Never to lie is to have no lock to your door, you are never wholly alone.

~Elizabeth Bowen

Devansh

Devansh

Devansh

Devansh

Everyone in the stadium kept chanting my name loudly. We are in the final over of the cricket match of inter-college sports festival. The final game is between ECE and MEC.

We tied after 20 overs and this is the super over. 10-2 was MEC's score in the super over and have 6-3, 2 more balls to finish. I looked at all the people cheering for me, I see Sahastra and all my friends keenly looking at my every move trying to read my thoughts.

Batting is not my strong suit, but here I am with Rakesh another senior as my partner trying to win a cup from the all time winners Mechanical Department.

I fixed my helmet and tapped the ground with the bat, Rakesh signaled me to shove the ball between two players in the right corner and make a run so he can take over. I saw the bowler running to me, being a bowler myself I knew from the look on his face and the actions he is making that he is aiming for a late delivery aiming for my toes, which will result an Yorker.

I can't let this happen, if I win this game. We get another scholarship which I really need. Please god help me with this ball, I prayed.

As soon as he released the ball I moved forward out of the crease to make it a full toss and hit it with all the strength I could muster.

All the crowd went dead quiet, I could hear my heart beat getting louder and palms getting sweaty losing the grip on my bat. My eyes followed the ball as it flew through ground and dropped on the fields outside.

The crowd erupted and before I knew it everyone in our team are carrying me on their shoulders. I cried in happiness inside the helmet, finally we won breaking the Mechanical Departments winning streak. I feel so proud of myself, I don't know if it's my luck or my skill but whatever it is I can a get scholarship.

Everyone congratulated me and I walked to my friends.

"I'm so proud of you. Yay!" Sahastra's came to me and hugged me.

"ECE won not our branch so keep your yelling down." Her friend Sana said amused by her excitement.

"Whatever! My boyfriend won." She said with a proud smile on her face. After a few minutes Sahastra and her friends went to talk to some of her other people.

I tried breaking up with Sahastra, but she always dodges me off with some other stuff and I am stuck in a relationship I don't want to be in.

I saw Aarthav and Charan walking towards us with some food. I'm famished after such a long day. It's been 5 hours since I had something solid and my stomach rumbled at the food.

"Thanks for the food man, I love you." I jumped to him grabbing the chips bag from his hand.

"Woah! Dude I love you too, the last ball was awesome. I mean who thought you could turn an Yorker into a fucking 6." Aarthav ranted.

"That was pure luck, he is not AB de Villiers or Dhoni to do that. That freaking Mechanical chimpanzees didn't know how to throw an Yorker."  We heard Manjula yell in frustration at her friends passing by us.

"What the fudge is a Yorker, is that a peppermint patty? I tried York, is Yorker the new version of  York?" Jagruthi asked them in a confused tone.

She looks so cute in her blue baggy shirt and white pants, her eyes just captivate me every single time.

Aarthav and Charan laughed at her question making all of them turn around and stop by us.

"Hey Angry Nerd, that was not luck. My friend is just too good at cricket." Aarthav said making Manjula really angry.

Nidhi and Jagruthi almost pulled her back, so she won't jump on him.

"My Queen, Yorker is kind of a ball delivery not food." He commented again making everyone angry.

"I hate cricket." She mumbled under her breath.

Jagruthi hates cricket, HATE really Hate. Why can't she like the things I like? Why does it have to be so complicated?

"I hope you lose the next match and get eliminated from the cricket team." Jagruthi said and threw a stone from the ground at him, which hit his chest.

"Ouch! Sweetheart, that hurts." He faked his pain making fun of her.

"Don't call me names." Jagruthi hissed, glaring at him.

I don't know what's with her, every time someone calls her honey, sweetheart or endearments like that she gets furious.

"Why sweetheart?" He asked her again pushing her to the brink of madness.

"Firstly, the endearments you call sound condescending. When you, a person who doesn't know anything about me calls me names like that, it comes out as a sexist way of keeping women in their place. It's just men's way to exert your power or authority over someone. Next time think before you talk." Jagruthi said that all in one go.

