"Lia, sure kang kaya mo tapusin units natin ngayong year sa loob ng apat na buwan? 19 units 'yan Aurelia. Gusto mo ata patayin sarili mo e!"

Nasa labas kami ngayong tatlo nila Eve at Ryssi dahil first day of 4th year na kami. Graduating na kami yey! At balak kong maunang matapos sa mga projects and exams namin.

Last week pa nga ako nagsimula sa mga klase ko e. Puro ako aral at pasa ng gawa. But I don't like my works anymore, kasi usually minamadali ko siya. The pressure is getting worser and I need to stay my grade up as high as I can para naman hindi ako mapalayas talaga nila Mom and Dad.

Kuya already went to Japan to settle. They plan on getting married next year so I have to clear my schedule agad kahit malayo layo pa 'yun. I plan on being an official pediatrician after I give birth to our baby.

Me and my baby's Dad are still not on good terms. He has been busy with his studies and band of course. Graduating student na rin kasi siya.

Bihira ko din sila mabisita o makita dahil I resigned for being their manager.

Hindi ko kaya na ipagbuntis ang anak namin, ang studies ko pati ang trabaho bilang manager nila. Wala namang problema 'yon sa kanila dahil may bago na agad na kapalit.

Wala na akong time noon para makita ang bagong manager but based on what Harvey said mas maganda naman daw ako doon kaya wala akong kailangan ipag-alala.

"Oo naman. Kailan ko ba hindi kinaya?" I asked with a smile but they looked like they didn't believe my smile. Alam nila na mahihirapan ako lalo na't nasa komplikadong sitwasyon pa rin ako.

"Tangina mo Aurelia pag nag breakdown ka ulit mamayang gabi dahil sa mga gawain mo! That stress is not good for the baby... hindi natin alam kung malakas pa rin kapit nito sa sinapupunan mo," Eve stated and I glared at her. "What? I'm just stating facts!"

I scoffed, "Hindi ko kailangan ng facts mo ngayon," I said. "Una na ako, I still have to study sa library," Paalam ko sa kanila bago maglakad papunta sa library.

While studying and answering the questionnaires that my prof. gave me, narinig ko ang pag bukas sara ng pintuan kaya napunta doon ang atensyon ko. I saw Zach and Harvey approaching me.

Binaba ko naman ang highlighter na hawak ko at itinuon ang atensyon ko sa kanila. "What brings you two here?"

May inilapag naman si Harvey sa tabi ko at agad naman ako mapangiti nang makakita ako ng gummy worms at milktea. Si Zach naman ay naglapag rin ng burger and fries from McDonald's.

"Hala, bakit kayo nagabala pa? Nagaaral lang naman ako e! Ano kapalit nito?" Sunod sunod kong sambit at natawa lang dilang dalawa.

"'Di namin 'yan pera. Utos ng bebe loves mo 'yan," Harvey chuckled bago ilabas ang kanyang cellphone. "Ang bilin pa niya ay ubusin muna ang burger at fries bago ang sweets. May practice rin kami mamaya," He said at tumango tango naman ako.

"Are you two still not talking after what he saw at the beach a week ago?" Tanong ni Zach at tipid na ngumiti ako.

"Mhm, we haven't. But he messages me from time to time kaso cold nga lang," I shrugged.

"Ayusin niyo na 'yan. 'Yung bago naming manager umaaligid sa boyfriend mo," Umirap si Harvey. "Pero 'wag ka mag overthink, todo iwas naman si Ravi sa kanya."

Inakbayan naman ako ni Zach, "Besides, you're still our manager by heart." Humawak pa siya sa kanyang puso at tumawa naman ako bago sila paalisin na ng library. Tinapos ko na ang mga aralin ko bago umuwi ng bahay.

Habang nagtutupi ako ng damit ko ay biglang nag ring ang cellphone ko and it was Ate Kaye. I excitedly picked up the phone dahil ilang araw ko na silang hindi nakakausap ni Kuya. "Ate Kaye! Kumusta na kayo ng Kuya ko?" Bungad ko sa kanya.

