nineteen

October passed, November passed. October and November were filled with changes.

Matty slept in the guest room and took Marshall out to lunch every Saturday. He left at 9 and came home at 5. He sat at the dining room table then helped Marsh with his homework.

He'd wait for Luke to get to bed before he'd finish his work and get to bed. He wasn't going to point out how hard he was trying to make their relationship work. He was going to let Luke take his time.

He knows that it'll work out if it's meant to. But, their passive aggressive arguments as they get Christmas dinner ready aren't giving neither man much hope.

Jack flew from LA to New York City as much as he physically could. Bea fell in love with her second father fast and Ashton was pretty sure he was, too. Jack stopped staying in a hotel at the end of October. He got off his plane on the 23rd of December.

Ashton picked him up at the airport, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek. He took one of Jack's bags, his other hand entwined with Jack's fingers.

Jack was talking and Ashton wasn't listening. Ash would look up and laugh if Jack was, he'd smile with his mouth and his eyes. He'd lean into the other man, knocking their broad shoulders together.

He was happy. He, Jack, and Beatrix had matching outfits on as they headed over to Luke and Matty's.

Valerie's hair was grey then blue then deep sea blue then somewhere in-between all those colors. She stopped asking for another parent after Michael broke down in tears over the question.

He wanted to be good enough for his daughter, he wanted to give her everything she ever needed. Michael felt like he wasn't doing that because he wasn't able to provide a second parent.

She grabbed her father's hand as he tried to get them out the door. "You're all I need," she tells him.

George sneaks a bottle of white wine into the car. "This is for me," he tells his family of three (still trying for four).

He's been on and off deployment. He was here for Michael and Valerie's shared birthday bash but away for Thanksgiving. He missed Caleb's school winter party but made it home for Christmas.

George looks at his son in the backseat through the rear view mirror as Calum backs from their driveway and into the night. George loves his silent son.

"Are you excited to see your friends?" George asks Caleb. He turns around in his seat, patiently waiting for a response.

Caleb nods, a smile on his lips. "Mikey said he's gonna bring Dwight and Jim."

George looks at his husband and whispers, "Who's that?"

"His cats," he whispers back. "I don't think he's gonna actually bring them, Honey. Luke would freak out."

Caleb sighed, "Oh."

Luke walked around their dining room, placing name card holders at the adult table (they were going to let the kids chose where they wanted to sit. Matty sat back at the head of the table, Luke would be at the other.

His dark eyes followed his husband around the room, admiring him once more. He was in fitted slacks and a loose sweater. The heavy material hung over his usually thin frame, concealing the tiniest bump the world may have ever seen.

"You look beautiful," he reminded the 29-year-old.

"I know," Luke responded, placing Michael's card to the left of where George would be sitting, closest to the kids table.

"Are you feeling better?"

"No," his bitter tone responded, "I need wine."

"Oh, Sweetie, I don't think you can have tha—."

"Yes, Mathew, I'm aware." Luke leaves the room at the ring of the doorbell. He calls down Marshall who obeys his maternal father fast.

Matty stands up from the dining room, greeting Ashton, Jack, and Bea with smiles and hugs. Luke suddenly looks so happy and Matt wonders how long the blonde has been faking it. Has Luke ever been happy?

Michael and Valerie are next to appear at their doorstep.

Calum, George, and Caleb are late. Everyone is already sat and in their own conversations once they finally arrive. Everyone is eating, everyone is supposed to be happy. Tomorrow is Christmas, even thought neither Luke's family nor Michael's family celebrated the holiday, it was still supposed to be a happy day.

They were together as a group.

Luke stared across the table at Matty and Matty stared back at him. They were both in thought, both wishing next year will be better.

Michael leans into George, "Do you have the good shit?"

He reaches underneath his seat, pulling out the expensive wine. "You know it," he whispers back.

Calum looks over at the two, "Share. I need more to get through this night."

George shakes his head and takes the bottle from his husband, "You might be pregnant, nothing for you."

Michael raises an eyebrow, "Really?"

Calum shrugs, "Might isn't good enough. I want that shit." He made grabby hands towards the wine in his husband's hands.

Michael took it, trying to take a gulp as secretly as he could.

The two adults passed the white wine back and forth, trying to take drinks big enough to get them drunk but small enough that Luke wouldn't notice.

Matty lets Marshall sit on his lap as dessert passes around and Luke looks at him disapprovingly. It wasn't proper table manners for the 6-year-old to sit on his father's laps during Christmas dinner, Matt supposedly knew that that annoyed his other half.

Matty wrapped his arms around his son, kissing the top of his forehead. He carried out a conversation with Jack, both of them laughing about some football game they were both drunk for back in high school.

Soon enough, all the kids were on their parents laps.

The night is a blur. Luke is cranky, Michael is tired, Calum wants to be drunk, and Ashton is too in love with the moment. Matty is brushing his hands through Marshall's curls, Michael is telling the table a story about his cats, George is too drunk to get through a sentence, and Jack is looking at Bea half-asleep in Ashton's lap.

Jack and Matt are the first to get up, taking a smoke break outside the back porch.

"Luke hates when I do this," Matt says as he brings one of Jack's cigarettes to his lips.

"I don't blame him, this habit sucks." Jack follows Matty's actions, lighting one up before taking a seat on their deck furniture. "I heard stuff between you and Blondie aren't going too well."

Matt takes a seat next to Jack on their swinging porch. His expensive shoes are mindlessly rocking the pair back and forth. "I've let him down one too many times."

"You're still in love with him, yeah?"

Matt nodded, "Have been since the ninth grade."

Jack inhales, exhaling with a breath of smoke. "If Ashton and I can mend our souls back together, then you can make it work with Luke. Whatever you've got with him can't break because you fucked your secretary."

"Ashton doesn't keep quiet, does he?"

Jack laughed, slightly coughing. "You should know that by now. Bea's the same."

"She's a beaut." Matty stops rocking the porch bench as he kicks off his shoes, leaving scuffs all over the shiny base. "You think you and Ash are together for good?"

"We haven't really talked about what we are."

Matty looks up at his friend since way back when. "Really? Dude, have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"I figure it's the same way I look at him." Jack takes another drag before speaking, "Have you seen the way Luke looks at you?"

Matty nods with a sigh of smoke, "Anger. Frustration."

"Hope," Jack says, "he looks at you with hope. He hasn't given up yet and you better not fuck it up." Jack stands up, dropping his bud into the dish to the side of their door. He crushes it until he can't see the orange glow any more. "Don't let him down, and don't let me down."