Sanam's POV

The mere thought of having a little one inside me makes me giddy with happiness.

Its hard to describe the actual feeling.The whirlpool of emotions spinning inside of you when you're to become a mother.I can't see my tummy growing yet.But physiologically I have begun to change and sometimes I feel something inside me.A little life to be born.Praise be to Allah.The very cycle of coming into this world is so complicated.But He can make it happen.He does the impossible with ease.Allah signals it to the angels and it is done.

A symbol of  our love had began its journey.Excitement,anxiety and happiness.Every untold emotion was jumping inside of me.And my face had a different glow.People around me said that I looked healthier and happier than I had ever been before.

Every expecing woman had a beautiful reason to smile and dream a life with their little one.When a woman brings someone into this world only she knows how much she had to endure in those nine months and during the labor.But they say all the pain is worth it.When you hold the little one in your arms, you remember nothing but their tiny angelic face.The pain and the trauma is long forgotten.

The chill air conditioner fanned my face.I held my file close to my chest and adjusted the long apron I had worn.It was hot outside but the multiple A.C's made me feel cooler.Realizing that I was seated outside the principal office for a while,I looked at the huge wall clock.It was half past nine.She was late.Waiting was and is the most difficult thing for me.But with so many thoughts on my mind and day dreaming about my baby, I lost track of time.

Moments later I heard the clattering of footsteps nearing me.I didn't know if that lady with an intimidating tone was the principal.But the aroma around her made her look like one.Her personal secretary carried a bundle of files,her laptop bag and other stuff .And everyone who passed by greeted her.Tall,confident and beautiful.She looked too young to be a principal.I waited till she settled in her room.

Knocking gently, I entered the beautifully furnished room.Too engrossed in her laptop,she didn't seem to notice me.Or rather she wanted to ignore my presence.

"Good morning mam! Am Dr. Sanam Akram," I vocalised.

She looked up from her files but didn't reply.I was hesitant as to proceed with my introduction or not.Her secretary gestured me to go on.

"I am a resident who was alloted a gynaec seat in this college yesterday.I have come to submit my joining letter." I fiddled with the keys in my pocket.I was a nervous newcomer that moment.

"Alright! You may keep it on the table.Iam quite busy now."

I smiled at her blunt reply and exited after wishing her good day.In life, you're bound to come across different kinds of people.Not everyone is going to meet you with a bouquet of roses.Some will just give you the thorns.You have to learn to handle them without getting pricked.I had learnt my lesson the  hard way.Before I could make my way to the hospital building, my phone rang.

"Assalamualaikum sweet heart!"

"Walaikumassalam dear!" I replied.A blush crept on my cheeks.It happens even now, every time he calls me that.

"How did it go? Did you report to the principal? " He asked.The background was noisy.He was driving perhaps.

"Alhamdulillah! I am done with the submission of documents and reporting.Going to the gynaecology department now."

"Shiraz..Are you driving? And Mr.is this the time to start for the hospital?" I could hear him grinning on the other end.

"Ya Allah! When will you change this habit of yours?God forbid.What if your senior yells at you for being late?"

Though I threw half a dozen questions at him, he listened to them without a word.

"Awww! How I miss this taunting.If I could, I would just fly back to our city to see that cute angry face of your's.That million dollar look, " he replied.I could sense the pain behind his humour.

"Alright now! Don't make me cry," I whispered into the phone.Hot liquid trickled down my cheeks and I dabbed it with a kerchief.

It was not easy.Being away from him.He was my life.It was not easy, letting him go to another city to study.I couldnt even be away from him for hours.It was not easy to wake up to an empty bed.I was used to the feel of his warm body beside mine.It was not easy to smile anymore.He was the reason behind my every smile.

It was easy to cry.It was easy to miss him day and night.But I had to be strong.This was for our better future.This patience was needed to fulfill our dreams.All the hardship was just a matter of few years.It was Allah's way of testing our love.And I had to face it with courage.Never losing my faith in Him.

*****

"I'll keep visiting you every month," he said.As difficult it was for me to bid him goodbye, it was much harder for him.He was going to another city.Miles away from his family.I could see the tears in his eyes at the airport.I could hear the untold story of pain.I still remember that day.The last prayer with him.The longest hug he had ever given me.The multiple kisses he planted on my face.His words of wisdom for me.The last look he gave before turning his back. Everything keeps knocking the doors of my heart.

With my mind full of memories and a heavy heart I walked around the hospital ward full of pregnant women and happy faces.

"You can go in Doctor!" Said the lady who had helped me find my way to the chief of the gynecology department.

"You're a few minutes late Miss! Our chief is doing an emergency caesarian section.You need to go to the operation theatre if you wanna see her," replied a doctor.She looked like she had come there to meet him too.I gave her my introduction and learnt that she was an assistant obstetrician there.When I told her about me, she took me to her cabin and introduced me to the rest of the staff.There were two other girls who were newcomers like me.We were instructed about our working hours,our guides and what was expected of us.First year residents had the most burdensome job.

Three hours passed by in trying to comprehend the way they dealt with patients.I didn't realise how time flew.It was during the lunch break after I prayed zhuhr that my phone beeped again.I knew it would be him.

Hubby: wassup darling?

Me: lunch break

Hubby: What you eating?

Me: mom packed me some parathas and kebabs

Hubby: Yum! You're so lucky sweety.Here I am trying to chew this bland sandwich.

Me: Awww! Don't be disheartened.I will make u some when you come back this weekend.

