I guess only time will tell?

Alright alright, I'm done. Jesus, I write too much.