Title
Your title is nice. It makes the reader have many questions, which is good.

Cover
I like the cultural picture a lot, and I hope there's a scene like it in your story (maybe there still will be sometime?). I must wonder about the dash before your title, though. I would understand if the text had been surrounded by dashes for a decorative effect, but there's only one. I would either add another dash at the end or take out the one at the front. Did you mean to make it appear like dialogue in retrospect? This adds a pretty crazy element that I frankly like (a lot). ;) Also, I would make the text bigger so that the readers' eyes are drawn to the title (and therefore the author's name).

Blurb
You mention a lot of new concepts in the blurb (places, government, people, etc.) and it's a bit hard to keep up. This takes away from the readers' initial interest in your story. To avoid this, either explain a lot of things or generalize them ("a government," "his village"). I would recommend the generalization, but you do what you think best.

Also, over half of this material wasn't even mentioned or gotten to in 23 chapters. That's...slow. I'll talk about this more at the end, so we'll postpone this chat for now.

That being said, you idea is unique. I've never read or even heard of anything like this, and it sounds interesting. Good job with that! +1 point!

*since your story comes in 24 parts, I'll be reviewing four parts at a time, coming to around six portions of review*

But first, the prologue (although you call it a prelude, as in the musical term).

"Prelude"
Why do you call it a prelude?

I have the same comment for you that I had in the blurb. You introduce many things, and that makes it hard to follow. In this case, however, you would need to elaborate a bit more. Since you never want paragraph after paragraph of explanation, I would suggest that you make a map (at least, I'm fairly certain that this place isn't part of our world). A great site that I use is called Inkarnate (check out one of the maps I've made on my story, Piper!). I'm consistently confused and craving clarity. -1 to make your total zero.

I do like the context, though. It's very well thought-out and realistic. It reminds me of America's 2nd Industrial Revolution. +1 for the connection!

On to the actual story!

Chapters 1-4
I know that you want the look of the dashes for dialogue (and I know you've heard this already), but quotation marks are generally required for English-language writing (aside from older pieces like The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes that use single quotes rather than double quotes). That being said, if you're a really well-known and accomplished author, you're allowed to get away with a lot. If you can make it work, too, and not have confusion, then fine. However, I'm sure you've found that people find it confusing and consider it wrong. That's the last thing you want to happen. I, for one, find it very hard to tell when the dialogue stops because there's no dash at the end to tell us readers. It took me some rereading to figure out that it was dialogue. This one thing could be a major turn-off for many of your potential readers. If you're fine with losing them, then I suppose that's okay. I would suggest that you either change it or find a way to make it clearer that the dashes signify dialogue. Otherwise, it's just too confusing. You should also make sure that you always connect the dialogue phrases. You shouldn't have one character speak a line, indent, and then have the same character speak. That's just too confusing, especially with this formatting and especially without a dialogue tag. If you really need the dashes, perhaps explain your different style in the "prelude" and tell why you use that style of dialogue. -1 point for the confusion across the board and your total is zero.

Like your reader said, "fisted" is definitely not the word to use, even if it wasn't a vulgar slang term. The only other meaning would be to hit something with the fist or as a fist (one could fist a baseball, but not a hand). Rephrasing it in all of its appearances would be my suggestion. You use this word a lot, so make sure to fix all of them! I'm sure you didn't mean it. ;)

I love your writing not only as a story, but as a piece of literature. It's really a work of art, the way you portray feelings and interactions and the way that humans react to things. It is very impressive.

Great ending to Chapter 4. It really illustrates Ru's home life and contrasted it to Yuri's. +1 point for those things.

Chapters 5-8
You have a few comma errors here and there. They are minimal errors, but I think you should work on punctuation variety. It'll help a lot with the fluency and structure of your writing, I think. You'll also learn a lot more about how to correctly use each mark.

I had no idea that your setting was supposed to be in our world! A bit of context is needed, I think. Is it in the future? In the now? I'm a bit confused. A map would help this a lot, as well.

Chapters 9-12
You don't need a dash next to an ellipse. The dash will suffice for enough pause.

Woah. What a surprise to Chapter 12! I loved the pain and panic and at the end. +1 point to make your total two.

Chapters 13-16
You use a semicolon incorrectly in Chapter 13 (the instance I caught in action). They should really be used to connect two independent clauses without a coordinating conjunction, to connect two independent clauses with a conjunctive adverb, or for certain lists. Sometimes you can bend the rules of grammar to fit your writing for effectiveness, but in this case it doesn't work. I like that you're trying to use it, though. Most people are too afraid to use semicolons wrong so they don't use them at all!

