"If you believe in justice, surely you believe in the hereafter. Because this world is not just"- Nouman Ali Khan.

SANAM'S POV

I have realised that life can never be perfect. I don't deny that there are days when you fall in love with the way your life is going, you feel everything at once but there are days when you loathe it ,when you feel nothing at all.There are moments that you realise that you are not living upto anyone's expectations neither your own family nor your creator.Our heart is a confusing, altering thing.Nothing lasts forever.No bliss lasts forever nor pain does.We fall prey to the whims of this pseudo world at some point in our lives.Perhaps we fall short of faith or we may not be praying for a better hereafter.Yet we want everything best for us in this temporary world.

Allah has sent us in this world for a greater exam and we tend to forget about it and prepare ourselves for this wordly exams which doesn't hold any value in the hereafter.The term forever only implies to the hereafter, the eternal Jannah where we will live forever inshalllah.

We humans are much evolved creatures but we still have those greedy desires in our hearts which destroy the very purpose of existence. Allah has created a beautiful Jannah, a place which eyes can never describe, a place where you get everything just by wishing .We keep forgetting our actual life after death while we are busy digging for worldly treasures.

My second year of medical school had brought light to a sensitive topic in our lives- pain.Being posted in general surgery department, I was exposed to a gazillion diseases that I thought never existed. We do read about complicated disorders and syndromes but looking at them for real is a soul stirring experience.

One of the perks of being a medico is you can talk to the patient, learn from him but you don't need to worry about their treatment; your professors and seniors would be there to guide you at every stage but I did feel helpless many a times thinking I could do nothing more than counselling the subject.

If I had a wish, I would ask Allah to grant me a magic wand or some magic drink like Lucy from the chronicles of Narnia had. Something which would cure all the sufferers in a single wave.It sounded childish but I lived in a world of dreams.Being human you cannot be insensitive to a fellow human suffering.

It was the last week of my surgery posting.That day I had met an old man about sixty years who had come there with a complaint of multiple swellings on his body.We were asked to examine him.While my colleagues were busy learning about a new disease I started a random conversation with the patient.Witnessing so many students examining him added to his worry.Our professor explained us that he was suffering from leiyomyosarcoma, a rare form of skin cancer.

His daughter who accompanied him didn't wanted him to learn about his illness. It was heartbreaking.The very word cancer is synonymous with a death sentence.The moment you know someone is afflicted with cancer you pity him cause he is nothing but terminal.We forget that no one can anticipate their term nor delay it except Allah.

I was there in the examination room with five other students who were posted in this unit. Shiraz and Shehriyaar were next to my registration number thanks to the alphabet 'S'.Why did you name me with an S ,mom?

Both the guys were busy reading about the disease and didn't interfere in my interaction with the patient.After our conversation on the results night he had stopped bothering me.I sometimes missed having someone to compete and fight with but the newer Shiraz was much better. I don't like him or anything it was just that he becoming a practicing muslim decreased my hatred towards him.For a change he stopped hanging around with Yumna and flirting with the other girls of the university.

Two other girls,Simran and Selena were busy discussing about latest fashion trends indifferent to their surroundings.There was no room for all these talks in my mind.I take pride in telling that I don't care much about fashion and what is cool.

Amid all this scene,our patient,the old man started weeping at his pathetic state.I tried comforting him by asking him to have faith in Allah, nothing in this world is incurable if Allah wills.I made a mental note to pray for him.The power of dua and Allah's might are infinite.

Seeing his miserable state brought me into tears.I didn't tell him about his cancer because his family didn't wanted him to fall into depression.I know that cancer does a lot of collateral damage to the family of the sufferer.

I sneaked into an adjacent cabin and wiped my tears away.He was referred to an oncologist in the cancer institute for chemotherapy. It brought back some utterly poignant memories about my uncle.

However the situation might be,we werent supposed to be weak in front of the patients.People think that doctors are the most unemotional creatures.No they are utterly wrong. We have got emotions, we cry.We try to paint the rosiest possible picture so that the thorns are hidden. Doctors know beforehand the outcome of a case but they keep it to themselves. They break down when they fail in an attempt to save a life.

