The greatest blessings granted to mankind come by way of madness which is a divine gift - Socrates.

Sanam's POV

It was the day I turned twenty.Nonetheless it felt more like any other day for me.My day started off with fajr prayer followed by a nafl prayer to thank Allah for blessing me twenty years of healthy existence.I beseeched Allah to keep me steadfast on my goal of becoming a wonderful muslimah and a successful doctor in the coming years.Life is too short to think that we have many years to become close to Allah,that in our old age we did do good deeds,go for Holy pilgrimages and repent for our mistakes which we have committed life long.You never know when your time's up.

Last month I heard about my high school classmate who had succumbed to a minor typhoid infection. I was devastated by the news.I instantly broke down inconsolably in front of my mom with the phone still in my hand.

She was a very bubbly girl and a beautiful human.I remember vaguely about my first day. I was sitting alone in a cornered bench during the recess and she tried to talk to me.I was my bashful self just introducing myself and looking blankly at her cheery face.When I started getting a little comfortable around her she got transferred to another school and I never met her again.Whatever moments I had spent with her were enough to my heart which felt her as a beautiful soul.I couldn't attend her funeral as I didn't know where she lived.But I prayed for her, a sincere prayer to meet her in Jannah.Mom had consoled me.She said that Allah wished to call her early and that her time was already decreed.

I was in a state of depression for about a week. I would talk less,stayed in my room all day, reading for my exams and praying.My siblings tried to cheer me up many a times but nothing worked on my state of mind.I felt myself drifting back to the same old Sanam sometimes but I got a dream which changed my thoughts. I saw the same girl who passed away a week back enjoying in a garden with white light emanating all round her.Mom said that it was a sign that she is happy and she must be one of those lucky muslim dwelling in the gardens of heaven.Ameen!It calmed me down.She was in a much better place.

**,**

Our NGO started off pretty good.We got atleast one patient a week.On Sundays we were holding a support group for the cancer survivors.Mom got some of her colleagues to counsel the depressed souls.Most of the patients were adolescent boys and  women.The females battling breast cancers and the boys had bone cancers or leukaemias.It needed efforts from many but I was happy to learn that it was able to serve it's actual purpose.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: An-Nahl (16:128)

إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الَّذِينَ اتَّقَوْا وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ مُحْسِنُونَ

Inna Allaha maAAa allatheena ittaqaw waallatheena hum muhsinoona

For Allah is with those who restrain themselves, and those who do good.

*****

A day earlier mom got a new kaftan top and black hijab for me as a birthday present.The dress was turquoise coloured with black flower print.It was a bit girly but I couldn't refuse her.She gave me a special hijab, a black velvety one which was the priced possession of my granny.It was still untouched like it had never been used before.I ran into my shower hanging my clothes on the stand in the dressing room.

University had become a little hectic lately as only few weeks were left for my finals.We didn't had many theory classes so most of my time was spent in library trying to complete this never ending books.My internal assessment were conducted last week and I had quite nailed it. The finale was the only thing on my mind right now.

I had tough competition from Shiraz and Shehriyaar. Both were going out of the way to crack this exams. I would often see them in the reading room with piles of books and determined looks.It didn't scare me cause I was working more and I believe everything is Allah's plan.If he wants he can grant me immense success or he has even better plans you never know what future holds.

I got out of my shower fully dressed and made myself comfortable on the stool opposite my dresser.My vale of thoughts were broken by a knock on my door.

"Sanam, are you sure this is not very plain?" Shaila questioned as I was giving final touches to my new hijab securing it with a butterfly pin.I didn't wear the dress mom got.Instead I donned the black beautiful hijab she gave me last night.

"Ermm..yeah what's wrong with this? If I wear what mom bought for me it was quite possible that everyone would get to know that it's my birthday. You know Iam not fond of receiving birthday wishes," I replied nonchalantly.

She gave me a can't-help-you look and placed a red box on my dresser with a card and left.I opened it to reveal a silver chain with an 'S' locket.My sister knew that I always liked the idea of buying something with your name initial on it.It was beautiful indeed.I wore it around my neck lifting my hijab carefully trying not to let any hair out.

As I was appreciating my sisters gift my eyes landed on the huge card which was lying on my dresser.There was a picture of two girls sitting on a bench in a garden on the front page. I slowly opened it unable to contain my patience.

To Sanam, with love...

Assalamualaikum sis!

