Follow me. Follow me. Please just fucking follow me.

Haven hasn't talked to me yet and this just isn't like her. Usually I piss her off, we fight and the next day she's over it and quick to make things right. But not this time and its freaking me out. What if she meant it? What if she really isn't going to speak to me again?

No. I know thats not true. We have been making eye contact across the room all morning. I know she has a lot to say and I just need to give her the opportunity to say it. I'm going to walk out of this bathroom and she's going to be there waiting for me. I know she is because I know her.

I know her so well.

"Hey Nik." Haven is leaning against the wall, looking as relaxed and cheery as ever. Her honey smooth voice pops on the end of my name and I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from smiling at her. I need to play the game.

"I thought you said you weren't going to talk to me ever again?"

"I lied." She shrugs carelessly and begins sauntering down the hall in the wrong direction. "Walk with me?" Haven glances at me over her shoulder as she holds her hand out towards me. The sickly sweet tone to her words causes me to hesitate, either she has some sort of hell in store for me or she's just as nervous as I am. I can't resist myself, and slide my hand into hers.

My heart thuds in my chest as her warmth spreads through me. I chance a look at her and I'm so glad that I do otherwise I might miss the soft blush that rises to her perfect cheeks. Over the last month I haven't had the pleasure of seeing this reaction from her, the reaction that our contact brings her. I'm not sure how she could deny us when even our bodies refuse to deny it.

"Taylor won't be happy if he sees this." I gesture to our intertwined hands but I could not care less if Taylor were to see us like this. In fact, I would be fucking thrilled for him to see it.

"I can handle Taylor." Haven sounds so sure of herself that I can't help but smile. You wouldn't have to handle him, I would gladly do it for you.

"Of course you can." I chuckle at her and she grips my hand the slightest bit tighter. I don't even think she realizes it, but I do because I don't miss anything Haven does.

"I wanted to talk to you about Becca." she states and glances over at me to gauge my reaction but I was up all night anticipating this conversation and it's easy to keep my tone nonchalant.

"What about her?"

"Well, you two are getting awfully cosy and I don't like it."

I bet you don't.

"That's not fair Haven, you have a boyfriend. You can't expect me to just sit around waiting for you forever. You know how I feel about you, and I know you feel the same about me but you're wasting your time with Taylor."

I know right away that I've caught her off guard, which is no easy task and it fills me with confidence that I haven't felt in ages. She can bring me down but hell can she ever bring me back up. Haven stops our casual pace and leans against a row of lockers, pulling me with her because her grip on my hand refuses to loosen.

My eyes never leave hers even though she refuses to meet mine. "I do feel the same about you Nik, but it's not that simple. Me and you, we are something else. Something different from anything I've ever felt before and it scares me." She finally looks up at me through her eyelashes and my heart nearly fucking stops. After almost a year of all these games, the pain, the fights, the make ups and the mental breakdowns - she's finally said it. Haven has finally admitted that she knows me and her are something else.

"Haven, make a choice." It's now or never, I need to draw the line while I have her here in this moment of realization. She's admitted it, now she just needs to let the fear go and dive into this with me, all she needs is a little push. "I can't keep doing this forever; It's literally driving me crazy. I will pay attention to other girls if you're not going to give me a chance."

"But why her? Why my best friend?" She stomps her foot like a child and I have to fight back a smile.

"Because" I make sure she is looking me in the eye before I reveal the truth to her. "I know she's the one person you can't stand to see me with"

Her eyebrows quirk in surprise and that surge of confidence pulses through me again. Yes Haven, I too know how to play this game. When that disbelieving smile crosses her face and she shakes her head ever so slightly I know whats coming - I've impressed her and now I will be rewarded.

"Your terrible." She whispers and tugs my hand, pulling me closer to her. I brace myself against the locker, pressing my forearm against the cold metal and bringing my face inches from hers. Her breath tickles my face and a few months ago this would have been enough to send my head spinning, but now it just makes me crave more.

"Yes I am." the words fall from my mouth and it feels good to admit to it. I am terrible. I am terrible for using Becca to get what I want. I am terrible for playing into this game. I am terrible for manipulating Haven into admitting the truth about us. And I am terrible for leaning in to kiss Haven even though she has a boyfriend, but I don't feel bad about that.

Her lips are soft on mine at first, I'm sure the guilt of kissing me even though she has a boyfriend is holding her back. Thankfully that's short lived. Whatever thoughts of Taylor were rolling around in her mind must have been pushed away because she pulls me closer and presses her lips harder against mine. It's been too long since we've been together like this and I want to crush my body into hers. I feel her giggle against my lips and the tinkling sound of it sends a chill rolling through me.

"Break up with him Haven." My voice is rough and desperate. Her blue eyes stare into mine and she drinks up the desperation in my gaze. Big mistake Nik, big mistake.

"Not yet." She whispers and I watch as the mask slides back over that perfect face. My hands drop from her instantly, as if she has burnt me.

"I knew it, this was just another game to you." Of course you knew it you idiot, you knew exactly what she was coming for - control - and you just gave it to her by letting her see how desperate you still are.

"No..."

"Save it Haven," I cut her off harshly, "Enjoy seeing Becca and I together every single time you turn to corner, every time you enter a classroom, on the bus, at the mall, everywhere." I hiss and turn away from her before she can see where my anger truly lies, on myself. I was so close and I fucked it all up with one look.

I slam my fist into a locker but the pain isnt enough to cover the emotional and mental snake twisting its way through my body, preparing to relentlessly attack my brain with all the things I could have done to make this go my way. This is going to haunt me until I make it all stop. I just need to make it all stop.

I can vaguely hear Havens pleading voice calling after me, but it's drowned out by the thought of all the ways I can hurt myself tonight to make this nightmare end.