Manjula, Nidhi, Kajal, Charan and Aarthav looked dumbfounded. But I knew that she had it in her, She is not the quite calm girl she portrays herself to be, she is a tigress on the inside and I love that about her.

She clearly can standup for herself, I don't know why Samrat and Karthik bhaiyya think she can't.

"I am so freaking proud of you Janu." Kajal said hugging her.

"Let's go, I told you guys to meet me at the gate, I didn't want to come here, but you wouldn't listen...." She said and pulled her friends along with her.

All the time she was here, she didn't even spare a glance at me. I shouldn't complain, I should've realized the consequences earlier. That was the deal we made, It's been a semester after our deal but it still hurts. It hurts that I can't talk to her even though I like her like crazy.

"Why is it every time I think they are a bunch of quiet girls they just amuse me?" Aarthav questioned sitting beside me.

"That's the first time I ever heard her talk out loud." Charan said about Jagruthi with shock written all over his face.

"I'm never going to say words like that anymore man, I'm not sexist." Aarthav said grabbing some of the chips.

"You better not, Don't you think Jagruthi looks cute? I never really observed her but now that I think of her she looks really great man." Charan said smiling, and I felt wave off anger pass through me at his words.

"All I can think of is Karthik bhaiyya punching the life out of you for saying those exact words." Aarthav replied making Charan shut up.

"I better go and wash myself. I can smell my stink. See you at the party." I told them getting up, I didn't want to listen to them anymore.

"You better, or else you won't be getting any from Sahastra." Aarthav said while I was walking away.

No, me and Sahastra are not having sex. I like Jagruthi not Sahastra. I knew that when I found her stalking her friend Kajal. Jagruthi and me, made a deal to not talk to each other outside or anywhere.

I wish I never promised her that. I wish so many things I would change about that day. That was the saddest day of my life which I can't seem to erase out of my mind.

I was walking into the class after dropping Sahastra at her lab. I hate walking her to every class, I'm not her bodyguard. Why can't she understand that I have classes to attend?

That's when I saw Jagruthi walking out of the class through the back door. What is she doing sneaking out of the class? Is she in any trouble?

Worried about her, I quietly followed as she ran to the CSE wing. I went to her as she was looking into the balcony. I tapped on her shoulder to ask her what she is doing here stalking her friends.

"Let's go into that room, May be we can hear something." She whispered and walked into the nearest room and I followed her.

She went to the window and kept her ear close to it. How can she fit in such small space, this is less space than a bus seat. I tried to settle myself like her but I couldn't find the right spot.

"Shhh.. Keep Quiet Nidhi. I can't hear anything." She said concentrating on Kajal.

I sat still looking at her face, she looked panicked when Kajal asked Randhir bhai out, as soon as he said yes her face light lit up like the sun. I smiled looking at her, I liked how her face replicated her emotions.

She held my hand not able to contain her happiness. She looks confused after touching my hand and the she looked at my hand and lifted her eyes up at my face. The look on her face was so funny, it's like cat which got caught drinking milk. She is cute, her face just looks so better from near. Her fingers are soft as butter, I wonder how her lips feel. I wanted to touch her face, lips, nose.

She jerked my hand of her hold breaking my tainted thoughts.

"What are you doing here? Are you following me? Where is Nidhi?" She questioned me after Kajal and Randhir bhai left from there.

"I thought you were in some kind of trouble and followed you, I don't know where Nidhi is." I answered her questions.

"Kajal and Randhir bhai huh!" I asked her as she leaned her back against and sat down completely.

"Yeah! Don't they look cute. I made it happen. I fudging did that" She said with a smile feeling proud of herself.

"Is this this semesters dare for Kajal?" I asked her and she nodded.

Her dare for Manjula costed Aarthav his pride, people thought he was crazy and we had to bear the damage control.

"You really are a magic worker." I told her looking at her happy face.

