Trigger warning // weight, body dysmorphia, bullying, cutting, rape

If you're uncomfortable with these topics then please skip this next part and start reading when you see the word "SAFE" in big red letters

All you need to know is that Wooyoung was traumatized when he was younger due to bullying experiences and a toxic relationship.
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Wooyoung's POV

I was painfully naive back then. The school's quiet introverted weirdo. The one that always ate lunch alone. Had no friends. Was self conscious about their weight and appearance so every year I would get the baggiest uniform the school could offer and grew out my bangs so people didn't have to see my hideous face.

It was better that way. I knew no one would ever show an interest in me. I'd most likely die alone. And I was ok with it. I was ready to accept this fact.

How could I forget the bullying. It was almost everyday and came in waves throughout the day. Some days better than others.

The worst was when the most popular kid at my school had confessed to me. I remember being so... confused. Someone as attractive as him liked me? Without wasting time I immediately told him I felt the same way. Out of excitement perhaps? Who knows.

That's when I realized just how delusional I was. He had immediately bursted out laughing and his friends who were hiding came out of their hiding spots with their phones held up. Recording the scene and laughing as well.

Pointing and laughing at me. Like I was joke.

I still remember the boy's harsh words till this day. "Who the hell would like an ugly pig like you? Go die"

That night was the first time in my entire life that I had considered cutting. I cried so hard and gripped the razor in my hand as I sat in the cold bathtub.

But I couldn't do it.

I was always terrified of blood. Especially the sight of my own. I'm weak. That's a fact I had accepted that day. Weak and worthless and perhaps a part of me actually believed what he said was true and that I do need to go die.

Everything changed though when I met Matthew though.

Matthew was the only one who didn't look at me like I was a chewed up piece of gum underneath his shoe. The only one who cracked a small smile at me every time we crossed paths in the busy school halls. The only one that had ever asked me first if we could work together on an assignment.

I didn't want to believe that there was actually someone out there being genuinely nice to me. So I tried to keep my distance, convinced that he and his friends were trying to play a prank on me.

Although I tried, it didn't have much of an effect because slowly as time went by I started I develop a small crush on the aspiring basketball player. The small crush became bigger and bigger and soon Matthew Kim was all I thought of.

I'm not sure what it was but I felt compelled to confess my feelings. So I did.

Imagine my surprise when Matthew smiles that sweet boyish smile that turned my insides to mush, then says "I like you too"

A part of me was in denial. Someone as handsome, popular and sweet as Matthew.. likes me...? I couldn't believe it.

We had started dating and everyday felt like a dream. Matthew walked me to all my classes. Always made it a point to greet me at my locker every morning before the first bell. Sat with me at lunch and even invited me to sit with his friends a couple times.

I felt myself fall deeper and deeper for him. But as it turns out, all good things must come to an end... eventually.

Over time something began changing in him. He became cold... distant. It was something I never really noticed because I was still so infatuated with him. It didn't happen over night either but over a span of a few weeks.

It started with little things like avoiding my eyes whenever we crossed paths in the hallway. Then he would leave me to eat lunch by myself while he went out with his friends.

Though these things didn't really matter much to me because I was convinced that we were soulmates. I was ready to do anything and everything for him and his happiness. Thinking back at it now my devotion to him was extremely... unhealthy but I couldn't help how I felt.

One day he invited me over to his house after school and I was quick to agree. His parents weren't home so we headed up to his room. Then he turned to me and told me to take off my clothes. I was confused and that confusion turned to fear as I realized why he had me over.

He wanted to have sex.

I was a virgin at the time, the only other dick I'd ever seen was through porn so imagine how anxious I felt. But alas I swallowed my nerves and began taking off my uniform.

I wish I could say it was passionate and blissful but then I'd be lying. It was rough and painful. Despite my multiple cries to Matthew of how much in pain I was he didn't seem to care. He didn't give me any time to adjust around him and instead rammed into me over and over.. and over while I layed there whimpering in pain and taking whatever he wanted to give me. As long as he's happy that's all that mattered.

It didn't stop there because almost every day afterwards Matthew would have me come over just to have sex. Sometimes when he couldn't wait till school ended he would find some secluded part of the building and fuck me senseless.

Then he began calling me degrading names like "my little slut" or "dirty whore". Another red flag but again, I pretended not to see it.

Why did I ever let it get to that point? Why am I so stupid? I blame Matt for ruining me but deep down I know I was always this way. A broken toy only good for sex.
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"Wooyoung?" San calls out warily when he hears the younger's sniff, as if trying to hold back a cry.

No response so San pulls back from their cuddle a little. Wooyoung instead dug his face into the sheets. Shaky hand clutching San's top. As a matter of fact his whole body shook like a leaf on a windy day.

Useless. He begins mentally cursing himself out. Fucking ugly good for nothing pig. You're a dirty whore. Slut.. Slut! SLUT!!

"Wooyoung!" San calls out again for the nth time, snapping Wooyoung's mind back to attention though he still kept his face hidden away.

