Seriously. When did thinking become 'unproductive'?

I probably on average spend more time thinking than I do anything else. I mean you can think anywhere, anytime, it doesn't require any 'special' conditions. I could be untangling Markie's hair and thinking. Reading a book and thinking. Lying on my bed and thinking. Sitting clacking keys and thinking. Staring blankly into space... and thinking.

I've noticed something peculiar: I get odd, suspicious looks. When I am thinking and not doing anything else.

"What are you doing, mum?"

"Thinking..."

"Oh okay."

(That be from either of my two sons who know to quietly back away and let me carry on- because to disrupt my thoughts for yet another YouTube vid... sometimes I am not amused? )

They understand though. The need for me to think. They get that mum thinks- It's her thing.

YET:

"You're always in your room, I don't know what you do in there but-"

"You have time to sit around and stare into space but no time to do-"

"Yes now! It's not like you're doing anything-"

"Are you free tonight or are you doing something-"

"What could you possibly be doing that's more important than-"

I AM FUCKING THINKING! Leave me alone, all of you!

I AM doing something! Something extremely important to me.

Only, it's in my head, and YOU can't get in there! You can't 'see' my thinking! (Unless of course you're on here and privy to any subject matter that amuses/interests me on any given day- oft the result of all this thinking...)

So I appear... unproductive. Like... I should be doing something. Anything?

Pick up a book, I'm reading. Pick up a pen, I'm writing. Pick up a broom, I'm sweeping. Watch a movie or a TV show, I'm relaxing. (Perfectly acceptable.) Pick up anything in my hands (even if it's a TV remote and... I am doing something.) I look busy.

Stare into space and allow my thoughts to wander here or there... and I'm "wasting time." Else inattentive. Else, unable to focus. (Bring on the meds, we have to get her moving and productive again!)

Seriously?

Made me 'think': Have I (and others like me) become a peculiarity? I try and bring up an image where... I last saw someone 'deep in thought'. Nope. Nada. I get nothing.

Yet they must! We ALL think; we couldn't fully function as 'humans' if we couldn't access our mental process. It's called being 'brain-dead' and it is one of the most devastating things you will ever hear: "I am sorry, there's just no brain activity. It's time to say your goodbyes and... switch off the life support." I've heard it and seen the body of a good friend- minus their brain function. It still terrifies me, to this day.

So what's the bloody problem? Why the above questions? Why can't one think without feeling as though a pariah- else... not quite 'normal'?

Must one always appear busy doing something- in order not to be... disturbed - in every sense? Must thinking be multi-tasked- else hidden behind some other, more 'productive' activity?

Is it fear-based, this notion and subsequent declaration that one simply "has no time to think" these days? Are we collectively afraid to be alone with our thoughts? Why is 'thinking' associated with fear in the first place?

Who decided doing is of more value than thinking? Who decided following the blueprints of 'experts' (who by the way do think- else they'd not be so 'expert') is more desirable than... thinking up your own?

One's mind is wondrous. Given free rein- well you've all see what it can achieve. (How the fuck we are all here on Wattpad is a fine example!)  Why do we then fear being alone in our heads? And why do we look suspiciously at others who hold no such fear and then... coerce ourselves/condition ourselves into believing they are the oddity? And that what they are doing is... unproductive and possibly detrimental to their/everyone's living?

I refuse to accept this. No. If I was someone else... both my boys would be medicated- one for inattentiveness and fidgeting... the other for 'lack of social skills'. You kidding me? That this other person would 'fear' their individual 'thinking' processes and 'adjust' them- it horrifies me!

Have we then, perhaps, collectively, bought into that other notion: "Thinking is spending time alone and therefore akin to... introversion and, quite possibly, may lead to other more serious issues; depression, isolation, loss of social skills... and is therefore not an ideal state in which to be- in terms of achieving and maintaining a successful and productive life."

Screw that!

Are you a victim of this new fad?

Are you an "air-head", are you "always in your head", are you a "loner", are you "weird"?

Are you medicated?

Look. There are many possible and very valid reasons as to why one can lapse into the more serious issues above. Pure thought, however, ain't one of them- else I'd not be here. I'd be long gone; another victim of suicide- given my propensity to mull.

It was thinking that got me out of all my messes! Thinking saved my life. Not pills. Not therapy. (Unless writing is viewed as such?)

I shudder too- wondering who I would be, borne into this reality. I don't think I'd fare better than anyone else; the same 'issue' would plague me as well: that what I am doing is... unproductive?

Don't you dare listen to anyone who says, "Get out of your head!"

Your head (brain), your thoughts, the sparks and hisses as different parts of your brain 'light up' via your thinking; that's a bloody incredible space! It's where big dreams are dreamed and big ideas germinate and take hold and... produce something amazing! Don't listen to that droning voice behind a desk going on and on about some nonsense you can... access via Google at your leisure and convenience- if you wish to ever know about the Vikings or how the market 'fluctuates'.

