Can't Get it Up
StarHues

Cover: (7/10)
The cover is alright, but it's a bit blank. There's a lot of white and I definitely think the sticker (congrats btw) should be bigger. The image used it cute, maybe just use that picture without the white border around it.

Title: (10/10)
I love the title because people will read and say, "lol surely I didn't read that right," and laugh. Then they'll read the summary and realize that, yes, it's about a dude who actually can't get it up.

Grammar + Spelling: (6/10)
You need to use some more commas! Take the opening sentence, for example: "Hey there handsome," I said facing the mirror dogged by steam." This sentence should be, "Hey there, handsome," I said, facing the mirror dogged by steam."
A bead of sweat or maybe vapor started to form in my right temple only to slowly fall down to my cheek. This sentence should be 'A bead of sweat, or maybe vapor, states to form in my right temple, only to fall down to my cheek."
There are several times where you switch tenses. You'll say 'kicked' and 'I can' in the same paragraphs, and not in dialogue, but in personal thought. Consistency is key, unless you're switching to present/past tense for the effect of a flashback or something else.

Creativity: (7/10)
This story is creative for obvious reasons, I think. A guy can't get it up and that alone is usually a very taboo topic.
As for the second half, Jayne's point of view chapter, the whole "starting a story with a kid being dropped off at his freshman year of college with an overprotective mom while they claim they're not a kid anymore" is very cliche and doesn't really hit home for anyone.

Writing: (4/10)
There were some awkward sentences, where you would use uncommon phrases or the wrong word. "I definitely was not ready at what awaits me inside," should be, "I definitely was not ready for what awaited me inside."
"...Amanda said as she whipped out one of his mischievous grin," should be, "...Amanda said as she whipped out one of her mischievous grins."
Overall, the dialogue and inward thoughts of the characters were really awkward. I would read the dialogue aloud and make sure it sounds natural.

Characters: (3/10)
I didn't really feel like the characters had a lot of personality. Zack was kind of annoying in that he didn't tell anyone about his dick problem, even though it is embarrassing like don't you want it fixed? Amanda seemed really...well, too good of a friend. She was willing to do Zack to try and get his penis to work. And Jayne seemed like a four year old; the way he described the college setting and the way he spoke was very childish. When he was looking around the campus, he talked about himself the way somebody who was in love with him would; he said he had 'twinkling green eyes,' and he was 'exhaling a great amount of air.' (Say that he sighed instead.)

Overall Story: (5/10)
The opening chapter is kinda of iffy. It begins when his old friend Amanda agrees to try and have sex with him to see if he can get it up, and at first I thought that they were dating or something, until she started sucking his dick (as a friend?) Anyways, there is suddenly a fire in the hotel where they met up, and they hear someone yell for help while trying to leave. Zack knocks the door down and finds a guy tied to a bed, then Zack gets a boner. I'm not sure man. I think there are other ways you could have done this, like instead of having Amanda agree to try and fuck him, have her give him advice about trying guys or something. It all seemed a little too perfect, and I feel like any normal person in that situation would (on the off-chance that their old friend asked them to try and have sex because they needed help trying to get it up) be offended and cut that person off. Maybe that's just me, I don't know.

Total score: (42/70)
I would highly recommend rewriting/heavily editing this story. The writing is awkward, I didn't really like the characters, and it could be done differently. But don't be discouraged! The story has a lot of amazing potential, and could definitely turn into something really great. Watch out for commas, tense changes, and awkward dialogue.

Please message me if you'd like me to elaborate on anything or if you want more critiquing. I hope this review was helpful!