I know this will be my best chance to talk to Nik alone. Two minutes after he leaves the classroom, I raise my hand and ask if I can use the washroom. Of course, I'm excused because my teacher knows if she doesn't let me go I will throw a fit and nobody wants that. Sometimes, it's just easier to give me what I want.

Instead of going into the women's washroom, I lean against the wall right outside the men's room and wait for Nik to appear. He rounds the corner and comes to a dead stop at the sight of me, my leg propped up against the wall and my arms folded across my chest. I offer him a dazzling smile, but he doesn't return it. His brown eyes are hollow, with dark shadows underneath echoing the sleepless night he must have had. It hurts me to see him this way, especially because I know he looks like this because of me.

"Hey, Nik." I pop the 'k' and straighten up from the wall.

"I thought you said you weren't going to talk to me ever again?" He questions in a dry voice.

"I lied." I shrug and saunter down the hallway, taking the longer route back to class. "Walk with me?" I question sweetly and hold my hand out for him to take. He hesitates, no doubt wondering what kind of torture I have in store for him, but there is none. I just want to talk.

His hand finds mine and as our fingers intertwine a warmth spreads through me that brings a blush to my cheeks. Only Nik's touch can make me feel this way now, especially since our moment in his basement. The thrum of adrenaline and anticipation that Taylor's touch used to cause me has slowly fizzled out, or maybe it just seems less compared to what Nik can do to me.

"Taylor won't be happy if he sees this." Nik gestures to our hands.

"I can handle Taylor." I reassure him.

"Of course you can." Nik chuckles lightly, and the sound of it makes me smile. I don't understand this back and forth between him and I. I'm well aware that I cause it, but I don't know why I feel the need to. Being like this with him feels good, why do I always have to ruin it by being a complete bitch?

"I wanted to talk to you about Becca." I begin and glance over at him to see his reaction.

"What about her?" He replies carelessly.

"Well, you two are getting awfully cosy and I don't like it."

"That's not fair Haven, you have a boyfriend. You can't expect me to just sit around waiting for you forever. You know how I feel about you, and I know you feel the same about me but you're wasting your time with Taylor."

The confidence in his words surprises me; It's also incredibly attractive. I come to stop and lean against the row of lockers, still holding tight to Nik's hand. "I do feel the same about you Nik, but it's not that simple. Me and you, we are something else. Something different from anything I've ever felt before and it scares me." I look up at him through my lashes, suddenly overwhelmed with my feelings for him.

I care about him so much, and I know my actions don't show it but he sees through the shit that I do to him. A part of me wishes I could just stop being a bitch to him, but then how will I control him? How will I make sure that he keeps coming back to me?

"Haven, make a choice. I can't keep doing this forever; It's literally driving me crazy. I will pay attention to other girls if you're not going to give me a chance."

"But why her? Why my best friend?" I complain and stomp my foot like a child.

"Because" Nik stares me right in the eyes, blue and brown focused on each other. "I know she's the one person you can't stand to see me with."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise; I didn't think Nik had it in him to be so... cunning. Why does that make me like him even more? It's like I'm addicted to the games, the drama, the manipulation.

"Your terrible." I whisper with a grin on my face and tug his hand, pulling him closer to me. He braces himself against the locker and leans his face in towards mine.

"Yes, I am." He retorts with an insignificant shrug and then he brings his lips down to mine.

Taylors face pops into my mind but it doesn't stop me from pulling Nik closer to me so that I can feel his body against mine. Our lips are familiar to each other now, but this feels more exhilarating than ever, probably because it's so wrong. I have a boyfriend but I don't care. His shaggy blonde hair brushes against my eyelashes tickling me ever so gently and I giggle against his lips.

"Break up with him, Haven." Nik breathes hoarsely.

Why can't I just say yes? I want to say yes, but the words will not come out of my mouth. I stare at him, our faces still so close together his breath tickles my face. His eyes are pleading, and I want to give him the reassurance but fear holds me back.

"Not yet." I whisper and his hands instantly fall away, leaving me feeling cold and empty.

"I knew it, this was just another game to you."

"No," I begin, but he cuts me off with a cold tone that stabs my heart.

"Save it Haven. Enjoy seeing Becca and I together every single time you turn the corner, every time you enter a classroom, on the bus, at the mall, everywhere." He hisses and turns on his heel, hammering a locker with his fist as he goes.

"Anyone but her! Please, just pick anyone but my best friend!" I yell at his back but he doesn't acknowledge my request. Nik walks away from me and I feel something deep inside of me screaming in protest. My heart hammers in my chest and as the desperation sets in all I want is to tear the skin from my body and throw it on the ground.

Why can't I be someone else? Someone who doesn't shy away from the love that Nik has to offer. Why do I feel the need to stay with someone that I know doesn't care about me as much as a person could? Why can't I just give in and be with Nik when I know deep down that he is what I want? He is what my soul craves. Why, why, why!

I'm just about to collapse to my knees and cry, but the blaring ring of the school bell overhead jolts me back to reality. Students flood the halls from every direction and as the space around me fills with bodies I stand up straight, tighten my ponytail and merge into the crowd with my head held high. Nobody gets to see me crumble, not in this school.

In their eyes, I am "the bitch Haven Clark" and I do not fall.