I love the development of their friendship and eventually its bitter downfall. It makes me boil that they won't just talk to each other and explain their feelings and what really happened! The anti-romanticism is admirable (if not unbearable). ;)

Chapters 17-20
I loved Chapter 17, telling about the world around Ru (besides Ru), and how Anja acted. I had almost forgotten that no one else knew what had really happened that day. +1 to make it three!

I have three things for you about Chapter 18. The first is that I caught another semicolon misuse in Chapter 18, and a potentially misused word. You use the word "plaster," which would imply a liquid. However, I think you mean "gauze." Yes, the word "plaster" can mean a cloth with its archaic meaning, but that meaning states that a poultice or liniment be put on the cloth (since this meaning is archaic, most common readers wouldn't understand it clearly, too). There's also a misuse of ellipses. When you use them, you should directly connect them to the next phrase (no capitalizations other than that of proper nouns). There are some exceptions, but they mostly pertain to using quotes from other stories. I love the exchange of the two in this chapter, though. It gives us readers some hope that their relationship could be restored. -1 for those accumulating errors to make your total two.

Oh my gosh, Chapter 20! That was great with the photographs! +1 and you're at three!

Chapters 21-23
The simile of the piece of plastic didn't make sense to me.

In Chapter 22, I think you mean "disease," not "decease."

There's another semicolon error that I specifically caught in Chapter 23, and another tiny thing, too. Brommians are generally a bit poor, correct? If so, then how are they able to afford saffron for their flatbread? Even if Yuri's family was more of a middle class family, the bread was described as common. First of all, how is saffron common? Is it common in this region? In my country, saffron is pretty expensive because of the extensive labor in extracting the saffron. Second of all, not all Brommians are as financially stable as Yuri's family, I'm supposing. That would explain Millin and the gang that attacked Ru. Therefore, if saffron is strictly a middle-class thing, then how is it called common? The poorer people wouldn't be able to buy the saffron. Elaborate on this because it's unclear. -1 and you're at two.

You leave me hanging?! How dare you! ;)

In all seriousness, I think that now is the time to really project your most consistent errors. The first thing to discuss is typos. I'm sure you never mean it, but they are prevalent. Perhaps proofreading before you publish would be a good idea. Not just in your head, either—aloud! Reading aloud helps you better analyze your story tenfold. It'll help. Secondly, I'm going to talk about the flow, pace, and plot of your story. Your novel moves slow. I didn't even notice when I was reading it, but looking back on the blurb, two-thirds of that stuff wasn't even mentioned and it's been 23 chapters. It seems like you still have a long ways to go in terms of plot, making me realize that your plot was moving very slowly. There are many ways to fix this, but most of those ways would involve a lot of time, energy, and rewriting/writing. I'm sure you have ideas about this and how to fix it of your own, and I'm certain that you know your story best. Thirdly, I think it's time to discuss purple prose. I've been holding off because my mind kept telling me, "But it's pretty!" However, that's not how this review book works. You may or may not have heard of it, but purple prose is (essentially) writing things that aren't necessary to the story that may add a sense of "beauty" to the writing. Some people called purple prose "pretty nothings," because that's what they are. I'm certain you know where I'm going with this. There are so many descriptions in your story, from people, to settings, to emotions, to time, to behavior, to retrospect, and more. What I'm missing is plot. Conflict. Action. Moving on. I absolutely love your descriptions (your language is impeccable, vivid, and gorgeous), but I think that some parts are just unneeded. Some descriptions are unneeded. If it adds an element that the reader needs to go on with clarity, then fine. But if it's added for the sake of the language, then it shouldn't be there. Don't bore common readers with it (I as a reviewer and avid writer really appreciate it and many readers are in awe of your skills, but many times it doesn't add anything). Make sure that you're giving us what's necessary. Be an intentional writer! Everything should have meaning for your story. To carry on a theme, to introduce a motif, to move the plot, to give the readers information, to create an innuendo...the possibilities are endless. Choose one and run with it. This is what makes amazing writers amazing. They're tactical—with everything. Doing this will make your story skyrocket in the world of stories and literature. This will be what makes your story a true of literature, a true form of the art called writing. -1 and you're at one.

That being said, I still loved it. There are so many things I could talk about, but it would take way too long. Nothing I said up there interfered with my reading experience other than plot holes. Almost everything was very nit-picky, and that is an impressive feat in itself. You have my respects as a writer. :) +1.

Overall, Yano_Ism got two points! I admit that I was fairly hard on you in this review, but only because you're so close to greatness! There are just a few things to work on. A dabble of grammar, and little speed boost, a lot of cuts, and a whole lot of intention. Great work!  Unique and vivid.