Truth is not for comfort - It's for liberation.
It's not a medicine - It's a killer.

~Sadhguru

Devansh

"Devansh, let's get you treated and wash the blood off you." Mr.Dhanraj's security head, Shyam asked me as I was waiting in the hospital.

My hands are covered in blood, my eyes dried up all the tears I could make, my heart is suffering and I am miserable with all the things that happened to me today. All I could do was wait and pray for her.

"It's okay sir, I am fine." I replied to him making fists trying to forget everything and rewrite our fate.

"Your head is bleeding from the push, Doctors are operating on her right now and as per my experience in this field it's gonna take time." He said trying to get me out of my chair.

I really don't understand what's going on right now, It feels like after the Janu pushed me I woke up in an another multiverse, where everything I believed till is proven wrong.

"She is gonna be fine, don't worry." He said as a nurse came and took me into a room to aid my head.

I can't get myself to wash her blood of my hands without tears flowing out of my eyes, this is the only proof that whatever happed today was real.

How did my beautifully planned day turned out to be the worst day ever?

I started to revisit the whole day just to confirm myself if I missed anything which will assure me that this is not real, maybe it's something my brain cooked up to undergo the trauma seeing someone with a gun.

All of sudden Janu pushed me on to the floor, and before I get of the ground and judge her actions a bullet hit her back with such a speed that she stumbled forward, before we could gasp that another one hit her making me yell in pain for her.

I did this to her, she is in pain because I bought her here.

She fell on the floor, before I could get up and help her.

"Phoenix down, I repeat Phoenix down and the suspect is north bound. " The security head yelled into his radio kneeling down beside the love of my life, bleeding on the floor.

"Wake up precious, Wake up....Shyam help my daughter, do something." Mr.Jagadeesh groaned in agony holding my Janu, as I crawled to her lifeless body with blood all around her.

Why is he calling her my daughter?

"Jag, Janu..She is hurt. She is hurt.." Mrs.Dhanraj cried holding Mr.Dhanraj while I stood there dumbfounded.

How do they know that my Jagruthi is called Janu?

Maybe they heard me call her that.

"This jacket will control her bleeding and Devansh hold her and put pressure on the wound." Their Security head asked me and I held her tight soaking my hands in her blood.

What am I doing?

She is so sensitive to pain, me putting pressure on the wound will her hurt her more.

Talk to me Janu, tell me that it's hurting, yell at me for bringing you here.

These people are so traumatized that they think you are their daughter,  Your favorite person is calling you daughter, you would be so happy to hear that? Get up and listen to it and smile for me, I pleaded her in my mind.

"The help is 4 min away, Nothing will happen to her.. We will protect our Jagati Maa again." The security head said with tears falling out of his eyes.

He called her Jagati? That's my Janu's alter ego.

But that's the name of their dead daughter, Jagati Jagadeesh Dhanraj.

The words Janu said when she first said she like me  kept ringing in my head like a catchy song.

Jagati likes you but Jagruthi is a hard ass who's stopping her from running into your arms

EMT's came to us, rolled lifeless Janu on to the stretcher, and moved immediately into the van and left.

"I can't lose my daughter, I can't see her in pain again. Why can't we keep her safe Jag? Why do we keep hurting her? Why her Jag? Why ? " Mrs. Dhanraj cried holding Mr.Dhanraj's shirt as the EMT's took her off.

I wanted to scream at them that she is Jagruthi my girlfriend not their dead daughter Jagati.

She is not their daughter, She is not their daughter.

I kept chanting to myself hoping that it would be true.

"Sir, our car is ready let's go." Another guy in black came to us.

"Dev, get in. She would want to see you when she wakes up." Mrs.Dhanraj called me and my feet followed her advice.

Her calling me sounded exactly like Janu's mom when I talked to her on the phone.

Please! This is not real. Wake up from this horrible dream and wake up Devansh! Wake up!

We reached the AMG hospital with the sirens blaring as quick as possible. I followed them to the private ward, and found a doctor waiting for us.

"I don't know what you are gonna do, but I wanna see her talk to me again. I don't care how much it costs." Mr.Dhanraj yelled at the doctors in pain.

I seriously want to believe that she is not their daughter but the love and pain in their eyes says that I am wrong and I was betrayed by my own love.

"Abhay sir already informed us, We got our best doctors working on your daughter. Lets get Mam and you treated first." They told and took them in leaving me alone with my thoughts here.

