Shame burns in my gut.

But seeing torturous pain in Liam's eyes? That is thousand times, ten thousand times worse than my own hurt.

He lets out a breath I didn't even realize he was holding. The tension never leaves his shoulders as he presses his forehead against the storage room wall.

It's a lie, a horrid one, but right now, it's the only shield I have.

I'm a liar.

The look of devastation on Liam's face punches me in the gut.

How can I do this to him? I'm an absolute monster. But there is no turning back now, not since the yarn has started unraveling.

Liam asks, voice thick with concern. "How did it happen?"

Panic sparks in my chest. I have to keep going. Keep fucking spinning this web of deceit. "I don't know," I mumble, forcing back tears that threaten to spill. "I am not quite sure. Everything is such a blur to me. It was in the first trimester. Just... complications, the doctor said. Stress, maybe. I prefer not to remember his exact diagnosis. I'm sure you'll understand."

The mention of stress seems to hit a nerve with him. Guilt clouds Liam's features.

"Stress, ye say? Alex, this is all my fault, isn't it? You left because of me, because of what I told ye. How I was going to inherit Kieran's empire, become the Captain of the Irish mobsters of Dublin. And all that worry..." He trails off, his gaze dropping to the floor.

"No," I lie again, desperately seeking to absolve him, sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of my own making. "I am sure it wasn't you."

Liam looks up, a flicker of longing in his eyes. "Alexandra. Do ye know if it was a boy or a girl?"

"I..." I lick my lips. "I don't know. It was just too early. The doctor wouldn't have even known if it was a boy or... a girl." My voice cracks on the last word.

"So it could have been either? A boy or a girl, huh? I..." He hesitates, then continues, his voice barely a whisper, tears streaming down his face. "For what it's worth... I would have loved to see either. Perhaps... Perhaps I would've preferred a lass. A lass that would look jus' like her mom. Imagine that. A little ye, running around. She would be ours, Alexandra. Born from the love we feel." Liam swallows as if he is realizing he might be overstepping. "...we felt for each other."

Liam's words send a fresh wave of pain crashing over me.

A little me, he says.

The image that flashes in my mind isn't of some imaginary child with my features, but that of my Sofia.

Our Sofia.

Her bright eyes, the stubborn set of her jaw – so much like Liam.

If he only knew just how much his daughter looks like him.

A pang of longing stabs at me. They would have been perfect together, Liam Cavanaugh and a little she-Liam.

But that's a family we can never have.

The thought of them ever meeting, of Liam seeing a reflection of himself in Sofia, is a terrifying prospect. I must impede that at all costs.

I force a sad smile, my voice choked. "A beautiful thought," I murmur, the lie bitter on my tongue.

Internally, I clench my jaw. It's for the best, a mantra I repeat silently like a prayer. He can never know the truth. The life I've built for Sofia, the fragile normalcy Enzo and I cling to...

It would all shatter if Liam ever entered the picture.

Yet the image he conjures – a life we could have built together – twists the knife in my already wounded heart.

The guilt is a bitter pill, and I feel like a total bitch. Still, the fear of losing Sofia to him keeps my tongue tied.

Liam reaches out a hand, hesitantly hovering near mine. "I wish... I could have been there for ye, Alex," he murmurs. "Ye know, when it happened. I can only imagine how much it hurt. Both yer body and yer heart. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone. Through all that pain and loss. I mean, I've found out jus' now, because you left and I didn't have the chance to... But ye? Ye've had to live with this hurt fer years."

"It was my choice." My voice is firm, resolute.

"So it was." His head hangs down low and a silence falls between us like a heavy blanket.

What am I doing? I think, near panic. I should have never ever lied to him in this way.

If he accidentally finds out, Liam is going to be so furious with me.

In the first two years of my life in Rome, while Sofia was still a toddler, I would wake up a thousand times in tears, thinking of Liam. Regretting my choice, rethinking it.

