"Next time na lang, amputa!"

Ilang beses ko nang hinampas ang ulo ko sa aking desk. Hindi kasi ako makatulog at iniisip ko pa rin ang sinabi ko sa kanya. Maghihintay tuloy 'yon ng next time! Ang tanga mo talaga kahit kailan, Aurelia Zein.

Marami pa akong gagawin kinabukasan kahit day off ko. My parents are going to process some papers para official nang ibigay sa akin ang ospital. We are also going to throw a retirement party for my Mom and Dad tomorrow night.

They were already old, and they couldn't handle our business anymore. I wasn't scared because since I was a kid, I was already preparing for this moment of my life.

Kakaisip ng kung ano ano ay 'di ko na namalayang nakatulog na pala ako. The next thing I knew, my alarm was already ringing. Kulang ako sa tulog pero bawal na 'ko matulog ulit. This is what you call adulting.

"Good morning," I greeted Diel and he barked while wiggling his tail, waiting for me to put food and water in his bowls. After that, I cooked my breakfast and showered. I need to run a lot of errands today. I hate it but I have no choice, this is part of my responsibilities.

I decided to take Diel with me because he was crying when he saw me putting on my shoes. Siguro nalulungkot siya 'pag walang kasama sa condo magdamag. Maybe I need to get him a friend. I'll pin that thought.

I first went to the store to buy Diel some dog food and treats. Then, I drove off to the hospital because I was going to sign some papers. Mamayang lunch rin ang surprise party nila para sa parents ko kaya kailangan ko silang mapilt na manatili lang sa office nila doon.

"Good morning, Miss Alcantara," The guard greeted me and I just replied to him with a small smile. Patuloy akong naglakad papasok sa loob and a lot of other people were greeting me. Gano'n kataas ang respeto nila sa akin and I am not complaining.

"What a lovely dog," A little girl said and I stopped to turn to her. Diel sat properly while looking at the kid. "What's its name?"

"His name is Diel," I answered with a smile. "Do you want to pet him?" I asked and she nodded before softly petting Diel. After a few seconds, I looked at the time and I was already late. Wala naman na akong pake kung masermonan ako nila Mom and Dad for being tardy.

I already proved myself so many times. I am not a disgrace to the family. So I am sure that they won't have any problem if I was late for a few minutes.

I knocked on their door and someone immediately opened it for me. "Aurelia, why did you bring your dog with you?" Dad asked right away and I didn't answer him and went straight to the desk.

"Are you ready to sign the papers? After you sign them... you're officially the owner of every Alcantara Medical Hospital branch," Mom said and I nodded.

"I was born ready, Mom. Since I was a child, there was never a day when you didn't remind me about it," I rolled my eyes and she chuckled. "Are these all of it?" I asked because I expected more.

"Bakit, gusto mo pa ba dagdagan? Photocopy ko lahat 'yan tapos pirmahan mo rin," Dad said with a grin. I just shook my head and started signing.

It actually took me almost two hours because I didn't just sign them right away, I had to read them. Baka mamaya may iba akong mapirmahan tapos pagsisihan ko 'yun sa dulo.

"Wala ka pa ba talagang boyfriend, 'nak? You're almost in your early thirties. Kailan na kami magkakaroon ng apo sa'yo?" Mom asked and I chuckled. How ironic, they never wanted me to have a boyfriend back then. Now they're almost begging me to have one.

"May apo naman kayo, nalaglag nga lang dahil ayaw niyo kay Ravi no'n," Walang prenong sabi ko at umiling naman sila Mom.

"He's not actually so bad, 'nak. Balikan mo kaya?" Dad said and I choked on my own saliva. What the fuck?

"Dad, wala na kaming dahilan pa para magkita. Busy ako at busy rin siya," I answered.

"E'di sa linggo mag usap kayo, tutal may pa-beach ang Kuya Cole and Ate Kaye mo. Malamang nandoon si Ravi," Mom informed and I raised a brow.

"Hindi ko alam. May shift ako no'n," Pagdadahilan ko pero may kinuha si Mommy na schedule ng mga doktor namin dito. She raised a brow and I sighed, "Kailangan ba? Paano kung may emergency dito?"

