Chapter 3 - The Best Dysfunctional Family In Hell

Here's the next part, enjoy and tell me what you think!

(Location; Outer Edge of Imp City)

[Time Skip]

Months piled up and turned to years, Linc has been living with M&M for about 6.5 years now. Today he was turning 18, nobody knew his birthday so Millie just decided to make it sometime after he had moved in. Since the day he had moved in was Extermination Day. Moxxie and Millie found a job with spots where they could both work together, but Linc never asked as he didn't feel comfortable prying into other people's lives. He would always say something along the lines of, "I don't need to know every little thing about someone else's life. It's their life, not mine. If they don't tell me on their own then it's something I don't need to know,".

Linc acted like that a lot if Moxxie or Millie didn't offer him something or tell him about anything. He wouldn't take anything or ask about anything. Linc would only eat 3 meals a day, no snacks or soft drinks. Only watching TV when Moxxie or Millie is around and give up the remote. His room also showed this, it was unchanged from when he moved in. "I'm not their child that needs attention 24/7, I don't need anything other than the necessities." Linc would say when asked about his basic room. While he was selfless in his thinking, but Millie thinks differently. 

Linc does so much for them, he keeps the house clean when they're not home, despite not remembering anything about himself he cooks amazing meals and still tries to be as helpful as possible when she was busy helping Moxxie, Linc would help him, and vise versa. He may not be their child but he does enough to earn some. Millie and Moxxie would offer to buy him something he likes but Linc would refuse it immediately. While Moxxie understood Linc's view on the situation, and so did Millie, but she still didn't like it.

Currently, Moxxie and Millie walked out of an office building, Moxxie was holding something wrapped in brown packing paper.

Millie: I can't wait for Linc to see this! The look on his face!

Moxxie chuckled at Millie's excitement for what they were about to do. He then felt something breathing down his neck, Moxxie quickly spun around to see who was breathing down his neck but saw no one there. Sighing in relief, Moxxie turned back around, only to get in the face of an Imp, that was much taller than him.

Imp: Hi, Moxxie~.

Moxxie: Gah! Sir!?

Millie: Oh morning Blitzo!

"Blitzo" was a very lanky jester-like imp with a pointed tail who conversely has wide-proportioned hands, pointed feet with a boot-like heel, and a narrow head with curved horns. His eyes have black lines running down the eyelids and his sclera is yellow with a red iris. Blitzo had crimson skin with trace white blotches that cover his right eye and the tip of his tail, black-and-white striped horns with black spines between them running to his tail, and black stripes around his tail. A heart-shaped skull symbol rests on his forehead. He wears a torn black collared coat with red buttons, black boots, and large black gloves with yellow eyes on them. Blitzo also has a red skull charm around his neck.

Blitzo: Mills, I told you, it's pronounced Blitzø. The O is silent.

Millie: Whoops, my bad, still getting used to that.

"Blitzø" then turned to Moxxie, who was trying to hide the package in his suit.

Blitzø: What'cha got there Mox?

Blitzø then got into Moxxie's face with his hand now on Moxxie's trying to show him the package.

Moxxie: Nothing that you need to know! Quit it!

As Blitzø and Moxxie wrestled the package, Moxxie did his best to make sure it didn't get ripped or Blitzø took it.

Blitzø: Come on Mox, let me see! Just a peek!

Moxxie: No and let go!

Millie: So what brings you to this side of town?

Blitzø let go of the package, causing Moxxie to fall to his tailed bottom.

Blitzø: I tailed you guys home cause I wanted to see where you lived, also to invite you two to Loonie's Adoptaversary!! 

Moxxie: We can't, sir, we're going to be in a birthday soon.

Blitzø: That's fine, it's only me and Loona celebrating so we can mash the parties together! I can even get to learn where you live!

Millie: That sounds fun!

Moxxie: (deadpan) That sounds stupid.

Blitzø: Oh, come on Moxxie, it'll be fun.

Moxxie: You and I have very different definitions of the word 'fun'.

Millie: Come on, Mox, it's about time Blitzø met Linc, we've been working for him for a year now.

Blitzø: Who?

Millie: He's-

Moxxie: Don't tell him!

Millie: Why not?

Moxxie: Cause the last thing I want is for Linc to meet our co-workers! Especially, Loona!

Blitzø: Who the hell is Linc?

