"Life is in seeking and in finding. Life is in redemption. Each moment is a new birth. A new chance to come back and get it right. A new chance to make it better!" - Yasmin Mogahed.

Sanam's POV

Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar!

I woke up to the Fajr azaan,undoubtedly the most beautiful voice in the morning.

I am not much of a person who need an alarm to answer the call to prayer. I feel I have an innate alarm that pushes me out of bed at Fajr. Walking into the bathroom,I carefully performed ablution and made salah.I usually finished my daily ritual  following it up with a long conversation with Allah about my problems.It has proved to be a stress buster always.

As I stood by my window to witness the scene outside an undescribable view wished me good morning.

Witnessing the dawn has always been one of the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt.The birds chirping, the trees rustling, the sweet breeze, and the silent surroundings.It was always a moment that made me forget all the worries and struggles.It was like a ray of hope.The only moment I feel LIFE can be BEAUTIFUL!

Immersed in the beauty of nature and phylosophy of life I walk into the adjacent room.The night bulb lites the dim room and I see two petite figures in a deep slumber.Switching off the fans and patting them lightly,I try waking my younger sisters, Shaila and Urwa.They shared a room in our three bedrooms flat.Like all siblings they fought over petty stuff sometimes but it's nothing more than an adorable pillow fight.

"Assalam alaikum my little birdies! Get yourselves out of the bed, its fajr time!" I whispered, taking their rosy duvets out of their tiny bodies.

They're quite grumpy in the morning but once they hear me in they wake up in minutes.Perhaps I was a little intimidating and maybe coz I hated lazy heads.I loved them beyond words but I was hard on them when it comes to school and work.My intention behind was to make my sisters more disciplined in life.

Hearing the sweet voice of my mom reciting Quran,I walked into her room.The white washed wall with soft petal wallpapers gave a different aura to her room.And the light that always shone around her made it appear much more peaceful.I sat myself beside her listening to her recitation which had the power to calm my soul and wash away every bad feeling. I loved placing my head in her lap like I used to when I was a small girl. Each night I wouldn't fall asleep until I lay my head on her lap and she sang a lullaby caressing my cheeks .It was and would always be a heart melting feeling for me. Mom caresses my hair with her smooth hands and scooted towards me blowing air on my face when she completed her recitation.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Al-Jaathiya (45:5)

وَاخْتِلَافِ اللَّيْلِ وَالنَّهَارِ وَمَا أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مِنْ رِزْقٍ فَأَحْيَا بِهِ الْأَرْضَ بَعْدَ مَوْتِهَا وَتَصْرِيفِ الرِّيَاحِ آيَاتٌ لِقَوْمٍ يَعْقِلُونَ

Waikhtilafi allayli waalnnahari wama anzala Allahu mina alssamai min rizqin faahya bihi alarda baAAda mawtiha watasreefi alrriyahi ayatun liqawmin yaAAqiloona

And in the alternation of Night and Day, and the fact that Allah sends down Sustenance from the sky, and revives therewith the earth after its death, and in the change of the winds,- are Signs for those that are wise.

"Assalam alaikum Sanam, a very good morning!" She greeted, kissing my forehead.
"Walaikum assalam mom, morning to you too!" I wished her back, folding the prayer rug simultaneously.

Mom's kindness and soft nature reflected on her face. She had a heart that never hardens and a temper that never tires. She's always grateful to Allah and never complains despite how hard life has been for her. I have seen her crying behind closed doors and I knew quite well that she often missed my dad yet it never shows on her face.Perhaps she doesn't want us to become emotionally labile. With each passing day I had developed a deeper appreciation of the word - Mother. She did not for a moment waiver in her courage. Her perseverance was probably the best quality which I inherited from her.

As she starts her daily routine after praying,our little place called home is lit up with God's blessings. If ever in my life I get to write about anything, It would be about my mom and her ideologies. She is an epitome of beauty- fair skinned, pointed nose, sparkling eyes. Her face shone like a full moon due to the Noor (light) of Allah.Her soft speech and subtle behaviour could melt stones.MashaAllah..she was a living example of a pious woman.

Mom teaches psychology in a university and is actually a stubborn optimist. She tries to find good in every bad.Sometimes I wished I was like her but truth be told I was quite opposite.

Developed a callous demeanour,being a grave type of person I have a kind of resentment towards men.I have hard time trusting them.Over the years I have been struggling to find inner peace and establish a close relationship with Allah.I believe no one can ever be happy in this life.

