CHAPTER FIVE:

Apparently Hermes—look-a-like was actually nothing like Hermes at all, because in a display of epic proportions of idiocy that was as far from the absolute genius Hermes was as possible, he started to insult the five vampires in the room.

"They're all together, though— Royal and Eleanor, Archie and Judith. Like dating, you know? And they live together." He snickered and wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

"It's not a problem if they're not related." I pointed out. I wasn't sure whether my defense of them was because I was trying to make sure Hermes—look-a-like didn't end up dead and drained of his blood because he'd insulted a vampire and their mate, or because I felt genuinely defensive for them at his insult. It was a worrying thought.

"Well, I guess." Hermes—look-a-like admitted reluctantly. "They're all adopted— Dr. Cullen is really young. Early thirties. The Hales— the blondes— are brother and sister, twins, I think, and they're some kind of foster kids."

"That's actually kind of amazing— for them to take care of all those kids, when they're so young and everything." I decided to go for flattery, which was always a good tactic when trying to discourage homicidal urges.

"I guess so," Hermes—look-a-like said, though it sounded like he'd rather not say anything positive. As if he didn't like the vampire doctor and her husband for some reason...  and the way he was looking at their 'adopted kids' over my shoulder, I could guess there was jealousy involved. "I think Dr. Cullen can't have any kids, though," he added, as if that somehow made it less admirable. If they weren't actually all vampires, I'd be very offended on their behalf. As it was, I was a little bit offended anyway. "I wouldn't waste your time on them," Hermes—look-a-like said, "they don't talk to anyone who isn't part of their family." He sounded very sour when he said that. He should be relieved— vampires taking an interest in humans never ended well for the human. That was just plain common sense.

It was that same common sense that had me almost walking straight back out of the biology classroom when I stepped inside and caught sight of the female vampire with the reddish hair sitting next to the only empty seat in the room. It was only the thought of what Charlize might say if I skipped class on my very first day, and my reluctance to tell her the reason for it was because the school was infested with vampires, that had me steeling myself and continuing forwards, over to the teacher.

Mrs. Banner signed my slip and handed me a book with no nonsense about introductions and no mention of my full name. I could tell we were going to get along. Of course, she had no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room, and I generously decided not to blame her for my obviously inevitable death.

I didn't look up over at the vampire as I set my book on the table and took my seat, but then she cleared her throat and I was faced with either being inexcusably rude and ignoring her or acknowledging her existence. Reluctantly I looked up, awkwardly hoping she couldn't smell how terrified I was.

Despite the beauty of her facial features, my gaze was stuck very firmly on her eyes. I couldn't distinguish the irises from the pupils they were so dark which meant she was going to need to feed soon, and I wondered, miserably, just who was going to end up as this vampire's dinner.

"I'm Edith Cullen," she introduced herself. Her voice sounded like angels and unicorns and rainbows and fairy floss. And I honestly wasn't exaggerating.

"I'm Beau Swan," I said, forcing my scared stiff features into what I hoped was a smile. It felt like I was showing too many teeth. Curiosity was evident in her gaze, and I hastily looked down, opening my textbook to prevent any further conversation, hoping she'd read it as shyness.

I forced myself to actually start reading the words on the page in an effort to distract myself while waiting for the lesson to begin. The distraction worked far better then I'd expected, and I almost even managed to forget the stunningly beautiful vampire sitting next to me as I stared at the pages of my textbook in incomprehensive horror. To say that I understood nothing I was reading would be hopelessly optimistic.

As Mrs. Banner started her lecture on cellular anatomy, I was careful to take detailed notes even though I couldn't comprehend ninety-nine percent of what she was saying. Obviously I was going to have to transfer out of this class, I realised with an internal sigh.

Mrs. Banner passed some quizzes back when the class was almost done and when she handed me one to give to the vampire I started to think she might not be my favourite after all.