Hubby: Really? But don't burn them like last time ;)

Me: It was not my mistake dude! You were not letting me go out of the room.

Hubby: Haha! Whatever.You fed this poor guy with burnt food.

Me: Alright! This time I am making you drink the bitter turkish coffee as a welcome drink.

I grinned evilishly.I knew how much he hated that.But we loved to tease each other.It was one of the best part of our relationship.Though we had different tastes and choices we were united in love.Bound by Allah in a sacred bond of nikaah.Which was unseperable until death does us apart.

He said he had a seminar after lunch and left after confessing that he loved every single thing about me.He could even drink my bitter coffee.Though we were miles away, he kept a track of every single thing I did.He had been my support system all the time.The supporting emotional wheel for a head strong girl like me.I never realised how I had become so dependent on him.Never in my dreams did I think that a person could become so important for you.That someone could love me so much.And I could love him back equally.

Mom says it was all written years ago.Our destiny had been written.I was destined to meet him.I was destined to marry him.I was destined to love him madly.And this separation too was destined.A test of our love.And she says that this phase too shall pass.And the patience would be worth it.

My mouth was tasting bitter lately.I ascribed it to the folic acid pills I was taking.As I put the last piece of bread in my mouth,a sickening feeling started in the pit of my stomach.I rushed into the restroom and puked out my entire lunch.It was too quick.It was happening almost after every meal.I was cleaning my apron when someone tapped me from behind.

"Its okay dear! Its normal when you're expecting," mom said, caressing my cheeks.I tried smiling at her words.My mouth tasted like metal and I was feeling dizzy.Nothing seemed good to me.

"I think you should come home with me.I will speak to your professor," mom suggested, pulling me towards the exit.I followed without arguing back.I was too sick to stay.Thankfully mom was there to my rescue.She had a days off and had come there to see me as I was growing weak with my morning sickness

The ride back home was silent.I rested my head on moms shoulder.My eyes would just see the moving clouds and wish I'd get lost in them.Perhaps I was trying a lot to put up with my situation but in a few weak moments I was losing it all.I lost the courage to smile amidst tears.It was hard to imagine how I would work while being pregnant.

I was forgetting the fact that Allah is by my side.He hears every plea of mine.He sees every pain I go through.I couldn't see that I had a loving mother who was taking care of me like a toddler.

We reached home in an hour. After passing through busy streets and facing a huge traffic I was tired pretty much.Coming back to the familiar place was comforting to some extent.But it wasn't my home anymore.My home was where he is.I felt like a stranger in this place, in the very house where I had lived for years.

"Get some sleep Sanam! You need to rest," mom suggested.I changed into my normal home clothes and sneaked under the covers.I was getting very moody lately.Maybe the hormones were taking over.Depression was something which I had kept at bay from a long time.But now it was coming back to haunt me.I was feeling lonely.I needed Shiraz beside me.My head was hurting.I didn't know if it was because of the vomiting or it was the heartache.He could never see me in pain.I remember him staying awake all night when I was sick.He was like a medicine for me.His love would heal me faster than those complex chemical substances.But he left his own side effects.Now I just can't do without him.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.It was mom.Holding a tray of my favourite food apparently.I sat up and wiped away any signs of tears which had started falling the moment I think of him.

" I know it's difficult for you dear.I understand," she said, passing me a glass full of chocolate milkshake.

"I have been through it.But trust me it's not that bad."

I didn't know if she was talking about my emetic episode or my life crises.

"I have stayed away from your father for three whole years during his study period, " she revealed, sipping her tea.I raised my brows at her revelation.It was one of those unknown facts of her life.

"SubhanAllah mom! You really are great woman.I don't know how you could handle so much, " I replied.

"You know what helped me all through?"

"It was my faith in God.It was my believe that it will all be over with time.It was my companion Qur'an who was by my side.It was talking to Allah that kept me going."

Allah says in the Qur'an.

Surah Al-Maarij, Verse 5:

فَاصْبِرْ صَبْرًا جَمِيلًا

Therefore endure with a goodly patience.

I closed my eyes and gulped.She was right.I needed patience.I had to trust His qadr.I had to accept that this was for my own good.There will be days when he would be back with me.There will come a day when my little one will be in my arms.Life is going to be beautiful soon.

"Hey! take this video call.Its your hubby," Urwa barged in with my ipad.Mom left on grounds of cleaning up the kitchen and Urwa stood there smiling like an idiot.

"Leave! " I said,looking at myself in the mirror.I knew he wouldn't be happy looking at my state.

"Iam leaving Missy.I don't wanna hear your lovey dovey conversation anyways," she winked before exiting.

As soon as I saw his face and his deep voice fell over my ears, a warm smile spread across my face.It was like he knew I needed him.It was like there was an invisible connection between us.He would ring just on time.

"Why were you crying my princess?" He enquired.Though I had tried wiping away all the tears and cleared my face of all the signs.He could still read it.

"Princess was missing her prince Charming, " I replied,blushing at his sweet words.

"Ohh! My Queen is acting like a cry baby when its time she should be learning to handle a crying baby," he teased.

I laughed at his humour.He never failed to make me smile.

"I love you so much! " I said, looking deep into his orbs.

"I love you too Sanam.Very very much! " he replied, a tear trickling down his cheek.

" I will be back soon."

****************

A / N
Assalamualaikum guys!

Hope you guys enjoyed! Keep voting and commenting! Love you all ♥