Waking up the next morning it takes a moment for me to remember how I got back to my bed in the Hutchs condo. I look to my left and notice a black splash of hair over my pillow. Relief washes over me as I realize Jennie and I had left the party together as we had planned.

My head spins as I crawl out of bed in search of a glass of water. I wobble when I take my first step and as the blood rushes to my head; I feel the pounding hangover sink in. Ever so slowly, I make my way to the kitchen and get myself a glass of water. Every step I take feels like somebody is taking a hammer to my head.

"Morning." I greet Charles, who is making himself a sandwich in the kitchen.

He chuckles. "Good afternoon." I glance at the clock on the stove and realize it is nearly noon. It has been a long time since I have slept in this late. "Rough night?"

"No, it was great. Just too much to drink, I guess. Do you have..." I cut my question off when Charles tosses a bottle of Advil at me. I cringe at the tinkling sound of the tiny pills crashing together inside the bottle. "Thanks." I smile at him.

"Don't let Dolores see your too hungover. She used to tease Jennie all day long if she was hungover. Funny as hell to watch, but I don't think it was much fun on the receiving end." He laughs to himself and I am sure he is reminiscing.

"Thanks for the tip." I groan and pad back to my bedroom.

I enter quietly, trying not to wake Jennie but the moment the door clicks shut she jolts awake. The blanket flies off of her as she sits upright, her dark hair a wild mess around her head. She mumbles something unintelligible in a croaky voice and I have to ask her to repeat herself.

"I wasn't sure where I was." she clarifies. "I was scared to open my eyes." I laugh and settle back into bed, offering my glass of water to her. She gulps it greedily and returns the empty cup to my hand. "Are you as hungover as I am?" Jennie whispers to me. "Don't let Grandma Dee know..."

I hold my hand up to silence her. "Charles warned me."

Jennie reaches around on the floor for something, her hand resurfaces with her cell phone. She checks the time and tosses it back onto the floor with a groan. "How did we get back here last night?" she questions as she rubs her temples gently.

"Must have taken a cab. Everyone was way too drunk to drive."

"That's right," Jennie recalls. "Chase and Nik said they would drive my car here in the morning. It's all coming back to me now."

"Speaking of Chase..." I trail off because I know she knows what I want to know.

"Isn't he just the hottest?" She gushes and dives into the story of how they shared their first kiss last night. I'm surprised by how romantic it all sounds. Jennie tries to act as if she doesn't really care about Chase, that it is all just fun. But the way her eyes light up when she tells me how he cupped her cheeks in his hands, I know she cares more than she is letting on.

"So what are you guys then?"

"No labels." Jennie shrugs. "We have only hung out twice now."

"Twice?" I question. "I thought the party was the first time."

"I didn't tell you about our lunch date!" She exclaims, causing us both to groan from the noise and rub our heads soothingly. "We had lunch together the day after you were job shadowing me. But before I get into that, what about you and Nik?" her tone is gossipy and I know she won't let me off easy on this one.

"We agreed to be friends." I try to sound casual but it's impossible. Groaning, I hug my pillow to my chest. "I think he was going to kiss me."

"You guys didn't kiss at all?" Jennie sounds disappointed. "I thought for sure with how flirty you two were being..."

"We weren't being flirty." I defend myself and Jennie laughs hysterically.

"Oh please! Do you not recall our conversation in the bathroom, I saw you both putting your hands on each other whenever you could. And the way he was watching you dance, I could practically see his..."

"Okay, okay!" I cut her off before she says something inappropriate. She laughs at my blushing face and I hit her in the leg with one of my pillows.

"So just friends, huh? And you're okay with that?"

"I have to be okay with it. We can't be more than friends or things will get too complicated." I sigh in frustration. Deep down I know I want the chance to explore more with Nik. I want the chance to be together because I never allowed that in the past. It wasn't until he left that I realized how much I wanted to be with him.

"Can you explain it to me?" Jennie asks tentatively. "I know you sort of did before, the night we first met but I still don't get it. How did everything go so wrong?"

It's easy to explain how everything went so wrong. I was a self-righteous bitch who loved to manipulate and play games. But it was the effect it had on Nik that was the main cause for concern. I hated to recall the things I said, and the things he did in response to them but if Jennie was going to be my go-to girl for all things Nik related, I owed her a better explanation.

"I told you that I had him wrapped around my finger and I used it to my advantage but it was worse than that. Not only would I use him to buy me lunch and make my stupid ex boyfriend jealous, but I would play mind games with him. I don't know why I loved doing it, but I would act flirtatious with him, especially in front of Taylor and I enjoyed the attention but when I felt like it was too much, I would turn on him. Tell him I hated him and that I didn't care about him.

"The next day I would show up to school, give him the biggest hug, slide my hand into his and all would be forgotten. This continued for months and I watched it slowly break him down mentally but I didn't care and I didn't stop doing it. All I cared about was getting attention from Nik, keeping him close to me but never close enough for him to feel comfortable and making Taylor jealous. When Taylor and I got back together, it broke Nik. He started..." I take a deep breath and spit the words out, "cutting himself. I don't think it was just because of me, he had a lot of stuff going on with his parents too. But I knew I was the one pushing him over the edge and I continued to mess with his head whenever I could."

