"What the hell was that all about?" Becca probes, as the three of us settle into Jennie's car.

My mind is still spinning from the sudden shift in our night. Everything had been going so well and now I don't even know where Nik and I stand. Why did Hayden go off like that? Why won't Nik just tell me the truth?

"Just give her a minute." Jennie demands and starts the engine.

"She doesn't need a minute!" Becca barks back. "Haven, what the hell is going on? I thought you said everything was perfect between you two, that didn't look like perfect to me! And what the hell is Hayden's problem, who does he think he is going off on you like that?"

I turn in my seat to face Becca. She is leaning forward from the back seat, twisting her dark hair into a bun on the top of her head. Her wide eyes seem to glow like orbs in the dim light. I know her, and I know she would have hated sitting in that house just waiting for Nik and I to work things out. She needs to know everything, needs to be involved in everything. It's killing her not knowing what's going on. Well, join the club.

"Everything has been perfect between Nik and I until two days ago when I realized he has been keeping something from me. Hayden has been trying to tell me for weeks now but I was too concerned about keeping Nik happy to pay attention to the clues. Everyone else is dead set on keeping this secret quiet. Nik won't tell me what it is, that's why he told me to leave."

For once, Becca is silent. I wait for her to burst into a speech about how she told me so, and that I never should have gotten myself into this mess, but it doesn't come. Instead, she stares at me expectantly, as if I have more to say but I have nothing.

"Did you notice Hayden's hands were all busted up?" Jennie breaks the silence. "Chase's too."

I'm not even slightly surprised. I can see from everyone's reactions tonight that Nik's friends are deadly loyal to him, everyone except Hayden apparently. But yet, he still jumped Joey. Why? What reasoning did they have to beat him to a pulp when Nik was clear that he wanted nothing to do with the guy, anyway?

"What does that have to do with anything?" Becca replies, her voice thick with annoyance. "Haven, you need to get me up to speed here."

I exchange a look with Jennie, who takes her eyes off the road long enough to give me a reassuring nod. It's time to tell Becca everything. Hayden's production tonight has made it impossible for me to keep anything a secret. Maybe if the weight of keeping this from Becca is lifted, there will be more room for me to think.

So I do what I have to do. While Jennie drives aimlessly, I start from the beginning, the night of the first party at Nik's house. I tell Becca all the clues that have led me to the assumption that Nik has a big secret. Hayden's attempts at warning me about something, Nik's suspicions of Hayden and I every time we have spoken, the run in with Joey and Nik's refusal to discuss it, and finally, Joey getting beat up last night.

"Why would they jump this Joey guy? What does he have to do with all of this?" Becca asks as I scrunch my eyebrows in frustration because I don't know the answer. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. "Have you asked Chase," Becca directs her attention to Jennie, "you two are together right, make him tell you the truth!"

"First of all, we are not 'together'. Second, I've tried to get it out of him, but he shut right down. They are all keeping their lips sealed."

Something shifts inside my brain and I know what I have to do.

"Not all of them." I whisper and as the idea becomes clearer in my head, I realize that this would be the ultimate betrayal and Nik may never talk to me again if I do it. "Hayden will tell me."

Silence answers me and I know they are both thinking the same thing. Am I really willing to go behind Nik's back to find out the truth? Well, he hasn't given me another option. If Nik and I stand any chance at being together, I need to take things into my own hands. I need to find out the truth and prove to him that it will not make him lose me.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Becca questions me. I shoot her a confused look and then realize I must have spoken my thoughts out loud.

"Yeah, it's the only way." I shrug. "I have to do this so we can be together."

"Haven, maybe you need to let this go now. You know that..."

"Yes, I know that I'm leaving soon." I interrupt Becca, "I know that. But I love him, and this isn't going to just end when I go home." She gives me a pathetic look but I try not to take it personally.