"Malamang maraming emergency dito, ospital 'to 'nak," Walang kwentang sagot ni Daddy and I shrugged. "Daniel wants you to come."

Tumango na lang ako dahil wala naman na akong magagawa pa. I finished everything at sakto naka-receive ako ng message na nakahanda na ang lahat.

We celebrated their retirement party and I was exhausted for no reason kaya ako na ang naunang umuwi. Diretso tulog naman ang nangyari dahil sa sobrang antok ko.

"Rhianne, be good to your ninang, okay?" Ryssi asked while fixing her child's clothes. I smiled at them, they looked so cute. When will it be my turn?

"Ninang, hospital!" She said and I nodded while holding her hand. Dala dala ko ang maliit na bag niya sa kabilang kamay. We went to my office dahil wala pa naman akong gagawin. Masyado pang maaga to do rounds kaya maya maya na lang.

"Watch ka lang sa iPad ni Ninang, okay? I'm going to read lang," I told her and she nodded. Lahat ng mga anak ng kaibigan ko mababait, they raised them so well! And it always leads me to thinking if I can also raise a child well.

After an hour, nagutom naman si Rhianne so I took her to the cafeteria. I bought her the food that she wants at pabalik na sana kami sa office ko nang may makita akong pamilyar na itsura sa ER.

Kumunot noo ko bago lumapit doon. Nakasunod naman sa akin si Rhianne habang kumakain.

"What happened to you?" I asked him and he looked up and smiled when our gazes locked.

"Lia... I have sugat oh.." He even pointed at his lip bruise and wounds.

I sighed before turning to Rhianne. "Rhianne, go sit over there. I'm just going to deal with someone," I said in a soft voice and she nodded.

"Ravi, why are you drunk?" I asked and he didn't reply instead he just closed his eyes when he felt the cotton on his face. "Did you drink and drive?" He nodded and I gave him a glare. "That's not safe."

He grinned, "Is my Aurelia concerned?" He asked and I shook my head while trying to stitch his lip cut. There is no my Aurelia anymore.

"I'm going to stitch you up, you reek of alcohol," I told him and he smiled before putting his hands on my face. I glared at him again.

"You're still so pretty, and hot," He said and my face heated but he didn't seem to notice it. "If only we could get married like our other friends 'no?" Umiling iling lang ako sa mga sinasabi niya. He was drunk, and I am pretty sure he won't remember anything when he's sober.

"You're drunk, hold still," I told him and he did what I asked.

"I still love you..." Natigilan ako, was he saying these things because he's intoxicated? No wait, drunk words are sober thoughts! So totoo nga 'to? Hay bahala na nga!

"Tell me that when you're fucking sober," I whispered with gritted teeth and he nodded.

"Okay... when I'm sober."

Pinaalis ko naman na siya ng ospital, bahala siyang mag drive pauwi. Who would day drink ba naman kasi? Syempre concerned rin ako sa kanya, paano kung nainvolve siya sa isang aksidente? Paano na 'yung mga fans nila pati pamilya niya?

Bloodthirst wouldn't be Bloodthirst kapag wala si Ravi. He's the heart and mind of the band, and it won't be the same without him.

"Is that your husband, ninang?" Tanong sa akin ni Rhianne and I smile before shaking my head. "Really? He said he loves you po ah? Isn't that for couples only?" She innocently asked and I gave her an awkward look.

How should I even explain it to her? She's still young and has a sensitive mind so I don't know where to start. "He's my... friend, Rhia. Friends can also say I love you to each other. Think of it as platonic love," I explained to her but her face painted a confused look.

"Platonic? What's that?" She asked before starting to walk back to my office. I sighed, ganito ba kahirap makipag-usap sa mga bata? They're always so curious about the world and what it contains! They always want to explore new things which are good in a way but sometimes curiosity can be bad for them.

"Platonic is like friendship. You two have nothing else beyond that friendship, you understand?" I asked and she slowly nodded. What a smart child.