As a 19 year old grumpy teenager I loved my family and my little world.I always felt like home is the best place to be.Mine was a gift to my mother from my grandparents.It's not very big but it's kind of enough for us.

I was blessed with two naughty sisters who would always lit up the atmosphere at home.Shaila was 17yrs old and doing her PUC (pre university college).Urwa being 15 went to a high school which was only few miles away from home.

Quite recently,I had completed my preuniversity colleging in biology and physical sciences and applied to many medical schools having cracked the competitive entrance test.I wished to fulfil my dream of becoming a doctor.And I got selected in one of the best medical school in the city. I strongly believe that in our lives we shouldn't sit back and take what comes; we should go after what we want.With a million lessons from life,I head forward to getting myself ready.

I took a warm shower and after drying my long black hair I stood in front of my cupboard contemplating what to wear. After rummaging through it I chose a blue long tunic top with white leggings and complimented them with a white Hijab.I was not very fond of dressing up because I strongly felt that we wear clothes to cover ourselves and not displaying the latest trend and what's hot.

I am not much of a girly gal. I think I am more on the boyish spectrum of girls. I don't care much about my looks,I dress carelessly and I am a little clumsy too.

Mom is always worried about my uneasiness with looking good. My only accessory was my watch that too because it's absolutely essential. Makeup for me was a nude lip balm. I never used anything else to enhance my small blackish hazel eyes and roughly fair complexion.

I wished I had a long nose like my mom and big eyes like my dad but mom says beauty isn't on your face, it emanates from your soul. You need a beautiful heart to look beautiful!

As I took a last look at my attire,Shaila passed by my room and stared at my dress.Perhaps it was too plain for the first day to a university where so many excited youngsters would leave no stone unturned to look their best.But she leaves without confronting me knowing that I wouldn't budge, the stubborn gal I was. You really need to remember to worry less about what other people think of you. We are not living in this world to please everyone we are to please our creator. This is what my Islamic school teacher had taught me.

"Sanam, come fast honey! You're getting late on your very first day!" Mom calls out. She is a very punctual professor and has incorporated punctuality in all of us.

We sat together on the dining table.A usual breakfast for us,mom serves scrambled eggs with cheese and honey toast pouring a glass of orange juice for all
.We eat in silence after saying 'Bismillah wa'ala Barakatillah'. Mom never lets us leave without breakfast.She was very strict when it comes to eating habits.A reason for my ridiculously chubby face.

Letting my thoughts wander to my dad, I remembered the awful memory of his death.He passed away in a road accident when I was hardly 4 year old. I barely have any memories of him.It was like life had been an unfathomable injustice for me. I missed him a lot and always wondered how it was to have someone called father,the one who loves you to bits and pieces,who provides protection to you.

My mom being a strong woman has raised all of us with a lot of hard work. She refused to take any major help from friends or relatives. Mom believes that today's impossibilities are tomorrow's miracle. Her purpose of living and our lives were terribly entangled. She has tried with all her might to fill my dad's place but deep down a void still exists.

After breakfast I rushed back to my room to get my bag which was lying on the study table. A day earlier I had legibly arranged all the notebooks and the stationary that would be needed for the first day.

"Salaam mom and you two little butterflies I need to rush, I am getting late!" I gushed zipping my bag.

"Good luck for your first day sis!" Called out Shaila and Urwa in unison. I was at the door when mom stopped me. She recited a Dua and blew on my face.

"Dear daughter, all the best for your first day in university.I know you have worked hard to get an admission in this prestigious university with a scholarship. You shouldnt just be average, you have to make your mark here by determination and extravagant efforts.Keep faith in Allah; He is always with you and try to ignore all the negative people around you!" Mom advised, kissing my forehead.

Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Maryam (19:96)

إِنَّ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَعَمِلُوا الصَّالِحَاتِ سَيَجْعَلُ لَهُمُ الرَّحْمَٰنُ وُدًّا

Inna allatheena amanoo waAAamiloo alssalihati sayajAAalu lahumu alrrahmanu wuddan

On those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, will (Allah) Most Gracious bestow love.

With those few words she handed me my lunch box and left me at the front door.Gearing up for what was to come I breathed out a sigh.

"Fee amanillah mom!" I mumbled.

Here I come medical school!

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