She doesn't know how deep the connection between Nik and I runs. In her eyes, this is just me getting my closure on the past. She probably thinks it would be possible for me to go back home and start dating the very next week. But she's wrong. I don't think there will ever be anyone besides Nik. We reunited for a reason and I'm not going to just let that go. Whatever this secret is, we're going to work through it together and come out on the other side stronger. Because I love him. I need him. He is mine and I am his

I decide to go back to Nik's house and attempt to get the truth out of him one more time before I turn to Hayden. As I recognize his neighborhood, my palms sweat and nerves rack my body. He just sent me away and here I am, coming crawling back. But I need to put my pride aside, not that I have much of it to begin with. I will do anything to prove to Nik that the truth will not change how I feel about him. I just hope he will be the one to tell me so I don't have to betray him and go to Hayden.

When Jennie pulls the car to a stop outside the wide open gates, I take a deep breath and wipe my hands on my jeans. I look back at Becca, who stares back at me flatly, completely unimpressed. At least when I turn to Jennie, she gives me a reassuring smile.

"Okay." I breathe and open the car door.

"Haven!" Becca calls out and I duck my head back in the car.

"Don't take no for an answer."

I give her a nervous smile but nod. It's not that easy. Nik isn't as pliable as he once was and I have a feeling I will walk out that door in just a few minutes with nothing to show for my efforts.

Out of habit, I go around the side of the house and into the backyard. The twinkle lights are still glowing but the night is silent. A chill runs down my spine as I spot the overturned table and the mess of cards laying on the ground from Nik's earlier tantrum. The sound of his enraged voice echoes in my ears and I need to fight the urge to run back to the car. I need to do this. I need to try one more time.

As I climb the patio stairs, I see that the sliding glass door is ajar which is odd, especially considering no voices are spilling out into the night. When I brace my hands on the doorframe, and the kitchen comes into view it's empty. All the lights are on and as I set one foot inside, I hear a crunch underneath me. I look to the ground and see that it is littered with shards of glass.

"Hello?" I call out into the house, and the sound of my voice echoing back at me causes the hairs to rise on the back of my neck. Nobody answers. I carefully pick my way across the kitchen and into the living room which is empty. Where is everybody?

The crunch of glass underfoot sends my heart into a frenzy and I whip around startled. Hayden is standing in the doorway, looking around in surprise at the broken glass.

"What are you doing here?" I demand, causing Hayden to jump.

"Good, they got ahold of you." Hayden breathes a sigh of relief. "I'm supposed to wait here in case he comes back."

"In case who comes back?" I ask confused. "And nobody got ahold of me. I came back to talk to Nik." Hayden's eyes go wide and his face falls so quickly my brain sends off warning signals. "What's going on, where's Nik?" my voice is panicked and goosebumps spread across my body.

"He took off after you left," Hayden steps towards me and I take two steps back. Not that long ago that he was screaming at me, why the sudden change now? "The others called me to warn me, they are all out looking for him now. He isn't in a good place Haven, he may have gone to do something incredibly stupid."

My heart clenches in fear. Automatically I think of the stupid things Nik used to do to himself when he was upset. I picture those bandanas tied around his wrists, splotched with red in places and my mind reels.

"No, no, he wouldn't do that." I whisper and suddenly my chest is heaving rapidly as a lump forms in my throat. "No. No, no, no." The panic is taking over and I can't stop it. I wrap my fingers in my hair and shake my head frantically trying to get the images of what he may be doing to hurt himself out of my head.

"Haven!" The sound of Becca's voice reaches me at the same time the crunching of the glass does. She hurries to me, Jennie close behind her. "What did you do?" she accuses Hayden and shoves him hard against the chest. Then her hands find my wrists and she grasps me so tightly it hurts and my fingers uncurl from around my hair. "Breathe Haven."

"He's going to... going to hurt... no, no, no" I screech and try to bring my hands back up to my hair, so I can yank it from head and feel the physical pain instead of the mental, but Becca holds onto my wrists firmly. We have been here before, it's been a very long time since I've broken down like this but the drill is still familiar.