"Sorry about the other day in the lab. I didn't mean to be rude. When you asked me that my first semester flashed infront of my eyes and I snapped at you and thank you for helping me with my leg." She apologized and I settled myself beside her facing her.

"It's okay! I deserve it. I can't expect you to treat me like that when I've done nothing to earn it." I told her truthfully sinking in her face as much as possible.

"Why are you nice to me? Is this another trap to make my life miserable? Is this some kind off scheme you and your girlfriend are playing?" She questioned fisting her palms.

"NO! Do you think I would stoop so low? Did I ever hurt you in the past year?" I asked her offended by her allegations.

How can she think of me like that? I could never hurt her. When I saw her in pain at the equipment room and outside the exam hall, I felt bad, I couldn't see her like that and I don't really know why it hurt me.

"You never did, that's the problem. I don't know what to think of you. Why in the world would you be nice to me, when every one of your friends are not?" She questioned me.

Why am I nice to her? Why do I always support her when Aarthav says something about her? Why?

I like Jagruthi, that's the answer.

I like how her smile lits up the whole room, I like how her eyes sparkle every time she is excited. I like how she carries herself. I like how courageous she is. I like how she knows to be happy with what's given to her instead of looking for more. I like how she smells like watermelon and cotton candy. I like everything about her.

"I like you." I confessed 

"Wh.. What?" Jagruthi questioned me gulping at my answer.

"This is it, I really like you Jagruthi. Seeing you smile made me happy and your pain felt like my pain. I...I  always looked for ways to talk to you, just to spend some time with you, do things to grab your attention. But you always kept pushing me away, stopped talking to me when I did nothing. I just couldn't back out and I didn't know why then. Now I know, It's because you have a hold on my heart that I can't seem to rend. You, Jagruthi are all I ever want in my life, from day 1 in this college it has been you all along...." I said slowly and brushed her hair strand which is covering her beautiful face.

"You can't, this shouldn't be happening. You already have a girlfriend. It's not possible to look for somebody when you are committed." She said in a painful tone.

"If I genuinely liked her, it wouldn't be hard to be with her. I find myself jammed with her and I find it hard to say no to people and hurt them. I am just paying the dues of my actions now. I have this feeling that you like me too, please tell me it's true... " I told her looking at those beautifully confused eyes gazing at me.

"I don't like you. And I am not the person you think I am, being with me will only give you pain." She said looking away from me with tears in her eyes, I held her face in my hand and turned it towards me.

How is her skin so soft?

It feels like I'm holding butter which might melt of from the heat my body is radiating. She held my hand to take it shove it away but I couldn't let her do that.

"Do you think I am happy now? And liking you is my decision but you breaking my heart now with your words is completely yours." I whispered the last part not able to say it out loud.

"Don't you see it, how my body reacts to your touch?" I showed her my hand where all hair of my body stood up with little goosebumps.

"Stop talking, you are just making it hard for me. You will hate me someday and I don't want that." She whispered with a croaking tone.

"I could never hate you even if I want to. Can't you see it? We are meant to be together." I said moving closer to her.

"I know you feel it too. It's like we have this mysterious attraction towards each other, like a pull between two objects, a sense of gravity pulling us together." I said looking at her quivering lips as she kept staring at me.

"This can't be happening. This shouldn't be happening. You are supposed to be the one I can't reach, you are not supposed to be this nice...." She kept repeating moving her head, not able to take in my words.

I held her face tight and leaned closer to her and placed my forehead on hers, she shuddered as I breathed out.

When her face touched mine it felt like a cosmic reaction in my body. It feels like my face is on fire, my whole body is on fire just by her mere touch and smell.

"Don't deny it , please, tell me that you feel it too. Please.." I pleaded snuggling into her neck and she held my hand tight.

"I like you Dev, I like you so much that this exact moment feels like a dream. I am scared to wake up and realize that this not true. I just want to be with you.." She barely whispered enjoying the moment leaning in.

I felt my heart slip when she called me Dev.

Why is it out of every one in the world she has this effect on me. How her one touch, one word makes me weak and can bring me to my knees?

