"Oh god, Tony..."

Tony's breath caught in his throat, but still, he just sat there, quiet, eyes closed again, hand clutching the only thing that really mattered to him anymore. His only lifeline.

Tony heard the Captain sigh. He wanted nothing more than to block him, block the rest of the world out, but he couldn't. Not with everyone around. Not with people speaking directly to him. Not with Steve here. He wished he would just go away. He wanted-needed to be left alone.

But of course, the universe decided to punish him even more. Wasn't him being alive already enough punishment? But, he knew he deserved it. The punishment would never end if he had a say in it. And he did have a say in it.

Tony flinch slightly as a hand rested on his shoulder. He squeezed his eye shut even tighter. They really weren't going to let him leave reality and the hand on his shoulder, the anchor on his soul, was the proof. But, how long can an anchor hold down an empty shell? How long can it hold on?

"I'm sorry you lost him Tones." The Captain said gently, all former resentment gone. Tony's eyes snapped open. And for the first time, Steve could see his broken, guilt filled eyes. Tony knew he could see it. He didn't even try to mask it with the fake confidence he usually did. He didn't really care though at the moment. Now, he was focused on something else.

What did he say?

How could he have possibly known that he had lost the kid? How-

"What was his name?" Steve tried to hide it, but Tony could see it. The look of pity in his eyes. Steve had seen the broken shambles that was Tony. He had seen how guilty and defeated he was. And he pitied him. And Tony hated it.

He shouldn't have been being comforted-even if it was just slightly- by Steve, he should have been being ridiculed and berated. They should be looking at him in disgust and anger. They should be casting him out to fend for himself. Not offering him a place to heal and recover.

"I lost Bucky." Steve said softly. "And most of the team." The team...Steve still referred to them all as the team, as in....the Avengers...

Steve's hand slid down a few inches and rested on his right shoulder blade. "C'mon, lets get you some medical attention and maybe a therapist." Tony just closed eyes and rested his forehead against his clenched fists.

God...they were being so nice to him. So forgiving. They just not have known what he had done. He was a monster. Would they still be so nice to him after they learned of his failure? No. Definitely not.

Tony felt his eyes grow hot as they filled with tears. Tears which he didn't try to stop from falling.

Tears that Steve noticed. Because Steve always notices. He's always there. He's always been the glue, the anchor of the team. He was what kept them together all those years. Not Barton, not Wanda, not Thor, not even him. It was always the Captain and he always, always noticed.

And the tears weren't the only thing he had noticed. He also seen that Tony wasn't going to be talking, or moving any time soon. So, not caring about Tony's pride, he picked him up out of his seat and carried him bridal style down the ramp.

Tony was so surprised by the ex-soldier picking him up that his eyes flew open. He scrunched his eyes up again as they were attacked by the sun. The sun was extremely bright compared to the lack of light on their journey back to Earth.

Tony quickly decided that he didn't like the light. How could he have ever loved it? It was so bright and...happy. How could it be so happy after everything that's happened? He much preferred the darkness. It was sad and...lonely.

The darkness was crushing and all consuming. It took everything and just left...you. There was no was no Titan. No Thanos. No trip back to Earth. No Steve. Just...pain, despair, and guilt. Tony could just hide alone in the darkness and not have to worry about anyone judging him more than he was judging himself. He could just sit alone out of view from the universe.

But the light...the light...it was different. It left him exposed and vulnerable. It left him in the view, the harsh, judgmental view of the world. It just left him there in sight of everyone and everything. There was no solitude in the light. No where to wallow in his self disgust. To most people, including Tony, the light was seen a sanctuary. And he hated it.

Yeah, Tony much preferred the darkness.

Tony wanted to scoff at himself, but that would actually require him to do something other than open and close his eyes. It was ironic, the great!, INVINCIBLE IRONMAN! was afraid of the light. What a hero he was.

Finally, Tony felt the darkness start to creep up on him, so he allowed it to consume him once more. And finally, finally, he was able to block out the world.
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...beep...

...beep...

...beep...

Tony groaned. What was that awful noise? Slowly, he opened his eyes. I'm the back of his mind, he was surprised that the lights were dimmed. But at the moment, he was too burst trying to figure out where he was and why.

Tony glared up at the ceiling. Then he remembered. He squeezed his eyes shut as the memories hit him like a tsunami hitting a shack. And oh god.... it hurt.

Tony couldn't help but let out a loud, anguished sob. And then another...and another...

He flinched violently when a hand rested on his forearm and he jumped, shifted, to his left trying to get away. He regretted it as pain flared up from his stab wound. The searing, whit hot pain shot up his side causing his mind to go numb. This only made him panic more.

"Shh Tony, it's ok. It's ok, your ok. Your home, we're here. It's ok." A soft voice finally broke through his fogged mind. He felt a hand on his head trying to soothe him. And it did.

After a few minutes, he finally opened his eyes.

Next to him stood some of both his ex and current team members. Steve was sitting in a chair right next to his bed with his hand still on his arm. Tony couldn't read their emotions. Not at the moment. He just couldn't...focus. But he never could anymore...could he?

The he realized, the hand was still on his head. Slowly, he looked to his left to find...

Pepper...

"Oh god..." Tony couldn't help it. Seeing her...he just couldn't keep it all in anymore. "Oh Tony...it's ok. We're here, your here, it ok now." She said softly.

"No...no no no... i-it's not ok... I lost him Pep. I lost him! I failed him. I failed Pepper...I failed!" He cried. As expected, Pepper's face changed. First, it was full of compassion and love, but now...now it was full of...understanding and...pain? What? Why wasn't she angry? Why hadn't she slapped him and called him a failure? Why was she still being so gentle and understanding?

"Who Tones?" Tony turned his head back at the quiet question. It was Rhodey. Tony just stared at him, them. None of them knew Peter, not really. None of them had met the small ball of sunshine and energy that was Peter Parker. He had never taken the time to introduce him to them past just the intern. He only did that with Pepper. God...another thing he failed...

He was brought back to reality once more by a soft squeeze on his arm. "It's ok. You can tell us when your ready. Or not. It's up to you." There he went again. Anchoring him back to reality. Holding them, him, together. Keeping them from all drifting away.

"...his name is Peter..."

                            €-///\\\-€
Oh man, I completely hit a wall on this one, and everyone of them if I'm being honest. Sorry for the ending. I'm not quite sure if it makes sense. Of you want me to explain anything, just ask. Anyway...

Until next time.