I have completely avoided Nik's house for the last couple of days. Ever since his parents returned home from vacation, to be exact. The last thing I want is to see his parents or have a conversation with them. I know how they must feel about me, although Nik has reassured me that they are unbothered by my reappearance in his life. But how could they not be?

They watched their son's mental state slowly deteriorate from my stupid, repulsive, immature actions. I am a major reason they moved their family away. There is no way they are just 'ok' with me being back in the picture. But Nik is adamant that they don't care. I think his real intention is to stop me from thinking that they have a

reason to be worried, because if I believe they do I will draw away from him.

So because I am completely avoiding his home, and his work hours picked up, we have spent little time together the last few days. When he called to ask if I wanted to go on a double date with Chase and Jennie, I was quick to say yes. I missed Nik, and I didn't want my concerns over his parents to drive a wedge between us.

When Nik arrived to pick me up my heart thrummed at the sight of him and a ridiculous grin spread across my face. Even with a black eye and a busted lip he looks perfect. I felt instantly at ease when he pulled me into his arms and it wasn't until that moment that I realized how at home I feel when I am with him.

Jennie and Chase were already at the restaurant when we arrived. It's been a great night, full of laughter and jokes, but now as we sit finishing our drinks, I feel a sadness creeping over me.

"You okay?" Nik places his hand on my thigh, rubbing it comfortingly.

"Yes, I just don't want to leave you."

He considers this a moment and I realize he must be analyzing my meaning. Do I mean I don't want to leave him tonight or I don't want to leave him when it's time for me to go home, to my real home?

"Just come back with me." he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck and goosebumps rise across my entire body.

Another reason I shouldn't go back to his house, I am way too sexually frustrated to make good choices in that regard. Ever since our heavy make-out session the afternoon of his party, I have constantly daydreamed about what could have happened if I didn't stop things. I want it so bad, even his hand on my thigh is causing my stomach to tense in anticipation, my body wants all of Nik.

"I can't see your parents." I shake my head, he probably thinks I am emphasising my dislike for the idea, but really I am trying to clear my thoughts of his half naked body on top of mine.

"You are such a wimp." Chase laughs before polishing off his fifth beer of the night.

"Shut up." Jennie smacks his arm playfully.

"I agree, shut up." Nik retorts, "You're no help."

"You're never going to get laid if she won't even go to your house anymore!" Chase exclaims, and I can instantly feel myself turn beet red. My eyes drop to my hands, which I wring nervously in my lap.

Great, so Nik has been telling Chase, and who knows who else, that I won't sleep with him. Is it because he is angry about it or because he has been trying to seek advice on how to make me give it up? I know I should feel angry, but I also understand that Nik is a guy, and guy's talk about these things. I mean, I have talked with Jennie about it so would it really be fair to get upset about it? Besides, I am too taken aback by Chase's outburst to feel anything more than embarrassed.

"Dude, shut the fuck up." Nik warns at the same time Jennie smacks Chase, this time not so playful.

"You drink five beers and can't keep your damn mouth shut?" Jennie scolds, "Come on," she pushes him from the booth, "time for us to go."

"Great, now I'm not gunna get laid." Chase complains as he stumbles out of the booth. I am surprised he is teetering on drunk because he didn't drink that much.

"Shut up!" Nik and Jennie chorus together and I can't help but laugh.

"Sorry Haven, I didn't mean anything by it I just..." he is cut off by Jennie slamming her hand over his mouth.

"What he means to say is, thanks for hanging out with us, we had a great time, have a good night. Okay bye!" She pulls Chase away from the table and I can hear her scolding him as they walk away with Jennie seeming to support Chase as he walks.

"I am so sorry." Nik says as he rests his elbows on the table and buries his face into his hands. My face is still warm with embarrassment as I try to formulate a response. There is nothing I can think to say, so I wait for him to speak again. The silence isn't awkward; In fact, after Chase's drunk babbling, it is a relief. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to Haven."

It's not that I don't want to, it's more that I want to so badly that I know it's not a good idea. It may not be the same for him, but if I make that connection with him it will break my fucking heart to leave him.

"Nik, you know it's not that I don't want to right?"

"I'm not sure what situation you are referring to," he admits quietly.

I look around at the busy restaurant feeling reluctant to have this discussion here. It is unlikely anybody is listening to our hushed conversation, but it feels wrong to talk about this here. I nudge Nik out of the booth, and he helps me with my thin shawl before taking my hand and leading me out of the restaurant. The second he closes the door of the truck I burst into speech.

"I was referring to sleeping with you," I declare. "I think about it all the time, but I am terrified to give you that part of me. And no, it's not like you would take my virginity or anything but with you, everything is a big deal to me. We wouldn't just be sleeping together, to me it would be..." I pause, too scared to come right out and say it.

"It would just be more than that and it will make leaving you feel a million times worse. That's what it all comes back to. I will still have to leave you. I know how much harder it will be for me and sex might not be a big deal to you but I can't help thinking that maybe it will make things harder for you too. The last thing I want is to make any of this harder on you."

I take a deep breath and turn my gaze to Nik for the first time since beginning my speech. He is watching me carefully, one arm resting on the edge of the window, the other firmly clenching the steering wheel. What is he thinking right now? Was what I said too much, is he upset with me?