Millie: Moxxie, they can either meet him in person or they can find out from us. Either, way, their gonna find out.

Blitzø then stuck his face in between Moxxie's and Millie's.

Blitzø: Who, in the name of Lucifer, is Linc?!

Moxxie: (sighs deeply) He's... A hellhound that's... Been living with us... For 4.5 years now... We haven't adopted him or anything.

Moxxie looked away after he spoke, Blitzø then smiled widely, giving Moxxie the creeps.

Blitzø: I like you two a lot more now! Come on! You can introduce us!

Millie: Aren't you gonna ask what's in the package?

Blitzø: No need, I can already guess what it is! Let's go!

Blitzø then began pulling the two imps along with him, all the way to a run-down van with a logo for a company called, I.M.P. in red, white, and black.

Standing sitting in the passenger seat door was a wolf-like hellhound. She has a dog-like muzzle with sharp and pointy teeth and a dark grey nose, red sclera with white irises, white fur with grey patches on her shoulders, a big bushy tail, and voluminous grey hair swept to the side to reveal her ear. Her outfit consists of a black choker that has white spikes. Her grey crop top has strings shaped like a star to resemble an inverted pentagram to hold it up. She wears fingerless gloves and shorts with a crescent moon on the right side. She also wears black toeless stockings and is barefoot, due to her digitigrade stance. She has a piercing on her right eyebrow and two piercings in her left ear - in addition, her right ear is torn.

Blitzø: Loonie! We're going now!

Millie: Hey, Loona! Hope you don't mind, but we're gonna be merging your Adoptaversary with someone's birthday party!

Loona: (rolls her eyes) Whatever.

Loona gets into the van with the rest of the imps and they drive off. Where she immediately got on her smartphone, put in earbuds, and began playing really loud music.

Millie: We should go pick up a cake and some party supplies!

Blitzø: Good idea Mills!

Moxxie: (sighs) This is gonna be a long ride...

(Location; M&M's Apartment)

In the kitchen, the shadow of Linc covered the counter with a package on it. 

Linc had grown quite a bit over the years. Originally, he stood barely above Moxxie and Millie's horns, but now he stood 6'8, rough 2.5 feet above M&M. He was currently wearing an orange hoodie with black lines on the sleeves, headphones around his neck, black fingerless gloves, and pants with the legs rolled up.

Upon opening it, he saw new kitchen knives, there was also a trash bag filled with old and dull knives. Linc picked up one of the new knives and inspected it. Twirling it around with great skill, while a tablet on the counter played a cooking video. Then using a cutting board, he gave the knife a test chop but rapidly chopped on the board, then he bounced the blade off the board and caught the knife.

Linc: Still sharp. These new knives are pretty good.

Void, who was laying on the table, made a low grumbling noise.

Linc: They're not for stabbing, they're cutting meats and veggies to prep for meals!

Void fluttered its pages then made a grunting noise.

Linc: Hey, I may not leave the apartment that much... Or at all... But I put in work at home! I clean, I cook, and with you, I keep people from robbing the apartment.

Void fluttered its pages once more, then made a low groan.

Linc: Yes I just throw them out, not everything needs to be solved with murder! Psychotic picture book!

Void made a grumbling noise.

Linc: Hey! What I do in the shower is my business!

Void made a grunting noise then moaned deeply.

Linc: (blushing) I do not jerk off in the shower!

Void fluttered its pages.

Linc: ... I'm glad I'm the only one who understands you, otherwise, a lot of personal secrets would be revealed.

Void then created two hands before it floated up and over to the fridge, it pulled out a 14-inch sausage. It then floated over to Linc, it grabbed the fourth wall to lower it, it then pointed at the sausage then at Linc's crotch.

Linc: Why you little-!

Linc swung at his grimoire but missed. Void floated away while the white wolf chased after him.

Linc: You better hope they don't figure out what you meant!

Then a rhythmic knocking was heard from the front door. Linc placed the knives in the knife holder and quickly ran over to answer the door. Where he saw Moxxie and Millie but also Blitzø and Loona, where he immediately stiffened up.

Linc: You're back and you brought guests, I'll get some drinks ready.

Linc turned to head back to the kitchen but Blitzø grabbed his hand and began shaking it.