"Then what is the opposite of platonic, ninang?" She asked pagkarating namin sa loob ng office ko. Hindi pa rin siya tapos mag tanong? I can't entertain all of her questions in one sitting, I still have work to do.

"Last question na 'to, okay? I have a lot of work pa, Rhia," I said and she nodded. "You are too young to understand it, Rhia. But when you're older, you'll know what that means."

She wasn't content with my answer, but she chose to not bother me anymore. "Ninang I have a crush on someone," She said after a long silence at muntikan ko mabuga ang kape na iniinom ko.

"You're four! Why do you have a crush? Who's your crush?" I asked her and she pouted and fidgeted her fingers before shyly looking at me.

"Mommy said it's normal to have a crush..." Rhianne said and I rolled my eyes. Si Ryssi talaga! Sobrang bata pa ng anak kung ano ano na ang tinuturo. "I have a classmate.. he's smart and funny! He also gives me his chuckie every lunch break," He said and I laughed.

She's young and already experiencing these things. Buti pa siya.

"Okay, crush is allowed but boyfriend no ah?" I said and she nodded.

"How about you, ninang? Do you have a crush right now?" She asked and I smiled over that thought before shaking my head. No crushes. "Oh, I thought your friend from earlier liked you? He said that you're pretty. He's Kuya Ravi, right?" I nodded.

"Maybe," I answered her without context. After my rounds, hinatid ko na siya sa bahay nila Ryssi at sakto nandoon na rin siya.

Sinabunutan ko naman siya, "Gaga ka! 'Yung anak mo may crush na sa school," I told her and she just chuckled. Alam niya pa! "Sama kayo bukas? Beach raw, sagot lahat ng expenses."

"Ay sis, invited talaga kami. Ate Kaye told us," She grinned and I nodded before taking my leave.

When I arrived at the house, I packed my clothes and essentials before sleeping.

"Oh, buti nagpakita ka pa! Anong oras na, babaita. Fashionably late lang?" Sermon ni Kuya dahil na late ako ng halos isang oras. Hindi ko kasi namalayan na napatay ko alarm ko kanina!

"Don't talk to me, I need sleep," Sambit ko sa kanya at dumiretso sa loob ng van. Sa likod ako umupo, sa tabi ng bintana. I was about to fall asleep when I felt someone sit down beside me, I immediately knew who that was based on his scent.

Sa dami ng pwedeng upuan bakit sa tabi ko pa? Nahirapan tuloy ako matulog! Tangina naman. Mabilis rin ang tibok ng puso ko, I was again nervous for no reason so my fingers started to fidget.

I winced when I felt his hand on mine, calming me down. It worked. After a few more minutes of him holding my hand, I dozed off to sleep.

Naramdaman ko na tumigil na ang van at narinig ko na may nagbubulungan. I slowly opened my eyes and I was shocked when I saw myself leaning on Ravi's shoulder! Agad naman ako napatayo at naunang lumabas ng van, nilagpasan lang ang mga kaibigan niya.

That was so awkward! Bakit ka naman matutulog sa balikat ng ex mo, Aurelia?

We settled in the hotel room and ako lang ang mag isa sa hotel room. Wala kasi akong partner langya! Lahat sila by pair at may kasamang anak. Ayaw ko naman kasama si Ravi sa iisang hotel room kaya ayan, mag isa ako ngayon.

While eating, we all were chit chatting about a lot of random stuff. Then, we all took a group photo.

"Bilis na, Aurelia. Picture lang with the four of them! Para ipost sa social media. Tapos caption, reunited with the boys," Utos ni Eve and I shrugged before walking towards the four of them and took a picture.

"Compress nga! Lia, dumikit ka kay Ravi, kala mo naman hindi kayo magkatabi matulog sa van kanina," Ryssi rolled her eyes and I just raised my middle finger at her.

After taking pictures, we all swam in the water pero saglit lang ako doon. Ayaw ko kasi umitim, at mahapdi magkaroon ng sunburn.

Napagdesisyonan ko na na magpahinga na lang ulit sa hotel room ko. Nagising lang ako ulit noong may nagbato sa akin ng unan.

