Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

~George Orwell

Jagati

You know who the worst enemy in your life is?

Memories.

The more you want to forget something, the more you seem to remember it. But the sad part of  life is, it doesn't stop for anybody, time passes, seasons change but those etched memories remain forever haunting you, When the things which used to make you smile now just give you an unbearable pain.

"Jagati, JAGATI."I felt someone's hand on my shoulder pulling me out of my thoughts.

This Jagati sounds similar Bugati to me, not just his most of the people here. I tried to teach them but I failed and gave up on it.

I turned around and found, my professor Steve Roberts. He is 65-year old man who teaches Electronic Circuits at Harvard University, where I am majoring in Business, with a minor in Electronics. He has those warm blue eyes, newly wrinkled skin and smile which is soothing.

He has been supporting me from the moment I sat in his first class during my first semester here which was 9 months ago, He even made me his Teaching Assistant, which pays my tuition and gives me some extra pocket money.

I took online classes and completed my bachelors from here with the help of dean. After that I immediately started working on my Masters. Education has been my solace so far, because other thing reminds me of him. Living in the most beautiful city, yet I wish he could see this with me.

"Could you be a sweetheart and take over my EE201 class today, I have this sudden meeting come up and I don't want the students to go astray, they have their finals coming up next month and thanksgiving break starts tomorrow." He asked me putting on his jacket getting ready to go some where as I was sitting in the lab working on my homework.

"But Professor, I can't teach them. I just help them with the lab every week.." I stuttered with a fear of teaching 19 year olds.

I look like a mice in the middle of elephants in his class, they here look too big for their age.

"I gave them some home work already, just sit in the class and explain those theorems first 10 minutes and then clear their doubts. I know you can do it, you are the topper of the grade remember." He cheered me up patting on my back and I nodded.

He left me again, with 40 min in my hand to reach the class which is on the other side of the campus. I walked to the bathroom, to wash my face and freshen up.I look completely different to me.

Not wanting to remember I  poured the freezing cold water on my face, which made me wince as soon as the water touched the new scar, which I got from the day he pushed me to the floor.

There's was time, when I did not know pain, When I believed in forever, and wished everything would stay the same, but now I feel lost and all I can feel is his hatred.

I hate you Jagati Jagadeesh Dhanraj, I hate you. These exact words keep poking my brain like a migraine.

His hate is making me hate myself.

Scars just another way to remind you that the past was real.

I wish I never woke up that day, but when I woke up I landed in a complete different country. The bullet lodged in my back moved and the only experienced doctors in that case were here in the US. They took the bullet out without me being paralyzed for the rest of my life.

Finally, My parents got their wish fulfilled of moving me under my grandparents care. I couldn't ask Karthik again to take me back to him, when the love Dev has for me died, I know that no one will let me go back to him after that stunt I pulled last time.

I was forced to cut back all the ties from my friends, Shyam Bhaiyya made sure that Jagruthi was never there. It's been 18 months yet the pain feels the same.

He would've been graduated by now, Did he take up the Job? Or is he working back at his home?

What about Manju, Nidhi, Kajal and Sammy? How are they? Do they hate me for doing this again? How many times am I gonna disappoint them with my ungrateful actions.

All these questions gave me an unbearable pain in the head.

I can't feel this pain anymore so I popped a few pills given by my doctor to over come this trauma, put on my straight face on and reached the class.

"Hi Guys, Professor Steve couldn't take the class today. So, I will be teaching you how to do the Superposition, Thevinin and Norton Theorems today." I told them loudly as I could hear everyone whispering and talking behind me.

As soon as I held the marker to write, I could see my hand shaking vigorously and I was feeling lightheaded.

Damn! the side effects.

Pushing back all the thoughts, I explained them the whole thing exactly how Dev taught me. After completing it I sat in the corner clasping my hands together, stopping the shivering, praying that no one would come to me for doubts.

"Hello Moonshine! I need some help." Said Dhruv the only guy in the campus who tries to talk to me in a friendly way.

He is too handsome for a 19 year old, he makes me jealous with his liveliness, he has way to keep people around him happy. And to put him in a box he is jock with no attitude.

"It's Jagati, and what do you need?" I asked him with a fake smile on my face, but screaming on the inside to get away from me.

