This is another review on the same book by previously named author @izzabellah with her story, "Dying Dreams." After editing and "rebranding," as the author put it, another review was requested about the changes made. For those of you who are just reading, you are allowed to request more than one review for the same book (not consecutively, of course)! Let's see if awtsider has improved.

Eracelli Package

Title
I like this title better than your previous one, because it tells more of the type of story this is. Your last title, "Dying Dreams," didn't sound like a mythological story. This one does, and I like it (though perhaps consider placing an article before "titan" like "a titan" or "the titan").

Cover
Your cover is very nice. I really like the tag line and the image. The composition is great.

Blurb
The very first thing I notice about the blurb is a run-on sentence. When you have two independent clauses, you must separate those clauses with commas and coordinating conjunctions. So, let's talk grammar. Make sure that you have the word "and" at the last items of a list. "Only one thing is certain" should either have a period or a colon following it.

Those grammatical things are disappointing, because the content of the blurb is actually good. The grammatical errors totally take away from your ethos (your credibility).

One more thing: your cover is no longer mine. Credit to me for someone else's cover shouldn't happen. I know you likely forgot about it.

*since your story comes in 17 parts, I'll be reviewing three parts at a time, coming to around 6 parts of review*

Author's Note–Thanatos
Your author's note almost sounds like...like you're apathetic about how your story is. I know (I hope) you don't mean it, but when you say things like, "there will be clichés," or especially, "some chapters won't be as good because I didn't try as hard or didn't like writing it as much," then it gives off the impression that you aren't giving us readers your best product. Don't do that! Even if it's not true, make us think that this is your best. When it looks like you doubt or don't care about your own story, it will make your readers think the same—and they haven't even read a word yet! Don't do that!

And another thing: the author's note is too long. I seriously say this in every single introductory part in every review (you can check!), and I'm sick of saying, "Don't waste your readers' time! They've only come to read your story—not information that's obvious or forgettable!" I know you don't take destructive criticism; I'm trying to help. And I hope that you heed my words, because half of the time the issue of long introductions that will turn away potential readers is never solved. Do people not believe me? Do they just not care? Do they somehow convince themselves that the introduction is necessary despite what I and many other reviewers say? Whatever the reason, I hope that you will be the first to actually delete this author's note (or at least condense it greatly and take out all unnecessary information).

By the way—no one will care about copyright information or coincidence notes. If someone wants to copy your work, they are well aware of the potential consequences and don't care. With the coincidences, no one cares because Wattpad is a place of coincidences (except those coincidences are on purpose and the writing is called "fan fiction"—yeah, that was sarcastic). I understand your reasoning to put those things in. It does sound professional. But literally no one is going to care enough to read it.

Sigh. That was over 350 words just for that author's note. Let's move on to the prologue after taking away a point and making your total -1.

Instead of "sand blonde haired" (which is grammatically incorrect by the way), why not just say "sandy-haired"? It has the same meaning and is put in a simpler way. This is a consistent error (even without the word "sandy," you still need a hyphen to make it "blonde-haired"; even then, why "haired?"). It's called tautology, and it's unnecessary and redundant.

Woah, there. Those first two paragraphs were pretty messy. Let's clean up those multiple run-on sentences and participial phrases that need commas (and coordinating conjunctions on the run-on sentences). With each independent clause, you must have a comma and a coordinating conjunction. Fix it! This is a consistent error with your entire story.

I have the same extra thing to say about your prologue (since it's the same anyway), so I'm just going to copy and paste the paragraph form the last review:

I would avoid using the word "you" in your narrative voice. Since you're writing in first-person, it's a rule to not use the "you"-form apart from dialogue and thoughts (and potentially text messages). This is a continuous error throughout your story, so be careful of that.

I thought you'd revised this prologue, but it seems to be that you haven't changed any of it even with what I told you in my last review about the prologue. I'm going to read the rest of it anyway, but anything I've already said in my last review, I'm not putting on here. That'd be a waste of time in my opinion.

Something that I didn't actually put in your last review was that you shouldn't have two punctuation marks right next to each other (excluding quotation marks, apostrophes, and ellipses). That means that you can't have "!!". It could turn a lot of readers away from your story. Also, the ellipses in that line (the countdown), in my opinion, aren't needed. An alternative could be, "Three! Two! One!" That reads a lot easier and simpler, doesn't it?

I said I wasn't going to do it, but I have to say something from my last review because it bugged me so much that you didn't fix this from last time. Here it is: you must have punctuation at the end of every single one of your sentences. Notice the word "must." That means that punctuation is not optional! You must fix this. You are going to lose readers with this consistent mistake. You don't want that!

Something I wish you would do in this prologue is having variety. There are many instances where you repeat the same word for the same purpose in consecutive paragraphs, and your sentences are almost all simple (meaning a sentence with only one clause). I wish you would switch things up. If you find yourself using the same word over and over again (like the word "plops" for you), use a synonym. If you don't know a synonym, look it up. You have resources at your disposal for your writing; use it.

