CHAPTER ELEVEN:

Despite how after my realization that I had a crush on Edythe Cullen it felt like everything had changed, in truth very little did.

The month following the accident settled into a routine of sorts. I'd found myself once more the center of attention for the remainder of the week following the accident, which had really sucked. Taylor Crowley was especially annoying, following me around, coming up with different hypothetical ways to make it up to me. I'd tried to convince her that what I wanted more than anything else was for her to forget about it, but she wouldn't give up. She found me between classes and even started to sit at the now-crowded lunch table. McKayla and Erica hadn't liked that at all, flashing more side-eye at her than they did at each other.

Following that week, I started to make a much more active effort to remove myself from the group, studying in the library for my classes at lunch like a good little Ravenclaw. I was polite to Edythe in Biology, but didn't initiate conversation, something that was made easier by both the fact we hadn't needed to do any more lab work together so far, and that she seemed to be trying to put distance between us too.

I didn't blame her for being spooked– the risk she'd taken, the risk of exposing her inhuman status to me, had been... a little humbling, honestly. And she didn't know if I'd actually seen anything or not, and obviously there was no way for me to try and reassure her about the situation. Which left us both being politely distant.

Unfortunately this had McKayla getting more confident about approaching me in Biology, even sitting on the edge of my table at times to talk before class started.

During this time, I'd only managed to tune into Potterwatch a handful of times. Each broadcast, though, had started to leave me with an uneasy, sinking feeling that lasted for days, as they'd started to list the names of the missing and the dead, holding a minute's silence to honour them.

My sleeping had started to really suffer, and I'd find myself waking in the middle of the night on the verge of panic attacks or absolutely terrified; shivering and soaked in sweat. Sometimes I'd be crying. On one particularly memorable occasion, I'd woken to the sound of my own screaming, an image of Lyric's lifeless body burned into my retinas.

I hadn't really bothered to mark the passing of time– it was far too depressing to think about how far away my seventeenth still was, though I did note when it was finally time to get the cast removed. Dr. Cullen had then replaced the cast and sling with a brace to wear under my clothes, which was much more discrete and didn't impede my movements. Her face had been concerned as I sat on the edge of the hospital bed, and I guessed it was the bags under my eyes that rivaled the purple shadows under her own that had caused it, or maybe it was the way my face looked about one missed meal away from gaunt.

I had no idea that Spring was anywhere near appearing until I was walking listlessly to the cafeteria one rainy morning, having only slept about three hours, and Jeremy fell into step beside me. "Hey, Beau?" he asked, and despite my wanting to get out of the rain, Jeremy was barely shuffling forwards and in the spirit of good manners I slowed my pace to match his.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to inject some life into my voice.

"I was just wondering if anyone's asked you to the spring dance yet. You know, it's girls' choice."

I didn't know, actually– Hogwarts had only ever held one dance. It happened during my third year, though it had technically been labeled as a ball and had only been for fourth years and up. As a third year, I couldn't attend unless I'd been invited by someone from one of the higher year levels, which I hadn't. Lyric had gone, having been invited by Neve, though they'd gone strictly as friends. Neve had originally asked Gordy (also as friends) but Gordy had told her that he and I were planning on spending the night eating large amounts of chocolate pudding to try and heal our broken hearts. That had been the original plan, anyway– when Gordy found the Firewhiskey in Georgina's trunk... well, like they say, the rest is history.

Still, I wasn't about to let Jeremy know that I hadn't a bloody clue what he was talking about, so I just nodded and tried to look like I understood what he was going on about. It seemed simple enough– a dance that girls invited boys to, instead of the other way around, as it traditionally went.

"No one's invited me," I told him.

"Huh." He said. "Do you want... I mean, do you think McKayla will ask you?"

"I hope not," I said, maybe a little too fast.

He looked up at me, surprised. "Why not?"

"I... don't do dances."

"Oh."

We shuffled forward for a minute in silence. He was thoughtful. I was impatient to get out of the drizzle.

"Do you mind if I tell her that?" he asked.

"No. That's probably a good idea. I don't want to have to tell anyone no if I don't have to."

"Okay." He looked far more cheerful now.

"When's the dance again?" I asked. We were close to the cafeteria now, and Jeremy pointed to a bright yellow poster advertising the dance. I'd never noticed it before, but it was curling around the edges and a little washed out, like it had been up for a while.

"A week from Saturday," he said.

I was pretty sure Jeremy had already said something to her when, the next morning, McKayla was not her usual bubbly self in English. I stayed in the library during lunch, but she came over like usual to sit on the edge of my lab table at the start of Biology. And, as always, I was far too aware of Edythe sitting close enough to touch.