I know you don't like celebrating birthdays and making it a big occasion but this is just to let you know how much I love you.You keep thinking always that you are not good enough,I feel you have a kind of inferiority complex.I reject the former completely.What I see is you are nothing but perfect. You have been a daughter every mother would ever wish of .You have always been a caring sister even though you act like a strict school teacher with us around.You feel you are not beautiful but you know what , you are absolutely gorgeous. Those who can't see your beauty, your face beaming with noor are practically blind.Mom loves you more than us for you have never given her a reason not to.

This letter is meant to thank you for everything. For being my best friend , for being a loving sister, for fulfilling mom's wishes, for helping me realising my dreams for everything I can't think of at this moment.You are a role model not just for me but for all girls out there who thinks its useless to dream big .We love you unconditionally Sanam just as you love us.I pray that you have a wonderful life ahead filled with happiness and lots of Allah's blessings.

Your's lovingly,

Shaila Akram.

I was literally crying by the time I read the card.I just placed it carelessly on my bed and ran as fast as my legs could carry me.

"Be careful Sanam, you can trip on the stairs!" mom warned as I was running lifting the hem of my skirt. I must have appeared like a bride running away from the alter.

Shaila was in the kitchen making some delicious pasta my taste buds couldn't resist. I hugged her in a bone crushing manner which made her shudder.

"Thank you so much Shail, you have no idea what I felt. Alhamdulillah Iam a blessed person to have a mother who lives for us and a sister who makes life livable for me," I replied wiping away the tears which were blurring my vision.

"This looks like a perfect movie scene just that something is missing!" Urwa came crashing towards us enveloping us in a group hug.

"Mashallah! What a moment, if I had the power I would stop the world at this point wanting you all to be happy just like you are today, " mom stated wiping her glasses which had become misty due to her tears which I feel are tears of happiness.

Breakfast was yummy thanks to my sister's cooking skills.The guy who marries her would be one lucky fellow.I volunteered to make some coffee for them which implied I was in a real good mood.Pouring it into three cups I placed them in the silver tray on the counter and carried it into the dining area.

"Tadaaa! I got some coffee for my lovely family," I chanted merrily.Shaila lifted her white mug off the tray and sipped it.

"Ya Allah! Sanam I seriously pity the person who marries you; the coffee is awfully bitter!" Shaila revealed keeping the mug back on its original place. I tasted it but it seemed fine.

I gave her a death glare which made her run with a naughty smile on her face and I ran after all round the diner .I had to follow her towards our garden where she strode like a cheetah.There was an old swing set in the garden where I used to play.As I searched around for her I saw a nostalgic Shaila sitting on that wooden plank which had become weaker over the years.

"I miss dad immensely sis,mom told me that he used to play with us in this garden and he made this swing set for you and me.I hardly remember his face let alone any time spent with him.Had he been alive with us this moment our family would be complete," she interrupted her words with a breakdown.

I hugged her bringing her sobbing face close to my chest.

"Don't cry Shaila! Dad would never like us to be sad.He loved us and would always be in our hearts.Keep praying cause it's only Allah who hears what is unspoken and understands what is unexplained for his love doesn't work in the lips or in the mind but in the heart!" I consoled my sister for the first time in my twenty years of existence.She wiped her tears and kissed my cheeks with a thank you.

I thought of bunking university today but my forensic professor was going to take us to a mortuary for demonstrating autopsy of humans.

"Assalamualaikum mom! I will be back by lunch time till then take care," I bid aduea to my family.

*****
I stopped by at the orphanage to gift a few chocolates to my lovely kids.No one can return what they lost but if my actions bring them even for a measured time something called joy I believe it's not nothing.

Thats what makes me happy.. looking at their little faces with a spreading smile just like the sunshine which drives away darkness.Today the caretaker was not to be seen and a familiar car was parked in the small play area.As I was busy catching up with my little friends a bell interrupted me.The kids stood up with the girls gathering hijabs and guys covering their heads with caps.I didn't get what they were doing as it wasn't the time for prayer then.

"Where are you all heading, kids?" I enquired.

"We are going to learn Quran; our new teacher comes every Friday to teach us how to read Quran," Maayer answered adjusting his cap.