"Aurelia, 10 na oh. 'Di ka na nag dinner. Inom raw tayo sa rooftop, may bar and pool daw doon," Sambit ni Kuya and I nodded before changing my clothes and went there. Antok akong kumuha ng inumin st tinungga 'yon ng isahang lagok.

A few drinks down at may tumabi na sa akin na foreigner, "What's your name?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I'm married," Tanggi ko agad at saktong lumapit si Ravi at tinaasan ng kilay 'yung lalaki.

"My bad bro, you have a lovely wife," The guy said before exiting the room. Kumunot naman noo ko bago uminom muli galing sa bote.

"You said... you still love me..." Paninimula ko at nagiba ang itsura niya. Naging mas seryoso ito at mukha namang handa siyang sagutin ang mga tanong na tumatakbo sa kaisipan ko. Tinapos niya ang laman ng baso niya bago tumayo. Nilahad niya ang kamay niya at tinanggap ko 'yon.

"Let's talk sa kwarto ko," He said and I didn't get the chance to refuse dahil hinatak na niya ako.

Nang makarating kami sa hotel room niya ay humiga agad ako sa kama niya, my head was spinning. How many bottles did I drink?

"Water, Aurelia. Drink water," Ravi said and I took the glass of water from his hand and drank it. Tumabi naman siya sa akin at nilingon ako. "I know you have a lot of questions so shoot."

"Totoo ba 'yung sinabi mo kahapon?" I asked right away and he took a few seconds before slowly nodding. "Why?"

Umawang ang labi niya pero walang lumabas rito. He gathered his thoughts before talking again. "You're so hard to forget, you know that, right?" He started and I just stared at his hand.

Hinawakan naman nito ang kamay ko and I let him intertwine our fingers together. "Damn, almost 6 years, love. Wala pa ring nagbago, ikaw pa rin."

I gulped, it was true. Ang hirap lang paniwalaan. "But you're already doing well, Ravi. You don't need to love me. You made me realize that the day you broke up with me," I told him and he scoffed.

"Fuck, I lost myself when I lost you... L-lia," His voice broke as a lonely tear escaped his right eye. "It was a dick move doing that, and I regret it so much to the point that I almost gave up my life. I wanted to be with you so much... more than what you imagine."

Nahawa na ata ako sa kalungkutan niya dahil tumulo na rin ang mga luha ko. "Ravi... kung 'yan ang nararamdaman mo.. b-bakit mo 'ko hiniwalayan?" I asked and he buried his face on my stomach. My hands landed on his hair and played with it to calm him down a bit.

"I was scared... I thought I would become my father... I don't know how I would handle it if I hurt you one day," He said and I hushed him. "Whatever I told you years ago was a lie. I didn't want to break up with you. I could still stay with you, you know that—"

"Tama na, Rav. Okay na. Nangyari na," I told him at umayos naman siya ng upo. "Ravi... we had a child," I told him and pursed my lips. 'Di ko naman mapinta ang itsura niya.

"Had? What happened?" He asked worriedly.

"I had a miscarriage... after our break up," I told him bagi tumulo ulit ang mga luha ko. Naramdaman ko naman ang yakap sa akin ni Ravi and I cried on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, love."

"You didn't cheat, right?" I asked him and he shook his head. That was enough. I trust him that he had his reasons noon.

Kumalas naman na ako sa yakap niya and my eyes landed on his lips... I want to kiss them so bad again.

I think he got the idea because before we knew it, we were already making out. He was sucking my bottom lip and I opened my mouth more to give him access.

His hands traveled down to my chest and he played with my breasts while kissing me. I took off his shirt and there I saw his tattoo again.

But it was different. May dinagdag siya.

My biggest what if —— Aurelia Zein.

"You added something to your tattoo," I said and he nodded. I traced his tattoo again and he just stared at me while I was doing it. I gave him a kiss on the lips once more.

"I didn't know I was going to meet you again. So you became my biggest what if," He explained.

He was about to take off my clothes when I stopped him, "You're going to leave again," I said and he shook his head before giving me a kiss on the forehead. Niyakap niya rin naman ako and we stayed like that for a few minutes.

"No, love. This time, I'll stay."

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:p