Ever since our first class, he started pestering me and started calling me Moonshine. He said that I am like the moon a no moon day right now, who's brightness outshined by my sadness. His explanation of calling me moon shine is asking me to shine.

Talking to him is my guilty pleasure, He makes me happy with his words and at the same time I feel guilty for being happy because I don't deserve it.

"I need you to smile not fake a smile, Moonshine." He said looking at my face, but I could feel that he was gazing through my soul, I moved my eyes away from him, not wanting to show him my pain anymore.

"So what are your plans for Thanksgiving? " He asked pulling a chair settling before me.

The one thing I learnt from my past experience with him is, He won't leave you alone if you ignore him. The best thing to do is answer him and enjoy the few minutes with him.

"I don't have any plans, My grandparents went back home to India for a few days. I am all alone and I guess no one needs me." I replied shrugging at him.

"Ouch..Moonshine! you break my heart with your words. I need you. Why don't you come to my house?.." And so he started blabbering about his 3 sisters and brother in-laws, their 7 kids and his brother who's in med school residency here with us now.

He looks really happy and content talking about his family, he reminds my of my past self a lot. I was once that happy person, with all these painful flashbacks and pills, I feel so lost.

Because of me, my parents lost their happiness too. It's like everyone around me is living under the same dark cloud.

My life would've been completely different if he was here with me. Is he happy without me? Did he move on? Did he find another girl? Is he enjoying my fake death? I wish he understood me, I wanted him to be my forever.

"Nini is the little one...MOONSHINE...your nose is bleeding.." He said with a scared look, ran to his friends and came back with the box of tissues and his friends.

Everyone in the class surrounded, staring at me, whispering and trying to help me, kicking in my panic, that's when I had another symptom of taking too many antidepressants today, Seizures.

I could see Dhruv's worry for me, but I couldn't do anything, except for lie on the cold floor and roll a tear out for his care.

Soon the EMT's came in and gave me something which made me close my eyes and roll over into the darkness which I was habituated to these days.

When I woke up, i was surrounded by a familiar smell of antiseptic making me believe that I am in a hospital, I heard some voices in the room making me focus on it.

"Can we keep her? She looks so sad." A woman asked.

Is she talking about me? Why would she wanna keep me?

Woah! Did Dhruv leave me in a mental asylum?

"What's wrong with you Maya? She is a human not a pet." Said this man with a rich voice.

"Give her job and then she can stay with us. Please Jamie...pretty please. I promise I won't ask for anything today." She was requesting him, she sounded so sweet, I would probably give her my life if she asked me that way.

"Ammu! Stop being a baby. OMG! She had a takotsubo cardiomyopathy at the age of 19, She took 2 bullets to the back and was stabbed twice. What kind of trouble was she in? Where did Dhruv find her?" I heard a different voice

She is probably looking at my long medical history as I could hear the papers ruffle.

"We get that you are doctor, English please?"The woman who wants to keep me asked making me smile.

"Broken heart syndrome dumbo, It mimics a heart attack and is caused because of emotional triggers. Because of that she is on antidepressants which explains the Emotional blunting, Dhruv talked about." The doctor lady said

Are they Dhruv's sisters?

"You guys are laughing at me, I am gonna tell Andy, he is the only one by my side." That funny lady stomped her foot and slammed the door and I could hear the other two go behind her mumbling which was inaudible to me.

She seems crazy and funny too.

"You can open your eyes, they are all gone." I heard someone say making my eyes open wide in shock and look for the voice.

I found a 8-9 year old boy, wearing a crisp white shirt and blue jeans, hair neatly tucked with caramel colored skin and hazel eyes, reading a book which would be heavier than him sitting on the couch to my left.

But how did he know that I was up the whole time?

"You moved your left little finger, you heart beat elevated by 10% and you smiled at my mom's comment."

Is he a mind reader now? Who is this kid?

"My name is Daniel, you can call me Danny. The lady who you thought was crazy is my mom and the guy who keeps her in check is my dad. And the doctor who read your file is my Aunt."

"I didn't think she was crazy, she is funny." I answered him with an itchy throat which feels like I am talking decades later.

After a few minutes of me staring at the wall, thinking of ways to get out of the hospital before my parents know about this.

"Why did you do this to yourself?"he asked me the question no one dared to ask me till now.

I knew that taking so many pills today might kill me, but I did anyway.