"But..You and me will never work out Dev, I can never be the person for you. My life is so twisted that I can't have anything I want. I come with baggage you can't imagine." She said sniffling through her tears.

What is she talking about? What baggage does a 17 year old have? Is this about her episodes?

" Everyone comes with a baggage, the burden will lessen if you share it. And I am ready to take the weight. Please let's try, give us a chance." I pleaded staying in that position.

" You can't leave Sahastra, This is just attraction we are feeling towards each other. She might not be my friend now but I can't betray her." She said breaking away from my arms.

"This is not just attraction for me. You add magic and miracle to my life, you make me feel complete. If I did truly liked her, I would never feel this way about you." I said pulling her back into my arms.

"Listen to me Devansh, Commitment is something you can compromise on. Sahastra chose you and she is choosing you every single day over every other guy in this world. You should respect that." She tried to say pushing me away.

"But I didn't choose her, I want to choose you." I replied to her trying to fight for myself.

I never asked Sahastra's out, I never initiated anything with her, I'm with her because I didn't want to hurt her. Why can't she understand me?

"Let's not make it awkward and be practical. Sahastra will be devastated if you break up with her. I can't hurt her feelings and I know you can't too. We hurt more people by being together. For this one time let's not be selfish." Jagruthi pleaded me with her eyes.

How can she put other people above her? She is putting the girl who made her life hell above her own feelings. Why is she like this?

"Please, Dev let's not subside to our attraction, act like grownups and think about the people in our life. Please, do this for me. One day you might realize that she is the one for you and regret this day." She said and held my hand for the first time in my life and asked me something which was the worst mistake of my life.

"Let's not talk to each other and stay away, maybe the attraction will go away." She pleaded me and her each word broke my heart into pieces.

"You can say anything but my feelings for you is not attraction, It's something bigger and greater than that. I understand that you don't realize it yet but there will be a day when you agree with me. I will wait for that day, I will wait for you say that this is not attraction and come back to me." I replied to her as my gut clenched in pain and agony, I could never imagine one person can cause me.

"Thank you so much for being understanding. I just don't want to hurt Sahastra and you. You are literally the best person anyone could ever get and it hurts me that I am not the one." She said and placed a kiss on my cheek with tears in her eyes.

I pulled her into my lap and hugged her. Why am I this unlucky? We broke up before we started a relationship.

"Can you stay like this for one more minute? I promise to never disturb you again." I said and she snuggled closer.

I wanted to ask for infinity instead of one minute, I would never want to let her go, please some one freeze the clock in this moment so I could atleast have her in the end.

I could feel her tears on my shirt. I devoured her smell, her touch and her everything in that one minute. I wish I could have her in my arms all my life but I can't. Our love died before it was conceived.

The words she spoke, made me fall her more. She is a fucking saint, but what we didn't realize was that we are hurting Sahastra more by giving her hope because I know that I can never feel the same way about her like I do for Jagruthi.

It's been 6 months since that dreadful day. One complete Semester went by us avoiding each other, 5 more to go.

We never talked to each other during the lab too. We work on the lab and then I go to Aarthav and Samrat joins her.

If it was attraction, shouldn't it be gone by now?

I still have feelings for her and they are going up every single second. I hate myself for promising her that day. I wish I had the courage to not give in to her words and stood up for my sake.

My phone rang loud making me bring back to the reality, I brushed the tears off and picked up the call.

"Dude, where are you man?" Charan yelled at me through the phone.

"I'm on my way to the party. Give me 10 min." I said and cut the call and went into the shower. After getting ready, I joined the winning party with all the cricket team putting away my pain.

So, all the cricket connoisseurs do let me know if there is any mistake.

Did you like the Devansh and Jagruthi part? How was it?

I don't think there is going to be much of Jagruthi and Devansh together in the next part and that's the part I am scared to write and publish.

I don't know how you guys are gonna perceive it, but I am gonna do it, I will do it.

Don't forget to vote and comment

Love,
Sneha