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THE FEELING OF loneliness consumed you as you took a stroll around the outskirts of yorknew city. the dark abyss cascading over the tall buildings and scurrying people. a sigh escaped your lips. had you made the right decision? leaving the port mafia wasn't exactly the route you intended to go. but, you can't change the past. your life is devoted to saving lives and solving crimes. you hoped that the time you stayed away from chuuya would help you both realize that your relationship was short-term and would have ended eventually.

how wrong you were.

leaving without any trace and all communications blocked surely roused up a commotion from both chuuya and the port mafia. you could imagine ryunosuke and chuuya rampaging around in the base in search of you. although, you yourself didn't know why you decided to leave. your brother, your sister, and your loving significant other. maybe you didn't want to stain your hands with even more blood.

but your hands will always be blood-stained. no matter how desperately you want to cleanse them.

in the port mafia, you kill to gain.

in the armed detective agency, you kill to protect.

is there any difference if both sides of the same coin share the same face?

the guilt that you dreadfully tried to hide from, found you once again. but this time, it clung to you like a leech and it didn't have any intent of letting go.

your thoughts clouded your senses that you failed to realize that your aimless wandering had taken you somewhere out of yorknew city. only god knows how long you've been walking for.

you paused to look around your surroundings. trees and other numerous plants surrounded you. life surrounded you. the light breeze rustling the leaves and the quiet coos of morning doves as the sun slowly but surely began to rise. in the distance, you could see a large tree and a single gravestone. curious as to why a lone gravestone would be placed there, you subconsciously moved closer.

you stood in front of the gravestone, silently reading the name engraved on it.

's. oda.'

your eyes squinted and your eyebrows furrowed.

'that name is so... familiar.'

you chanted the unfamiliar but familiar name in your head.

'oda. oda... oda..?'

you flipped your memories inside and out, trying to recall the oh so familiar name. then it clicked.

flashback

"you mean it?!" dazai's eyes gleamed.

"uhh yeah! sure." you scratched your head. "but out of curiosity, who taught you nen?"

dazai slightly hesitated before answering. "my good friend, odasaku."

flashback end

'odasaku! dazai mentioned him on the plane.'

you squinted your eyes to try and read the additional writing but the stone had eroded over time, not allowing you to read the words engraved.

'dazai's good friend, huh.'

you lightly smiled and sat next to the grave, careful not to touch the gravestone out of respect. you took a deep breath and began talking.

"y'know, dazai's a real handful sometimes. if you're a good friend— uh, sorry, were a good friend of his— then you'd definitely know. or maybe you're one of the many people he pestered and he just called you a friend. i don't know." you sighed and ran your fingers through your hair.
"but dazai doesn't call just anyone his friend. if you managed to get that title from him, i respect you. a lot. i've never met you, probably, but i heard you taught dazai nen? that's honorable. must've been a real good teacher if dazai was actually able to learn it."

you paused and looked at the grave. "you know, i was half expecting you to respond back to me." you lightly laughed. "i'm sorry i didn't bring anything for you. if i intended to run into one of dazai's friends, i would have bought some flowers or something."

you droned on and on about your problems and basically told odasaku the events prior before 'meeting' him. after what felt like five minutes to you, in reality 3 hours, you finally decided to wrap up the 'conversation' and bid goodbye.

"nice meeting you, oda. sorry if you don't like me calling you by your first name. your stone doesn't have your surname so..." you trailed off. already going off topic. you shook your head to get back to the point. "anyways, thanks for listening. i really needed to vent to someone. even though i don't know you personally, i'll try to visit sometimes and keep you updated. bye."

taking a deep breath, you made your way back to yorknew city. although, during your trip back, you received an unexpected message.

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( a/n: omg pls don't bash me for the phone wallpaper. that's my actual background and i was too lazy to change it to something else for this book LMFAOO. but anyways, those of you who were interested in a l lawliet x fem!ranpo!reader fanfic awhile back, it's on my profile.

AND THANK YOU FOR 6K+ READS!! i really didn't expect to get this far. at this point i'm just pulling stuff out of my ass as i write this book 🤡. but nonetheless, i'm happy you guys are enjoying (hopefully) xx. )