What is destined for you will reach you even if it be beneath two mountains.What is not destined will not reach you, even if it be between your lips - Imam Ghazali.

SANAM'S POV

What was supposed to be a mellow evening seemed like a gloomy one.My spirits were subdued my mom's exuberance of vivacity but I didn't venture any objection to her.I told her that I needed time.I am well aware of the fact that not many people are capable of being as obstinate as me.But my deep-rooted fear of marriage and commitment couldn't be removed in a day or two.

I was in the garden, gathering the fallen flowers in a basket.Yesterday's thunder and rain had ruined few plants.It was almost dusk, and the full moon looked over the oak tree, causing shadows to lurk in the corners of the building.I lingered to rest and draw in breaths of soft, sweet air.My eyes were on the moon, reminding me of the full moon night on Naila's wedding and the encounter I had with Shiraz that day.There were strange emotions sailing through my heart.The likes of which I have never felt before.I couldn't help fancying the cause for the proposal.

Did I ever do anything that would invite attention?
Did I ever smile or blush shamelessly at him?
Did I ever give him any wrong hint?

Heck! I never spoke properly to him.I was rather cloudy and answered sharply to him.My bad temper and cold behaviour was easily liable to be hated.With time it ended.Nonetheless his change was welcomed by me.But I never paid him much attention or behaved infinitely better than I did earlier.I'd never let anyone see the concealed depths of benevolence beneath my stern exterior.

I couldn't comprehend the reason which invited the proposal between me and him .I was half angry and half curious.

My thoughts were halted when I heard the click of the latch and Shaila flew to me breathless, too excited to show gladness.

"Oh, Sanam, Sanam!" She panted, flinging her arms round my neck.

"Oh my Allah! I can't believe it!" And she tightened her embrace to a squeeze.

"Hold yourself!" I cried.

" Don't strangle me for that.There is no need to be so frantic! "

"I know you don't like him much, " she answered, repressing a little the intensity of her delight.

" Yet for mom's sake you must consider this proposal! "

I gave her a frown of displeasure.I was pretty sure that mom would never force me into it if I replied in negative.

"There's this tiny thing that's been itching me the moment I heard of this proposal," she said,supressing a grin.

"Go on," I replied.

" I guess it's Shiraz who had sent the proposal.I think he must have convinced his granny to speak for him."

"If that's the case then I'm gonna kill him!" I replied, gritting my teeth.

" Kill him for what? Liking you?" Shaila laughed.

" I don't know.I just can't understand the reason why granny chose me," I replied,smelling the yellow rose.

"Well! But I can totally understand why she chose you.So stop thinking and pray istikhara.If this is meant to work then Allah will make things easier." She was about to dart off but I arrested her.

"I don't have the courage to face mom.Rather Iam afraid she might convince me.Please convey her that I am preparing for my prefinals and I need a week to answer."

She nooded in positive and walked to the front door.

Only Allah knows how I've endured the bitter misery.It was his healing that alleviated the pain.It was his strength that induced me to bear it.I can afford to suffer anything but I had no heart to spare for a second grief.

To abstract my mind from the savage thoughts I swerved into my room, where I would shut myself up among the books.

Dinner was a quite affair that night.Mikael recited a hadith regarding speech.

Prophet Mohammed ( Sallallahu alaihi wassallam ) said :
Whoever believes in Allah and the last day let them speak good or else keep silent.
(SAHIH AL BUKHARI )

Vain talk or swear word were never encouraged in our home.Mom had always emphasised on speaking good and thinking positively.She believed that Allah will hear our words and make them true.

We headed back to our rooms while Shaila helped mom with the dishes. Walking clumsily was something that came natural to me.Unfortunately, this time I hit my toe to the wooden vase in the corridor.As I was nursing my wound by rubbing it I was stopped at the doorway by Mikael.

" I need to talk! " He said, leaning on the wall adjacent my door.

" Fine! Get in." I replied with a sigh.

I landed on my bean bag and he crashed on my neatly prepared bed.He knew it irked me but he was like that.I stared holes into him, which made him sit upright.

