It's eight pm when I take the elevator down to the lobby. My red dress brushes against my thighs, as I sway from side to side impatiently. I glance at myself in the shiny gold reflection of the elevator door and smile. It was important to me to get myself dolled up for this. My first real date with Nik.

My hair is half up, in an intricate knot on the back of my head, the rest of my long blonde hair falling in waves over my shoulder. Thanks to Jennie, my makeup is perfectly shaded, a delicate balance of neutral colors that emphasizes the color and shape of my eyes. The dress is on the sexy side, revealing my cleavage and a lot of leg. But I feel confident in it, and I know Nik would love me in anything.

The elevator dings open and I have to stop myself from running towards the red truck I see parked outside waiting for me. He is on time. This surprises me more than the fact that I am in this position. With a deep breath I open the doors and step into the warm night air. The sun is setting, but the heat from the day settles over my skin and I am glad for the revealing dress.

It has been less than 24 hours since we have seen each other but I am aching to be in his arms, to smell his skin, to feel his heart beating under his chest. When Nik walks around the truck and comes into view, my heart slams into my chest. Dressed in a white, short sleeved dress shirt, tucked into black fitted jeans and a shiny pair of black shoes he could have stepped directly from a magazine. His blonde hair is styled into a beautiful mess on top of his head.

"You look amazing." He says as he pulls me into his arms. The smell of camping no longer lingers on his skin, but the smell of cologne and laundry is just as familiar.

When Nik and I walk into the restaurant hand in hand, I feel like I must be dreaming. How after everything we have been through together did we end up here? Together, on a date at a fancy restaurant in downtown Vancouver.

I never would have imagined that being with Nik could feel so light. This shot at a second chance has lifted the weight of our past off of my shoulders. Will I ever forget? No, but I think I can move past it and forgive myself.

The waitress seats us in a secluded, dimly lit table at the back of the restaurant. I am grateful for the privacy; It makes this moment that much more special. As the waitress rattles off the specials, I keep my eyes on Nik, who is politely paying attention. When she leaves his eyes instantly fall on mine, and his smile overtakes his face.

"Are you staring at me?" he questions playfully.

"Yes, I am." I state proudly. "I still can't believe how nicely you clean up. You're always wearing shorts." It's a hard thing for my brain to comprehend; Nik looks like a sophisticated man.

"I'm glad I dressed up or I would have looked like an idiot next to you in that dress."

I can't help but grin as his eyes trail over the neckline of my dress, which reveals a lot of cleavage. Who knows why I packed the thing, if I didn't go on this date with Nik it would have stayed in my closet my entire trip.

"We both clean up nicely, don't we?" I hold my hand out to him, and he takes it delicately in his own. My body erupts in pleasant shivers. For a moment I take the time to dedicate this image to my memory. Nik and I at a romantic dinner, holding hands across the table and smiling at each other like there is no place we would rather be.

"We do." he brings my hand up to his lips and plants a small kiss on my skin.

"Have you decided on something to drink?" The waitress appears with a wide smile on her face.

"I'll take a tequila sunrise, please."

"Just a Coke for me."

Suddenly I feel myself flush a deep red and I am overcome with embarrassment at ordering myself alcohol and Nik hasn't. It is almost a natural reaction to order myself an alcoholic beverage when I go for dinner. Not even because I want to drink, but just because I can. Was it bad to drink on a first date? I thought people did that to ease the tension. But I feel no tension; I feel no need for my liquid courage.

"Actually, I will just have an ice water, please." I quickly change my mind and flash the waitress a smile. She nods before leaving us alone.

"You could have gotten the drink." Nik catches my hands back up into his and rubs soothing circles on my skin.

"No, I shouldn't have ordered it, anyway. I feel like I am always drinking when I'm with you. The party, and then camping..." Nik considers this a moment and for the briefest second I see his expression change, it's so fast I can't even analyze it.

"Just get the drink, babe."

Babe. My heart melts in my chest and I want to screech in excitement. The sound of Nik calling me babe makes me so happy I could die right here and now.

"I'm good." I smile, too big and he catches my reaction immediately.

"Aww, you're getting all giddy cause I called you babe, aren't you?"

"Don't tease me." I pout but can't stop the smile from overtaking my face again.

"Fine, I won't... babe."

"Nik!" I shriek in complaint and hide my reddening face in my hands. He howls with laughter at my absurd reaction. If he knew how many times I had fantasized about this, not this date in particular, but about an alternate reality where we had been happy together, and called each other pet names, he would not be teasing me right now.