Curiosity got the better of me and I followed all the kids into their small classrooms.To say that I was surprised would be an understatement I was something more than that.My brother Mikael was sitting aside Shiraz and discussing quran.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: An-Najm (53:31)

وَلِلَّهِ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ لِيَجْزِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسَاءُوا بِمَا عَمِلُوا وَيَجْزِيَ الَّذِينَ أَحْسَنُوا بِالْحُسْنَى

Walillahi ma fee alssamawati wama fee alardi liyajziya allatheena asaoo bima AAamiloo wayajziya allatheena ahsanoo bialhusna

Yea, to Allah belongs all that is in the heavens and on earth: so that He rewards those who do evil, according to their deeds, and He rewards those who do good, with what is best.

As if they sensed someone else in the room both looked up simultaneously.

"Assalamualaikum sis! What are you doing here? " Asked a surprised Mikael. He never knew that I come here once in a while to spend time with this special kids.

Before I could answer someone else broke the silence.

"Well you don't know many things about her bro.This isn't the first time she is here," Shiraz replied.He was taunting me indirectly.

" Really? I know she is a always mystery dude," Mikael spoke on a lighter note.I excused myself not feeling like answering in the presence of a guy I still hate in some corner of my mind.Even though he had undergone a major transformation,he still liked to pull my leg cause I was a hard girl to crack.I told myself that I can explain Mikael once Iam home.

******

I drove straight to the university from the orphanage.

"Salaam habibti! Many many happy returns of the day!" Naila wished embracing me for a whole minute which seemed like hours.

"Shshhh!Please girl don't utter a word in front of our classmates; I don't like celebrating birthdays and making it a big deal," I requested Naila who busy seaching her bag.She got a gift for me which I had to open in her presence. It was a delicate bracelet with friends inscripted on it beautifully.

"Thank you so much for this, for being there always.Thank you so much for tolerating my crazy behaviour.You are my first and my last friend cause I don't feel any one can understand me as much as you, " I replied curving my lips into a heartfelt smile.She returned my smile with another bear hug.We headed towards the library to study as our first hour was free.

At about ten our forensic professor arrived.He briefed us a little about postmortem and it's brutal procedure.I wasn't scared of witnessing an autopsy but standing amidst many corpses did knock the day lights off me.Naila kept squeezing my hand at every step which comforted me to some extent.I made a million prayers the moment it ended. Seriously it's the worst human activity you would ever witness in your whole life.This one was just on my birthday...what a gift from my medical school!

****

As promised I returned home at lunch time.Our home looked a lot decked up today as in the curtains looked new and the square cushions were layed perfectly on the couch.The big chandelier in the centre was switched on which meant this was some grand ocassion.

"Assalamualaikum! Iam back," I chanted as there was pin drop silence everywhere.

"Walaikumsalam Sanam!Get dressed in your new one; we have got guests for lunch," mom instructed in her professor like tone.

"Who are our guests and why?" I questioned landing myself on the couch.

"Ohh..they? You already know them dear, our old neighbours-the khan family! "Mom replied casually.I remember they were our neighbours when I first started school.

I never got along with her daughter who was in my every class until high school.She used to bully me with her gang of slutty friends.I had even pulled her hair when we had a full fledged fight in our early teens.Her brother was two years older to us but he went to a different school.Their mother, Mrs.Alveena khan always disliked me.She would speak rudely spatting at me that I was nothing but a mere orphans who lived with her poor mother.I never told mom about it as it would hurt her a lot.

At present I didn't feel like welcoming them so I trodded towards my room.I prayed Dhuhr salah and got back to my business of studying for my fast approaching exams.

"Sanam!Mom is calling you to meet our guests," Urwa stated standing at the doorway.

"First I wanna know why the heck are they here?" I asked folding my hands on my bosom.

"You don't know? Well they are here with a proposal of marrying their son off to you," Urwa revealed shocking me to the core.

I got what was actually happening. Mom knew I would never agree to the idea of a proposal so she didn't bother to ask me in the first place.

"You carry on I will be there in a few minutes, " I dismissed my sister.

I could feel anger and disappointment welling up inside me.Marriage was certainly not a thing I had a room for at this moment.I know at some point every one has to commit to another human but I never thought it would be so soon for me.

I always had mixed feelings about marriage.A part of me, probably the womanly one wanted someone who would be with her through thick and thin, who would me love unconditionally beyond my faults and insuffiencies.

Another part the actual me,always wished to be with my family.There is a Sanam who had vowed that I would never leave my mom.Life's mission is not just to get married and go through the traumatic cycle of birth,death, decay and sorrow.