In a situation so emotional,quran was my guide.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Al-Baqara (2:274)

الَّذِينَ يُنْفِقُونَ أَمْوَالَهُمْ بِاللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ سِرًّا وَعَلَانِيَةً فَلَهُمْ أَجْرُهُمْ عِنْدَ رَبِّهِمْ وَلَا خَوْفٌ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلَا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ

Allatheena yunfiqoona amwalahum biallayli waalnnahari sirran waAAalaniyatan falahum ajruhum AAinda rabbihim wala khawfun AAalayhim wala hum yahzanoona

Those who (in charity) spend of their goods by night and by day, in secret and in public, have their reward with their Lord: on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

That day I decided that I would do something to make a difference to this people whom I call fighters.Cancer patients are like fighters, in a fierce battle with their own bodies.They are not concious of being born, they die in pain and forget to live. I prayed to Allah to help me in fulfilling my wish.

When I told mom about it, she suggested that we start an NGO or a support group for the cancer survivors.I liked the idea and with the help of Doctor Ahmer we made a team for the NGO.Mikael was very happy to hear about it.He offered money from his sources too. I suggested that we name the NGO after my late uncle who had lost his life to this deadly disease.It was a sensible idea actually so everyone agreed.

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A month later,today we were to inaugurate our NGO.It was located in a commercial building which belonged to my dad.He wanted to use it for a noble cause and what was better than an autonomous organisation which would help the cancer survivors financially by donating free medicines for the chemotherapy, aid for the disabled persons and help them gain back their lost hopes by encouraging them to fight till the end.A deed which would help us in getting more nearer to Allah.A goal which quran advocates.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Aal-i-Imraan (3:14)

زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنْطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالْأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ۗ ذَٰلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا ۖ وَاللَّهُ عِنْدَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ

Zuyyina lilnnasi hubbu alshshahawati mina alnnisai waalbaneena waalqanateeri almuqantarati mina alththahabi waalfiddati waalkhayli almusawwamati waalanAAami waalharthi thalika mataAAu alhayati alddunya waAllahu AAindahu husnu almaabi

Fair in the eyes of men is the love of things they covet: Women and sons; Heaped-up hoards of gold and silver; horses branded (for blood and excellence); and (wealth of) cattle and well-tilled land. Such are the possessions of this world's life; but in nearness to Allah is the best of the goals (To return to).

"Sanam, are you ready? " Mom called out from the living room.

"Yeah mom, I never take time to get ready ; check on Shaila and Urwa they are the ones who always make us wait," I whined.

Mikael was there beforetime to make arrangements to welcome a few doctors from our city.Most of them had been invited by Doctor Ahmer.He was of the opinion that if we advertise about our organisation more doctors would send the needy here.I had invited a few of my other professors too.

"We are ready sis, lets get going, " Shaila cited pinning her hijab.I was going to drive them to the NGO.It was the first time they would experience my driving. I wasn't a bad driver but they never trusted me.They would always hitch rides with Mikael to their school.

"Say bismillah Sanam and drive carefully, " mom instructed wearing her seat belt.

I wore my gloves over the sleeves of my butterfly abaya and started the engine.Urwa and Shaila were apprehensive thinking I was a rash driver.

"Don't worry my dear sisters, you are going to reach our destination with an unscarred body," I cited rhetorically.

"We don't trust you in this matter sis, Iam going to recite Aayat-al-kursi till we reach," Urwa stated protruding her tongue out at me childishly.

Our one storey building was about five kilometres away from home.Throughout the ride my mind kept drifting to the old man I met last month in the hospital. Is he still alive? Did he get to know of his illness?

I don't know how much more time is left for me to return to my creator. Iam not afraid of death.Every body shall turn into dust someday. If there is light then there is darkness; if life then death. I want to die knowing that I had done some good in this worthless life of mine.I want to die knowing that I had passed in the test which Allah had given me and I shall fare well in the hereafter.I kept contemplating beginnings and endings.

