Ch.28: Little Creep

"How come you're being so calm?" Julian asked. "Last time I tried to put the lens in your eye, you freaked out."

Nicholas frowned. "I didn't freak-" He sighed, relaxing his eyebrows again. Then he turned onto his side, looking up at Julian where he sat beside his head. He shrugged one shoulder. "I was a little scared at first," he said. "You're not a bad person."

Julian smiled. "I know! Finally someone defends me, hahaha..."

Eventually Julian got off the bed and entered the bathroom to shower too. The sound of running water was a little too loud. Milo stood with Valentino this time, and they talked about who-knew-what.

Albert was still sitting on a chair near the bed. Nicholas turned to his other side so that he was facing Albert.

"So did Julian tell you about Thomas?" Nicholas said. "Did he explain everything to you?"

Albert nodded. "Yeah. He sure likes talking about his problems."

"And other people's problems."

Albert chuckled, leaning back in the chair.

"He showed us the letter Thomas left," Nicholas said, and then eyed Albert; his chin had been pointing a little upwards as he absently stared at the ceiling, but now he lowered his head again and looked at Nicholas. "Thomas said he hates the people that he loves."

Albert hummed. "Hates the people that he loves. Sounds like a paradox."

"No, it's more like he doesn't understand what love is. He doesn't know how to feel it."

Albert's eyes softened. "That's sad."

"...Is it possible?"

Albert paused for a minute, gathering his thoughts. "Maybe. From what Julian explained to me, Thomas's parents always had issues with each other. They both loved Thomas, but they hated each other. Thomas probably doesn't understand what love feels like or even looks like because it was never demonstrated to him. If his parents always fought and his dad literally got another child-Julian-from another woman, which obviously made his mom angry and caused even more problems, then Thomas never saw love. All he saw was conflict. All he knows is hatred."

Nerves jittered in Nicholas's gut. All he knew was conflict too. All he knew was hatred too. All he grew up on was violence, violence, and more violence. He'd had to out-violence his own father for as long as he could remember to protect himself and his mom, and while it worked, it backfired heavily too. He had never loved anyone, and no one had loved him. Not even his mom, before she had turned completely against him.

So did that mean...?

Nicholas glimpsed at Milo. He cared about Milo. He loved him. So there! He wasn't like Thomas.

No, wait.

Nicholas frowned to himself. He didn't love Milo. He cared about his well-being, but it was only out of obligation. Milo helped him. Nicholas needed to help him back. So that wasn't really love, was it?

"You're nothing like Thomas, if you're worried about it," Albert said.

Nicholas's heart skipped about five beats when he heard Albert casually guess his fear.

"Shut up," Nicholas quickly said. "Why would I be worried about that? I'm not worried. I'm nothing like him. I know that."

Albert nodded. "Yeah. That's what I said."

Now this made Nicholas feel silly. Albert was agreeing with him. Why had Nicholas even started to get defensive? He shook his head, and then just stared at Albert for a while, as if he could steal some of his composure through that.

"Do you ever get angry?" Nicholas asked.

Albert shrugged. "Of course."

"I'm angry like 90% of the time."

Albert let out a muffled chuckle. "I noticed."

"How can you be so calm all the time?" Nicholas asked.

"It's a skill," Albert said. "It needs practice. And I've been practicing ever since I was a kid."

"How come?"

"You know, crippled father. Overworked mother. Drunkard older brothers, one of them did drugs, too. I had to work day and night to help my mom make ends meet, and the idiots would steal my money to buy alcohol. Gotta learn to have patience to deal with that."

Nicholas gasped quietly. "I would've beaten their asses. Steal their money too. Take their alcohol bottles and break them."

"...I just started hiding the money better."

"Yeah, that too."

"You know, I'm actually a carpenter," Albert said. "Garderning's just a side-thing I picked up to get a bit more money." He smiled. "I'm glad I did. That's how I met Milo."

The conversation caught Milo's attention the second Albert mentioned his name, and he moved closer, followed by Valentino. Milo sat down at the edge of the bed. Valentino leaned against the wall next to Albert.

"Valentino used to hate me at first," Milo said.

Valentino's eyes widened and he took a quick step towards Milo to clamp a hand on his mouth before he could continue speaking.

"Milo..." Valentino sighed. "No, I didn't. I never did."