Considering finding him again, even traveling to Dublin.

Before I met Enzo, I  imagined Liam and I reuniting, and then I would chastise myself for such thoughts, for going back on my own word.

I had it all planned out.

I thought about it a thousand times, what it would be like when next I saw Liam.

Sometimes I imagined that he'd find me, and come to the house late; I'd be in my red nightdress, the one with the drawstring neck-tied loose and I'd be brushing my hair before bedtime.

Liam always loved my hair, he used to say it was a live thing; sometimes he'd brush it for me, to see the blue cracklings of electricity.

Or I pictured myself at the staff lounge table here at the Policlinico, dropping a piece of sugar into a cup of coffee. I'd be chatting cozily with Regina, and Liam would come inside.

He'd see how much at home I was, here in Rome, with my best friend, working at the job of my dreams. The coffee cup would fall on the floor and break, Regina would scream, but it wouldn't matter.

All those daydreams about us reuniting, have come to this.

To me lying to him in his face.

Certainly I never thought of the possibility that he'd show up like this, in the trauma room, just before I was about to assist the surgery performed... on his own brother of all people.

"Liam, I..." I place a tentative hand on his shoulder. "Perhaps we should get back. We've been gone for a long time and they might be looking for us. We should go and see how Patrick is doing."

"Of course." He swallows. "You're right. I just... This was a hard blow fer me, lass." His bright green eyes now resemble muddy swamp waters.

Darkness is all around me, and I can't even cry. All my tears have been spent in the emotional storm after Liam's appearance.

He reaches for the door handle and a sliver of light pours into the storage room. I turn my head towards it, startled by the sudden brightness as it illuminates Liam's figure.

He is standing in the doorway, ready to step outside. The fluorescent glow of the Policlinico hallway casts harsh shadows on the strong planes of his wind-burned face and stiff black raven hair.

Even destroyed like this, Liam Cavanaugh is still the best - looking man I've ever seen. He's sex on legs in an impeccably-tailored suit: it clings to his hard chest and muscled arms and legs.

Yet his expression is dark, broken, with barely controlled emotion, and he looms huge and... dangerous when he closes the door once again.

"Alexandra, before we go back. I just... I need to ask ye something. Is the reason ye are rejecting my presence in yer life and our new beginning... Only the fact that I am still in the mafia, or is there someone else?"

I almost leap with primitive fear, yet my breath quickens from excitement.

Not gonna lie, this is what I sometimes dreamed of: Liam confronting me about my current relationship, burning with passion, jealousy overriding his usual cool. His usual self - control.

Liam closes the door with a kick and strides towards me, seeking the answer in my eyes. "Don't hide the truth from me, Alexandra," he says.

In one motion, his arm accidentally sweeps the bottle of the cleaning solution onto the floor with a splintering crash, and his big palms grab my arms as he pulls me closer to him.

My hair falls across my neck and shoulders and over Liam's hands. My medical gown quivers from the pounding of my heart. I can feel hot blood stain my cheeks red.

Liam's jealousy deepens the green color of his eyes, fixed on mine.

"There is, isn't there? Damn it. Damn it all," he says hoarsely. "I should have never accepted that Captain position. I lost ye, I lost our child, I lost our future. Nothing... Nothing should have ever been more important to me than ye, Alexandra. Why did I have to realize it so late?"

I hold on to the supply cabinet to keep myself from falling, feeling the surging thrill of danger in my veins.

I've never seen Liam in such a state.

His mouth twists as he stares at me, a question hanging heavy in the air. "Who is he?" he finally asks.

"I don't see how that is relev..."

Liam interrupts me mid-sentence, as his gaze flicks to my face, searching. "Please. Tell me. What's his name?"

I take a deep breath. "Enzo. Enzo Volpe. He works as a doctor here. It's how we... How we met."

The name sits heavy on my tongue, a stark contrast to the lightness I feel with Liam now.