Keep in mind that I haven't even read half of your prologue yet, and I haven't reviewed any of the actual content. It's all been about grammar and simplifying things. Perhaps this will give you some light as to what you may need to work on with your writing as a whole.

You have a lot of run-on sentences and sentences that just go forever without any commas and they just keep going on and on and the sentence just never stops and it sounds frantic. That sentence was a mess, and though I exaggerated a bit, this is what I'm seeing in your prologue. Fix it with commas and periods. Split it up! Pause when necessary!

The part where "it all went wrong" to the end is actually great! I liked your description and pacing (except the last sentence is a run-on sentence). Let's finally move on to the next part.

"In dialogue, you must have an end-mark before the quotation mark," I said, pointing to the comma. "You have to do it even if the dialogue is at the end of something. A period, comma, question mark, em-dash, or exclamation mark is needed at every end."

You also have some verb tense errors. Referencing your prologue, you set yourself up to write your entire story in present tense, which means that all verbs henceforth must be present tense. However, you've got an error (and more). Make sure that you're consistent. Readers can recognize inconsistencies.

When you have participial phrases, you need a comma before them. For example, "The wizard snapped his fingers, vanishing into thin air." In this case, the participle is "vanishing." Do you see how I put the comma right before it? That's what you need to do every time you have a participle. This is a consistent error of yours.

Again, you switched verb tenses.

As I said in my last review, I liked how Thanatos recognized our main character Ariel. The way the twist was introduced was great. I told you last time that I thought your description was nice, but I take it back. I want more imagery! I want you to place me in the scene. I want you to describe it so vibrantly I feel exactly what Thanatos is feeling. I don't want to keeping hearing him say, "That's impossible. I thought she was lost." I want to feel something as he feels. Make me feel—great writing does. I'm taking away another point. It seems as though you forgot to follow my advice from last time. I don't blame you—it's been a while—but I'm sad that I barely had anything good to say about those parts because I liked it a lot last time. -2 is your total.

Chapter 1-Chapter 2
The author's note placed in the middle of Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 baffles me. Why wouldn't you just stick it on your already long enough introduction? I believe I said this in my last review.

Oh, man. There are run-on sentences and fragments galore. Fragments are when you're missing a part of a sentence (a verb, noun as the subject, etc.). "From the annoying teachers..." is a fragment because it's a dependent clause. The whole phrase consists of prepositional phrases. You're missing an independent clause to attach to it, which I believe you meant to be the sentence before the fragment ("I hated high school."). Sometimes fragments can be used for phrasing, which is all well and good. I do that, I know. However, your fragment always seem like there's a better way to phrase/connect them, making them incorrect. For instance, you could easily connect the two phrases I mentioned earlier. If you still wanted a pause that the indentation was intended to be, just add an em-dash. "I hated high school—from the annoying teachers..." would be how it should read. With run-on sentences, an example from your story was, "She was right though, I had already missed too much..." (Chapter 2). In this case, the first clause is, "She was right though..." and is an independent clause. It's independent, because it makes sense alone. "She was right, though" could be a sentence on its own (and yes, you do need a comma before "though"). Now, the next clause, "I had already missed too much" is an independent clause as well. You did the right thing by putting a comma in between the clauses, but you did the wrong thing in that you didn't put a coordinating conjunction after that comma.You need an "and," "for," "but," "or," "nor," "yet," or "so." That's what makes it a run-on sentence. You need to go through your entire story and either add those conjunctions or make that comma a period, semicolon, ellipsis, or em-dash. Sigh. I never want to write that much about grammar ever again.

I feel like you dismissed the strange dreams Ari has had too much. In your last draft, the dreams were a big thing. In this draft, I feel like you tucked it behind the prospect of high school. I like that aspect of your last draft more, I think, than I like how you dismissed the dream of the man.

I loved the actual scene in Chapter 2, with the smoothie and the dialogue and the guy. The dialogue with the insults was great. However, I have two things for the scene. The first is that I wish you'd made seeing the stranger from her dreams a much bigger deal. I would freak out if I saw someone from my dreams. The second thing is that I wish you wouldn't have relied on dialogue and narrative voice so much. You spend a lot of time on describing the aftermath of the coma, and then you launch into the locker and the cafeteria scene. What I'm missing from both of those are sensory details and imagery. We need to feel the bewilderment as Ari sees the stranger, and we need to feel the uncomfortably slimy and cold feeling of the smoothie. Describe! Place us in the setting. Add some voice, but voice that doesn't just tell what happened! Show us instead.

Chapters 3-5
Ariel seems weirdly desensitized to Jenna's bullying. Is she somehow not emotionally affected by it? Why doesn't she cry when she washes off the smoothie? Wouldn't she be sad that it stained her shirt for the entire rest of the day?

I like the boy's charisma. It was well-written if you don't consider all the grammatical errors.

Chapter 3, for some reason, feels a lot shorter than previous chapters. Try and make your chapter length consistent.

