San had many regrets. Of course he did. He's human.

But he had never regretted anything more than how he'd hurt Wooyoung. And what's worse is that he wasn't sure if there was a way to fix it.

Something in Wooyoung had changed. Though it had only been a little over 4 days since San's outburst, the older could cleary notice a shift in him.

He never smiled. Like ever. Even when they had dinner as a family he was quiet. Which is a complete contrast to his usual talkative personality. He would often bring the dinner table to life. But now it was like the life had been sucked out of him.

He never left the house. He who was always up and about. Going to different parts of Seoul with friends like the social butterfly that he is almost regularly now all he did was stay in his room 24/7.

He never ate. San wasn't sure if the younger was starving himself or he genuinely never had the appetite for anything. He doubted the latter was true.

Overall he just stopped taking care of himself. Things were so incredibly tense in the house that even their parents were starting to notice. Wooyoung's mother stopping him once to ask what was wrong but San had just shrugged and said he didn't know.

He couldn't count how many times he'd tried approaching Wooyoung. To talk to him. And fix things. All his attempts were met with a silence or if he was lucky, a short answer.

It'd been days since the anonymous stranger had contacted San. Perhaps this is what they wanted, break him. No, break us. I'm such a fucking idiot. Was all the teen thought as layed in bed, the darkness of his room almost comforting in a sense. Tears slowly slides down the sides of his head and stopping at his ears.

And it worked. They won.

He wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. But with his dad gone to work the only other person that came to mind was his longest friend. So he opened up his phone and flew to their contact.

"Hello?" He answers on the first ring.

"Hey hyung" San croaks out, sniffing back his runny nose.

"San? You alright?" Hongjoong's voice was laced with concern due to his friend's scratchy voice. "Were you crying?"

It'd been a while since they'd checked in on each other. The craziness in both their lives taking up most of their days. To say San missed his friend would be an understatement.

"Yeah. I just.. Can we talk.. like in person" San mutters out, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Hongjoong stays silent for a few long seconds before he hums in understanding. "Sure. I'll be there soon" San could tell he was moving around, probably getting ready to leave.

"N-no it's fine. I'll meet you at your place" San sniffs as he sits up, rubbing at his wet cheeks. He hears a voice on the other side of the phone and Hongjoong abruptly shushing them.

"Who was that" He mumbles as he pulls on an oversized hoodie.

"Uhm.. Seonghwa?"

San raises a brow in question at the familiar name. "Who's that?"

"This.. guy I've been seeing. The one I told you about in that diner" He replies hesitantly. San felt his brow raise in surprise. Oh.. him.

"Oh? I'm happy for you
Are guys dating now?" He quickly pulls on a pair of joggers then finger brushes his messy dark hair.

(Spoiler but not really?: Seongjoong gets back together. Like I said in an earlier chapter, I want to put it off for now and focus on the main ship then properly wrap up SJ's plot in one big chapter later. Kinda confusing right now lol but it'll make sense soon)

"It's a bit complicated honestly" Hongjoong says with a small laugh. "We can talk about all that when you get here ok?"

San nods curtly. "Ok"

"Hey San?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss you"

San couldn't help the smile that forms on his chapped lips. "I miss you too hyung" With that the call ends.

San leaves his room and was met with the eerily quiet house. He wasn't sure if Wooyoung was home or not but he also wasn't sure he wanted to find out so he just quietly made his way down the stairs, matching the silence of the house.

The next few minutes on the bus ride to Hongjoong's house was a blur to him. His mind was too fogged up and busy, different thoughts came to mind. He almost missed his bus stop at that. But eventually he made his way to the familiar building one that he'd been to at least a thousand times.

Hongjoong opens up on the first ring. San already felt himself get better at the sight of his friend's smiling face. He opens his mouth to speak first when he sees a taller person walk up behind Hongjoong. His dark hair and strong features along with his tall lean physique reminded him of a model.

"San hey. This is Seonghwa. Seonghwa this is San, my best friend" Hongjoong introduces, stepping to the side so they could properly greet each other. San was surprised to say the least, he wasn't expecting Seonghwa to be so handsome. How did Hongjoong even find him? He wondered.

"Nice to meet you" San forces a tight lipped smile, the hood of his hoodie creating a shadow over his face. He extends his hand for a hand shake.

"You as well" Seonghwa takes his hand, bowing slightly.

"Seonghwa said he wanted to meet you before he left so he just stuck around until you got here" Hongjoong nervously scratches the back of his neck, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

"Ah I see" San nods in understanding.

"Yeah, I'm gonna get going now though" Seonghwa begins slipping on his checkered Vans sneakers. "Uhm, I'll text you later Joong" He leans down to the shorter's height and presses a kiss on his cheek. The action causes his insides to burn and his cheeks to heat up.

