TW: DESCRIPTION OF PANIC ATTACK AND BREAKDOWN

Pansy glanced nervously at Harry as he approached her at her lunch table. The short boy purposefully ignored the blond one sitting next to Pansy.

"Did you want something, Potter?" she asked, shifting a little in her seat.

Harry scratched the back of his head. "Yes. You. I mean- I need to talk to you!"

Trust Harry to make everything awkward.

He could feel Hagrid's and McGonagall's eyes on him as Pansy got up from her seat and left the Hall with him.

"So?" Pansy asked.

"I, uh, you asked me the other day if I would ever want to talk about everything that had happened," Harry said slowly, looking at her face. He thought he could see her eyes brighten. "I want to take back what I said. I think talking about all that's happened would be the best thing for me."

That was an absolute lie, but Pansy didn't need to know.

"Really?" she asked, sounding a little surprised. Harry nodded, trying to look convincing by smiling.

"Really. I think it'll be a healing experience," he said. Pansy beamed.

"Okay, well, I'm free tomorrow period four," she said, turning to face him with a happy face. Harry felt guilt pool in his stomach and the image of Pansy's broken and torn face came to the front of his mind. But he pushed it down and put on a fake face.

"I'll meet you outside on the grounds, then!" he said happily.

"Okay!"

Harry was given the shock of his life when he was dragged into a nearby alcove while walking to Reform and Growth. Some part of his mind was grateful for this excuse to miss the lesson while the other part was screaming and kicking out and trying to get himself free.

"Potter, calm the fuck down!" Malfoy whispered in his ear. Harry immediately went still, hating himself for the feeling of peace that flooded through his body at hearing the soothing voice, before kicking out with full force.

Mindless fear started to creep into him, struggling for breath, he went rigid and sobbed. Malfoy shook his arm roughly, before staring in horror at himself and letting go.

"Fuck!" Draco yelled angrily. Harry flinched, and Draco ran an angry hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, that was directed at myself," Malfoy said, eyes cast down in shame. "I just, I-"

He stopped when he saw Harry's expression.

"For the love of God, Potter!" the blonde boy sounded close to tears. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

"Liar!" Harry cried out. "That's all you've e-ever done. Y-you betray me and think I c-can forgi-ive you!"

Draco puts space between them and leans on the wall opposite Harry. "I'm sorry. I genuinely am. I didn't know about all these panic attacks or whatever when I first met you, Potter. I was going with my gut. I don't know how to soothe someone in a state like you are in right now. I have never meant to trigger you. But, fuck, this isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

Anger replaced the vulnerability in the grey eyes.

"Stay away from Pansy."

"I d-don't know wha-at you're talking about," Harry said, feigning innocence. Draco took a step forward in his anger, before thinking better of it and taking a step back again.

"Don't act dumb, Potter!" Draco seethed. "You have some nerve getting upset over my betrayal when you're doing the same exact thing to one of my closest friends!"

Harry wiped his eyes furiously and glared defiantly at him. "Sh-she and you don't s-seem very close, what with you tr-treating her like trash from what I've seen!"

"Don't," Malfoy held up a warning finger with murder in his eyes. "Don't speak about things you don't know!"

Harry flushed, knowing he had crossed a line. "Y-you can't stop me from being her friend!"

"But you don't want to be her friend!" Malfoy growled. "You're doing the exact same thing I did! Potter, if this is to spite me, please, I'm begging you, don't take it out on her! Do with me what you will, just don't hurt her."

"F-funny how you s-seem to care more about her than you ever did me," Harry said, a little jealousy in his tone.

Draco looked infuriated. "I DON'T THINK YOU BLOODY UNDERSTAND, POTTER! I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU PLAY MY BEST FRIEND LIKE SHE'S A FUCKING RAG DOLL! I saw her yesterday in our common room, Potter. She was so fucking happy, talking about how she'd make amends with you and make up!"

Harry felt tears brim, but he shoved them down. Draco looked indifferent to the hurt on his face. "She's the only one who can do this. I don't have a choice. Unlike you!"

"You think I had a choice?" Draco laughed mirthlessly. "You think I wanted to do all this, Potter? To play pretend with another broken boy and readying him to be killed like a lamb for slaughter? I did what I had to to save my mother! She would've done the same!"

"You could've done something else, Draco!" Harry cried. "You could have stolen the key, you could have called someone-"

"You think I didn't try?" The taller boy snarled. "You really are daft, aren't you, Potter. You were my last resort."

"It doesn't matter, Draco! I don't care if I was your first choice, or second, or even fifth! You cannot stand here and tell me to stop playing around with your best friend when you started this whole ordeal! Why couldn't you just ask for help??"

"Because asking for help is what got me in this goddamn mess, Potter," Draco's eyes glinted. "I'll be damned if I ever trust anyone again. Pansy is all I've got. You hurt her, Potter, I will make you regret it."

"Lay a hand on me and I will murder you, Draco Malfoy." The emerald green eyes screamed violence as they stared into the grey pits of darkness. Malfoy scoffed and made to leave the alcove.

"You're pathetic, Harry Potter," he said. "Well and truly pathetic."

As Malfoy walked away, Harry couldn't help but dwell on his words. 'Well and truly pathetic'. Of course, he was! He was Harry bloody Potter; biggest disappointment on the planet. He was going to hurt Pansy, he knew it.

But what could he do? He couldn't fix this now...

I can't fix it.

Can't fix it!

Harry slid to the floor and muttered to himself. "Fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it, pathetic. Pathetic, fix it! Fix it! FIX IT! FIX IT!! Apologise! Stop it, shut up! Shut up! Shut up and just fix it!

"Just fix it!"

~~~

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PS: good news: this shit is gonna be long as fucking hell so enjoy the ride. bad news: pansy will cry muahahahah. and so will ron. and hermione. and harry. and malfoy. and sirius. and remus. and tonks and just EVERYONE!!!