" I've heard of the proposal.And I'm surprised Shiraz never mentioned it to me," He said,placing the heart shaped pillow into his lap.He paused and resumed with a strange smile.

"Mom told me that it's his granny who suggested the proposal.Whoever it is,I've got no objection to it.To be honest, I am very happy," he stated, looking at me for a reaction.I kept a neutral face. I was still in state of shock on learning about it.

"I ain't telling that because he's a friend.I've been a witness to his big change in life.I'd seen him become a better Muslim.I know you never got along with him.But come on! You've only seen his saucy side.You'd never seen the loving and caring nature of him." He got off my bed and walked towards the door.

"Think about it sis! I have a strong intuition that he's the one for you," he said,closing the door behind him.

My heart hammered in my precordium.I was perspiring like I was in some dry desert.So many people persuading me for it was something I couldn't handle that moment.

I immediately strolled into the bathroom to make wudhu.The cold water did wonders to calm my nerves.I prayed isha salah beseeching Allah to guide me to the right sort of action concerning this.As I was reading Qur'an an ayah comforted me:

Surah Taha, Verse 46:

قَالَ لَا تَخَافَا إِنَّنِي مَعَكُمَا أَسْمَعُ وَأَرَىٰ

He said: Fear not, surely I am with you both: I do hear and see.

Allah answered my worries through the Qur'an.I ought to put my trust on him.That night I lay in a less troubled sleep; Allah's words had succeeded in soothing the access of frenzy.

******

Sometimes while meditating on this things in sleep, I've got up in sudden terror.It took five days for me to persuade my mind that it is the rule of the society to get married and I should wipe that fear away.The fear that I lend my heart to something and it never loved me back would tarnish me.It would break the courage that was holding me.

This week I was pretty much sane, I think, though my studies occupied me rather more than they ought.I was continually among my books, since I didn't wanted to indulge in those nagging thoughts.

I've been praying istikhara for the past five days but I was still clueless.There were no signs in my dreams.They were blank, just like my mind.I requested mom and my siblings to pray the istikhara too.After all it was a big decision and I would never make it without Allah's guidance.

I'd gotten up at three in the morning.Two flipping hours of sleep managed to refresh me yet I'd invited to myself a terrible backache.Studying for twenty hours, never closing my lids did the job.It was the day of my first prefinal.And also the deadline for my answer.After praying tahajjud, I decided to read Qur'an.My heart was at ease and I was partly relieved through an ayah!

Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 186:

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ

And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way.

I needed to chill down a bit.If my dreams didn't give me a hint then there might be something else that would happen to decide my fate.

After the prayers, I dozed off on the couch.

It was a bright ,frosty ,afternoon.The sun shone yellow on the grey building of the medical school.I stopped my engine and parked in the free space.As usual Naila was waiting for me near the fountain.

"You look beautiful in this white dress! " She commented.

I wished her and we walked towards the lobby.

" He's been waiting for you, " she said, nudging me.

" Who?" I asked, looking around the marbled hall.

" Your fiancee!" She replied, pointing towards the waiting room.

I was curious as to who could be my fiancee when I wasn't even engaged.I strolled towards the room adjacent the office.Everything over there appeared white.I couldn't make out if it was the lights or my blurred vision.At one corner of the room there was a guy in white shirt and blue jeans.His back was towards me and he was watching the potraits of our ex principals.

" Who are you? " I asked, trying to look past the white light.

"Sanam! Get up dear! You're already late for fajr." My eyes dimly discerned the white square of the window.I woke up to my find mom standing beside me.

" I've been trying to wake you up from the past five minutes, " she said, keeping my books on the study table.

"Hmm.Actually I fell asleep after tahajjud salah, " I replied, rubbing my eyes.

After the morning prayers, I got back to my revision.But my mind kept wandering to my dream.I pondered and worried myself to discover the meaning behind that dream.I didn't know if I should tell mom about it.

On second thoughts, I resolved to keep the dream to myself.I wish I'd known how to interpret the dream.Maybe I should tell her when the time is ripe.I'm certain that Allah would make this easier if it's meant for me.

I entered the dining room leisurely.Shaila was laying her head against the table.I was expecting her to interview me, to elicit from me some sentiments of approval for the proposal.But she looked too sleepy to talk.

