One of the hardest things in life is deciding whether you should give up or try harder.

~Unknown

Devansh

Love is cathartic, the pleasure after the pain subsides, it has the power to change people for better or worse.

The thing is you don't get to decide why or how your heart beats for someone, and you will never know when you will end up with the person who has your heart, that's the essence of Love.

I found mine while I was crying in my mothers arms, while my dad was making fun of me. Her brown eyes who showed pure amazement, and the smile which made anyone happy. I never felt that kind of pull that she had on me with anyone in my life.

She means everything to me, I mean everything. I didn't know how much I missed her until I met her this last week. And I hurt her in un-imaginable ways that she's changed, you can see it in her eyes and in the way she talks, and I am the reason for it.

Sadly, I was the villain in my own story, I made everyone suffer. On one hand I want her to live a happy life with her fiancé and on the other hand the selfish person in me wants to turn the world upside down and make her mine.

"I am soooo happy that I could kiss you right now." Aarthav hugged me real tight with tears in his eyes bringing me away from the sad reality.

I was in town today for some festival shopping for my mom, so I thought I could pop by and meet him. But ever since I entered here all her thoughts have been clouding my mind.

"What happened?" I questioned him at his sudden outburst.

"My Anju talked to me, like she used to when we were in college. She said that she wants to gives us a chance. I am so happy..and I also got the contract to build the JD Manufacturing unit in the bid today. Anju interviewed for the head Mechanical engineer position and she got in too. Me and Anju are going to work together. It's like god is giving me one chocolate after another." He said with happiness, the happiness which was missing from the last 2 years in all our lives.

He deserves this, he deserves all this and if possible more.

" I know that Janu is the reason for all this, she came back and changed everything for me even though I never stood by her and accused her of things."He said feeling guilty but I knew she was going to do something when I told her about these two.

"Congrats Aarthav. You deserve this happiness." I said to him from the bottom of my heart.

"You should be happy too, So I have a good news for you. She is not engaged to anyone, Dhruv's brother was her doctor who she met in a hospital, they are just friends." He said to me the words and I felt everything around me stop for a second.

His words were a joy to the sorrow I've been feeling ever since I heard that she is engaged from Dhruv.

This means, I still have a chance to be with her, a chance at us. We could be Dev and Janu again, how I wish I could hear her call me Dev.

"She might not be ready to accept you, but do whatever you can. Don't give up and fight for her." He said patting my back.

I was quiet till now because I thought she already had someone in her life and that she was happy with him, but now I don't have any other reason to. I am not going to give up on my love, I will love with all every cell in my body and earn my forgiveness.

I have to win her back.

I will do anything to get her back into my life.

"Thank You Aarthav, I am leaving, I have some things to do back home." I said to him and drove home like a manic cooking up a plan to get close to her.

I reached home and walked to my father who is in the barn tying up all the cows, I have to make him do something which is going to benefit me for life.

"I have something to ask you." I stopped at him catching my breath feeling hot and sweaty at all the emotions running through my body.

"What did you do?" He asked back in an accusing tone, wow! So much confidence in me.

"Janu is the COO of Global, leading the JD project in our village. Can you make her stay in our house while she works here instead of a hotel." I pleaded him.

"And why can't you do that for yourself? " He asked me continuing his work in the barn.

"Because I screwed up. I am planning to win her back and it can't happen when she stays far. Please dad! just this once. I promise I will do anything you ask." I begged him, because this time I am not letting her go.

He scanned me with his eyes, like he was guessing my true intentions behind this move.

"I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for her, she needs a home not some hotel. If you hurt her, I will skin you alive and feed you to all our animals." He spewed scaring me.

Is he really my father or hers?

"Give me her number." He asked walking away from me, while I jumped and shrieked in happiness.

After giving him the number, I paced in the garden at the anticipation of the outcome figuring out ways if that doesn't work out. It felt like a decade when my dad came back ending his call.

"She is staying with us along with her friend, I'll go pick her up from her house on 17th." He said and I hugged my father in happiness taking him by shock.

Maybe this is our first time hugging but I just couldn't help myself, I was that happy at his news.

"Can I go pick her up? Please." I asked him after pulling myself from the hug.

I wanted keep her secret safe, if my father goes there he will know that she lied and I don't want to ruin his relationship with her.

"Fine, Remember if you make her uncomfortable I'll skin you to death." He said acting with his hands, while I just laughed at his affection for her.

Mission getting Dev's Janu back is on.

The next three days were the most dreadful days of my life, even though it was Sankranthi all my heart was with her. I just don't know how I lived the last two years.

Finally the day arrived I got ready and put on a red shirt and pair of blue jeans, she always liked red on me. I went downstairs to eat breakfast and start so I could pick her up after lunch and reach home by tonight.

"Maa! Did you ask Krishna to clean the room beside mine? Janu has dust allergies, make sure she sanitizes the room properly." I asked my mom walking into the kitchen.

She looked more like glared at me, because I've been pestering her to do things, like make Janu's favorite food for dinner and re-organize everything to impress Janu.