[We're fine, Lia. I should be the one to ask you how you are. Especially that you're pregnant,] She said at nagulat naman ako dahil nalaman niya. Kinwento ni Kuya sa kanya? Paano kung nasabi rin ni Ate Kaye kay Ravi?

[No, Lia. I didn't tell my brother. Pero may balak ka bang sabihin sa kanya?]

"Oo naman. Busy lang kami ngayon eh," I reasoned out kahit may tampuhan kami. Narinig ko naman ang halakhak ni Ate Kaye.

[Weh? Last time I heard from my brother nag rant siya dahil nagalit na naman siya sa'yo at nagguilty siya dahil doon.]

Napaisip naman ako, so he's not talking to me... not because he's mad but because he's guilty? God, Ravi... sobrang komplikado mong intindihin. Pero kahit gano'n ay mahal pa rin kita.

Me and Ate Kaye talked about how our life's been going. Nakabili na nga sila ng sarili nilang bahay sa Japan at pwede na raw ako doon bumisita dahil may sarili akong kuwarto doon. Not that I am planning to travel yet, masyado pa akong maraming responsabilidad dito sa Pilipinas at hindi ko 'yun pwede basta bastang talikuran.

Another week went by at medyo okay na kami ni Ravi dahil naguusap na kami ulit ng matino. Kaya feeling ko ito na ang tamang time para sabihin sa kanya na buntis ako. Bukas pa kami magkikita ni Ravi dahil may gig sila ngayon sa bar at hindi pa rin ako makakapunta dahil may appointment ako sa OB ko.

"How is the first 4 weeks of pregnancy, Ms. Alcantara?" Tanong sa akin ni Doc. Lazaro at kinwento ko naman sa kanya lahat ng mga nangyayari sa aking buhay dahil baka maka-apekto 'yon kay baby. She gave me a few more lectures at nakikinig naman ako.

"All of this stress is not good, Alcantara. You're also a Doctor, you should know that this much stress isn't good for your baby. Mahirap tapusin ang lahat ng units lalo na't medyo mahina pa ang kapit ng bata. It may lead to a miscarriage."

Tumango tango naman ako pero hindi ko pwedeng itigil muna ang pagaaral ko. Graduating na 'ko e!

Pag uwi ko sa bahay ay hawak ni Mommy ang isang quiz paper ko at nanlaki mata ko nang 'yon ang quiz na pasang awa! Fuck.

"Your grades are slipping, Lia," Mom said and looked at me seriously. Lumunok naman ako bago tingnan siya ng diretso sa mata.

"I'm trying my best, Mom. Nasa mahirap na sitwasyon ako ngayon—"

"Your best isn't fucking good enough!" Bulyaw ni Daddy at napatalon naman ako sa gulat. Instead of arguing with them, I excused myself and started to cry again inside my room. Sandali lang ang pag-iyak ko dahil naalala ko na may kailangan pa akong ipasa bukas na requirements.

Naligo muna ako and when I was about to open my book, I received a message from Harvey.

@hzairusj: LIAAAAAAAAAA

@hzairusj: punta ka na now sa bar. emergency.

Nagmadali naman ako mag bihis ng pang alis bago mag maneho papunta sa bar na sinabi niya sa akin. I was scared and excited because I might tell him tonight. Depending on whether he is drunk enough to forget about what I will say or sober enough to process everything tonight.

Paano ko kaya sasabihin sa kanya na buntis ako?

"Ravi... can we talk? I'm sorry, I have been keeping this from you for a long time now..." I acted pero napailing naman ako dahil mukha akong tanga na kinakausap ang sarili habang nasa traffic.

When I arrived outside the bar, I saw that there were so many people outside. The place must be so crowded huh? Sikat naman kasi sila kaya hindi na ako nagtaka. Hindi naman ako nakihalubilo sa mga tao at dumaan sa likod dahil sabi ni Harvey doon na raw ako pumasok.