Is she really the daughter of Jagadeesh Dhanraj and Sruthi Dhanraj?

Did Janu lie to me all along?

Why am I looking for something that I already know in the back of my mind that she did?

My brain started processing all of her previous actions, her smile every time she looked at Mr. Dhanraj, her leaving the middle of the class with Karthik bhai when Mr. Dhanraj got hurt, why we couldn't meet over summer, why me talking about her parents made her all weird and all the questions she avoided when it came to them.

It's like my brain put together of all the pieces of the puzzle for me, showing me the picture which said

She lied to me, she is not what she told me.

This can't be true right, my Janu would never lie to me. She would never keep me in the dark, she wouldn't.

How much more proof do you need that she is their daughter? Is the pain and the commotion in this room not enough.

"Sir, we controlled the bleeding for now and are repairing the affected organs and took out one bullet but  another one is lodged between her L5 and L6, if we take that out there is a 90% chance the she could be paralyzed from the waist below." A doctor said as soon as he come out from the operating room with a scared look on his face.

I felt like a million bricks hit me hard one after the other, I feel suffocated at the thought of her pain. Whatever she did to me, she doesn't deserve this right?

Mrs. Dhanraj or Aunty as I used to call her, started to cry as soon as she heard that, It's like my emotional part of the brain died today again, I am failing to show any emotions.

"I don't wanna risk her life to a freaking 10%. That's my daughter, I want her to live happily. with everything" Mr. Dhanraj yelled in frustration banging the nearest wall with his fist.

"What if you don't take it out? Will she walk then? " A new voice erupted in the room and it was Karthik bhai and the people who were with her when I first saw her on the Inauguration Day, the people who I thought were her parents.

"We will only be able to determine that after she wakes up, if she can feel her feet we are all good or else..." The doctor answered Karthik bhai in a confused state.

"I saw cases where people live and walked with a bullet in the body. I think we should let it be Karthik." The security head Shyam said and they all agreed.

"Do whatever Karthik says, I am not in the right mind to make decisions." Her father said settled down on a chair beside me, The doctor went back to continue the operation.

"Maa, why don't you and grandma take Aunty and Uncle out for some food. I'll go and check with the doctors and finalize everything." Karthik bhai said after sometime taking control of the situation while I just stood there like a statue felling confused.

What do you feel when the only person who you loved more than yourself is nothing but a fake reality? When all her life she showed me is lie?

Was the love real?

Mr. Dhanraj refused to leave the room till she wakes up, while the others dragged her mom away leaving me alone with him.

I didn't know what to say to him, should I tell him how his daughter lied to me? How she betrayed my whole family and friends, by hiding such a big truth from us?

I was beyond hurt by her actions, i want to yell at her face for doing this to me but at the same time I am in pain at her condition, the only person I loved is fighting for life and it's all because of me If I didn't bring her there maybe she would've been alive and answering me instead of lying on bed lifeless.

"Sir, we got the person in custody and covered up whole situation at college, what do you want us to do now?" The guy who dropped us asked Mr. Dhanraj.

"I don't know Krishna, I just want my daughter to get up. Take him to the police and get me a non-disclosure agreement for him to sign." He said pointing me.

They want me to sign a NDA, so I won't tell the world the truth.

"Why don't  we tell the everyone the truth instead of covering up one lie with another?" I asked him directly.

He sat still and numb, with tears filled in his eyes.

"As a parent you know what hurts you the most, it's your child's pain and the pain multiplies infinite times when you are the reason for it. We are living in such unprecedented time that no one is ready to believe that a person is just helping you without any evil thoughts or schemes behind it. I have been working all my life to give these people a better life, a better future and guess what the price for doing good, my daughters pain."

"So please don' t ask me to reveal my daughters life when she has got nothing but pain and I am the reason for it. If she got hurt when no one knew about her identity, imagine the problems she is gonna face when everyone knows, All the people who are waiting to hurt me will hurt her again and I can never live with that.." He answered me and walked away.

I could understand his pain, what I couldn't understand was my own pain. They pain that she kept me in the dark. I wanted to pull my hair out, she risked her life protecting her own father. What about me? Did she even think about me?

You never really know people, even those who you love.

It's just one little white lie.

But that one is making me doubt the whole truth, I sat there for hours overthinking all our conversations, trying to figure out the truths and lies in them.

