"LISTEN TO YOUR ELDERS!"

Anathema, right?

Who wants to listen to a bunch of old wrinkled people droning on and on and on about (insert appropriate croaky/indignant voice) "Back in my day..." and "When I was your age..." and the mother of them all: "I was you once!"

No you fucking weren't! Right?

There's no relevance. Back then, their world was a different place- as foreign to you as those boring slabs of writing describing times past in textbooks . Who cares? Ye, so they suffered hardships and wars and famines and depressions and any manner of injustices. Why do they, though, feel compelled to tell you- like you're supposed to give a damn about things that happened before your time? Right?

I mean it's bloody boring. Then you have the whole "I'm older, so I know better than you," thing going on. And you in turn rebel and say "Fuck you, you may be older but I know better! You can't tell ME what to do!"

And you do know better, of course. I mean you have the world at your fingertips. You control your life to the nth degree- most of it on Social Media. Right? You live on a 'need to know basis'- simplified; you need to know something, you type some words into your phone, and there you have it. The answer. No need to think or even bypass that and ask someone. You can't beat this instantaneous knowledge. Right?

Wrong.

(Insert appropriate croaky/indignant voice:)

"Back in my day, extended families or large social groups sat together- irrespective of age, ye? You go to group gatherings/family things today however... the 'elders' are sat together, the 'children' sat separately. It irks me, this deliberate segregation!"

... I had cause to say this to someone today.

Took the recipient of this particular irk (Poor Renn...) quite some time to grasp what I was trying to convey. He had to lose his egocentric view of things first- quite a feat for one of his generation. What do I mean? He had to stop 'identifying with' and 'justifying' and offering up things like "ye, I thought that too," or "ye, I did that too and this was the result," and "ye, I have tried over and over to make them see my point of view but I've stopped trying, what's the use?"

Ego-driven exchanges lead to clashes of both ego and will. There IS no use to those.

What do I mean by I had cause though?

We were discussing something when the thought hit me: Everything I was doing in my life was an effort to 'preserve' certain knowledge. More and more, I was imparting knowledge; keenly aware that my time with my sons (and my other 'adopted' kids) was limited.

Of course, this led me to wonder WHY I was a magnet to the young ones. Why I was 'separated' in their minds from the rest of the 'elders' around them. Why they could 'talk' to me as though to an equal.

THEN! I realised (quite a shock!) that I was in fact (and largely unconsciously) trying to preserve what I'd amassed in my head- by passing it on to the next generations! This, out of desperation brought on by what I was seeing around me: the systematic 'dying' of the will to learn from one's elders.

You've all heard of the "Dark Ages"... a period in our history which for reasons still disputed to this day... paused man's progress. Like someone switched the lights off for a few centuries. Nobody home.

Then... we had the "Renaissance"; a buoyant period of growth, innovation and vigorous discussion and expression.

The first Dark ages- books were burned (as is alleged) and thus certain 'knowledge' was lost to us forever. The zealots - or whoever drove this first destruction - targeted 'physical' knowledge- the stuff in books and manuscripts and papyrus leaves. They went after the written word.

But they underestimated man's thirst for knowledge. And, because families lived together in much larger social groups and tighter communities, there was ample opportunity for this thirst to be quenched via 'tales' and reminiscing, and... folklore. Which then, of course, led to further discussion and fresh thoughts which then, of course, resulted in the famed Renaissance...

I have spoken before, of the 400-year occupation of one nation by another... and of the 'secret schools' conducted at the peril of death for all involved. There, language, culture and custom were maintained; secretly passed on from one generation to another and added to via discussion as it progressed through the ages. So whilst 400 years passed, the 'Nation' rose and freed itself one day having 'preserved' almost all of its history and knowledge- despite the destruction/banning of most 'physical' aids. The people themselves became the 'history' and the 'founts' of knowledge.

Here's what irks me: YOU parents, first.

Stop isolating yourselves into smaller and smaller units! The smaller the unit, the less interaction, the less knowledge generated/passed on within it! Stop bloody placing your children away from you at family/social gatherings! Think of the message you are sending to them: "You don't belong with us, you are of no value to the 'elders' and you are far too young to participate in our discussions."

You even coined a term to further stress this division: Teenagers. (Well, now we've gone beyond this and created pre-teens and some other labels which escape me right now but which only further separate us all- but the message persists: Our kind, your kind.)

Man. Such insecurity!

What do you parents fear huh? That your children will misbehave and thus 'show you up' in the presence of other 'elders' and that you will be forced to... make excuses, all the while feeling like failures as parents? (Kinda like the rule the boys and I have when walking the dog at the beach... if you don't see him poop, then you are not obligated to go look for it and pick it up and therefore cannot be held responsible- it helps that he obliges us in turn by pooping in thick bush, away from the sand!) But you get the idea. If your children are the other side of the room with other similar-in-age children... then any misbehaving is not YOUR fault- it's the peer influence thing. Right?

Some of you fear the other extreme- that you will be challenged. Made to look foolish in front of the other 'elders'. Shown up by your own kids, WTF? Fresh minds with access to tech you can barely grasp and instant knowledge at their fingertips- hell, how do you compete with that?

Take me for instance... everything coming out of my mouth is double-checked by a not-so subtle typing of some words on whatever device is near and a Google answer sought from both sons... to confirm what I spouted was correct- granted, I instilled in them this need to never blindly accept whatever anyone says- even their mother...