Milo tugged Valentino's hand off, frowning playfully at him. "Valentino, I'm not stupid. You made it so obvious too." Then he chuckled and looked at Nicholas. "It's only 'cause he wasn't used to the idea of Albert being friends with someone else at first. He warmed up to me pretty fast."

Well. Julian was right when he called Valentino and Milo Albert's children. This was like the older sibling getting jealous of the younger one for getting more attention.

"You raised Milo well, Albert," Nicholas said.

"Thanks."

"But you did a shit job with Valentino."

"That's because Valentino was like eleven when we met," Albert said, completely unoffended. "His parents already messed up enough at that point." His expression softened into something sad and tender. "I just wish I realized sooner how badly they messed up."

"That wasn't your fault," Valentino said.

From his seat, Albert glanced up at Valentino - wordlessly at first, with only regret and pain in his eyes. Then he smiled, and then chuckled, lightly punching his fist against his knee.

"Why are you laughing?" Nicholas asked.

"I remembered the way Valentino would just follow me around when he got out of the hospital, after, um... you know. Julian told you the story," Albert said. "I swear to God I'd be walking home, and I'd find Valentino behind me. And he wouldn't even talk to me. He'd just follow."

Valentino looked like he was fighting the urge to hide his face. "Albert..."

"That's creepy," Nicholas said.

"I know." Albert smiled. "But he was just a kid back then. I figured maybe he just feels safe around me after what happened, so I let him. Later when he started visiting me at my place, he noticed that my kitchen table's leg was crooked. The next day he's at my doorstep with a new table from Ikea."

"One time I said I wanted to learn the piano," Milo said. "The next day he bought me one."

Nicholas frowned at first, wondering how Valentino could afford all of that, but then the realization sank in: Valentino started working for the organization when he was about fourteen years old, so he'd already been getting paid pretty well.

"You let him just buy you stuff like that?" Nicholas asked. "You didn't wonder how someone so young could afford all of that?"

"Of course I did," Albert said. "But he kept doing it. I tried to..." He trailed off into a sigh. "It's a bit complicated here. Just forget about it."

Right then, Julian opened the bathroom door and came back with wet hair and new clothes. He paused at the threshold and gazed at everyone, puzzled by the sudden silence. But before he could open his mouth, the sound of jingling keys sounded outside their room, and Nicholas quickly turned to his other side, his back to the door. He pulled the sheets tightly over him.

The door creaked open. A few footsteps, then silence. Something was thrown on the bed near Nicholas's feet. Then more silence - the bewildered type, and it matched the guard's voice when he finally spoke:

"Is he really giving us the silent treatment or what?"

"I mean, he did say he was tired of dealing with all of this," Albert said. "Guess he really meant it."

"Would you rather hear him shout all the time?" Valentino said, and Nicholas grimaced at the wall. "Maybe let's enjoy the peace right now. Tell Sasha I need to talk to her."

"She's on the phone right now. When she's done."

Retreating footsteps echoed, and then the door was shut and locked. Nicholas glanced back over his shoulder; a black pork pie hat sat on top of a pile of folded clothes on the bed - the same kind Valentino had worn the first time Nicholas saw him. Sasha probably sent these for Valentino to wear on his meeting with his cult.

Julian sat down beside the clothes, picking them apart. He ended up with two piles, and he pushed one towards Valentino. "These are yours," Julian said, keeping the other pile on his lap. "And these are mine. I told Sasha I wanted a vest and coat like Valentino!"

Nicholas quickly sat up, crossing his legs. Leaning over, Nicholas grabbed the hat from Valentino's pile and set it on Julian's head.

"Tell Sasha to get you a hat too. It suits you," Nicholas said. "Oh, and why don't you draw the pattern under your eye too? You know, like the one Valentino has on when he's working."

"Oh, yeah!" Julian smiled. "I'll draw that too."

Good, Nicholas thought. Now when it was time to impersonate Julian, he could draw the pattern over his own beauty spot to hide it, since Julian didn't have one.

• • •

His plan starts in the next chapter!! <3

Nicholas's facial expression 24/7 for no reason:

I'm not an artist obviously! I just drew this for fun. I don't even know how to color properly so i left it colorless lol. I drew Valentino too btw! You can see my art and also fanart on my insta @ macy.writes

Thank you so much for reading/voting/commenting, hope you're enjoying the book! ❤️❤️