I want to hate her for doing this to me but I still wanna hold her and take her pain away. Why am I like this? Why I am still earning for her when I shouldn't be doing that? Why is my love not enough for her to share things with me?

"Devansh, Mamu says have been sitting like this for the last 20 hours. You should eat something." Reyansh said to me and I stood up seeing him here in panic.

How is he here? Should I lie to him about my presence and cover up the tower of lies they built.

"Shyam is my Mamu, I joined the college to protect and look after her... " He answered my unquestioned thoughts with tears in his eyes and my heart cracked again for the second time today.

Reyansh was there for her security purpose and she knew that, she hid the truth again...

"I can't see her like this, she is the best person ever. She helped me in so many ways to achieve my dreams and it hurts to see her in pain." He continued but my ears wanted to stop hearing all these new things.

She is not the best person ever, she didn't tell me about Reyansh, her parents, her life.

How many lies and secrets are there for me to listen?

Every minutes in this hospital is giving me a new truth which I can't take anymore. I want to run away, away from all these, it's killing me on the inside that my love and affection was never enough for her.

Before I could ask him to stop praising her, his phone rang and he moved away from me.

"She is out of danger, they are moving her to a private room, doctors said that she might wake up anytime soon. " Reyansh said gasping for air.

I really didn't know what to feel anymore. Should I be happy that she is alright or should I be mad at her at all these new revelations?

"Let's go and get you something before you meet her, she is gonna kill me if she knows that I didn't give you food for 24 hours." He dragged me out of the chair without my consent to the cafeteria downstairs.

He went to grab some food for me while I sat there looking at the surroundings filled with people who look just like me, at 4 in the morning aching for their loved ones.

"After she wakes up, get her married to Karthik. No need of college, 3 years of freedom is enough. When he was there, she didn't get a scratch on her. He knows how to take care of her, they are good for each other..." I heard someone and my ears perked up after listening to Karthik's name.

"Aunty, they treat each other like siblings, stop with your old school thinking."

"Don't tell me that, if they don't like each other why would Janu call the girl we found for Karthik and tell her that she loves Karthik and will kill her if she comes in between them." The old lady argued.

She loves Karthik..

The world around me started moving, making me dizzy. My breath hitched and my heart snapped like a twig, shutting down all my senses.

She loves Karthik and will kill her her if she comes between them.

No, she doesn't. She loves only me, I am the love if her life.

Keep telling that to yourself, was there any truth in your relationship?

It was all a lie, a perfectly fabricated story, a tower made out of a deck of cards which fell today..

We've been told that with love, you conquer anything in the world but today proved me wrong.

Love is never enough. Love is just a foundation to a relationship. You need trust, commitment, respect and security

And our relationship was filled with lies, She didn't even love me, she toyed with my emotions and feelings.

"Jagati Maa woke up! We can meet her now, let's go." Security head Shyam told them and I immediately got up and followed them to the room like a iron towards Magnet, like the sunflower following the Sun.

"Can you move wiggle your left pinky toe for me?" Doctor asked, She made small movements.

My eyes moved from her legs to her face, which looks swollen, tired and painful.

Don't feel her pain, she is not worth it.

"That's great Honey! I will go over the reports and scans once again and see what we need to do to get back on your feet." He said and left us all in the room with her.

"This pain never gets old, It feels like I am in hell again." She said wincing in pain while everyone in the room kept looking at her with tears except me.

"Will someone talk to me or should I go get hit again?." She blackmailed them and that's when Karthik and her parents started yelling at her.

I feel like I am seeing a stranger, the person on that bed didn't feel like my Janu.

She is Jagati Jagadeesh Dhanraj, a liar, someone who betrayed me with the fake tales.

People tell us who they are in their own way, we ignore it because we want them to be who we want, because who we want is much better that who they actually are.

But Why did she chose me out of everyone, did she think that this wouldn't hurt me? What was my mistake in this? Why does it feel like I was crushed under a truck?

I idolized her, but now all the image I have of her is crumbling into pieces along with my heart.

She broke my heart and I gave her the power to do it.

This hurts more than anything in the world, the emotional pain in my heart is much worse than any physical pain I've been through.

I am done, it's over, I give up, I can't do this anymore.

I am leaving.

Tada! I am back faster than ever.

I really don't know what to say, so I will zip up before I reveal anything about the future chapters. But I suggest you get ready to hate me more than ever.

Anyway, How are you feeling so far?

Don't forget to vote and comment.

Love,

Sneha