Sometime around eight o'clock, Namjoon and I decided to end our conversation in order to recover from our all-nighters. I return to the guest bedroom, yearning to sleep, but feel nervous about falling asleep in an unfamiliar place.

I close the curtains to block out the rising sun and search through my backpack for some comfortable pajamas. I decide on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt so I can leave the room if needed without feeling horribly embarrassed in front of the boys. I don't know how they'd react to my blue owl pajamas.

I slip under the thick, cool covers and rest my head on the cloud-like pillow. I toss and turn in the soft bed and end up forcing my eyes shut.

My mind is wide-awake despite the exhaustion I feel.

What am I going to do about Kyu? Where am I going to stay after tomorrow? If only I could go home to Busan...

To make matters worse, lockdown begins tomorrow meaning nobody is allowed outside. Everything will be closed to the public, aside from essential stores like grocery stores and certain restaurants still allowed to operate.

I couldn't ask these men to give me a ride to Busan during the lockdown. But that might be my only option since Kyu is no longer...

Just thinking about Kyu makes my heart ache. He cheated on me. He lied to me. He hurt me in so many ways and I was too blind to notice it.

I have to break up with him, or I'll keep suffering.

I sit up from the bed and grab my phone off the bedside table. I check my notifications and feel myself deflate with disappointment.

He still hasn't called.

The girl promised not to say anything until I broke up with him. She either is keeping her promise or already broke up.

Is this all a trick? Could that girl be interfering in our relationship because she's jealous? Am I being stupid again? Even so, she is staying at his house doing God knows what with him. And the fact Kyu was willing to keep it a secret from me shows his true character.

I need to break up with him, regardless of if this is a trick. Sena has been trying to convince me to break up with him since we began dating. She didn't understand what I saw in him and tried to sway me with other guys, but I was too desperate to let him go.

He was the first guy to show me any amount of attention. The first one to flirt with me. I didn't want that feeling to leave.

In order for me to move on, I need to get ahold of my emotions. I need to stop believing that Kyu is the only man out there. I'm sure I can find another guy... maybe he'll actually love me.

My parents told me that I was a nice girl and that it wouldn't be difficult for me to find a husband, but their comments never stick with me. I find it hard to believe because I see everyone around me dating and having fun, while I am stuck on the sidelines.

My confidence is lower than the bottom of the ocean. I don't trust myself or anybody around me. I am terrified of rejection. I hate myself for being like this and I want to change, but I have no idea how.

Hobi's face shows up in my mind like a small beacon of hope.

He wants to help me move past this state of mind. He understands how I feel and he is living proof of somebody who was saved from this burden.

But how would he help somebody like me?

I begin to see the outlines of a dream. Its foggy image is faint in my mind but clear enough to be there. I watch as people walk down the streets of Seoul with business clothes and hunched shoulders. Their eyes shine with hopelessness and forgotten dreams.

I walk among them in a black pantsuit with my hair pinned back. I wander down the streets in a straight line until my eye is caught by a darkened alleyway.

Standing in the alley is a dark figure of a man. He looks at me and beckons me to follow him into the darkness.

"Do you want to escape?" he asks.

I stop walking with the flow of people. I watch him warily, unsure if I should trust this man. I wait for him to say more but he does not. Without warning, he turns around and walks into the darkness of the alley, leaving me alone with a choice.

I glance back at the rows of people who march ahead. They march towards a bright light at the end of the street. They disappear into the light and fade away from the world, one by one.

I don't want my life to end yet.

What if I went with the man?

The simple question brought me to the side of the man's in an instant.

I am standing in front of a graffiti-covered school bus. The windows are cracked or painted over with bright neon paint that glows in the dark. The gravel under my feet crunches with each step I take.

The door of the bus slides open to reveal the man sitting in the driver's seat. A black bandana covers the lower half of his face with a snapback cap on his head. He wears a white tank top with black cargo pants that are splattered with paint. Tattoos of swirling ghosts and guns lace up his arms with words of rebellion wrapped around his wrists.

He gives me a sidelong look before tilting his head to the side.

"Are you coming?"

Where are we going?

He chuckles and looks ahead. He touches the small charm hanging from the rearview mirror. It's the symbol of a white lily. "We aren't of this world. We're moving on."

Why aren't we of this world?

"We're too different. The world doesn't want to accept us. We don't need them. We have each other, after all. We love each other and ourselves. That's all we need."

But where are we going? Where would we go?

He pulls down his mask revealing a pretty set of lips. He grins and beckons me forward, "We're going to dream."

***

My eyes open and I find myself staring at the curtained window. I yawned widely and rub my exhausted eyes. I turn over in the large bed and face the ceiling. The last echoes of the dream lingered in my mind for a moment before fading away.

It takes a moment for me to realize where I am.

I am no longer in my home or on the streets. I am in an impossible place. I am inside BTS's apartment, inside their guest bedroom.

I check my phone and felt my stomach flip inside my chest.

It's already four in the afternoon.

Still no notifications.

A wave of disappointment crashes into me. I hang my head and stare at my phone screen with a blank expression. I thumb the bottom of my phone and contemplate calling Kyu now.

However, I can't convince myself to press the button. My heart is still weak from the earlier phone call. I don't know if I'd handle breaking up with him well. I need to be in the right state of mind to break up to avoid more damage to myself.

I need to be brave when facing him.

Even so, a strange depression settles over my mind at the looming event. I can already feel the sadness the conversation will cause me. In a way, the early set sorrowful feelings might help me cope with the aftermath of the breakup.

A pre-depression to brace myself for what is to come.

I hope I can survive it.

A/N: I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and holiday season! I listened to Christmas Love and Snowflower on repeat and still am! I planned on updating yesterday but I was caught up with Christmas celebrations and Socialist Monopoly, haha. Please take care of yourselves, drink lots of water! <3