"Woo look at me" San places his hand underneath his chin and brings the younger's face back into view. San's face softens at the sight of Wooyoung looking so... vulnerable.

His cheeks stained with tears, eyes bloodshot red, his nose running a little and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Once Wooyoung's eyes met San's that's when the younger finally gave in.

He bursted into tears and San immediately brought him into his chest. Wooyoung clung tight to him and cried harder than he'd done in so long. Years of holding back tears and enduring pain all came crashing through the gates and flooding out all at once.

His shoulders shook as he cried out loudly. And through it all San held onto him tightly, his cheeks pressed against the top of Wooyoung's head.

He cried until he had no more tears left in him. All that remained were his hiccup like breaths as he stayed in San's warm embrace. San petted his hair, slowly lulling him to sleep. He had no idea what caused such a breakdown but he wasn't sure he really wanted to know only because he knew it'd break his heart. He'll tell me when he wants to.

Once he was sure Wooyoung was deep asleep he pulls back slightly to take in his sleeping face.  His cheeks and nose were red from his intense cries but San still thought he was the most beautiful person to walk the earth.

He brings the blanket farther up on Wooyoung's frail body then he goes to turn off the light. He returns to bed, pulling himself closer to Wooyoung's side. He brushes his long bangs away from his forehead then leans in to press a kiss on the smooth skin.

"Goodnight" He whispers lovingly.

The next morning Wooyoung woke up feeling sick. No like actually sick. He didn't have to fetch his mom's thermometer to know he had a fever. He felt terribly cold despite it only being late July. But at the same time he was breaking up a sweat. His head hurt and he felt extremely weak.

He looks around San's room but no sign of the owner so he knew he had to crawl out of bed himself. But he didn't want to. He was sure he'd only fall flat on his face because of how weak his legs felt.

So he wraps himself deeper in San's blanket and dug his face in San's pillow enjoying his scent. He wasn't sure why he was sick and what caused it. But he remembered the previous night vividly. How he wish he could go back and stop himself from breaking down like that especially in front of San.

He'd had enough of people thinking he's weak. Which is why he buried those emotions for so long. Every once in a while they would resurface but he would use sex as on outlet to push them down again. Guess this time I finally broke...

He winces when a sharp pain reaches the right side of his head. The headaches grew more intense the more he thought about the previous night. All he wanted, no needed, was rest.

He shuts his eyes in an attempt to fall back to sleep. A few minutes pass and someone walks into San's room. Wooyoung opens his eyes a crack and turns his head to see that it was San himself with a bowl of steaming hot chicken soup held in his hands.

"Hey" Was all the older mutters out in that velvety voice of his.

Wooyoung couldn't get his voice to work so he turns fully to him, a wary look on his face.

San places the bowl on his side table then sits beside Wooyoung on the bed. He gently pulls Wooyoung's hair back then places his hand on his forehead. "You're burning up" He comments then reaches for the soup. "Sit up and drink this. It'll help"

Wooyoung silently obeys then San places the bowl on his thighs. Wooyoung tries to lift the first spoon to his mouth but his hands were shaking so much he just drops the utensil back in the bowl out of frustration. Weak.

"It's ok, I'll feed you"

"I don't need your help" Wooyoung snaps at him then winces at another sharp pain in his head.

"You can barely lift the spoon Woo" San replies in voice so calm it caught Wooyoung by surprise.

Wooyoung doesn't say anything but allows San to take the bowl back. San lifts a hot spoonful of the soup then gives it a few blows before lifting it to the younger's lips. Wooyoung begrudgingly opens his mouth to drink up the chicken soup.

They continue on in complete silence until Wooyoung signals that he was full. San places the bowl back then helps him lay back down. "Can you stop treating me like a child? I said I don't need your help" Wooyoung says darkly" He was trying his hardest to sound calm.

"I'm not treating you like a child Wooyoung, I'm treating you like my sick step brother" That shut Wooyoung up. He scoffs and turns away from San, pulling the sheets over his body.

San stands up with a sigh, picks up the half empty bowl of now luke warm soup then made his way out of the room.

Wooyoung was glad he drank the soup because it did certainly help. Within minutes he was fast asleep. San who came peeking into the room after half an hour to see how he was doing was glad to see he had fallen asleep.

His small smile falls when memories of Wooyoung looking so broken last night kept infiltrating his mind. He had never seen him look so vulnerable, so... human. He was so used to the cocky, confident, cool-headed Wooyoung. He wondered what kind of pain or trauma the younger had been harbouring all this time that caused him to snap like that.

Whatever the case he knew Wooyoung wouldn't just tell him. No, the younger was too stubborn, not to talk of secretive. He tended to keep things to himself and suffer in silence rather than talk to someone about it.

San knew his mom must be on her way home from her night shift at the hospital so he decided he wouldn't tell her about his breakdown but rather he has a fever. He knew the last thing Wooyoung wanted was his mom getting him a therapist or something. Though if he was being honest that's exactly what Wooyoung needed.
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