"I..I feel like I failed everyone, I feel lost. People around me are moving on and living their lives but I feel like I am stuck in a void, standing at the same day he left me alone. This all breaks my heart and it makes me hate myself for not being able to move forward." I said to him and myself with a tear slipping out of my eye.

I don't know why I am telling him all these, he might not even understand my pain. But it feels good to talk out loud about my feelings.

"If hate was the last thing some one gave you, it's doesn't mean you have to hate yourself too. Give yourself some love and heal." Danny said leaving me baffled.

How can a 9 year old talk like this?

"Close your eyes if you want to fake sleep again. The biggest storm of people are coming in 3...2...1"

That's when the door opened wide and so many kids came in like the school bell rang with Dhruv. Behind him was this really good looking man, who could be in his early 20's. He is so handsome that he can make any girls jaw drop to the floor.

His beautiful eyes reminded of Dev, why do I start comparing everyone to him?

"Moonshine, you are awake! Arjun, what the heck are you doing man? Look at her and do your stupid doctor stuff." Dhruv yelled at the handsome man and pushed him forward to me.

So, the handsome man's name is Arjun.

"God my brother is so annoying. Isn't he?" Arjun asked me in his gravelly smooth voice and placed a little girl on the bed beside me who was in his arms.

The little girl who likes a 2 year old walked on the bed and sat on my stomach facing me, She placed a kiss on my nose and blew some air with her mouth.

"Nini, What are you doing?" Dhruv asked the little girl.

"Amy says that if you kiss and blow air where it hurts the pain will go away." Said another girl in pig tails with a toothy smile and sea green eyes.

Her explanation and Nini's actions made a warm fluid pass in my chest while Dhruv came forward in awe of his nieces and picked them up in his arms. The room which was dead quiet till now, is now filled with kids, who are busy talking to each other, laughing and enjoying the moment.

"I am Arjun, Dru's brother! Don't feel overwhelmed with all the strangers in the room. Dru was so worried when he bought you here, He scared everyone and asked Divya akka(Sister) to check up on you, them being dramatic bought the whole town here. Let me in you on a biggest secret, my sisters are the craziest lunatics of all time." Arjun said in his soothing voice, I was so mesmerized that I didn't see that he gave me an injection.

"Your parents should b.."His voice was cut off as the door opened revealing my Mama and Papa.

They are here? How long was I out for?

I gave them all a weak smile trying to hide my pain.

"How are you feeling Precious? You scared me."Papa said coming forward trying to hold my hand.

"I am fine Papa, Just the side effects..Don't worry! I am okay."I answered him while my Mama is in tears.

I got up with the help of Arjun and consoled my parents who are devastated because of me again.

"Don't worry Sir, We will take care of her." Dhruv said to my father while everyone in the room came forward to me.

"We are gonna do such a great job that she might forget you someday." I heard the same voice which should be Danny's mom.

I turned and looked at the two beautiful woman standing holding each other.

"They are my sisters Amaya and Divya, She is Jagati but I call her Moonshine." Dhruv introduced us to each other shocking my parents, while the sisters awed at us.

That kicked off the conversation between all the people in the room. Amaya di has 5 kids, Elena, Alex, Danny, Ayaan and Nini(Janani). She looks really young though and Divya di has 2 kids Amar and the green eyed girl Anya.

"Amy! Stop talking too much. She woke up just now, at this rate she is gonna go back to sleep. " Another voice said coming into the room making me look at the door.

Are these people seeing what I am seeing?

Do they see Jameson Browne and Andrew Jones? If they do Why is there no shock in their face?

The CEO's of Global and the richest people in the world are standing right before me with a smile on their face.

"Amar, Anya! I am going to kill your father today." She said rolling his eyes at him and the kids just shrugged at her.

"Da!Da!" Nini jumped towards Jameson Browne, he picked her from my Mama's arms and smothered her with kisses.

I should really get my brain checked today, I think it's gonna explode now.

Amaya and Divya are the spouses of Mr.Jameson Browne and Mr.Andrew Jones.

I knew that they are married but I didn't expect them to marry Indians and that too Dhruv's sisters.

While I got out of the shock, Dhruv introduced my parents to Mr.Browne and Mr.Jones, they got talking and that's how we ended up at Dhruv's house having a nice thanksgiving dinner, spending the weekend with them.