San just looked at him with a small teasing smile up until Seonghwa finally left and the door shuts close. "Kinda looks like you guys are more that 'seeing each other'" San shoves his hands in his pockets, a brow arched knowingly.

Hongjoong just playfully shoves his shoulder. "Oh be quiet. We're not really a thing right now. It's more like 'we wanna make it official but we're just testing the waters' type of seeing each other" He loops his arm with San and drags him upstairs to him room.

Once in their room San flops face forward on Hongjoong's bed. He releases a loud sigh before turning on his back. "You guys are really cute together though. Where'd you meet?"

Hongjoong hops on the bed next to him. "I'll tell you but this isn't about me. What's going with you?" His earlier smile having melted into a solemn stare down. He noticed that San just seemed.. off. His eyes looked a lot more dull and his smile from earlier at the door didn't look genuinely. Not to mention the fact that it sounded like he'd been crying when he called on the phone.

San hesitates to answer earnestly. "Nothing"

"Bullshit" Hongjoong immediately counters. "You called me and said you wanted to talk. Ok, I'm here. I'm all ears" He looks at San dead in the eyes. San felt himself cave the longer he looked him in the eyes.

Finally he sits up slowly and Hongjoong's eyes follows his movements. "I fucked up really bad hyung" He says with a pout. His voice cracking a bit at the end of the sentence. Just the thought of the whole situation nearly brought tears to his eyes again.

"What happened" Hongjoong scoots closer, eager to listen to what has got his friend looking and feeling so miserable.

San wasn't even sure where to start. Perhaps beginning with an explanation with why he was sexually involved with his step brother would be a good place to start. But he couldn't find his voice.

Eventually he begins talking. He explained everything from start to finish and he expected Hongjoong to look at him with disgust. To recoil away from him for sleeping around with someone whom he should consider family.

Instead Hongjoong had a straight expression in the whole time, humming occasionally to show that he was still paying attention. He didn't speak once, and looked at San the entire time. Being completely attentive.

San finishes speaking and a quiet envelopes the room. He wipes at his cheeks and stares at his hands which were resting on his thighs.

"Give me your phone" Hongjoong orders after a few long seconds of dead silence. San hesitantly looks up at him and was met with Hongjoong's fierce gaze and his out stretched hand. "Hand it over" He says more firmly.

Seeing San's wet cheeks and teary eyes made him even more furious. He only wish he had known his friend was enduring all of this on his own. He would've prevented it somehow.

San finally caves and carefully places his phone in Hongjoong's smaller hand. He put in the pin knowing San has been using the same one on all his phones since they were little. Then he goes into his messages and briskly scrolls through San's conversation with the anonymous person.

"What are you gonna do" San asks, slightly on edge.

"Do you love him?"

"My dad?" San raises a brow in question while wiping at his runny nose. Hongjoong climbs out of his bed to grab a tissue box for his friend.

"No, Wooyoung" Hongjoong mutters as San grabs a tissue. The look on the younger's face shifts to an unreadable expression. His eyes drops from Hongjoong's firm gaze.

"I don't know" He answers honestly. He really didn't understand his own feelings at that moment. He was hurt. And he was hurt because he knew he hurt Wooyoung. That crushed look on his face several nights ago was practically burned in his memory.

Hongjoong releases a long sigh, running his hand through his messy dull faded red hair, his black roots indicating he needed a re-dye. "I think you two need some time away from each other because from what you've described to me the relationship sounds a bit..." He hesitates. "Unhealthy"

San's brows raise up slightly, not in anger but in a slow realization. He never once saw whatever they had as unhealthy but the more thought about it the more it started to make sense to him.

"O-oh" He croaks out in a small whisper, eyes fixed on his hands as they rested on his thighs. "But I-" He stops, hesitating and thinking. "I miss him. I ruined everything and I don't know how to fix it. I wanna fix it so bad. I wanna fix us"

"There's just some things that are beyond fixing, San. I'm no therapist but like I said you both need time away from each other. For your own good" Hongjoong nibbles on his bottom lip, nervous that San might lash out on him.

San trusted Hongjoong. Before even meeting Wooyoung San had considered him an older brother. He always followed his advice and judgment. But this was the one time he wanted to do his own thing. This was then one time Hongjoong's judgment went out the window.

Which was why he denied Hongjoong's offer to stay over at his place at least until the end of the summer. Which was why his advice to take some time away from Wooyoung went in one ear and was out the other. Because even if what Hongjoong said was possibly true, about their relationship being unhealthy, he just couldn't stop the way he felt about Wooyoung.

All he could think about was him. And how to fix what he broke.

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This is depressing as hell damn lmao. Hey I wanna know if anyone was at any of their US or EU shows 🥲