Blitzø: Hey there kid, the names Blitzø, there's an O at the end but it's silent. Heard it's your birthday! M&M work for me and I'd be a pretty bad boss if I didn't come to say Happy B-Day for M&M's kid!

Linc: I'm not they're-

Blitzø: (pushes Loona in front of Linc) And this is my darling little hell-spawn receptionist, Loona!

Loona: (annoyed) I'm not a little kid, dammit!

Linc immediately felt a sense of calmness upon hearing Loona's name.  But he still didn't know how this name was spelled, could still be different. Linc decided to keep it to himself though, didn't want to make any assumptions that she was the "Luna" from his memories.

Linc: Nice to meet you.

Loona: Whatever. (walks past Linc) Where's the booze?

Linc: Don't have any that I know of.

Moxxie: Unlike you, we don't have alcohol every-

Blitzø: (from a different room) Found it!

Moxxie: GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR BEDROOM!!!

Blitzø: (from the master bedroom) I think I found the sex toy drawer!

As Moxxie ran to chase Blitzø out of the master bedroom. Linc glanced at the clock before he went back into the kitchen to tend to today's meal. Today was Fried Mac & Cheese Balls, Loona walked into the kitchen, mainly to escape the shouting from Moxxie yelling at Blitzø as he dug through his and Millie's belongings.

The air was awkward, to say the least, Linc could tell Loona was glancing at him.

Linc: (thinking) Okay... What do I say... Can I say anything? For over 6 years, I've talked to about 2 people! 4 if you count a book and a memory! Doesn't help that she has the same name as the person from my one memory.

Loona: (thinking) Dammit, say something! He's the first hellhound that you've met outside the pound, this is your chance to make a friend, fucking say something! And he knows I'm looking at him. Fuck! Fucking hell, this would be so easier if I had some booze! But fucking Moxxie has to be a fucking pansy and hide it, didn't even get to see where he put it.

Linc used a spider strainer to pull the mac and cheese balls out of the hot oil, tossing one into his mouth for a taste test. Being satisfied he removed the M&C balls from the oil and placed them on a platter.

Linc: Umm... Want one?

Loona mentally let out a sigh of relief.

Loona: (thinking) Oh thank god, he spoke first! Okay, play it cool...

Loona shrugged, then with her claws, she used one hand to use her phone, and the other to hold the M&C balls stuck on her claws. Loona then tossed one into her mouth and chewed for a second before noting the outright amazing flavor.

Loona: Holy shit, these are good.

Linc: Thanks. I'm Linc but you probably heard my name from Moxxie or Millie. Moxxie tells me you like my cooking, given that you keep stealing Moxxie's lunches.

Loona: (shocked) You made all of those?!

Linc: Moxxie and I would have little cooking competitions but I strangely kept winning.

Loona: Hahaha! Oh, that is great!

Linc gave a confused face as to why she found Moxxie's losing streak to him funny but continued prepping the dish. Loona wiped a tear from her eye and calmed down her laughter.

Loona: (sighs in relief) Aaahhh... But yeah, I like your cooking. Blitzø can't cook for shit, so I normally just eat out or take someone else's lunch. 

Linc: (nervously laughs) Heh, I see... So what do you like doing?

Loona: I normally just drink and stay in my room, if there isn't a party to go to that is.

Linc: Oh, I guess you have a lot of friends then.

Loona: (sighs) No... Not really... Most people are just there to party or just there to find somebody to bang for the night.

Linc: Oh... (thinking) Aaaand I made it awkward again...

Loona: So how about you? What do you do for fun?

Linc: Not much, I don't leave the apartment... Like ever... Mainly since I am, One; a shut-in. And two; I had nearly died out there during the Extermination.

Loona: What the hell were you doing out during the Extermination of things? Were you homeless or something?

Linc nervously chuckled, after having learned what "the extermination" was, he was pretty adamant about staying indoors, the fact he didn't like going to new places and that everywhere was a new place to him, didn't help.

Linc: I had... Lost my memory...

Loona: Shit, you get mugged or something?

Linc: Probably, I woke up buck naked with nothing but Void.

Loona: Void?

Linc: It's that grimoire your leaning on.

Void then jumped up, startling Loona.

Loona: What the shit!?

Void then floated up and over to Linc.

Loona: You have a grimoire? You royalty or something?

Linc: Not that I know of. Then again, I don't know much about myself.