Yes! You listened to me about the forgetfulness syndrome thing from last time and you made it something that doesn't exist! Thank you for that (however, make sure you capitalize each word corresponding to the acronym). +1 and you're at -1!

Chapter 4, plot-wise, was great. I loved the ending. However, you have many problems with the grammar of your dialogue (when someone speaks). You must have end-marks before quotation marks, first of all.

"And," said the author, "you must have the tag 'said' lowercase and commas before the quotation marks when it's a dialogue tag."

"That's right." My head spun. "When the tag is an action tag, though, you need a period. And the tag "my" is uploaded!"

"Can you use question marks or exclamation points or em-dashes with dialogue tags?" the author said.

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

That should give you some insight into what you must do with your dialogue. Be careful with choppy dialogue, too. Typical dialogue comes before, after, or before and after body (bookend). Make sure your dialogue is like that as a general rule of thumb.

In Chapter 5, I don't think the description of the entire house needs to be put in block form. Unless the hose develops character, plot, or setting, it's unnecessary. I think you could take out over half of that description. It doesn't make sense all in one chunk. Spread out those details, if you really must have them, throughout the entire story.

I liked the glimpse of the backstory of her father. For once, Ari's feelings were raw. I'd still like for you to use description of actions to show those feelings, like, "I clenched my fist at the thought of my father" or "My ears burned. A terrible feeling made my heart sink." Without saying, "I feel angry and embarrassed," I effectively showed the feelings through actions.

The ending with the dream was great, but I wonder if you would develop that dream more just like I said earlier about dismissing the dream.

Chapter 6-Chapter 7
You must capitalize the first word of every sentence, even if it's in dialogue or even if it's "ouch." If it's the beginning, it's capitalized. It's one of the view constant grammar rules. Follow it.

I loved the ending of Chapter 6. Nicely done. +1 and you're at zero.

In the Ares Interlude, you seem to have switched to past tense whereas your previous parts were all present tense. Make sure that you're consistent.

Hold it. You just switched to present tense again. You're inconsistent.

"Prophesied god killer"?! Very interesting. +1!

For some reason, I like your "interludes" better than the actual chapters. They're written better and they're more grammatically sound somehow. The only thing I have to say about them, besides the usual consistent problems your writing has across the board, is that I wonder why they're called "interludes." The name doesn't really seem to make sense because it's a musical term (like when people called their prologues "preludes" because "it gets more views that a prologue" even thought it's the exact same thing—ugh).

Keep in mind the difference between "its" and "it's." One is possessive and one is a contraction. Use the right one.

Yes! You listened to me when I said Jenna needed a backstory! And it's a good one, too. Great job. +1 and you're at two!

Chapters 8-Thanatos Interlude
There's no marching band or pep band at this football game? I'm sad.

I love the plot twist of the creature in the school. Great job. What I didn't enjoy was the "RUN NOW!" I have never recommended using all-caps for anything, and this isn't an exception. I firmly believe that italics can put the same emphasis as all-caps on a word or phrase, and if italics really aren't enough, you have all the words in the English language at your disposal to give you that emphasis. Don't do all-caps. Simple enough.

You need to know that when something is possessive, you need an apostrophe and then the letter 's.' Some examples that you consistently miss are "it's" and "no one's."

Yeah! Nicely done! I loved the ending to Chapter 8 except for the missing end-mark!

Once again, the end of Chapter 9 was great besides the grammatical errors. The most prevalent, again, were run-on sentences and possessive errors (it should be "Aidan's").

Well done in the interlude. I love it.

Chapters 10-11
Let me introduce something new to you: specific thoughts are treated like dialogue. Yes, I know! You did the right thing by italicizing them, yes. You even added tags and capitalized the beginning of each thought. However, just like your dialogue, you're missing end-marks (periods, commas, em-dashes, questions marks, or exclamation points). You must have an end-mark at the end! It's one of those rules that are non-negotiable.

I hope this line has an end-mark, I thought as I read. Otherwise, awtsider will be losing a point!

Do you see how I put a comma at the end? The same rules I already mentioned about dialogue earlier in this review will apply to your specific thoughts, too (all except for quotation marks).

Besides the usual errors, Chapter 10 was great. The introduction and insight were very nice. However, I have one complaint. Why doesn't Cloe resist telling Ariel about the situation with the creature like Aidan did? If there's a reason, explain. If not, it's a logical fallacy. -1 for accumulating errors and a possible fallacy.

Here's another rule for specific thoughts: you don't use bold to italicize italics! You just unitalicize the part you want emphasis on. If that doesn't make sense, let me know in the comments.

Wow. That ending in Chapter 11 was spectacular. Great control of language and dialogue. Nicely done (besides the grammar, of course). +1.

Overall, awtsider got two points! Once again, your plot is great. There are so many mythological books out there since Rick Riordan and company revolutionized it, but yours is incredibly unique and I love the idea. You have grammar problems and description problems—but that's it. Please take all of my advice and follow it. It is designed specifically to help you. Good luck! And if you ever need an editor, hit me up.