"So," McKayla said, looking at the floor instead of at me. "Jeremy said that you don't do dances."

"Yeah."

She looked at me then, her expression hurt and a little angry. I hadn't even told her no yet and I already felt guilty.

"Oh," she said. "I thought maybe he was making it up."

"Sorry, it's true." I said.

She frowned. "I thought he just wanted me to ask him."

I forced a smile. "You should. Jeremy's great." Actually he was very average, but still...

McKayla shrugged. "I guess." Then she took a deep breath and looked me straight in the eye with a quick, nervous smile. "Would this 'I don't do dances' thing change if I was the one asking you to go?"

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edythe's head suddenly tilt in my direction. Like she was listening to my answer, too.

It took me a little too long to respond. I still felt guilty, but mostly distracted. Was Edythe listening?

"I'm sorry." I apologised again.

McKayla's face fell. "Would it change if someone else asked you?" She asked.

Did Edythe see how McKayla's eyes flickered in her direction?

And then I had a sudden brainwave.

"McKayla," I said, leaning forwards on my desk slightly, towards her. "I'm honestly flattered that you'd ask me to the dance. You're amazing and gorgeous," and maybe I was laying it on a little thick here, but I could see the way her face brightened at the compliments, "but before I moved to Forks, I just broke up with my boyfriend."

There. The wide-eyed, open-mouthed look on her face was... actually it was pretty damn perfect. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Edythe's wide gold eyes as she looked at me with the same blatant shock as McKayla.

"Boyfriend?" McKayla repeated.

"Boyfriend." I confirmed, with a nod.

"I... oh, wow, I didn't realize..." McKayla looked so gobsmacked that I was actually a bit worried for her.

"Miss Newton! Class is starting!" Mrs. Banner said sharply from the front of the room and McKayla gave me one last wide-eyed look before hurrying over to her seat as Mrs. Banner started the lecture.

"Was that true?" Edythe's voice shouldn't sound so familiar, like I'd been hearing it all my life instead of just an hour here and there a few weeks ago.

I turned slowly toward her, not wanting to feel what I knew I would feel when I looked at her too-perfect face.

"Were you telling her the truth?" she asked, and I was surprised by the bluntness of her question.

"Sort of." I said with a shrug that was only slightly stiff, my shoulder practically back to normal now. "It's hard to break up with someone when you were never actually dating them, but we did kiss once. He was already in love with someone else, though, and I was, well, I was learning how to move on."

I really had been happy for Gordy and Harri, like I said, but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt a bit. And Hermes, well, everyone with eyes knew that he was in love with Ronda– everyone, that is, except Ronda herself.

When we'd snogged, while he was helping me figure out my big gay crisis, neither of us had ever intended for things to go anywhere and I had been fine with that. Hermes was freaking amazing and gorgeous but we weren't meant to be.

"So you're gay?" Edythe's perfect eyebrows were drawn together in confusion– she'd seen me staring at her, on the odd occasions when I couldn't quite manage to look away, and was obviously puzzled.

"I'm bisexual. Well, closer to pansexual, really, though I try not to use labels to define myself. I find some boys attractive and some girls attractive and some people I just don't feel attracted to at all." I explained. Edythe looked at me with clear intrigue.

"You're letting McKayla assume you're gay, though," she said and I nodded.

"Yes. Definitely."

"And you're not concerned you might be ostracized or bullied when she inevitably shares that with the other students?" Edythe pressed.

"Have I at any point that you're aware of actually given a damn about what anyone here thinks of me?" I asked, smiling slightly to make my words less harsh. Edythe tilted her head slightly.

"What about me?" she asked, and my throat went dry. "Do you care about what I think of you?"

Say no, say no, say no; "Yes." For an admittance so shameful, it escaped my lips far too easily. Edythe didn't say anything, but her eyes kept boring into mine, like she was trying to find something really important inside them. I continued to stare also, totally unable to break the connection, even if I wanted to. My hands started to shake.

"Miss Cullen?" the teacher called, looking for the answer to some question I hadn't heard.

"The Krebs Cycle," Edythe answered, seeming reluctant as she turned to look at Mrs. Banner.

I put my head down, pretending to stare at my book, as soon as her eyes released me. It bothered me– the rush of emotion pulsing through me, just because we'd shared our first proper conversation in around five or six weeks. It wasn't normal. It was actually pretty pathetic, and probably more than that. Unhealthy.

