I can hear my mom calling everyone saying the dinner is ready. Geezz! When mom sets the table she make sure even the sound of the plates can be heard all the way to our room.

"I'm coming, just a sec!" I shouted back. I have to do this first.

Favourite pen? Check.
Scented notebook? Check.

Wow, I can't believe after all this years I'd go back writing 'dear diary'. Am I not too old for this? I'm 15 already.

My brain's saying that, and yet, here I am in my bed writing.

Whatever, here we go...

Date: 2006
Dear Diary,

Great news! After seven, feels like forever, long months, me and best friend finally made up.

All those times we just passed by each other without so much of a hi nor hello not even glancing at one another, is finally... finally over!!!

I'm over the moon!!

I miss him. I miss our hang outs, his jokes, his laugh, heck! even his weirdness I miss, but most importantly, I miss the guy who's always there, ready to listen to me.

True, it wasn't me who took the first step in resolving this, but how could I approach him in the first place, when I didn't even know how our fight started? Or why we've had that fight to begin with??

All I remembered from that night was he started accusing me, something about me creating fake stories. We were so mad at each other we didn't really try to understand what the problem is. We said our spill and parted ways—angry.

The day after that, I thought he'd talked to me again to settled things, but that didn't happened. Then days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Seven months.

I better ask him next time. I would have asked him a while back if it wasn't for the fact that I was caught off guard when he suddenly approached me the moment I step in the shop.

Gosh! Why does he look so handsome than before! Handsome but still weird.

My best friend, Bo Gum, wanted to make peace because he wanted to know how to play that Yugioh card game. And being one of those rare few thats good at dueling, he's willing to let bygones be bygones just so I can teach him.

Him and Tae...

"I'm going to count to three! If none of you are here, I-"

Opps, that's mom's angry voice, I better stop and just continue this later.

Just as mom bring the chicken rotisserie and rice in the middle of the table, we said our prayers and dig in.

Across the table from me is my youngest sister, the little tattle-tale. She looks at me and just sticks her tongue out, mocking. She's cute and I love her, but sometimes I really wanna just strangle her. This is coming from 'the me' whose secret is always blown because of her eight year old sister.

Beside her is my mom whom again looked so tired from working the whole day just to make ends meet. All by herself. 

I look at my brother who's sitting beside me and wonder, how long has it been since our parents got separated? My brother was probably nine back then; remembering I was 11 when it happened.

I shake my head trying not to get too sentimental, holding back those tears that's already peering in my eyes. I have to be strong, I'm the eldest, I have to be.

While we're eating, mom ask how our day has been. What did we do all day, are there any problems with the neighbourhood and things like that. There's no school as it is Summer Break. She still worries? Even though we've been living here for almost four years. Mothers instinct maybe. The day is just okay, well its a little special for me but I cant really tell her that.

"Any problems staying at grandmas?" She ask.

"Nope same same..." we all answer, almost in unison.

We moved in the city to live near my grandparents so they, or our other relatives, can looked after us when mom's at work. That's why when there's no school we usually stay at my grandparents house. And when Im there, I usually help out uncle managing the computer shop thats in the adjacent room of the house.

Looking back, that's actually where I met Bo Gum, he's one of uncle's customer. He really got my attention being the loudest guy in the room whenever he and his friends play. He gives off that trouble maker vibes, you know. I tried to avoid him at first because of it.

Then comes that one time, when I had trouble managing the shop because of some pesky kids who didn't wanna leave, even though their time is up. My uncle was out and I was by myself. Being the new kid around the block means getting mad at them would not be to my advantage. What if they bully me in return? That's when he step in and argued with them for me. He backed me up.

We got to know each other more after that, naturally because of always seeing each other in the shop, we became friends.

At first, I only saw him as an older brother, you know, one whom you can relied on. The one to tell your troubles to, the one that helped you with things and sometimes the one that gives you life advises.

And at that time, I needed that. Still do.

I mean, its hard enough accepting the reality of being in a broken family at a young age plus being the eldest child at that. I needed to be mature and stronger emotionally when I for myself is still just a kid. I cannot show weakness to my mom nor my siblings, because that would just make the burden all the more heavy. So, having someone I can open up my true feelings to is a blessing. That's who Bo Gum is to me.

In time, I noticed my feelings for him changed. I started to feel nervous when he's around, yet miss him dearly when he's not. I was still trying to figure out what it is I'm feeling when our fight happened.
When our fight continued to drag on, I realise it hurts more than it probably should because, well-

I like him.

"Sis??" I heard my brothers voice. "Are you going to eat that?"

I look at where he's pointing and realise I haven't finish eating my chicken.

"Oh no, I'm full! You can have this." I said as I transfer the food on my plate to his.

Woah! That was a quick trip down to memory lane.

As I've finished my dinner, I excuse myself and head back to my room to that diary I've started writing.

Hmn, where was I? Aha!

I pick up the pen and the notebook, use my flat pillow as my fake desk then write again,

Him and Tae... Diary, Bo Gum asked me if I knew Tae, I can't tell him directly, but of course I knew Tae. I mean, who wouldn't? That's Kim Taehyung! His childhood friend who's face is sculpted by the gods themselves and clearly took their time in doing so. That Kim Taehyung whose everybody in the neighbourhood seems to have a crush with. Yeah, that Taehyung... Clearly this tutorial's not gonna be easy.

Diary, the reason why I'm writing again is because Im in this predicament of having to face the two most handsome guys I've ever met in my entire life tomorrow. I might not be able to breathe, and die in front of the two. I know Im being dramatic, but for real. To my poor heart the two of them is not the best combo.

I really wish to survive,
Aurora Briar Rose