This moment is a dream come true for me. Somehow, this means that everything I did in the past, all the terrible hurtful things I said and did, were forgivable. The changes I made to myself, to make myself a better person, were worth it because here I am. I am exactly where I wanted to be so many years ago but I was too stuck up and lost in the drama to admit it.

"So," Nik begins once he has convinced me to lower my hands from my face, "how is the whole 'finding your life path' thing going?"

"Funny you should ask..." I begin excitedly as if I have some big update in that area of my life. "I have decided I don't care!"

Nik chuckles. "What do you mean you don't care? I thought that was the whole reason you came here?"

"It was." The waitress interrupts to deliver our drinks and take our order. I choose pasta, he orders a steak and then looks at my expectantly. "It's not that I don't care, it's just that I have decided not to put so much pressure on myself. This lady that Jennie works with, she told me she changed her major three times before settling on becoming an accountant. I'm only 19 years old. I have a lot of time to decide what I want to do with my life."

"Are you planning to go back to school when you go home?"

I hate that he asks this. The last thing I want to think about right now is returning home. But the countdown is officially on; I have less than one month left in Vancouver. That means less than one month left with Nik, and I desperately want more time.

"I don't think I could just drop out. My mom is so proud that I am continuing my education." My mood is shifting with my frustration, so I turn the questions onto Nik. "I'm surprised your parents didn't push you to go to college or university."

"They will expect me to eventually, but they know now isn't the right time." He shrugs nonchalantly.

"Lucky you," Sighing, I sip my ice water and wipe the condensation from my fingers. "At least your parents get it, 19 years old is too young to decide what you want to do with your life."

"Actually I'm 20." He smirks.

"Well damn Nik," I throw my hands in the air dramatically. "You should have it all figured out by now!" We laugh together and it is so nice to talk to somebody who understands that sometimes, you are just not ready.

All thoughts of the future are out the window when our food arrives. The pasta is to die for, creamy Alfredo sauce topped with thinly sliced parmesan cheese. I cringe with embarrassment when Nik points out I have white sauce on my cheek. Despite that, I eat every bite.

We share a dessert, a small chocolate brownie with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on top. I am full to the brim by the time Nik pays for our meal, and we make our way to the truck. The food has provided a great distraction from our conversation about the future. But now, as I lean back in my seat with my hand on my very full stomach I can't stop the thoughts from invading my mind.

One month left. Need to enroll in courses. Have to buy textbooks. Need to decide on a major. Have to say goodbye. Have to leave Nik. Have to go home.

It's all too much. I know I have decided that I'm not going to put pressure on myself about the future, but that is easier said than done. There are choices I need to make for myself. Should I continue drifting in my life just to make other people happy?

A summer is not enough time to make one of the biggest decisions of my life, maybe I need to take a year off and explore my options. My mom's face pops into my mind at this thought; it would devastate her. But I can't live my life for her. I need to live it for me.

If I didn't think about anyone else and just decided for myself, where would I be in life? Not in university, and I don't necessarily think that is a good thing. There is value in furthering your education but only when you are ready. And I think it's pretty clear that I am not ready.

"You okay, babe?" Nik's smooth voice reaches my ears and brings me back to reality.

"Just thinking." I gaze at him and smile softly.

"Of course you are." He grins at me. "Have I ever told you that you think too much?"

"Yes." I roll my eyes at him as he pulls to a stop outside the condo. He turns in his seat and locks eyes with me. All he has to do is look at me and I open up to him. "I wish I didn't have to consider anybody else when making choices for my life."

Nik considers this a moment. "You don't have to consider anyone's opinions or thoughts, except for your own. If you don't want to go back to school than don't. If you want to take a semester off, then do it. If you want to stay here, then stay." He smiles and takes my hands in his. "I wouldn't object to that."

"I wish it were that easy." I sigh.

"It can be, Haven. You are in control of your life."

I don't feel like I am. At some point I started watching my life from the sidelines. Deciding to go out where Becca wants to go. Deciding to go to university because my mom wants me to. My body is on autopilot, doing and saying what other people want me to do or say. I have lived this way for so long that I am not sure how to live any other way.

But now that I think of it, that's not 100 percent true. This trip was a decision I made for myself, and everything I have done while I have been here has been for myself too. This was the first step towards discovering myself, and I need to embrace my thoughts and opinions that come out of this journey; otherwise, it will all be for nothing. I can't just go home and fall back into the same patterns.

The choice of what to do with my life after this summer is mine, but how do I make it?