Title
Your title is intriguing, for sure. From reading your blurb, though, I fail to see what it has to do with the god of death and a diving accident.

I now know that Ari kept having the same dream, but I still don't see how it has to do with the god of death and a diving accident. However, no points given or taken because frankly, I like it. I just don't know why you chose that title and maybe it'll have more relevance later.

Cover
Like I said in the last review, I can't give points for my own cover! Thank you for requesting one, though. :)

Once again, readers, if you like what you see, head on over to the shop!

Blurb
You've got some grammar issues in your blurb. I would recommend doing a bit of research with the difference between "it's" and "its," conjunctions and when to use them, and when to use a comma (clause issues).

In terms of content, it's quite good. Love the introduction of characters and conflict. Perhaps, though, include why the title is "Dying Dreams." Otherwise, I don't know how the story incorporates dreams at all.

*since your story comes in eleven parts, I'll be dividing the review into four sections of about three parts each*

"Prologue" through "Thanatos"
I would avoid using the word "you" in your narrative voice. Since you're writing in first-person, it's a rule to not use the "you"-form apart from dialogue and thoughts (and potentially text messages). This is a continuous error throughout your story, so be careful of that.

You say "countdown" but then you count up (one, two, three). Shouldn't it be three, two, one?

In every sentence, you must have an end mark, whether it's a period, question mark, or explanation point. Even if the text is in italics, there has to be punctuation at the end. This is a consistent error throughout your story.

I fail to see the importance of your "important note" part after the prologue. I understand that it may be of some use to past and avid readers of your story, but since it now has nine chapters including the prologue, I don't think that the note holds as much importance as it did in the past. It's placement is weird, too. I would have just placed it at the very beginning of the story rather than pause the whole story for the readers and make them stop for a moment. It could seriously damage their interest in your story. If you really need it there, then move it to the beginning of your story or consider deleting it altogether. I would probably just delete it, but you may have reasons I'm unaware of.

Town names should be capitalized.

For all of the above cumulating and consistent small errors, I'll have to take a point off. Careful with grammar and consistency! -1 point so far, but we still have many chapters to go!

Woah. That's interesting. I hadn't expected Thanatos to know Ariel, much less care about her that much. The pain in the voice you gave him is very vivid—great job.

Chapters 1-3
When writing Ari's specific thoughts, you should italicize them.

Your description of Thanatos when Ari first sees him should be separated into several sentences rather than a large run-on sentence. Instead of pauses governing your comma and period discernment, perhaps think about periods signifying breaths and commas a pause without breath. If you can't make it, use a period. This isn't completely accurate at all times, so you may have to do some research on when to use a comma versus a period.

In my opinion, you use the phrase "fluorescent blue eyes" too much. Discover the beauty of synonyms! They're easy to look up. "Cobalt," "arctic," "electric," "striking," "bright"...have some diversity! Have fun playing around with words that mean the same thing! Use words you've never heard of before!

Your dialogue has some errors. Every time a new character speaks, you need to make a new paragraph.

It's unrealistic for Ari to realize that the model guy was the guy from her dreams after ten minutes. That statement also contradicts what Ari said in the last chapter, something along the lines of, "I would recognize those fluorescent blue eyes anywhere." If she would recognize them anywhere, then it wouldn't take a whole ten minutes for her to realize it. Ten minutes is surprisingly long for the brain. I almost suggested that she could start freaking out after ten minutes but that's too long for that, too. Just take out the ten minutes and the realization. She could say that she couldn't stop thinking about him or something like that. It's more realistic and not contradictory.

For more cumulating errors, I'm putting you at -2.

Chapters 4-6
Is the "CFS" supposed to be a joke or a reference of some sort? I didn't read it like that at first, but it seems to imply that. "Constant forgetfulness syndrome" isn't a real thing, after all. Also, CFS really stands for something: chronic fatigue syndrome. Readers may be misled in that way.

There's a bit of an issue with run-on sentences. I recommend reading your story aloud. If there needs to be a pause, then punctuation is needed.

Between chapters four and five, you need not put the same dialogue lines to remind the reader what they were reading. It isn't like there's a huge commercial break in between chapters and the readers need to remember what happened last. If they need a recap, they can just look at the last chapter themselves.

The sentence where Ariel jokes about being immortal while putting her seatbelt doesn't make sense. The wording and punctuation make it unclear what she's trying to tell the reader. Another part that's unclear is where Thanatos A.K.A Aidan says, "And what will you call this?" I had to analyze the whole chapter a few times to understand that he started driving without looking and freaked out Ariel. Maybe it was just me, though.

The first word in every must be capitalized. You could call it non-negotiable. It's one of the rare, constant grammar rules. Adhere to it. ;)

Occasionally, you accidentally switch tenses. You write in present tense for the most part, but every once in a while you switch to past tense. Be sure that all of your verbs are conjugated in the correct tense!

Chapters 7-8
Ah, there's always the snobby brat whose father is in a high position, isn't there? In the future, you could try to twist her unseen life in a way that's unique. Then there would be a viable reason for Jenna's behavior towards Ari. Too many times there's a bully with no motivation whatsoever, but I crave that motivation! For example, the bully could have (an) alcoholic parent(s) and he/she is always forced to take care of themselves, frustrating him/her and leading him/her to inflict their conflicting and frustrating feelings about his/her situation and parent(s) on others who are "good people" who have "good" relationships with their parents. Perhaps you were planning on adding something like this, so no points off for that, but I still advise you to plan this if you hadn't already.

I like how you describe that electric feeling Ari gets with Aidan—it's very exciting and "hot" (pardon for the lingo) to read. ;) +1 point for that. -1!

Now that I know who he is/was, I appreciate the reference and use of the noun and person "Adonis", but I and likely many of your readers wouldn't know who he is/was or what an "Adonis" is during a first-time read. I was forced to look it up to understand it, and even then I can't tell which definition you're using—the person or the noun? Both? Either take it out or elaborate. If you elaborate, be careful! What you can't do is interrupt the present plot and discuss who he is/was or what the word means in detail just to get your reference across. It can't be that. You must incorporate it in a clever and fluent way. You don't even have to explain yourself if you use the right phrases. You can ask me if you'd like about what to do there but I won't put it here to save me some typing. :)

I love the twist at the end of that chapter with her passing out. Nice. +1 and breaking even.

I love the pain in Thanatos, how he wants so badly to be with Ariel but it's forbidden. I love how he wants her out of his mind because he knows the consequences and that he distracts himself with Lachesis so he won't disobey. It'll surprise and anger the readers for sure but I think it as a beautiful and wise move, somehow. Good job for the underlying emotion. +1 point.

It's funny how you picked Lachesis, too, as she determines the length of the thread of life. What's even funnier is that "Lachesis" is a type of venomous bushmaster (a pit viper). I don't know if you knew that, but it's a good choice—funny for those who understand it. Nicely fabricated. Even if you didn't know, +1 for that. You're at two!

Why wouldn't Ari be caught dead dating Aidan? It doesn't make any sense to me and there's no explanation.

So Hermia is her real name! Midsummer's Night Dream reference, maybe?

Great twist with the "Aidan-double." Love it. +1 point for that.

In total izzahbellah got three points! Overall, the story is extremely interesting—I think I'll have to stick around to read more! Your last two chapters were by far the best ones. Keep that style and grammar up! I love the way you write. I think it's a bit similar to my writing style. I like your own twist on Greek mythology and I'm excited to see what you do with your idea. Nice!