33. losing myself

Pie on your face, April fools lmaoo!

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It had barely been a week since both step brothers were caught. And since San's attitude towards Wooyoung had changed. But San did what he had to do. He couldn't afford to jeopardise his father's happiness.

Even if it meant at the cost of his own.

Besides, from the get go he was fully aware of the risks and how they couldn't possibly be involved like that. Especially not in public. Even if their parents had broken up there would still be that history which will forever be there. It would be very... awkward if people found out.

Perhaps this is for the best. Better to stop it before we get too deep...

But he knew that they were already in too deep. In the week that he'd been avoiding Wooyoung he'd also been thinking about him. Constantly.

He didn't want to admit it but he missed the younger alot. He missed talking to him. Kissing him. Holding him. Even if they did get on each other's nerves a lot there was an interesting dynamic between the both of them that was just hard to put into words. And impossible to replicate.

He was so busy thinking about Wooyoung he didn't realize that a waiter was trying to get his attention. "Excuse me" He says a bit loudly after several attempts of trying to calling out to the day dreaming male.

San blinks up at the tall waiter in mild confusion from the little booth he was seated in. "I was just wondering if you wanted a refill" He asks in a voice so silky yet rough, pushing his notepad in his apron pocket and pointing to San's almost empty glass of orange juice.

San shakes his head and waves him off. "No no, I'm good. Thank you" He forces a smile and the waiter returns it before awkwardly walking away to attend to another table. It looked like he wanted to stay and keep talking.

Though San will admit he is quite cute, something about his tall frame and round face was kind of attractive to him. But he wasn't ready to get involved with another person especially since he still trying to figure what exactly is going on with him and Wooyoung. No, it'll just complicate things. Well.. more than they already were.

He releases a long sigh and leans forward on the table, digging his face into his palm. Hongjoong had texted him earlier that day asking to meet him at some diner and now he's a no show. Just as he's about to pull out his phone and call the older, the door to the little diner then swings open along with the bell indicating that someone has just entered.

He looks up and spots Hongjoong making his way to him, a nervous smile on his lips. San looks back at him cautiously.

"Why are you so nervous?" San asks the second Hongjoong sits down across from him in the booth.

"I'm not" Hongjoong feigns innocence then looks around to try and catch the attention of a passing by waitress.

"You are. I've known you long enough to know when you're about to shit yourself from nerves. Does it have anything to do with that why we're here?" San props his head up on the table, finger drawing shapes on the cold glass cup in front of him.

"Possibly" He shrugs. Just then a waitress appears and Hongjoong places his order without even having to look at the menu. Apparently he's a regular here.

"Ok" San starts once she leaves. "Start talking"

Hongjoong wringes his hands, his nerves growing bigger. San was getting impatient. "God, just spit it out"

"I slept with Wooyoung.. multiple times. Behind your back. And I'm so so sorry.. I- I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I even kept it from you for so long-"

"About time you fessed up" San cuts him off then leans back in his seat, a blank look on his face.

Hongjoong looks at him in total confusion. "What?"

"Wooyoung told me"

"And you're.. not mad?"

"I-" He starts but stops and just settles for shaking his head no. Truth be told he himself hasn't been very honest with Hongjoong. But there's no way anyone else can find out about his involvement with Wooyoung. And that includes Hongjoong.

Hongjoong couldn't put into words how relieved he felt. He isn't upset..

"Do you like him?" San asks after a brief moment. "Like really like him?" He didn't know why part of him was scared to hear his answer.

It was Hongjoong's turn to shake his head. "No. Absolutely not. I mean at first I thought I did but I-"

"Realized that he's not the one" San completes for him.

Hongjoong nods, staring intently at his friend. "Yeah.."

Another moment of silence ensues. "I met someone though" Hongjoong starts again, his voice a lot more bright. "His name is Seonghwa" A smile spreads on his lips at the mention of the taller male.

"Ooh, I'm guessing he's a little more than just 'someone' if he's got you smiling this hard" San laughs a little. His eyes disappearing into little crescents.

"Something like that. He hasn't asked me out so.. we're not really official yet" Hongjoong says with a pout as he leans forward on the table. Just then the waitress comes back with his lunch.

He thanks her and she was quickly on her way. "So have you guys kissed?" San prys, a look of interest on his face as Hongjoong began digging into the food.

"Like a hundred times. We even had sex"

San widens his eyes a little. "That's fast.."

"I know but.. I really like him. And he likes me too. Though I know his history is a little..." He struggles to find the word.

"Wait what about his history?" San inquires then helps himself to one of Hongjoong's French fries.

"I think he... slept around a lot. Kinda like-" He stops himself before he could finish the sentence although San wasn't stupid. He knew he was gonna say 'like you'.

"Like me" He didn't mean for his voice to sound hurt but it did. The fact that his closest friend views him as an ex fuck boy. It kinda hurt. But he couldn't blame him. After all the shit I put him through in the past.. I guess I deserve it.

"I d-didn't mean it like that. I know you're no longer that person anymore" Hongjoong quickly adds, eyes widened a little.

San forces a lop sided smile. He notices that Hongjoong kept glancing behind him from time to time so he sits up straighter, brow arched in question. "What do you keep looking at?" He questions.