"We get that you like her, but that doesn't mean you remind me things every hour. I hope she comes back soon and put an end to your madness, I can't take it anymore." She huffed and gave me a plate with Idly and peanut chutney on the side.

I gulped down all that in seconds and started to her place with a determination to win her back before this project ends.

I reached the address given by my dad and I was stopped at the main entrance by a security guard. This was not the official house of the CM, the one where me and Aarthav looked for her, this one looks more secure and private, my vision was filled with 15 foot thick concerned fence all around. I rolled my window down at the security room,

"I am here to pickup, sent by Mr. Raghuvaran." I told him with a smile, while the person just gave me a no non sense look.

He walked to his office on my right and talked into his radio. He checked my car inside out and opened the gate for me.

As I drove in, I felt like I entered a new world, like in Narnia filled with trees, plants and all kinds of flowers and I felt like I drove forever before I reached the house.

Is this her house? This looks like a modern style palace and she lives here. My car looked like it was in the wrong place, and I was stopped again in the driveway by Mr.Shyam where he checked everything again.

"We are sending her to your house because your father is still the best sniper Indian army had. If you hurt her again, I will put you in jail." He said with a smile as we could Mr and Mrs. Dhanraj walk down the stairs with the girl of my dreams.

She looked like a heavenly goddess ascending those stairs, I think I fell in love with her all over again if that could happen, because my heart started beating so loud and every cell screamed her name on the inside.

She was wearing a white Givenchy sweatshirt and green jogger pants, her hair flowing along with the wind, the smile on her lips as she was talking to her father in his arms holding her mothers hands. There was love and affection all over their faces

"What are you doing here?" Those loving eyes were filled with confusion now, and the same with her mother.

How can expect I her to be happy looking at me?

"My father was busy with other works, so I had to come here." I lied to all of them and got 2 uncomfortable smiles.

"Thank you for giving my daughter a home, I was worried how she was gonna stay and eat in a hotel with random people." Her father came forward and told me with a happy smile.

His kindness made me guilty, I am doing this for my own selfish reasons, if he knows that I am here to steal his daughter back he wouldn't probably give me that smile.

"Shyam put the luggage in the car."Mr.Dhanraj said while Janu looked around for someone.

Mr.Shyam loaded the car with her luggage, which was just 2 bags.

"Shreya will join 2 days later Jagati Maa, she had a family emergency."

Who is Shreya? Where is her friend Dhruv? I thought she was coming along with a friend.

"It's okay Bhaiyya! Take care of Mama and Papa." She said hugging him.

She did the same with her mom and dad, and walked to sit in the car.

"I am sending her because your father promised that he will take care. One scratch on her body or heart, you will be dead in my hands." Her mom said hugging me to the world.

Oh my god! I got 3 threats about hurting her so far.

"I'd rather die than hurt her Aunty. I am really sorry for what I did to her in that past. But I promise that I will never be the reason for her tears again." I promised her and myself while she just gave me a neutral face.

"Take care of my daughter young man! Call me if you need anything." Mr.Dhanraj said coming to me after letting Janu sit in the passenger seat.

"I will sir." I said to him and got into the car with her beside me and pulled out of the drive way while she waved at her parents.

"You didn't have to come here, I could've asked Karthik or Shyam Bhaiyya." She said rolling the window up as we got out of the mansion fence.

"I wanted to, should I some music on?" I asked her because I loaded up my phone with Taylor Swift for her.

"No"

"Is Dhruv coming with us?"

"No"

"Did you eat lunch?"

"Yes"

"Water?"

"No"

"Do you want to eat something else?"

"No"

There was an uncomfortable silence luring out between us, in these closed doors. All her answers were single words like yes, no. It hurt to see her so quiet, she was never this person and I turned her this way.

"Can you answer something other than no?"

"Yes! Can you take me to Karthik's Office by the highway? I have to complete some work there." She asked me formally, with no emotion visible on her face.

I really didn't know what she is feeling, she is stiff  with her legs facing the door, like she want to run away the next minute.

Is she gonna ask him to take her home? With all the mind dumbing thoughts in my head I drove to Karthik bhaiyya's office as per the directions she gave me.

As soon as I parked the car in-front off the building she jumped out of it and ran into the building, it was like she was feeling suffocated to be in the same room as me.

I parked the car in the visitors lot and walked into the building waiting for her in the lobby of RD Group, one of the biggest companies in India with reach in every field from Food to Pharmaceuticals.

She is born with diamond spoon, yet no one in her family acts like it. When she can have anyone in the world why did she fall in love with a poor farm boy like me? She was and is the best thing that could ever happen to me, and I broke it.

Will I ever be able to get her back?

"DEVANSHH"I heard a familiar voice call my name out loud bringing me out of my thoughts.

I looked around following the voice in this busy office and found Samanvi, looking at me with a shocked and happy face.

"What are you doing here?"She asked walking to me, as I got up from my chair.