Liam's jaw clenches as he accentuates every letter of my boyfriend's name. "E-n-z-o. Does he treat ye well?" His voice is clipped, laced with something I can't quite decipher.

"Yes," I answer honestly but my entire body is trembling, and of course Liam notices it.

With a small gleam of satisfaction in his pupils, he leans closer, his eyes pinning me. "Ye feel the same with him... as you did with me, sweetheart?"

The air crackles with unspoken emotions, and I gasp. "You can't. Don't. Don't ask me that. You have no right." 

Liam ignores my protest and takes a step closer. "Tell me, Alexandra." His voice is a low growl when he leans to whisper in my ear, and I shudder uncontrollably. "Does Enzo make ye forget about me?"

His arms are a cage holding me against him, and I can feel the moisture pooling between my legs just from his hungry hug. Just from his breath on my neck.

How dare he? How dare he pose such a question? It's... That's private.

I mewl and shake my head, as a pang of something bittersweet shoots through me. "That's not fair, Liam. You can't simply barge into my life like that and turn everything... Everything upside down. You can't ask me that."

He cuts me off, his voice laced with a dangerous edge. "I can and I will. And I want you to answer honestly, Alexandra Martinaj."

I lift my hands to push my wild hair back from my eyes. Then I face Liam head-on, my head high, my chin out, even if my body is visibly trembling. "I don't want to talk about this."

"It's important to me." His tone is leaden. "Ye answer that one question fer me and I... I promise I'll leave." Liam leans his forehead against mine and in that moment the entire world fades away.

Instinct takes over. My hand reaches up, fingers tangling in his raven hair, tracing the familiar curve of his neck. The damning salty scent of him, a mix of aftershave and something uniquely Liam, floods my senses.

I close my eyes, inhaling deeply, the memory of us a bittersweet ache in my chest.

A jolt of awareness rips through me.

Enzo.

He's there, a reality I can't ignore. But the undeniable truth hangs heavy: I am still incredibly attracted to Liam.

Despite the reasons I left, despite the new path I'm on with Enzo, Liam's touch still ignites a fire within me.

My traitorous arms reach out as I caress his raspy stubble.

"Shite, sweetheart. I want to erase his name," Liam spits out, his eyes blazing. "From yer lips, from yer body, from yer skin. I hate that you belong to someone else now, Alex."

"You have to accept it."

Not even I believe what I'm saying. Not even I have accepted it.

He knows it, too.

"You don't mean that," Liam moans, and then his lips descend hungrily upon mine. I allow him to feast, kissing him back like possessed, matching his fervor and intensity.

"I've dreamt about this moment fer years, Alex. Tell me that ye did, too. Tell me that ye're mad about me," he says. "And that you'd do anything for me."

"I'm mad about you," I repeat like a crazy woman between our passionate kisses. "And I would do anything for you."

"And ye're mine, now and for always."

"I'm yours, now and for always," I echo, hypnotized.

Liam lifts his hips and then he spreads my legs, pushing me against the storage room wall, grinding frustratedly against my mound with an agonized sigh.

"I want to rip this gown off of ye and fuck ye right here, right now, sweetheart," he says. "And forget everything else. Forget all the pain we caused one another. Jus' replace it all with moments of pure bliss."

And I do, too.

I want him to fuck me senseless. I want to tear at his stupid impeccable suit and his shirt and his pants as well.

Because it fucking feels like it's been forever and I need Liam Cavanaugh inside of me.

But it would be wrong. It would be so horribly wrong.

It already is.

Mustering all the willpower that's left within me, I pull away. "We can't do this," I force the words out, my voice trembling.

Liam's eyes ignite with a flicker of pain, but to his credit, he respects my wish. He steps back, a defeated sigh escaping his lips.

We stand there for a moment, and then he opens the door to the storage room and we step outside, and into the hallway.

Enzo is standing right there.

Two men lock eyes, silently sizing each other up, the unspoken claim over me reflected in their challenging gazes.