You call it madness, but I call it love

~Don Byas

Jagati

"Auntie, Thank you for letting me stay here." I told her as she was serving me food.

I reached Devansh's home last night, this house bought back all the good memories it gave me, this is where I confessed my love to him, where we first fought, and decided to give our relationship a chance.

Diamond, Chiku, Peanut and Snappy ran to me as I stepped into the garden this morning. Diamond was a small pup when I was here the last time and now it grew so big, and the sad news is their mother Laya died.

Things change, and sometimes change is bad and it hurts.

I walked around the house and found so many new ducks and hens. I love this house, the fresh air, the animals, the people and their warmth.

Villages have that originality the cities miss in their busy 9 to 5 lives.

And my Dev, Where is he? I didn't see him from last night.

Stop acting so desperate, I am not his assistant to know his schedule. Shut up and keep quiet.

He is being weird since we met Karthik and Samanvi. He looks sad and hurt.

I don't care.

"Janu, stop thanking me. I told you this in the morning, you are like my daughter and this is your home too. I don't care if you are in good terms with my son or not." She said stroking my head gently bringing tears to my eyes.

Why do people love people who are not worthy of it? Like my friends, Dhruv and his whole family, Devansh' parents.I lied to them, gave them nothing but pain but they are still loving me.

Love is so selfish and selfless.

"Tell me, What did you do today?" She asked sitting beside me.

"I gave a tour of the village to the JD team, and they shared me their plan. Their R&D department have really cool innovations aunty, all their new developing projects will be so useful for us. I am really excited to see them in action. Livia showed me this robot which removes weeds and does seeding... " I blabbered excitedly about all the things I saw today, while aunty heartily listened to me and gave me her input on how things should be done.

After dinner, I went to my room, checked in with Jamie and Andy about my other projects, talked to Amaya and Divya Di to update, but that Dhruv beat me to it already. Later I talked to my parents and prepared myself to sleep as it was 11:45.

I have a really packed schedule tomorrow, Dhruv is coming back early in the morning and we are all going to the other villages for inspection. I have to co-ordinate to move all the shipment here and get working.

As I was about to doze off, I heard someone knock the door making me groan in frustration, I covered myself with the sheets on the bed, hiding my pajamas to look presentable before unbolting the door for the person knocking at this ungodly hour.

"Hi..." Devansh said smiling sheepishly as I gave him an annoying look.

What does he want at this time? Is he here to kill me?

Why would he kill you?

For the same reason he pushed me and hurt me. You won't understand.

I grabbed the vase on the stand near by the door and hid it in my other hand under the sheets.

"Do you want something?" I asked him gripping the vase tight.

"Did you have dinner? I am sorry I couldn't meet you today, I had to find a warehouse to store all the crop as no one wanted to buy, as the prices are high." He started talking while I calmed down all the bad thoughts clouding my mind.

"Thank you for the concern, I did eat dinner." I said and gave him a tight lipped smile.

"Are you free? I have to show you something." With that he held my hand and dragged me along with him.

Of all the senses in the world touch has more power, that's the first language we as humans speak. I say that because, all the negative thoughts I had till now melted away as soon as he held me, I was feeling the warmth that I've been craving for so long.

Ha Ha...where is your stupid ego now, did it melt in his touch? Wack Job!

No, that is not ego. It's called self respect, Gecko. There is a difference!

Thank you for making me realize that I was falling back into the same pit.

I tried to wiggle my hand out of his grip but he left me before that trying open a door, which looks like a garage behind his house. He opened the door for me and waited for me to go in, I walked into the room which looks like a lab, and a small cot on the corner looking crumpled up.

Going into a creepy looking room all alone with him, what if he kills you now?

I still have the vase in my other hand, I will smash his head and run away.

"I know it's messy, I didn't have the time to clean it. I wanted to show you what I did that last few years." He said with a proud smile and ran through all the cupboards.

He made me sit on the cot and started showing me everything.

All I could see was my Dev, sharing his thoughts with me on a bench at MIMU. The passion, and fire of doing things were still alive in him and I was really happy at his accomplishments.

People have this beautiful aura around them when they talk about their passion, you just can't turn away from their happiness in their eyes, and they look 100 times prettier than they regularly are.

Why are all his things named after earth, like Bhumi, Gaia, prithvi, Dharani...?

How would I know?

What does your name mean?

Universe, Earth, Cow...

You are a cow! because you are not able to connect the dots here...

Did he name everything after me?

No, he named them after his dead grandmother.

Dear God! you gave her this much business sense but you took away the little common sense she had, please save this human...

"You changed a lot." He said before I could argue with myself that I did have some common sense.

"I know, it wasn't easy. It took a lot a falling down to turn into this person but I am happy now." I said looking at him as his eyes showed me guilt and hurt, he quickly hid those emotions and put on a smile.

Is he regretting his actions now?

"So, What did you do the last few years?" He asked sitting beside me.

"It's a long boring story." I told him not wanting to talk anymore.

I know the pain when you lose someone who you felt attached to the most. I was not ready to put myself through that again. But looking at his hopeful face, I couldn't help myself, I didn't want to break his hopes like he did mine.

"I was bedridden for a few weeks as they took out the bullet lodged in my back bone, and I did complete my college online. After that I started my MBA at Harvard, where I met Dhruv while teaching his class." He looked completely interested in what I was saying.