But I ask you: When was the last time you sat in a large group, made up of all ages and... chatted about this and that- be it a vigorous discussion on a current affair or some other common issue? When was the last time you exposed your children to the 'knowledge' of elders huh? (And by this I don't mean lectures on why the past was better. It wasn't. It was just different.) I mean, when did you last expose your children to an elder who enthralled them? And when did you, in turn, listen to them... their views, their opinions... without ego creeping in and... you so busy trying to prove them wrong, you fail to 'see' the possibilities which could have been achieved with mental collaboration... rather than opposition?

"Back in my day"... we were exposed to things well beyond our years. There was no choice; we were 'part' of the family/social group and therefore privy to all sorts of elder 'knowledge'. There was also no insecurity in the elders- they, in fact, welcomed fresh ideas and perspectives.

Sure. Tech was a spoiler. The previous slightly slanted field between the generations became a steep, almost Everest-like endeavour- we elders can look at it, maybe 'climb it' a little way, but for the most part, we (unless employed in the field) are largely... clueless. I get this insecurity.

But whilst you battle ego-driven insecurity... what are you NOT passing on to the next generation? What is being lost, in the process? If the generations are deliberately and systematically kept apart... some knowledge will be and IS being lost to us, at an alarming rate. And you are aiding this!

Respect your children's intellect- don't undermine or underestimate it. Don't - in the name of 'protection' - keep them within the perceived safety of their 'age-group'. Invite discussion and debate. Exchange views and opinions- but on a level basis- on an equal footing. Don't make the past a lecture... make it a launching pad for fresh thoughts to take flight!

KIDS: I have some questions for you: When was the last time you sat with an 'elder' and asked them to recount a memory or a story from their youth; or a folk lore... or their views... or their opinions... willingly? WHY do you accept that you must be separated from your elders in public? Why do you, in turn, feign that "you like it this way, what's the point of sitting with a bunch of old-farts who think they know everything?" Right?

No, you fools! You are being robbed of the 'will' to learn and you willingly accept this! Learning from elders has become synonymous with... work/homework/tediousness/boredom.

Why are you devouring MY stuff though huh? I am no lone guru- there are millions and millions of me. But you tarnish them with the same label: "They look old, they sound old, they think old." Yet, I can be found in your home, I am a relative, I am a family friend, I am someone else's parent in your circle- if only you looked past the label...

Young and old: Can you not see the second "Dark Ages" looming? And this time... it's not physical knowledge being burned... it's the 'will' to learn. Hey- I am a contributor: My mother's cooking skills, sewing skills, home-making skills, gardening skills... they will die with her. My boys, understanding this, are disappointed. As well they should be. But women's 'roles' have changed... and I, had to change with them- to some extent.

My mother was far too busy working to "make a better life for us" alongside my father- believing physical wealth to be everyone's ticket out of poverty and injustice. There was no time for me to 'hang off her apron strings' and learn certain skills- this, added to by my own growing awareness of the (then) enforced differences between the sexes.

But... the traditions of the old country- the stories, the folklore... the myths and legends- I have been passing these on. And my kids, in turn, have embraced the language of their forefathers, so this, too, will persevere and be preserved. My sons have lived within an extended family ALL their lives. Privately, they sit with the elders. Publicly however (and much to their disgust since their generation spends those evenings with their eyes lowered on screens and NO ONE instigates any discussion) they are forced to sit apart from 'us'. Most times, they gravitate to my table, else I to theirs eventually...

So why am I the 'guru'? Why this book, why the messages and comments about my words "helping" from you, my readers? I'm NO fucking guru! Fact is, I have more questions than answers- and these, just to sort out my own shit. So why?

Maybe... because I choose to sit with my sons? And their friends? Maybe because I maintain online friendships with many other 'adopted' sons and daughters around the world. Within those conversations... we all learn. There's vigour to youth and experience to age- hell, what better breeding ground for innovation and pure thought for ALL involved? (In fact, this chapter was written as a result of one such discussion- thanks again, Renn.)

Understand this: Labels are new things. YOU, sadly, are forced to live within them. But there's no reason you can't insist you don't want to; or that you refuse to be confined- because of your age. Go sit with them. Ask stuff. Tell them stuff. Exchange stuff. Be open to knowledge and also share what you know- enlighten them in turn.

What do I mean? I have sat in on countless explanations about how this or that works online with both sons- times when really, the subject matter was of no apparent interest to me- why the fuck should I know how 'bots' work, for instance, or mechanical film-camera shutter speeds from a camera made in the 50's? Most of it, admittedly, I struggle with. But sometimes... something clicks and I say "So that's why that happens! I get it!" Sometimes, the right 'term' comes to my lips and I utter it and I see the satisfaction on their faces: They taught their mother something!

If I'd been inside 'doing my own thing' and letting them do theirs- if they or I felt NO 'will' to learn from each other... then everything I contain in my brain and they in theirs... would be lost to all of us. More-so to them, because MY knowledge has a use-by date.

Listen to your elders. Their 'words' stretch all the way back to primeval man. There's knowledge contained within their minds that can't be found in any textbook. Elders, listen in turn to youth- you will be surprised how much you can learn from blossoming minds...

Else- fuck it all and welcome in a new, much more insidious 'dark' age to this world of ours. Then, twiddle your thumbs waiting for those secret few to regenerate a Renaissance- alas, with you long dead- died twiddling.