Pagkapasok ko sa loob ay tinakpan ko ang tenga ko dahil sobrang lakas ng patugtog. My eyes roamed around and it landed on Ravi talking to a girl. Nawala na rin si Harvey sa tabi ko at pumunta na sa tabi ni Shawn na umiinom sa may counter.

Bakit nga ba ako pinapunta dito ni Harvey? Para ba panoorin si Ravi kausapin 'yung bagong manager nila? I rolled my eyes before slowly walking towards them but stopped when my heart dropped.

Nanginig naman ang aking kamay habang nakatitig ang gulat kong mga mata.

Ravi was kissing another girl.

Bumagsak na ang mga luha ko pero hindi pa rin nila ako nakita. Napansin kong may kaunting gulat rin sa mata ni Ravi na hinalikan siya no'ng babae but it seemed like he liked it.

"What the fuck, bro?!" Mabilis ang mga pangyayari dahil sinuntok ni Zach si Ravi causing him to lie down on the floor. Zach's eyes were furious while looking at Ravi in disgust.

The music had stopped and the crowd formed a circle because they were looking at the commotion that is currently happening.

"Anong what the fuck? May girlfriend ka, Raizen Vini! You can't fucking kiss our manager! Ano 'yan, lahat ng magiging manager natin hahalikan mo?!" Sermon ni Zach at umiling naman si Ravi bago tumayo.

"Hindi mo alam kung ano ang nangyari! Paano mo nasabi na nagustuhan ko 'yung halik ng manager natin? At ano ba ang pakialam mo? Gusto mo pa rin ba ang girlfriend ko?" Pigil inis na tanong ni Ravi bago kuwelyohan ito.

"Tangina, oo!" Sigaw ni Zach sa kanya. "Pero kaya kong pigilang ang nararamdaman ko dahil masaya siya sa'yo. Hindi gaya nung panahon na boyfriend niya pa kapatid ni Shawn. Inagaw mo lang rin siya," Sambit ni Zach at nakatanggap naman siya ng suntok galing kay Ravi.

"You don't know the history of our relationship so don't—"

Hindi niya natapos ang kanyang sasabihin nang lumapit ako sa kanila with tears on my eyes. "Ravi.... I d-don't... understand, why..?" Hirap na sambit ko at natulala naman si Ravi sa aking mukha. He slowly walked towards me and held my face.

"N-no don't touch me," Tinanggal ko ang kanyang hawak sa aking pisngi at tumakbo palabas. Sobrang daming tumatakbo ulit ngayon sa kaisipan ko. Hindi ko na kayang sabihin sa kanya na magkaka-anak kami dahil sa nakita ko.

We're both cheaters.

Cheaters in love.

But for once, I was actually committed to him. But he wasn't...

Sobrang sakit magmahal.

I found myself crying in my car and drove off to a nearby abandoned park where Ravi and I used to go when we were bored and needed fresh air.

Tahimik na humihikbi ako nang may humawak sa aking balikat. Tinaas ko ang tingin ko at nakita ko si Ravi na may dugo sa kanyang labi, nakipagsuntukan pa ba siya? Tumayo ako at sinampal ko siya.

"Fuck y-you..." I stuttered. I was already so tired because of everything.

"Huminahon ka, Lia," He said and I scoffed before punching his chest weakly. Mahina lang 'yon kaya hindi niya ako pinigilan. "I-i'm sorry, my love."

"Bakit mo siya hinalikan? Hindi ka ba nakuntento sa akin?" Galit na tanong ko at umiling iling siya.

"L-let me explain please..." Nagmamakaawa na siya pero hindi ko siya pinansin at umiyak na lang.

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?" He took a while before answering me. He looked like he was unsure of what he's going to say to me, I just sighed to let him know that I'm already ready to get this over with. I am already experiencing a lot of pain right now kaya isahan niya na lang sabihin para isahang pagluluksa na lang rin ang gagawin ko.

"Mahal kita, Lia..." He told me and for some reason I didn't feel like it was true. I knew that there's still something he wanted to tell me. "Pero hindi ko na kayang manatili pa sa'yong tabi."

