(A song me and friend use to sing all the time to each other lmao. I might call her just to sing it again)
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Oof another life update lol. Or just a random entry I guess, I don't know.

Just a lot has been on my mind lately. I mean, I could talk it out with someone but I rather just type to my heart's content so I don't annoy the fuck out of people. My heart is kinda beating out of my chest right now if I were to be honest.

Soooo...Where to start?

The last two weeks have been wild, mostly because it's the end of the school year. Exams, mental health, drama, the typical high school stuff. Nothing to write home about since I got all of those under control.

Only few things I can say that are of significance is that one my friends come out as bi to me (Not surprising considering how she acts around me and the stuff she likes. She's been a little more handsy lately though) and one of my close friends may or may not have confessed they have a crush on me? Not only that, a few memories from the past are.. really starting to make sense. Like, relating to how I behave and such. (Don't think I'm ready to elaborate on that yet.)

(Why do I end up talking about girls every time I come on here?)

But anyways, the crush thing is bothering me the most. Not in a bad way of course, she's a really close friend of mine, just...I don't know.  I think it's just putting things into perspective.

Maybe it's just me that missed the """signs"""

The constant compliments and always calling me pretty. Being the only one who she ever invited to her house and hanging out any time we allowed. (Her parents loved me so it was quite often) Saying she'd crash my wedding if she ever thought the person I was with wasn't good enough, and even jokingly fighting over me with a friend about who was going to take me to a dance. She even tackled hugged me in the cafeteria when she found out I was visiting one last time in Florida before I was moving. (She texted me all day about how excited she was too) She was so happy and didn't wanna let go. I believe there was a time too where she offered to sleep in the same bed with me, but I quickly settled with just sleeping in the living room with her. Not to mention all the times we texted each other and how it usually leads to us arguing over who loves who more or how she's been thinking about me, or how nobody where she is as amazing as me (Which I'll admit has made my face turn red once or twice. And what makes it worse is that I know she means it too. She's always sincere, and she's never lied to my face either) Hell, she even made a petition for people to sign so that I'll admit that I was amazing when I was feeling like shit about myself. There's more but I don't feel like flooding this page and making it longer than it has to be.

All I'm saying is: I'm affectionate with all my friends, but she's the only one that's /really/ affectionate with me.

Or hell, maybe I'm just looking too deep into this and she's just hella friendly. I suck at picking up hints even when they hit me over the head, and I get confused. But that's the thing...She never denied it.

We were arguing about the usual when she let it slip saying "My little crush is bigger than yours!" before saying that autocorrect did that. (Uh, love doesn't get autocorrected into crush lol)
I teased her about it, thinking I should let it slide, but her next response is just what got me thinking for the past few days. Which was similar to "<33333 My phone just knows how great my love is for you"

So now I'm just oof.

Like, I still think I'm looking too deep into this. I really do.  We always been like this, waaaay before I met my girlfriend so I'm accustom to it. (Funny thing is that people use to ask if we were dating all the time)  But I feel like I should be asking so there's some clarity. But I'm too scared to ask because I feel like things will get awkward.

I'm more worried that Kai is going to read this and think something weird is going on, which is the exact opposite of what I want. I don't wanna hide stuff or be distant,(though I seem like I've been doing that a lot more lately instead of talking...) but there's something intimidating about the conversation.. Yeah, we talked about people hitting on us or people having crushes and stuff and we have a laugh, but this one is a little more of problem.

"Oh just talk it out or ask her about it to see if she really does like you!!11! Then you can all be friends!!11"

Lmao It's not that simple, kiddo. Fuck, if only it was that simple. Especially since I'm a scared little bitch that hates confrontations.

*Sighs* ...Who knows. Maybe I'll text her during my trip tomorrow and ask about it. I don't need this rattling around my head all day.

Ugh, I get more whiny and bitch in each chapter, don't I? Lmao. Anyways, see you guys later. I'll post some pictures of my trip tomorrow. Seeeee yaaaaaaaaa