"Sanam, why are you still in? We are here already," mom's voice broke me out of my trance.

We reached the place in half and hour due to the traffic mayhem. Guests were expected around 5pm which meant we only had an hour to make sure everything was fine.

"Assalamualaikum Sanam! How are you doing? " Doctor Ahmer asked handing me a bouquet of roses. Flowers quite scared me thanks to the terrible experience I had last time with them.I passed them onto Shaila who loved red roses.

"Walaikumsalam Doctor, Jazakallah khair for your support ," I replied with gratitude.

"I was just a mediator Sanam, the real help comes from God; your noble idea demanded my conscience to help you," he replied cracking his crooked smile.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Maryam (19:76)

وَيَزِيدُ اللَّهُ الَّذِينَ اهْتَدَوْا هُدًى ۗ وَالْبَاقِيَاتُ الصَّالِحَاتُ خَيْرٌ عِنْدَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًا وَخَيْرٌ مَرَدًّا

Wayazeedu Allahu allatheena ihtadaw hudan waalbaqiyatu alssalihatu khayrun AAinda rabbika thawaban wakhayrun maraddan

"And Allah doth advance in guidance those who seek guidance: and the things that endure, Good Deeds, are best in the sight of thy Lord, as rewards, and best in respect of (their) eventual return."

A million alhamdulillahs escaped my throat when I heard this quote from him.Dr.Ahmer even sent a notice about our NGO to the cancer institute where my uncle breathed his last.All the needy cancer survivors would be informed of our organisation. I decided to come here every Friday evening along with mom, a psychology professor and provide an inspiring session for all the fighters.

It was about five when guests started pouring in.The first one to arrive was Mrs.Uzma Haroon, Shiraz's grandmother with another lady of my mom's age.

"Assalamualaikum Huma! How are you dear?" granny asked,hugging mom.

"Walaikumsalam Aunt Uzma! Iam good alhamdulillah," mom replied with a sunny smile.I wished her next which she reciprocated with a bone crushing hug.

"Meet my daughter-in-law Heena," granny introduced the strange lady beside her.Mom gave her a salaam followed by a hug and I wished her too.

"You know what dear? Heena runs an NGO too;Her NGO is for women welfare," granny cited proudly.

"Mashallah, that's a good cause sister, " mom praised.

Shiraz's mom was a little modern.She was dressed in a long tunic top with ankle length pencil pants.She tied a scarf loosely around her neck.Her red hair were tied in a bun.She had grey eyes,pointed nose and a beautiful face.No wonder where Shiraz got his looks from.I have always been taught not to jump at conclusions looking at people's attire; she may be a better human than me.

Mrs.Heena was easily engrossed in a deep conversation with mom which implied she wasn't new to social gatherings.I was very bad at starting conversations so I excused myself on grounds of checking out the snacks which would be served to the guests.Shaila and Urwa were engaged in welcoming guests.

I sat in one corner and rummaged through my handbag to find the Quran which I bought yesterday to keep here.It had a green velvet cover and smelled of perfume (atar).Mom told me the other day that whenever you start a new thing or buy a new house you should recite Surah Al-Baqara abundantly.It is known to protect a place from evil. The verses were so meaningful.

Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 21:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اعْبُدُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

O men! serve your Lord Who created you and those before you so that you may guard (against evil).

Verse 22:

الَّذِي جَعَلَ لَكُمُ الْأَرْضَ فِرَاشًا وَالسَّمَاءَ بِنَاءً وَأَنزَلَ مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مَاءً فَأَخْرَجَ بِهِ مِنَ الثَّمَرَاتِ رِزْقًا لَّكُمْ فَلَا تَجْعَلُوا لِلَّهِ أَندَادًا وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ

Who made the earth a resting place for you and the heaven a canopy and (Who) sends down rain from the cloud, then brings forth with it subsistence for you of the fruits; therefore do not set up rivals to Allah while you know.

Every Surah has got its own merits subhanallah and this one eschews evil!