"There's this waiter that keeps staring at you. Do you know him?" Hongjoong nods in the direction behind San's view then he takes a sip of his soda.

San glances behind his shoulder and sees that it was the dude from earlier. The one that asked him if he wanted a refill of his orange juice. He was currently cleaning up a used table, rag in his right hand and spray bottle in his left. His dark smooth hair glistening ever so slight from the sunlight streaming in from the diner's large windows.

He looked about their age but definitely taller than both of them. As he moved around San caught a glimpse of his name tag. Yunho.

"No. Never seen him before today" San turns back to Hongjoong.

"Hmm. He's probably into you then" Hongjoong adds playfully knowing it would get under San's skin.

"Yah- be quiet. You're so loud" San scoffs at him, reaching over to pinch his arm. Hongjoong pouts. "He's just doing his job, weirdo"

"By oogling you from across the room? Right" Hongjoong glances behind San again then shifts his gaze back to San, a cheeky smile on his lips. "He's staring again" Hongjoong says under a whisper.

San couldn't help himself, he whips his head around and was met with deep chocolate eyes looking right at him. Upon being caught staring the waiter quickly averts his eyes and turns to another used table.

"Told ya" Hongjoong leans forward, a wide smile on his lips.

"Well that doesn't prove anything. Besides what am I supposed to do? I'm not interested" He leans back in the seat, arms crossed and a blank look on.

"What do you mean?" Hongjoong whines out. "A cute diner guy keeps staring at you and you wanna play hard to get? Cheeky"

"I'm not playing anything. I genuinely am not interested in anything like that right now" Though Hongjoong's right about one thing. He's really cute. There was something about that boyish face of his and puppy, doe brown eyes that was so alluring. Nonetheless that was about all of what he felt for the stranger. San just thinks he's really handsome. Nothing more.

"Ugh.." Hongjoong rolls his eyes at him. "You wanna stay single forever that's your business"

"Anyways speaking of being single I think you should be careful with that Seonghwa guy. He might be trouble and no offense but sometimes you can get a little desperate and clingy when anyone with a dick even so much as holds the door open for you" He didn't realize what he said until it a few seconds after it left his mouth.

"Excuse me?" Hongjoong sits up straighter, a look of offense on his face.

"Shit. I- that came out wrong"

"Yeah no shit. Y'know why is it that every time I'm in a little bit of a good mood you find a way to fuck it up?" He slowly gets riled up and San was mentally kicking himself for saying that. He didn't know what provoked him to say it.

"I'm so sor-"

"Keep the apology" Hongjoong cuts him off. He gets ready to stand up. "And you don't know the first about Seonghwa so don't give me your uneeded advice" He rolls his eyes and gets up.

"Hongjoong, c'mon. I'm sorry" He pleads but the older was already at the door.

Once he was gone San slumps back in defeat. I keep fucking up every relationship I have. What is wrong with me? He stares intently at Hongjoong's half empty plate of food and releases a long sigh. I'll have to give him a call later. I'll let him cool off.

"Boyfriend troubles?" A voice calls out from behind and San looks up to see the waiter pull up beside his table. Yunho again.

"Uhm, no. H-he's just a friend" San stutters at his sudden appearance.

Yunho nods in understanding, peach jelly lips forming a pretty side smile. San sits up straighter. "So uh, I just wanna let you know that I'm not really... interested in seeing anyone right now. Like I mean I'm sure you're a really cool dude I just don't need that distraction at the moment"

Yunho looks at him with brows scrunched in confusion, eyes narrowed slightly. An amused laugh escapes his lips. "I was just gonna ask if you're ready to pay"

San just looks up at him with slightly wide eyes. His cheeks burning hot from the embarrassing situation he just put himself in. "O-oh ah.. yeah I can pay now" His brain was a train wreck but he fumbles with his wallet.

"I'll get your bill" Yunho says dryly as he walks away, his earlier sweet demeanor almost completely melted away.

San cringes at himself, lightly tapping his forehead. "Aish- what is wrong with me?" He wonders outloud.

Within a minute or two the tall waiter reappears with a paper slip. He places it on the table and San immediately brings himself to his feet in order to properly apologize for his rude assumption. "I'm so sorry about.." He hesitates. "That was really rude of me"

Yunho nods curtly, a small smile on his lips. "It's fine. Perhaps I was the one that was sending the wrong message. That's my bad"

"No it's all on me. Here..." He opens up his wallet and pulls out a 10,000 won bill. "You can have this as a tip"

Yunho couldn't believe how completely clueless and socially inept this stranger was but he keeps his smile nonetheless and kindly declines. "It's fine. You don't need to do anything else. Just take your bill to the cashier and they can help you" He turns to Hongjoong's food and begins cleaning up the table.

"Thank you again" San says hesitantly.

"Yeah" Yunho doesn't throw him another glance.

He's annoyed. Of course he is. I sounded like a narcissistic asshole. Ugh how'd I manage to piss off two people in the span of 10 minutes? He thinks to himself as he takes both his and Hongjoong's bill to go pay at the cashier.

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Yuyu ❤


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