His words and actions were extra hurtful today. They were crushing me into pieces. Tangina, mahal kita Ravi, ilang beses akong napagod, ilang beses nawalan ng gana, but I chose to be with you.

Ang dami kong sinugal para sa kanya, I even almost let my grades fail because I had to make time for him.

Hindi ko naman nagawang sabihin 'yon sa kanya dahil konti na lang iiyak na ako. So I bit my lip before slowly nodding, he gave me a hug and I was left looking behind him. Humiwalay ako sa kanyang yakap dahil kapag nagtagal pa kami sa gano'ng posisyon ay patawarin lang siya ulit ng puso ko.

Bumalik ako sa bahay at nakita agad ni Mommy na umiiyak ako. "Oh anong nangyari sa'yo? Hindi ka tinanggap ng boyfriend mong nasa college pa dahil buntis ka?" Sarkastikong saad ni Mommy at tumawa pa siya.

I wanted to grip her hair because of what she said but I couldn't because my knees went weak causing me to collapse on the floor. "Lia? You're bleeding!" Sigaw niya at agad tinawag si Daddy. Dinala naman nila ako sa ospital at ang kinakakatakutan ko ay dumating na.

"The excessive bleeding was caused by your miscarriage... Ms. Alcantara," My Doctor said at wala akong nagawa kung hindi iiyak na lang lahat ng nararamdaman ko.

Maybe it wasn't time for me to have a child... that's why I had a miscarriage. But I was already thinking of all of the things I want to do when I am a mother.

After I arrived home, I slept immediately because my eyes and heart were already so heavy. The next morning, nagpasa na ako ng iba kong activities while feeling so low.

Sino ba naman ang hindi malulungkot? Para akong binagsakan ng buong mundo sa sobrang bigat ng dindala ko. I just wanted to rest.

Umakyat naman ako sa rooftop ng school at itinaas ang kamay at tingin sa langit. "I love you my baby. Come back to me, hmm?"

Habang naglalakad na ako papunta sa aking kotse ay nag ring ang cellphone ko. I didn't even bother checking who it was and just picked up the call.

"Hello?"

[Punta ka sa condo ko. We need to talk properly.]

I sighed when he immediately dropped the call. Pumunta naman ako agad sa condo niya at pagkakatok ko ay bumukas agad ito. Seeing him again after last night makes me want to cry again pero wala nang tumutulo.

"Wala naman na tayong dapat pag usapan, Ravi," I said with a soft smile at umiling siya sa akin.

"We need a proper break up," He said in a more serious voice. "You literally drove away last night without saying goodbye."

"What do you expect? I was going to say, okay Ravi... hiwalay na tayo 'wag mo na 'ko tatawagan kahit kailan?" Sarakstikong tanong ko at tumawa naman siya kaya napairap naman ako. "Ikaw ang magsabi na maghihiwalay na tayo."

He stared at my eyes before pursing his lips and looked at me, "Let's break up, my love."

I put on a bittersweet smile before nodding. "Goodbye, Ravi," I said as I gave him a soft smile and a peck on the lips. I saw a small tear that escaped his eyes.

"Don't say goodbye, it's supposed to be see you later," He sighed before slowly leaning towards me, pressing our foreheads together. "I promise to meet you again when you're officially Dr. Aurelia Alcantara."

I chuckled lightly even though I was practically almost into tears again..

"You said you don't make promises," I said before breaking our touch. I raised a brow and he wiped the tears off my face using his thumb.

"This is the only promise that I'll make. That means you're special to me," He said and held my hand tight.

"I love you, my Aurelia," He whispered in my ear before he spun me around and hugged me tight.

"I'm already so proud of you, my love. Keep going," He said and I buried my face in his warmth for the last time.

Because after this, I'll have to face a lot more challenges by myself. Starting with the consequences I should suffer from my parents.

Naghiwalay na kami and I cried in my car.

I love you, my guitarist.

Keep making music, and I'll continue being your number one supporter.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:(