"Sanam, Doctor Ahmer is calling you; he wants you to meet someone," Mikael spoke as I closed the Quran in my hand.

I walked out of the room I was caving in.All the men were in a separate hall as we didn't prefer mixed gathering though being covered from head to toe.

"Sanam,meet Dr.Yasser Abdullah- the famous oncologist.He owns a chain of hospitals, " Dr.Ahmer introduced a man to me.I was still working in his health centre but he had never met me nor did I happen to see him anytime.

"Assalamualaikum Dr.Yasser! Thank you so much for giving this place your precious time," I greeted.

"Walaikumsalam Sanam, It's a pleasure meeting you! My dear friend Dr.Ahmer never tires of praising you.I thought I should meet you in person, " Dr.Yasser replied smiling at his acquaintance.

Dr.Ahmer even told him about me working in one of his health centre . Apparently he was quite impressed with me.I told him to send his patients once a week to this organisation where mom will counsel them.Maybe a little encouragement, a little hope is all they need right now.

"See u soon dear! It was nice meeting you in person; May Allah provide you with the best in this world," Dr.Yasser blessed me.

He was no doubt a strong human,dealing with most toughest patients-the cancer survivors.You need to exercise a lot of patience and will power to deal with persons who are battling for their lives every minute.

Today I even happened to meet Dr.Ahmer's wife who had come a while later.She was an ophthalmologist but she didn't teach in my medical school.She looked friendly and as jolly as her husband.

"Assalamualaikum Sanam, Iam Dr.Zoya ; I was dying to meet you!" My professor's spouse chanted excitedly.

Her down to earth nature made me open up to her.We spoke on a length about our profession and my future choice for post graduation.I didn't think much about it but given a choice I would become a pediatrician cause I loved kids.I must say that conversation with her really boosted my confidence.

Mom kept glancing at me smiling intermittently from a distance. I quite loved it because whenever I looked at her with a smile on my face, she broke into a smile back at me not because she knew why I was smiling but because I was happy and that was enough to make her happy.

Maghrib salah was lead by Mikael while all the ladies prayed in a separate room.After our salah,granny stated a hadeeth :

Our prophet (Salallahu alaihi wassallam) said - 'Make things easy for people and not difficult. Give people good news and bring them joy, do not turn them away!'

SubhanAllah,the teachings from quran and hadeeth left me speechless always.

Most of our guests left the place after the prayers.Mom was in an animated coversation with granny.I just stood beside her not knowing what else to do.

"Sanam, are you always like this? As in shy and composed?" granny questioned me.

"Hmmm yeah..granny Iam not good at making new acquaintance, " I confessed nervously biting my cheeks.

"Huma, your daughter is one of a kind," granny stated grinning at my mom.Both exchanged smiles at my bemused face.

Granny was taking leave so I accompanied her to the parking lot.Her daughter in law had already left an hour ago as she had to attend another function leaving granny to herself.The parking space was now empty only a single car existed other than our rides.I caught granny's hand who was now limping due to her old age and strode towards her car.

I didn't notice the person who was sitting in the driver's seat and opened the door to help granny. Someone cleared his throat which garnered my attention. I twisted my neck to see an amused Shiraz.He was dressed in casuals and looked he had been waiting.For a nano second our eyes met and we both rolled our eyes away as if we didn't exist in that place in that very moment face to face.I tend to forget that he was Mikael's friend always wondering why he comes uninvited to my place.

"Allah hafiz, granny.Take care and do remember me in your prayers, " I requested bidding her goodbye.

It was a tiring day and what exhausted me more was meeting new people.We reached home around dinner time.As we felt too lazy to
cook,Mikael ordered pizzas for us.We did make cheese pizza at home sometimes but this was the first time we had pizzas from a renowned pizza store.Cheese burst pizza was the yummiest pizza I ever had in years.

I prayed a nafl salah today.It was time to thank Allah (swt) for making my life a beautiful one!

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A / N

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Have a blessed Friday everyone and do remember me in your prayers :)