"How do you see yourself 10 years from now?"

It has always been my favorite question. Sa tuwing itinatanong ito sa akin, palagi kong iniisip na ako ang may pinaka magandang sagot. I was ambitious and passionate. I never believed in failures, and that dreams should be renamed as 'goals'.

The word 'dream,' just seemed very unrealistic to me. Kailanman ay hindi ko nagustuhan na ito ang term na sinasabi natin sa tuwing iniisip natin ang nais nating trabaho pagdating ng araw. It's like you have been chasing something nonexistent your whole life.

I was already halfway there. Malapit nang matapos ang 10 years na binibilang ko simula noong una itong naitanong sa akin. And I felt unstoppable. Halos wala na akong pake sa kung ano ang posibleng maging pagsubok ko. I was ready to completely step on every rock that is supposed to stumble me apart.

It was actually me who's been dreaming all this time.

Noong araw na yun, naimbitahan kami ng mga kaibigan ko sa isang party. One of my batchmates were immigrating overseas dahil natanggap siya sa posisyong pinagapplyan niya roon. I'm not the killerjoy type of person. Kahit mahalaga sa akin ang pag-aaral, hindi ko naman sinasayang ang mga oras na binibigay sa akin upang magpahinga at mag saya.

I was wearing a black spaghetti silk dress, embracing my body figure. Ang takong ko naman na kulay itim ay nahihirapan sa bawat tipak ng bato na naapakan ko. My hair was curled in waves, its length reached my chest.

Nang mapuntahan ko ang location ng party, sinalubong ako ng isang malawak na bahay at maingay na music. Blinding lights were everywhere, tons of people were mixing below it while dancing like there's no tomorrow.

"Finally, you're here! We've been waiting for you all night long, Christien." One of my friends ran towards me.

"Ang daming foreigners. Mukhang balikbayan package si madam." We laughed and joined the party.

I met lots of people that night. Mapa lalaki o babae. The house was swarming with foreigners. Feeling namin ng mga kaibigan ko ay nasa ibang bansa na kami that night.

But of course, mistakes always happen.

We went crazy drunk and by the moment I woke up, I was in bed with someone. Nag panic ako, frustrations crawled my system. I was naked, my body was covered under the blanket. What had just happened?

A white man was beside me, naked and sleeping. I didn't have time to think things through. Dali dali akong tumayo mula sa pagkakahiga at kinuha ang mga damit kong nakakalat sa sahig ng kwarto.

I dressed up inside the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I'm pretty sure nothing happened. I washed my face and tried to hold my thoughts together.

Lumabas ako sa banyo at sinalubong ako nung lalaking katabi ko sa kama. I looked at him, surprise written on my face, "Are you leaving already?" he stopped in front of me and asked.

I nodded, "Did something happen between us last night? Did we... do it?" I couldn't brush it off, I knew I had to ask right here, right now.

His eyebrows furrowed, "You don't remember? I was just about to ask you, I was drunk and was pretty sure I passed out," he entered the bathroom and left me alone in the room.

Weeks passed by after what happened. I remember drinking a contraceptive the moment I got home. Of course, I couldn't handle the thoughts, which was why I told my friends about it.

I was at home studying since critical na ang aming semester. I was aiming for a doctorate's degree which was another two years from bachelors. It was then when I felt something climbing its way out of my stomach, I felt like vomiting.

Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko at tinahak ang daan papunta sa banyo upang isuka ito sa bowl. I felt nauseous. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero isa lang ang pumasok sa utak ko. What if I'm... pregnant?

My friend came with a pregnancy test which I then took. After waiting, I felt my world crumble apart when I confirmed that I am indeed pregnant, just by seeing those two fine lines. I felt devastated and had to tell my mother about it, was also ashamed at first. Natigil rin ako sa pagkuha ng doctorate, and focused on raising my child.

My actual dream? It was to have a complete family. A loving husband with a lovely child in a welcoming home. But it was actually something I couldn't control. It was something I didn't expect. Sa huli, hindi ko na nakita pa ang ama ng anak ko, and I ended up becoming a single mother with a beautiful child. I knew I had to let that dream go.

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Thank you so much, AmbassadorsPH for the wonderful experience! I truly enjoyed and learned from joining such contests.

Lovelots!! <<3