Tears burn in the back of my eyes as I think about it. The cuts on his wrists that he would cover with a bandana, the devastation in his eyes when he saw Taylor and I walking down the hallway hand in hand. My heart aches at the thought of how careless I had been with his emotions. I can't bare to reveal anymore.

"We were never a couple, even though we acted like it, and I drove him to hurt himself Jennie. That's why even being friends with him feels risky. The last thing I want is to say or do the wrong thing and bring him back to that place."

"That sounds really fucked up Haven, but you're not that person anymore. And I bet he isn't either, I mean, he doesn't look like the type to put up with some bratty ass..." she cuts herself off and smiles apologetically, "What I mean is you guys were young, dumb and in love - now you're more mature, you have regrets and you are lucky enough to get a second chance to make it right."

We sit in silence as I ponder this concept. I know what she is saying makes sense, but it's as if there is a mental block in my head that prevents me from moving forward. There is something inside of me that refuses to let go of mine and Nik's past and if I can't let it go will I ever be able to move on? Will Nik forever be the guy that got away or can I change the narrative and make Nik the guy that I got a second chance with?

"Okay, I'm done with the heavy stuff." Jennie sits upright and faces me a mischievous grin on her face, "You said you two were never a couple but you acted like it, so tell me how far did you two go?" She raises her eyebrows at me curiously and I can't help but laugh. Leave it to Jennie to want the pervy details.

"We were fourteen!" I exclaim in disbelief. "What do you think we were doing?"

"Well, if you were doing what I was doing at fourteen then..."

"We never had sex." I cut her off before she dives into her own sexual history.

"Really?" she sounds disappointed. "So how far?"

I roll my eyes and instantly regret it as my head pounds violently. "Dammit Jennie, you will not let this go will you?" She shakes her head and cringes in pain, hangovers are the worst. "Fine." I grumble. "He gave me my first ever..." I blush at the thought and then whisper the word, "orgasam."

"At fourteen! Wow, that's impressive!" Jennie's eyes alight with curiosity and I know I have to shut this conversation down right now. "So how did he..."

"That's enough out of you!" I tackle Jennie off the bed and clamp my hand over her mouth. We roll around on the floor, wrestling as Jennie screams out random dirty words and I struggle to keep her mouth shut. The sound of my phone ringing ends the wrestling match, I snatch it up and feel like the worst friend in the world when I groan at the sight of Becca's name.

"I have to take this." I slide my finger across the screen and Becca's face appears. The image of me in the top corner of the screen is horrendous, smeared makeup coats my eyelids and my hair resembles a bird's nest.

"Well, you look terrible." The sound of my best friend's voice, even when she is insulting me, makes me heart sing. If I weren't hiding a big secret from her, a secret named Nik, I would never groan at her calls. I love Becca more than anything, and that's why I am terrible at hiding things from her.

"Thanks," I fluff up my hair, "it's this new look I am going for. What's up girl?"

"Oh you know, just checking in because you don't seem to do that anymore."

"I called you two days ago." I laugh and lie back in bed. Jennie waves her hand to get my attention and mouths the word shower at me before sneaking off to my bathroom. I give her a thumbs up.

"Yeah, and we only talked for like 10 minutes." Becca complains. I know she is right; I haven't stayed in touch with her as well as I should be. If the roles were reversed, I would hurt too. Her complaining may come across as bitchy, but I know that it boils down to her being hurt and missing me.

"True. I'm sorry, what's new with you. Tell me all about your last couple days."

I absorb every single word she says. I don't dare let my mind wander to other things; I respond when necessary, laugh when appropriate, and genuinely enjoy listening to her. A part of me even feels jealous as she tells me about her night out with our usual group of friends. I miss home; I miss my best friend, but for now I am content here.

We talk for twenty minutes, and I am glad when she is the one who needs to end the phone call. She tells me she loves me and misses me; I say it back and blow a big kiss to her through the phone before hanging up. Not once did she ask me about how things are going here so for now my secret is safe.

Guilt racks my body when I realize I just thought of Nik as my secret. I will tell her soon. It's not fair for me to lie to her or to think of Nik that way. The last thing I want is for Nik to come between Becca and I again. We almost didn't make it through the first time, I'm not sure our friendship could survive a second.

My bathroom door bangs open and Jennie emerges from a cloud of steam wrapped in a pink towel. "I feel so much better!" she exclaims with manic energy while snatching her phone off the ground. She works the phone for a minute and then whispers, "Oh shit." She quickly puts the phone to her ear and I give her a confused look.

"Hey!" she says excitedly, "Where are you guys?" she listens and nods for a moment. "Yeah that works." I hate being out of the loop. I stare at her expectantly, wanting an explanation. "See you in twenty minutes!" she ends the call and turns to me with a wide smile on her face.

"You might want to take a shower, Chase and Nik are bringing my car back and they are taking us for breakfast!"