Stare out the damn window! Dream! Think! Look at the flock of birds and imagine what it would be like... to be among them, soaring. You can! You should! No one has the right to take this away from you; either through 'concern for your well-being' or because you suddenly 'fit' within some newly-defined 'spectrum'- according to your primary carers who, in turn, live trusting the words of authority: "If they say so, then it must be true."

Screw that! FIGHT for your right to be 'alone in your head'. Make them understand you refuse to buy into all the supposed 'evil' dwelling in there. There may well be evil- left over memories and current problems... but that don't mean you get in there and focus on those! They are only a small portion of your brain's capacity to store and process.

Your mind is not 'just' your problems! Don't use it solely to solve those!

... My youngest son spends more time in his room/on his own than he does with others. Granted, he does converse online some of the time but for the most part, he observes 'life on the internet'.

"You have to get him into University too! Get him doing something with his life!"

"Why do you let him isolate himself like that? He does nothing all day but stay in his room!"

"Does Markie have a problem? Is it lack of social skills? Maybe he needs to see someone and do something about it?"

"You have ruined his life! He'll amount to nothing! Nothing!"

Screw you too!

I know my kid.

My kid is a deep thinker. Period.

When he does 'mix', when he joins us- it is we left dumbfounded by his wittiness and agility of thought. The stuff that comes out of his mouth... no amount of rote learning and productive 'doing' could have... produced it. There are moments he awes me. I can only stare, as I feel that flutter in my gut: "Keep trusting! Don't listen to them, keep trusting your instincts! Let him be, let him have all the time to think he needs!"

Dylan leans the opposite way. He finds something of interest- he fully explores the whatever himself; oft spending days/weeks totally immersed breaking it apart, studying it, seeing both perfections and imperfections - and then he shares because he is a communicator. He needs to share, and he needs other people to share in his oft 'obsessive' bouts of thinking/analysing.

Different approaches. Same outcome: Two individuals capable of critical thinking.

I am nonplussed. As the new 'spectrum' grows exponentially and more and more kids are placed within it and... medicated- I am also really, really sorry. For humanity.

Times past, people would oft spend years focused on this one thought or another. That's all they did. They sat and thought about it. In the process... and perhaps unbeknownst to them - given the 'no tech' and then 'low tech' environments then - they produced philosophy and the arts and the sciences and... these led us to the internet we use so nonchalantly now.

Today however, those same thinkers of old... they'd be called "obsessive" this and "compulsive" that and definitely be placed within the whatever new spectrum. And maybe/probably medicated.

How the fuck did we take that former glorious free thought and... 'adjust' it to this? To where ALL thinking is associated with 'bad'? Where our head itself is a 'bad' place and we shouldn't dwell in there too long. Where we get responses like "It's all in your head! Get out and live!"

Ye? Of course it's in my head, because I bothered to bloody think about it! And it's not in your head because obviously... you didn't! Duh!

This doesn't make me odd, it makes me... me! The formula is simple: Brain = use it.

Whatever your situation, whatever your age- there's thinking to be done. So do it. If you need to spend a decade pondering this one thing... then bloody do it! If you need time, then find time! If you need to tell people to "Fuck off, I am thinking, leave me alone!" then do it. (Maybe though... without my colourful language?)

Trust me when I say this: If YOU don't think, then others will... for you. And their thoughts may not be in tune- or they may be way off... they are not your thoughts after all?

Lose the "Thinking is bad, it dredges up all sorts of crap, confuses you, hurts you, keeps you separate from the rest." See your mind for the tool it is and use it!

Above all: Don't ever blindly accept 'labels' and 'spectrums' and whatever other psycho mambo-jumbo is flavour of the month. Tomorrow, it may be something else those guys in lab coats and suits and bow ties 'discover'. They have to make a living too, and justify their own existence. Their work... don't let it define you!

Stop.

Think.

It's the best feeling in the world, firing up thoughts and following their trail. The best adventure. There's nothing scary in there! Understand this. Whatever 'fears' dwell in your head, they have been placed there by other people and ideas not of your making. Whatever 'label' is attached to you- again, it is the 'elders' who concocted it.

YOU don't have to believe them. Or accept their verdict.

Think. For yourself.

Should you decide you need help- then that's your decision, it has emerged after YOU gave it thought. If... you are deemed "too young to know", then yell, "I do know! And what I don't know, I will discover- you don't get to discover it for me or stop me from discovering it!"

A rigid yet restrictive existence - what passes these days as 'normal' - is anything but normal. There is no bloody normal- least not until we start mass-producing human clones- like cars on an assembly line. And we WILL start. Unless YOU collectively get us off this fad that... "thinking is bad- best leave it to the experts."

Who the fuck are they- if not people who do the very bloody thing they tell you not to do!

Dive in there. Explore your mind. Discover. Dream. Plan. BIG!

You may not 'appear' to be productive or of value to society in the moment but... I'm betting, down the track somewhere, something wondrous will emerge: Pure, unadulterated thought and wherever/whatever/whoever it brings you. 

Here's to doing nothing; formerly known as... thinking.