" Assalamualaikum! Why is my sister sleepy this morning? "

"Walaikumsalam! Had to work all night for my new project, " she answered, stifling a yawn.

Mikael joined us in a few minutes.Apparently he'd come back from his morning walk.He was dressed in a grey track suit and smelled of sweat.

" Ewww! You stink.Go take a shower. You can have your breakfast after that, " I said, scrunching my nose in disgust.

" I am hungry sis.Besides you've to bear me for two more days.I will be gone and you'll have no one to discipline."

My strictness was swallowed in a paroxysm of empathy.His words stopped me from the tire some norm of pushing him into the bathroom every time he'd come from his walk.He would be leaving us in two days.I won't be seeing him for the next six months.

"I miss you already! " Urwa piped in,giving a side hug to Mikael.

I would miss him too.But I couldn't tell him straight forward.I was a little less expressive than my sisters.

Having breakfast together as a family was something I would cherish forever.Allah has blessed our home and it's every single member for they were a living example of a happy family. I left home around eight, wishing salaams to my family who bid me good luck.

****

"Salaam habibti! How well did you prepare? " Naila asked.

" Walaikumsalam Naila! Its been fine.But you know there's always some revision left, " I answered,trying to find the page I'd stopped on this morning.

" You look beautiful in this white dress! " She commented, looking through the corner of the huge book she was holding.I didn't realise I was wearing a white dress.

Suddenly realisation hit me like a storm.I couldn't frame a reply to her complement.Those were the same words in my dream.I could only glance from her to me in horrified astonishment.

"You okay?" She asked. I nodded my head at her question.She frowned but got back to her book.

"Let's move.Our exam would start in half an hour," I said, looking at my wrist watch.

- - - -

Writing for three hours tired my hands.Nonetheless I was done with one paper of internal medicine.It was tough but not too difficult to crack.You need to have an idea about all the diseases with their features and management, the rest all could be easily made up.But it should definately make some sense otherwise you would end up being the reason for jokes in the correction room.

I'd picked up my bag outside the exam hall and was waiting for Naila.The pin drop silence in the corridors was replaced with the noise of students.Some were busy discussing the answers and others were bragging about their whole night preparation.

" Let's go to the office, " Naila said, hastening to me.

" What for?" I enquired, walking down the stairs.

" We need to get some notes xeroxed.I've asked Shehriyaar to wait for me near the office," she answered.I knew she would persuade me to come along.Perceiving it vain to ask her further details, I followed behind.

We staggered past hundreds of students and reached the lobby in few minutes.I stopped right near the waiting room.Naila was on her phone to reach Shehriyaar and I tried to scan random faces to find him.

I could barely look past the students who blocked the door of the waiting room but I recognised his blue bag.

" He's in there, " I said, pointing towards the owner of the bag.She caught hold of my hand and walked me to the waiting room.But something in me slowed down my foot steps.My eyes darted off to a guy in white shirt and blue jeans.He was standing right beside Shehriyaar.When I centred my attention on him, and discovered who it was, I froze.Excusing myself for a call, I quitted the room.

I drove straight to home.I needed to tell someone regarding the wierd white dream.It was half past one.Only Mikael would be home, probably packing for his departure.

I hurried to my room and shut myself in.I made wudhu and prayed zhuhr salah.Tears made way to my face as I raised my hands in prayer.

Soft thaw winds blew through the window.

" Sanam? You in here? I'm leaving for salah," Mikael said, knocking on the door.I heard the rattle of the door handle and Mikael entered.

" You alright? " He enquired,worry rising to his face at the sight which met him.

" I've seen him in my dream, " I said.Awkwardly, I uttered my dream to him.Mikael frowned and then he laughed, like a maniac.

" That's a good sign sis!" Exclaimed Mikael.

" Why are you even crying? " he asked,laughing at my state.

" I don't know." My answer was the shortest reply I could frame.

"Is it a yes from you?" He asked, kneeling beside my prayer mat.

I nodded affirmatively, wiping away the tears which wet my entire face.

******

A / N
Assalamualaikum guys!
A surprise update :D
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