"Listen Haven," he begins in a soft tone, but he is cut off by an unfamiliar voice calling his name across the parking lot. We both glance out the window and I am surprised by the appearance of the man now approaching the truck. Big baggy jeans, unkept hair and an oversized dirty sweater hanging wide open over a stained white t-shirt. I have never seen Nik associate with anyone who looks so... dishevelled. I feel bad for my judgments, but this person doesn't seem to fit in Nik's life at all.

"Fuck." Nik mumbles under his breath and a wave of tension ripples through his body. The hand on the steering wheel clenches tighter, his knuckles turning white. His shoulders are tight, and when he turns to face me his eyes are dark and serious. "Don't say a word."

His tone causes a shiver to course through my body. I don't think he has ever spoken to me like that, demanding and almost aggressive. It makes me want to disobey his request, but I push the thought down inside of me and purse my lips shut. If he wants me to be quiet, then quiet is exactly what I will be.

"Nik, the lil hommie." The man, which I now realize is not a man at all because of his round youthful face, slams his hand on the frame of the door, and leans into the open window. "What the fuck is up, bro?" his hands are grimy, with dirt caked under his fingernails.

"Joey," Nik greets curtly, "don't scratch my truck." He casually waves his hand and Joey holds his hands up in response, taking half a step back.

"All good man, all good. Gotta respect the ride, fo sho fo sho. So why haven't I seen you, it's been a minute?" Joey's demeanor is almost frantic, he switches his weight from foot to foot, scratches at his face, then his arm. He doesn't seem capable of staying still.

"Just lying low man." the sharpness in Nik's tone nearly cuts me, how is Joey not reacting to it?

"Sure sure, lil hommie. You interested in a little..."

"Joey," Nik cuts him off just as Joey digs around in his many pockets, this time he catches the warming in Nik's tone and freezes immediately, "I have to get my friend home."

Friend? How could Nik possibly refer to me as a 'friend'? Something inside of me snaps and my first reaction is to run. The second I unbuckle my seatbelt Nik's hand flies to mine and squeezes me so hard it hurts. I raise my eyes from his death grip on me and look up to see his brown eyes staring at me intently. "Do not get out of this truck." he firmly clicks the buckle back into place and turns to face Joey.

"Ohhhh." Joey trails dramatically and nods in understanding and he leans around Nik to get a better look at me. He licks his lips as if Nik has placed his favorite food before him and he can't wait to devour it. My skin crawls and I lean back into my seat, looking anywhere but at Joey, "I got you man, I got you. If you change your mind, well I'm around man, you know how it is with me."

"Yeah, man." Nik dismisses him and turns the key in the ignition before rolling his window up. Joey backs away from the truck but I can sense his eyes are still on me and it makes me want to puke. Nik reverses and as we exit the parking lot Joey is on my side of the truck. I chance a glance at him, he winks at me and bile rises in my throat.

We drive through downtown traffic in complete silence. After his behaviour towards me, I will not be the first to speak. Who the hell is Joey and how does Nik know someone like that? As I mentally scan every face I can recall from Nik's parties, I know that nobody like that has ever been in attendance.

I am so lost in thought that I don't realize he has pulled the truck to a stop outside of the Hutch's building. My eyes seek his, but he won't look at me. As my heart races in my chest, I feel the anger build up inside of me. What did I do? Why won't he look at me? Is this a reaction to Joey, or to the speech I had given moments before the run in with his strange acquaintance?

Instead of blowing up at him out of anger, I decide to leave without a word. As my hand grasps the door handle, he finally speaks.

"Wait." His tone is no longer demanding; It's broken. The sound of it neutralizes my anger instantly and I turn to find him staring at me. His eyes are wide and vulnerable. "I'm sorry for speaking to you like that."

I drop my hand from the door and turn in my seat to face him completely. He pushes both of his hands through his hair, messing it up as he pulls on the strands so hard it looks painful. When he lowers his hands, I can see they are shaking. Despite my earlier frustrations with him, I reach out and take his hands in mine.

"Are you okay?" I search his face and there is too much to see there. Anger, pain, regret, confusion, and something I can only identify as longing. Longing for what? I don't know but I'm sure it isn't for me.

"I'm fine Haven, I just hoped I would never see that guy again." he sighs and squeezes my hands as if I am the only thing holding him to this earth.

"Who was he?" I question him but the look on his face tells me I will not get a straight answer.

"Someone from my past." Nik replies in a haunting voice. "Can we not talk about that right now?" I roll my eyes in response but he quickly continues, "I promise we can talk about it another time but right now I just need to be with you. I... I can't be alone." He sounds helpless and looks as if all the energy has been drained from his body. His hunched shoulders and defeated voice pull on my heartstrings and all I want to do is comfort him.

But this is becoming a pattern with Nik. He always wants me to just let things go; our past, his fight with Hayden and now this. How does he expect me to plow through these things as if they don't matter? However, another glance at his pleading eyes diminishes my need for an explanation.

"Why don't you come upstairs?" Relief floods over him at my words and he doesn't grin at me, as if he is happy he has gotten his way, the smile he flashes me is one of gratitude.