I tried hard not to be aware of her for the rest of the class, or, since that was impossible, at least not to let her know that I was aware of her. When the bell finally rang, I quickly started to stack my books, only for Edythe to speak up.

"Beau?"

I turned slowly toward her. I'm sure my expression was guarded; hers was unreadable. She didn't say anything.

"Yes?" I asked.

She just looked at me.

"Wait, are we talking again?" I wondered, out loud.

"No," she said, but her lips curled up into a smile, her dimples flashing.

"Okay." Well, it wasn't okay, but it was the right thing to do; I knew that.

"I'm sorry," she said, and there was no humour in her voice now. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."

"It's okay." I repeated. "Really."

"It's better if we're not friends." She insisted anyway, and the honest sadness in her voice, well, it didn't make me feel better, but it at least made me feel less alone in my longing. "But," she added, "I do want you to know that I don't think there's anything wrong with you being attracted to boys, as well as girls. And... and I care about what you think of me too."

I was surprised and I couldn't help my smile. "Thanks Edythe. That means a lot." 

And it did. I felt like I was floating all through PE– we were doing basketball now– and as I walked back to my truck I almost felt like whistling.

The Thing was in pretty decent shape, all things considered. I'd had to replace the taillights after the accident, but that was it. If the paint job wasn't already hopeless, maybe I would have had to do something about the new scrapes. Taylor's parents had had to sell her van for parts.

I rounded a corner and then nearly had a heart attack. Someone small and thin was leaning against the side of my truck. I skidded to a stop and took a deep breath, calming my racing heart. It was just Erica. I started walking again.

"Hey, Erica," I called.

"Hi, Beau."

"What's up?" I asked as I unlocked the door. As I glanced over at her, I saw she looked really uncomfortable.

"Um, I was wondering if you would go to the spring dance with me?"

I really had to stop and look at her then. Her face was down, her black hair hiding her eyes. "I'm flattered, Erica, I really am," I told her gently, because I knew the sort of courage it took to approach someone you liked and put yourself out there like she was, like McKayla had. "But before I moved to Forks, I just broke up with my boyfriend."

She didn't look quite as shocked as McKayla had, but her mouth still formed an 'o' of surprise. "Holy crap. I didn't realize you were gay." She said, sounding stunned. "Wow."

"Yeah." I agreed. "Um, I'm sorry but I kind of have to..." I gestured at my truck and she nodded.

"Okay. Um. Yeah, okay." She backed off and I climbed into my truck, relieved.

I revved the deafening engine twice and reversed out into the aisle only for Edythe, in her shiny silver Volvo, to slide out into the lane in front of me, cutting me off. She stopped there– to wait for her family, I assumed. I could see the four of them walking this way, but they were still all the way back by the cafeteria. I looked in my rearview mirror. A line was beginning to form. Right behind me, Taylor Crowley was in her newly acquired used Sentra, waving. I ducked my head and pretended I couldn't see her.

While I was sitting there, focusing all my efforts on not staring at the driver in front of me, I heard a knock on my passenger side window. It was Taylor. I glanced in my mirror again, confused. Her Sentra was still running, the door left open. I leaned across the cab to crank the window down. It was stiff. I got it halfway there, then gave up.

"Sorry, Taylor, I can't move. I'm pinned in." I gestured to the Volvo. Obviously there was nothing I could do.

"Oh, I know– I just wanted to ask you something while we're trapped here." She grinned. What the bloody hell? What was with this school? Was it infected with wrackspurts?

"Will you go to the spring dance with me?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, Taylor, but I just broke up with my boyfriend." I realized I sounded too sharp. I had to remember it wasn't Taylor's fault that McKayla and Erica had already used up my patience.

"Yeah, McKayla told me you were gay," she admitted.

"Then why–"

She shrugged. "I was hoping you were just letting her down easy."

Okay, it was totally her fault.

"Sorry, Taylor," I said, not feeling bad at all like I had with McKayla and Erica.

"It's okay," she said, cheerful and unfazed, "I'll just have to work harder to convince you for prom." Before I could say anything, she was walking back to her car. I gaped, unable to close my jaw even as I turned back straight again.

Straight ahead, Archie, Royal, Eleanor, and Judith were all sliding into the Volvo. In the rearview mirror, I could see Edythe's eyes– staring at me. They were crinkled around the edges, and her shoulders were shaking with laughter. Obviously she'd heard everything Taylor had said, and found my reaction hilarious. I revved my engine threateningly, wondering how much damage it could do to the Volvo if I ran into it. I was pretty sure the answer was a lot.

But then they were all in, and Edythe was speeding away with her nearly silent engine, so I just drove home.