"Did you know that Dhruv's sisters are married to Global CEO's?" I asked him.

"WHAT? Are you kidding me?" He asked in shock and I shook my head.

"I was shocked too. He doesn't act like it right?" I said to him and he nodded.

"So, How do rich people like that live?  Do they throw money on people and act snobby?" He asked like it was serious questions making me laugh.

"They are the last people to call snobby, Jamie is super rigid on the outside but really mellow on the inside like Uncle, but Amaya di is crazy awesome, you will probably love her the most. And Andy is a total sweetheart, Divya di is a calm, composed and loving person....." I told him excitedly about everyone there, the kids, Arjun, Dhruv's parents, Jamie and Andrew's parents.

"You always wanted a big family, and you got it from them. I am so glad you had Dhruv to cheer you up." He said holding my hand under the sheets which had the vase in it.

He gave me confused look, so I had to pull out the vase in my hand, show it to him and clear his confusion.

"Why are you holding that?" He asked after I placed that on the floor.

"That's for self defense." I told him the truth, to which he looked deeply hurt.

After a really long pause he opened his mouth

"You have always been my rock and I feel like I can share anything with you...."

"I am tired Janu..tired of smiling at people, hiding my pain, acting like an adult, filled with responsibilities every day. I am tired of being strong on the outside, When in reality I am broken, weak and miserable on the inside..... " He said with tears forming in his beautiful black eyes.

His words made me realize that we have been holding on to the same kind of pain, we hurt each other, and we made each other miserable in the end, I clinged on to him and dragged him into this mess along with me.

We always feel the pain when the people we love are hurting, I wanted to push him away from him but looking at him so vulnerable made me want to forget the hate he has on me.

"Please Janu..can we forget the past for 30 min and can I lay down in your lap? I missed you a lot... please just this once.. " He begged moving forward and the strong facade I had till now fell down on the floor.

Why do feel alone when we are filled in a world with people like us?

Loneliness, is the painful thing anyone will go through, there is no way to explain the hurt, because it doesn't even make sense to the people feeling it.

I could see the pain he has been going through in his eyes, it was the same pain I had when I left India.

But in this moment I know, he needed a person by his side to share his pain. After all he said to me and the pain I put him through, I couldn't help myself, so I agreed to him and he placed his head on my lap.

Ms. I-am-emotionally-strong, What happened to you now?

I was just doing you a favor, be thankful instead of acting like typical mother-in-law.

"I don't want to grow up anymore...It's horrible, everything in my life is falling apart. I didn't create anything new in the last month, we have tons of crop sitting in the storage. I've been going from one place to another to sell things and getting rejected everyday." He let down all the thoughts weighing on his shoulders snuggling into my lap.

"Don't worry, things break apart to fall into a better place. Nothing good ever comes easily, keep chasing your dreams till you get what you want." I said cheering him up, being the pillar Arjun was for me.

"Everyone showed me sympathy when they knew that I started farming after having a bachelors degree. Why doesn't a farmer get the same respect as an Engineer or any other profession? He questioned me

"You know what a wise human once said, you need a doctor, lawyer, police or any other profession once in a day mostly, but you need and enjoy a farmers hard work thrice a day."

"If people can't respect the person responsible for that, it's their fault not ours.."I said to him remembering something I read, while he was intently looking at my face.

I faced down at him and I realized that my hand is on his head playing with his shiny smooth hair.

Damn! The muscle memory. I should kill Danny, He likes it when I massage his head while he studies sleeping in my lap.

I tried to take my hand back from his head but Devansh held it and put it back in his head.

"Does it ever get better? "

"You want the truth, It probably won't. But, You will accept to live with it." I said to him shrugging at the truth.

"When did you get so wise? Where did the little girl go?" He said yawning through half of the words.

You killed her, you destroyed her with your words and actions. That's what I wanted to say, instead I said this.

"She grew up, innocence is not something you can hold on to in this world."

"You are brave and beautiful..." He said interlacing my other hand in his and placed it on his chest.

No matter how cruel my life got, despite the pains of the past, there is part of me that always stayed the same and he was waking the part that I hid from everyone. It felt like he knew that the little innocent girl who fell in love with him was still there.

I wish I told him the truth about my parents and all the hurt didn't happen. All the things I was afraid would happen did happen and it changed us in a way I can't imagine.

Pushing my thoughts away, I looked at him sleeping peacefully in my lap. It reminded me of the beautiful moments we had together in the past, I felt safe and secure watching him.

That's when I realized I was still totally into him, I was charmed by his looks, smile and everything about him was simply mesmerizing. I felt a sense of intimacy between us, a strong connection, and his perfectly sculpted form reminded me of how lucky I was, but more than everything it was being together with him even if it was for 30 min, the wish to soak every moment of it, to celebrate the night, kept me awake enjoying the little time I had left with him.

After a while, I carefully got up without waking him and placed a pillow under his head and covered him with the sheet I had on me, looked at him one last time before leaving the room.

Short Chapter, But I hope you enjoyed it.

Human relationships are complicated right? I definitely feel that way now.

Listen to the song above, I am so into Conan Gray now and I am going to his concert in March, super excited for that.

Sorry, I might not be able to update the next few days, weird things are going on in my life.But I will try to if I am free enough to write. I promise that this won't be a long break.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

Love,

Sneha