Dhruv has such a welcoming home, to be honest his whole family is amazing. I felt like I smiled from my heart after ages, because of all these kids. This family's smile is contagious. All in all happiness is contagious and it got to me finally.

All the kids are watching movies while the adults are having dinner with serious discussions like politics, world trade and all the other stuff

"We are planning to build a hospital in India as part of our Philanthropy project. Maya suggests that we do it in your state." Mr.Browne asked my dad cutting is chicken.

He is asked me call him bhai, but I couldn't bring myself to call him that.

"That would be a great help." Papa said with a smile.

"That's a great idea Jameson, but you are just gonna provide a place and equipment. We do need doctors who are willing to do things for free." Mama added to the topic and a great idea flew into my brain.

"Why don't we use that as a platform for doctors who do volunteer works in other countries to help people , like Shaurya uncle and Abhay Uncle. Not just doctors, every medical staff required in a hospital. And then the government as in papa would provide accommodation for all those people as a thank you which will also improve tourism in our state." I ended my monologue and looked at them.

"We are definitely hiring her." Mr.Jones said pushing his plate away in shock and Mr.Browne agreed with him.

"When I said a similar thing, you didn't agree." Amaya di gave accusing glances at Mr.Browne

"She is definitely a business person Maya, did you see how she turned one idea and turn into 3?"

"Yeah! Whatever." She shrugged at him trying to fake her anger and moving away.But he pulled her closer into his arms and kissed her on the head.

The love between all these couples amazes me.

"Come with us, I will personally Mentor you. "Mr.Browne said to me.

This feels like an amazing opportunity to get mentored by the best business man ever.

"Why do hate me so much Jamie? First Sampath took away Ananya, you and your friend came in took Amy and Divya, and now you are planning to take my Moonshine too. Why are you guys hell bent on taking my people? Go find someone else." Dhruv said glaring at Jameson wrapping his arm around my shoulder protectively.

Everyone in the room erupted into laughter including me at his childish actions and then everyone made fun of Dhruv.

After the dinner, Dhruv and Arjun dragged me to the kids room and we all played till they were knocked out the last ounce of energy left in them. I know it's been 3 days since I met these people but I love them.

Everyone went to their rooms to sleep, while I couldn't without the sleeping pills and anti depressants. The four walls in the room felt like prison closing in on me, so I came out to the hallway thinking about the only person who I can't seem to get rid off looking at the ring he gave me, promising to make me his forever.

But I made him do it. I wish if I was a a little braver and told him every thing.

"Can't sleep without the pills huh?" Arjun asked from behind while I brushed out the tear and turned to him.

"I am sorry, but we had to this." He justified his actions as he suggested that I get off them.

"It's okay, You have an awesome family. Amaya di and Mr.Browne, Divya di and Mr.Jones they look perfect. " I said looking at the big family portrait hanging by the fire place.

"There are not perfect, They have their own struggles and battles. It's just that they chose to fight together. I don't know or might never understand your pain but don't fight alone, Open up your eyes and look around there are people all around you who care, just share your pain with them. Isolation is not where you win your battles." He said to me while I broke down with all the emotions that I kept bottled up from the last 1 and half year.

I sat there crying and telling him all about me, I don't know whether it was the lack of the pills or his words. He let me cry in arms and held me tight consoling me.

"No pain can last forever Janu, but you should stop holding on to it, Let go. You can't change the past, all you can do is move on and get over it, there is no other way to stop this pain you are feeling. Be brave, killing yourself is not the solution." He said wiping the tears off my face.

I made my mistakes but who doesn't, I just have to accept the fact that the things will never go back to how they were, I will try at least, not for me alone but for all the People who are suffering with me.

I held the ring tight and promised myself and Dev, I might accept that you will never be mine but that doesn't change the fact that I love him.

I am moving on Dev, wish me luck.

Did you like my surprise?

For people who didn't get this surprise I gave, read Fighting For Him and My White Knight.

I know that I told you that this is not affiliated with my other works but I just couldn't help myself. And who better than Amaya to make people happy?

Sorry if got your hopes up and you didn't feel surprised about this move.

Anyway, I might be a teensy weensy bit late with my next update because you know sometimes life happens.

Don't forget to vote and comment.

Love,

Sneha