I tried not to meet Edith's gaze as I handed her the quiz, but in doing so accidentally touched her hand. The icy coldness had me flinching, and I dropped the stapled sheets of paper I snatched my hand away so quickly. I wasn't sure if I was more embarrassed or afraid as I fumbled, picking up the quiz and accidentally seeing her score— one hundred percent... and I'd been spelling her name wrong in my head. It was Edythe, not Edith. I'd never seen it spelled that way, but it fit her better.

Edythe's eyes were openly confused as I finally managed to pass her back her quiz, and I was so relieved when the bell rang that I was one of the first out of the classroom, stuffing my things hurriedly into my satchel before fleeing.

Unfortunately, a baby-faced girl with hair carefully flat-ironed into a pale curtain stepped in my path, forcing me to stop. She was smiling at me in a friendly way, so I tried to make my uncharitable thoughts slightly less uncharitable.

"Aren't you Beaufort Swan?" she asked, and I stopped bothering.

"Beau," I corrected, and tried to smile. Too many teeth again.

"I'm McKayla." She said.

"Um, hi McKayla." I said when it became obvious she was expecting a reply, reluctantly forcing myself to be polite even as I mentally cursed her.

"Do you need any help finding your next class?"

"I'm headed to the gym, actually. I think I can find it."

"That's my next class, too." She seemed thrilled, though it wasn't such a big coincidence in a school this small. Resigning myself to her company, I walked with her to class. She was a chatterer, supplying most of the conversation while I plotted my get away. I could practically hear Gordy laughing right now. Lyric, at least, would pat my arm consolingly. And then lament the wrackspurt infestation McKayla was suffering, his way of teasing me about the over eager girl (because she surely must be suffering from some kind of mental malady to be wanting to talk to me).

The Gym teacher, Coach Clapp, found me a uniform but she told me that I didn't have to join that day. I considered sitting out, but I knew that time would pass quicker if I played. Volleyball wasn't that bad, either, and even with four games running simultaneously, it was still less confusing then Quidditch.

When the final bell rang at last, I went back and found the jacket I'd left behind in my first classroom of the day. The rain had faded away, but the wind was strong and colder, making me thankful for it.

I went to the office to return my paperwork, mumbling an affirmative to the man at the desk there— Mr. Cope, I learnt his name was— when he asked if I'd had a good first day, before rushing from the office, to The Thing.

Locking myself in my truck, despite the fact I knew it wouldn't even slow down a vampire if they really wanted to get to me I still managed to take my first proper breath all day. It felt like a small haven, and even the sound of the engine roaring to life was comforting.

I drove back home, trying not to think of an upcoming death via exsanguination.

Arriving home, I face-planted down on the couch and started to brainstorm how to convince Charlize I didn't actually need to keep going to muggle school. I was still going through different arguments with her in my head when she arrived home.

"How was your first day, Beau?" she asked, sounding unfairly cheerful as she took off her gun belt. I looked longingly at the gun and wondered how long it took to heal from a shot to the arm– that would get me out of school for at least a month, right? More if I could get myself admitted into a psychiatric ward.

And then I remembered that one of the vampires was a doctor, and there went that plan. I didn't want to go anywhere near any of the Cullens with a paper cut, let alone a bullet wound.

"That bad?" Charlize said, sounding sympathetic, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"You have no idea." I said darkly, and she looked unfairly amused.

"The first time is always the worst– it can only get better from here." She said, like that was encouraging. I gave her the glare that it deserved, and she raised an eyebrow. "It was really that bad?"

"Do I have to go back?" I asked, and there was enough genuine pleading in my voice that she actually paused.

"You really didn't like it?" she asked, and the joking was gone from her voice, replaced instead by gentle concern. It made me very uncomfortable.

"I really don't want to go back." I admitted. She pursed her lips.

"Okay, let's make a deal. If you finish this week and you still hate it, then you don't have to go back, okay?" she said and, knowing this was the best I was going to get, I nodded and turned my planning towards how to survive these next four days.