Loona: You do know that royalty is the only ones that normally own books like that.

Void made a grumbling noise.

Linc: Void says you've got a grimoire on you too.

Loona's eyes widened then she pulled out another grimoire from her tail. It has a navy blue cover with gold reflective pages separated by a dark burgundy ribbon and has golden borders with a large red gem on the spine. The front cover is emblazoned with a moon encircling the Goetic seal of Stolas, along with four stars that resemble upside-down crosses.

Loona: This ain't mine, it belongs to some rich asshole Blitzø slept with.

Void then floated closer to the book, Loona immediately moved away from it.

Loona: What is it doing?

Linc: I think it's trying to read that grimoire.

Loona: Yeah, no. 

Linc: Yeah, good call. Void is already violent enough with the spells it has now.

Loona put the book back into her tail, Linc gave her tail a curious look.

Linc: How are you...

Loona: Most hellhound tails are thick, we can hold pretty much anything in them. Haven't you ever held things in your tail?

Linc: No, Void floats by itself and I don't own anything besides the clothes on my back.

Loona: You don't own anything?

Linc: Moxxie and Millie have offered, but I'm not their kid, so I don't need much.

Loona: (thinking) This kid would be dead without Mills, and maybe Moxxie. This is Hell, he should be taking what he can, not being courteous and kind!

Loona sighed as she watched Void lay down on the counter. Then for whatever reason, Blitzø came into the kitchen with a small black box in his hands then climbed into the fridge. Leaving both Hellhounds extremely confused, then Moxxie came into the kitchen too, looking everywhere for something or someone.

Moxxie: Sir! I know you are still in this apartment! Gimme back that box!

Moxxie turned around to search the rest of the apartment, Linc was about to say something to Moxxie but Loona held his muzzle shut.

Loona: Shh, I wanna see where this goes.

Blitzø stepped out of the fridge, with a big smile on his face, having looked into the box.

Blitzø: Today is a very good day! So Linc, how have you been getting along with my little Loonie? Isn't she just the greatest?

Loona growled as Blitzø pulled her into a hug and nuzzled her.

Linc: She's pretty cool, it was nice meeting her.

Blitzø: Yeah, she's great! So, what do you do?

Linc: Besides cooking and cleaning? Not much.

Blitzø: No, I'm talking about fighting, do you use guns or weapons?

Linc: Uhhhh... Neither. I don't like fighting in general.

Blitzø: What? Come on! You live with two of my best killers!

Linc: Huuuuh?!

Blitzø: What they never told you? We're assassins! We kill people over on Earth that fucked someone over when they were alive! Even have a fun little jingle! We're the Immediate Murder Professionals! I'm the boss, Loonie is our receptionist, Mox is the gun expert, and Mills is our bruiser! 

Loona: Blitzø, he doesn't want to learn how to fight.

Blitzø: This is Hell Loonie if he doesn't learn how to fight then he's as good as dead. You've got some muscle, Mills probably taught you something! Here I'll teach you some boxing! So put 'em up!

Linc: Yeah, no. I just grew like this! I hate fighting, so can we not-

Blitzø then bopped Linc in the front of his muzzle, didn't hurt though, just make his fur stand in reaction. He felt suddenly, angry...

Blitzø: Come on keep your guard up! (bops Linc again) If you don't keep your guard up you're gonna get popped! (bops Linc again) See? See? (bops Linc again) Pop! Pop! (bops Linc twice) See?

Linc's fur now stood up on its edge, getting bopped in the muzzle was making him more and more irritated. Didn't help that getting his snoot hit every time only made him angry in response. Linc showed his fangs something he has never done before, he reared back his arm to throw a punch. Blitzø put his arms together to block, that's when Void rose back up from the counter, opening itself and turning to its third page.

Void: Óå˜∂

Void then created two hands that grabbed Blitzø's arms and forced them apart, leaving his guard completely open.

Linc: POP!!!

Linc then slugged Blitzø in the face, sending him into the adjacent wall. Loona immediately began laughing her head off while Linc snapped out of his momentary rage.

Linc: Oh crumbs!

Loona: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You just got knocked the fuck out!! Hahahahaha!!!

Moxxie and Millie then came into the kitchen.

Moxxie: What was that just now?

Loona: Linc just knocked Blitzø! Hahahaha!