How could I forget that she is working for RD group as the legal advisor? That was the news of the month when she got the job, followed by taunts about me for leaving the college in the last semester when I first started working on my project.

"I am here with Janu, How are you? How is work going on? " I asked her with a smile on my face.

"Everything is fine, How are my parents? I couldn't make it home for the festival."She asked me feeling guilty.

"They are good, Don't worry they understand the work load you have. It's not easy to work for such a big company." I tried to cheer her up.

"It's not just work, I met a guy here and we kinda love each other." She said to me twisting her dupatta in panic.

"That's a good thing Samanvi, I'll ask my parents to talk to them if they don't accept." I said to her feeling happy that she found love.

"Thank you Anshu, His sister came by and I am really worried about meeting her. He loves her more than his own parents. And that girl had a bad experience with love, she kinda had a heart attack when her boyfriend from college left her. What if she doesn't like me? What if she thinks I am not worthy of her brother? What if she tries to sabotage ours because of her experiences? I love him so much, and I know that he will do anything for his sister. " She blabbered with shivering hands and sweat on her forehead.

Looking at her made me realize that love makes people crazy. She was the most optimistic person in our school, and now look at her worrying about small things.

"Calm down Samanvi! Take deep breathes." I said holding her hand trying to calm her down making her sit down beside me. I sat there with her and convinced her that nothing bad is going to happen while her phone buzzed.

"I have to leave, Thank you Anshu! Tell my parents I will come this or the next weekend." She said and ran into the elevator leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I held my head down and sat there for another hour, looking at the doors waiting for her to comedown and tell me that she won't be coming with me and break my heart because I know Karthik wouldn't leave her alone with me, he was ready to kill me in her office last week.

"Devansh, let's go!" The angelic voice bought me back to life as was dying with relentless thoughts.

I looked up from her feet and found Karthik bhaiyya and Samanvi behind her..

Is she the boyfriend she was talking about? Nah! He can't be.

Karthik held Janu's hand as I was looking confused between Samanvi and him. Samanvi is now glaring at me just like Karthik was?

"Thank You Kar for helping me, I love you. Take Care! Bye,," Janu said hugging him while I got up from the chair to leave.

"Samanvi, I am really glad he found you. I can die peacefully now that he is safe with you." She said making a joke but just earned glares from everyone while my heart just hurt more like I got pierced into it.

All I could hear was what Samanvi told me a few hours ago

She kinda had a heart attack when her boyfriend from college left her

Janu signaled me to move as I stood still feeling at the new information I just realized. She did everything to make me happy while I left and shoved to the brink of existence. She begged me to stay with her and I broke her heart.

How was I so cruel? What was wrong with me? How could I do this to her?

Does she deserve some pathetic poor loser like me?

"I almost lost her because of you, and ever since she came back she acts like she is happy but I know she is not. You took away her happiness, and I beg you to please stay away and stop hurting her." Karthik said with tears in his eyes as Janu and Samanvi were talking to each other walking to the car.

We waved bye to everyone and started back to my place with guilt looming all over.

"Why are so quiet now? Did Karthik say anything?" She asked me ending the silence that was eating my soul.

Huh! With everything I did to her, she is still sitting in the same car with me and caring for me.

"No, He didn't " I answered looking at her face, I felt like I was looking at her in a new light, I could feel her pain.

She was this happy, funny and warm soul, but all I could feel now is darkness, discomfort and pain.

If god gave me a wish now, I would ask him to go back and change my past and make sure all this never happened, that I never hurt her.But I took her smile away, I am the reason for her pain.

It's not time to wallow in self pity and blaming myself, I have to get her smile back.Her concern over my sadness proved me that our love for each other didn't die.

"Dhruv went to his grandparents house, he will come to your parents place on the 20th." She answered the question from before and turned on the radio.

The song Don't Give up on me by Andy Grammer started and it was my feeling in that exact moment.

I will fight
I will fight for you
I always do, until my heart
Is black and blue

And I will stay
I will stay with you
We'll make it to the other side
Like lovers do

I'll reach my hands out in the dark
And wait for yours to interlock
I'll wait for you
I'll wait for you

'Cause I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No not yet
Even when I'm down to my last breath
Even when they say there's nothin' left
So don't give up on

I'm not givin' up
I'm not givin' up, givin' up
No not me
Even when nobody else believes
I'm not goin' down that easily
So don't give up on me

I will keep begging her to not give up on me while I try to earn for my forgiveness and give her happiness back which I snatched away.

Tadum...

Do you ever have that moment, like you questioning the meaning and purpose of life, why am I doing this type of feelings? basically questioning your own existence in this world.

I do and boy they suck the most. If you don't, I'd say that you are the luckiest in this world.

Don't give up on me, and This is me, These songs cheer me right up through my existential crisis which I have once a week.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Which songs cheer you up when you are sad?

Let me know in the comments.

Sorry Team Devansh, I know I am making Dev suffer, but he has to grow when it comes to their relationship, so burdening him with the pain is the only way.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

Love,
Sneha