I know it's never luck or faith it is always Allah's perfect plan.I should leave everything upto him.I don't know whether Mrs.Alveena khan is the same rich,greedy lady who despised me.My subconscious mind was telling me that she wanted me to marry her son just because we were a little well of.She must have acted all goody good in front of my mom and persuaded her.

I got dressed in a grey maxi and wrapped a plain back hijab.I scrubbed my face and washed away any sign of the facial compact which Urwa tried to smear on my face.I wore my white converse to make the worst possible combination.I knew our guests craved modernity yet I banged on with an archiac message.This would embarrass mom a little but it would save me from a disaster in my life.

With a last look in the mirror and an evil smirk on my face which looked plainer than ever I walked out of my room towards the living room where I could hear loud noises.On my way I stopped at the kitchen to carry some juice glasses as it would create a good impression on mom.

I walked into the room as carelessly as possible.They were around three women two of which were familiar to me.Mrs.Alveena khan was dressed in a florescent pink top with black trousers and her hijab hardly covered her hair .Right next to her was a women who looked exactly like her but few years younger.

Afsheen, her daughter was on her right. She didn't change a bit, her modernisation transgressed with age.She was dressed in a short white blouse and blue jeggings which clunged to her slim body.Neither was she dressed modestly nor did she bother to cover her hair which camouflaged her grey eyes.There was no way I would get married in such a muslim family who never practices what Islam preaches.

When mom noticed my attire she had a horrific expression on her face and she gave me a death glare . Seriously if looks could kill I would be dead by now.I wished all the women and took the tray forward in a frenzied manner towards Mrs.Alveena.She tried to plaster her face with a fake smile though I could feel she wasn't pleased the least with me.

There was no doubt that I was a ridiculously clumsy girl.Fortunately or unfortunately, it wasn't hidden from our esteemed guests as I had accidentally spilled the juice on an already disgusted lady.She got up immediately cursing me and walked out of our frontdoor towards the exit.Her daughter and sister followed her.I could hear mom apologizing on my behalf but they didn't budge.

"What do you think you were doing Sanam?"Mom questioned angrily.

"I have never taught you to be so unwelcoming and cold," mom snapped,anger still on her face.Before I could even think of an extremely strong reason for my ancient dressing and my utterly clumsy activity she stormed out of the living room.

Rest of the day she was locked in her room.She didnt talk to anyone and refused to come for dinner too.I realized I was wrong in my approach. I should have explained her convincingly that I wasn't interested in marriage in the near future.

I cried a lot after praying Ishah salah.In some way my madness hurt mom a lot.Never in my dreams I could ever think of being the reason for her sorrow.I started reciting surah Al-inshirah which calmed me.

Bismillah hir rahman nir raheem.

Surah Al-Inshirah

أَلَمْ نَشْرَحْ لَكَ صَدْرَكَ

Have We not expanded for you your breast

وَوَضَعْنَا عَنكَ وِزْرَكَ

And taken off from you your burden,

الَّذِي أَنقَضَ ظَهْرَكَ

Which pressed heavily upon your back,

وَرَفَعْنَا لَكَ ذِكْرَكَ

And exalted for you your esteem?

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Surely with difficulty is ease.

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

With difficulty is surely ease.

فَإِذَا فَرَغْتَ فَانصَبْ

So when you are free, nominate.

وَإِلَىٰ رَبِّكَ فَارْغَب

And make your Lord your exclusive object.

After completing my recitation, I mustered the courage to confront mom.I tiptoed into her room where she was reading Quran.I slowly sat beside her on the prayer mat.She noticed me shortly and after completing a juz she got up to place the Quran in her reading rack carefully.

" Iam sorry mom! I know I had disappointed you.I never wanted you to get embarrassed or insulted.I don't like that family and I couldn't think of any better plan to drive them away.I promise to abide by your every decision just forgive me this time," I apologized with glassy eyes.

My words hit her on the right place in her huge heart and she enveloped me in one of her warmest hugs.She was being quintessentially desi today.

"Iam forgiving you cause this is the first and the last time you are attempting this folly.I was disappointed thinking there was a fault in my upbringing.I never taught you to be rude to anyone let alone the guests at our home.You know what a mother wishes once her daughters are of right age, she wants you to get married to complete half of your deen,"mom replied caressing my cheeks.

"Yeah mom! I totally get it," I replied nonchalantly. She would get me married sooner or later. Ya Allah! help me....

**********

A / N

Assalamualaikum my lovely readers. This chapter is dedicated to every single person who read and voted for my story.I love you so much guys!

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