Millie: (walks up to the Blitzø shaped hole in the wall) You alright in there?

Blitzø: (from the hole) Did anyone get the number of that wrecking ball?

Loona: Linc and Void.

Blitzø: (from the hole) Thank you.

Linc: I am so sorry, for both the punch and the hole in the wall.

Loona: No problem here, that was funny as fuck!

Moxxie: I'm guessing he started something.

Loona: Forced him into boxing lessons and kept booping his nose. Booping a Hellhound is like asking to get your arm ripped off.

Moxxie: Noted. Do you need help, sir?

Blitzø: Ahurghgargh, frozen peas... 

Moxxie: Well, you might need that. But first... (Takes the black box) Gimme that!

Moxxie put the box in his pocket as Millie pulled Blitzø out of the hole in the wall. Moxxie tossed a packet of smelling salts to his imp lover. Millie snapped it open and held it near Blitzø's nose, causing him to snap back into reality.

Blitzø: Sweet fucking shit tits! That hurt like a motherfucker! Goddamn kid you've got one helluva fucking swing!

Loona: Aaand he's back.

Millie: Alright! Time for cake and food!

Millie and Blitzø brought in two cakes into the kitchen, one with happy birthday on it and the other with happy Adoptaversary. Linc smiled and scratched the back of his head, while Loona just rolled her eyes. After blowing out the candles, Moxxie pulled out the package while Blitzø pulled out a small box.

Blitzø: Happy adoptaversary, sweetie! Here's your present.

Loona: Is it a cure for syphilis?

Blitzø: Uhhh...

Loona: (takes the box) Then I don't want it!

Loona throws the box on the ground in anger that it wasn't a cure for syphilis. Only to immediately regret that move as thousands of spiders came out of the box and swarmed her.

Loona: UGH!!!

Blitzø: (suddenly in the fridge) Sorry, it was spiders!

Moxxie: One, who would ever want spiders? Two, WHY ARE YOU IN OUR FRIDGE!?!?!?

Loona: God fucking dammit...

Suddenly, somebody started a vacuum up, it was revealed to be Linc who used said vacuum to suck up the spiders. The tube wasn't even attached to an actual vacuum, it was attached to Void who was absorbing the blood and guts of the spiders. Letting the dried-up bodies fall into a trash bag.

Linc: Try to hold still, please.

Loona: Thanks.

Moxxie: Here's your gift.

Linc: You guys don't need to do this.

Moxxie: Save your words, just open it.

Linc sighed and opened the package, 

Adoption Certificate

Moxxie and Millie Horvitz have been approved for the adoption of Linc, whose birthplace is Imp City, and whose birth parents are Unknown. The new full name of the adopted child is, Linc Horvitz. This certificate states that Moxxie and Millie Horvitz are the new guardians/parents of Linc Horvitz.

Linc's eyes widened in shock while the others simply smiled.

Loona: Well, shit.

Millie then pulled Linc down to her eye level.

Millie: You've always said that we can't and shouldn't spoil you cause your not our child and all, but now, you are, and I plan to spoil you completely!

Millie playfully ruffled Linc's fur. Tears began to form in the snow-white wolf's eyes.

Moxxie: Welcome to the family. Son.

Linc: T-thanks...

Linc rubbed his eyes to try and get rid of the tears, Moxxie and Millie simply gave a smile and hugged their new son. Blitzø had a wide smile and sparkles in his eyes, he attempted to go over to join in the hug but Loona pulled her adoptive father back. Giving him a disapproving glare before pulling him into the living room.

Loona: When your done being all mushy, we'll be watching T.V.

Linc patted the two on the back, signaling to let go. The three then took the food with them as they joined the other two.

Blitzø: So Mox, how about your kid joins I.M.P.? Be good for him to get out of the house. He won't even have to go with us to the living, he can stay with Loonie!

Moxxie: That... Is I'll need to think about...

Millie: Come on Mox, he has left the house in years

That's all for now, I hope you enjoyed it! Leave any questions and/or ideas you have n the comments.

Now for a question of my own;

Which should I do for the next chapter?

1. A chapter about the Loud sisters and what they've been doing both before and after the two time skips.

2. A chapter going to the Pilot of the series, an alternate version of the pilot with Linc included.

Leave your answer on whichever you guys and gals want to see. Bye for now!

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