"What's wrong with her?" Hayden questions with genuine concern.

"You tell me," Becca turns away from me and I am sure Hayden is receiving one of her most murderous glares, "What did you say to her and where the hell is Nik? He should see this, he should see how fucked up she can get over him."

"He took off." Hayden explains. "When Nik takes off like this, it always ends badly."

"What do you mean 'ends badly'?" Jennie questions anxiously.

The sound of a heavy thud overhead causes me to jump. I straighten up, my body suddenly rigid with tension. I turn my gaze to the ceiling and then my eyes land on Hayden as his jaw clenches tightly together.

"Stay here." He demands and then rushes for the stairs. I am right on his heels.

I take the steps two at a time, reaching the landing just a split second after Hayden does. He immediately rushes to Nik's closed bedroom door, a small stream of light spills out from the crack between the door and the carpet. The second he tries the handles, and it doesn't turn I bang furiously on the door.

"Nik!" I screech and continue banging.

"Get out of the way!" Hayden shouts and I step back, stumbling right into Jennie and Becca who have followed us up here. We watch as Hayden kicks the door once, twice, three times and then it flies inward. I rush past him, my heart hammering in my chest so hard I think I might have a heart attack.

There he is. Laying on the floor not moving.

"Nik!" I screech at the top of my lungs and fall to the floor, pulling him into my lap and I am sure as I turn his body over I will find blood, too much blood and he will have done it for real this time. But there is no blood, and his chest rises and falls ever so slightly but he is unconscious.

I slap his cheek and his head rolls to the side revealing pale blue lips. "Wake up," I beg. "Wake up."

"Fuck!" Hayden curses and jumps into action. He pushes me to the side and has Nik flung over his shoulder in seconds. "Move!" he barks at Becca and Jennie as they stare from the doorway. They both jump back, making way for Hayden to barrel out the door.

"Hayden, what's happening. What's wrong with him?" I rush after him taking the steps two at a time.

"He took something." He hollers back at me as he swings the front door open and escapes into the night. I follow blindly, as if I am tethered to Nik and wherever he goes, I will go. Arms claw at me, trying to pull me back but I push them off. I know it is my best friends, trying to stop me from following the horror playing out in front of us.

The only thing I can think of is Hayden's words. He took something.

"What do you mean he took something?"

He doesn't answer me while he expertly maneuvers the truck door open and lowers Nik into the back seat. "Get in." He barks and rushes to the driver's side door.

"What?" I freeze, I am so confused and I just need a minute for my brain to catch up to what the hell is happening.

"GET IN THE FUCKING TRUCK!" Hayden bellows and his anger echoes into the night. This isn't the norm here, not in this fancy gated neighborhood. Somehow, I do what I am told. I run around and climb in the back, pulling Nik's head into my lap. I push his sweaty hair back from his face and I want nothing more than for him to open his eyes and just look at me.

"Follow me." Hayden yells out the window and I assume he must be talking to Becca and Jennie, who are watching us as they clutch desperately to each other.

Hayden peels out of the driveway, tires screeching and nearly takes out the gate. My body flies back into the seat from the acceleration. The truck shifts easily and we speed down the residential street, drift around the corner and continue at top speed. Running stop signs and nearly crashing into another vehicle.

"Slow down." I choke out through my tears and continue petting Nik's damp hair.

"Do you want him to die? There is a hospital only five minutes from here."

"What's happening, Hayden? Why is he unconscious?"

"He's taken something, who knows what it was this time." This time? What the hell is he talking about? Hayden glances at me in the rear-view mirror, his eyes suddenly

full of pity. "I tried to warn you Haven, Nik has a closet full of demons and not just the ones you two share."

I stare down at the love of my life, lying unconscious in my lap and I know I will never forgive myself for coming back into his life. This - this is all my fault.