I might talk to my mom soon and maybe set up a mental health appointment... It's normal for mood swings as a teenager but not so feeling that the moods control you.
I feel things in swells. I feel anger from a month all at once, sadness from a year over an hour,  happiness from my life in fleeting glimpses to weeks on end. And I can't control any of it.
Paranoia and feeling like I don't belong are part of that. I say things I'm not aware of. I threaten to hurt people bi-weekly.
If I'm near a sharp object I have one of three reactions: no reaction, rage and the desire to harm someone, or depression and the desire to hurt myself. I never know which it will be.
I never know how I'll react to something.
I think it's about time to maybe look into it and see if I'm just imaging it or if there's something wrong...
I also suppose this is an apology for always saying I'm going to leave? I don't know. Like I said, I don't know anything about how or what I feel.