37
ALEXA KING
-Present-

Levittown's commercial area
October 13, 2018
11:30 a.m.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE news?

Oct 13, 8:21 a.m.

Buy an issue of LT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Oct 13, 9:59 a.m.

Guess whos on the front page of LT?!?!?!

Oct 13, 10:10 a.m.

Alexa, DONT look at the news. Stay w/ your dad today.

Oct 13, 10:44 a.m.

U need to come to the diner RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Oct 13, 11:30 a.m.

I read through my text messages, scrolling up with my thumb until I'm overwhelmed by them. All my friends seem anxious about something written in the newspaper. It takes no genius to know that some new information is known about Melody's case. Everyone appears to know about it, if the constant vibration of my cellphone is any indication of it.

As a tired sigh escapes my lips, I stuff the vibrating phone inside my back pocket. There's nothing in my body that wants to know anything more about Melody's case. At least for now, if there's still more to know.

I've been walking around town in a zombie-like state for the past hour, searching for a solution or explanation in a town that's not going to give it to me so easily. The events of last night have been replaying in my head in a series of hazy images and, like a drunk, I can't tell which of it is fiction and which is reality. It seems like a nightmare to me now that I'm awake to see that nothing in town is different, except for the news.

I'm still trying to process the fact that Christopher, my Christopher, killed Melody. It feels weird to put that thought into the world as it resides in me, a dangerous piece of information that hasn't found its home. By now, he must be long gone. Maybe he's in California right now with his brother or visiting his fucked-up father in some place that's far away from here. Maybe he's hiding in the immensity of the woods, buying himself some time, or hidden away in the place where he disappeared to the summer before this one.

He must be gone, poof, as if he's always been an apparition. Nothing more, just a figment of my imagination. The fucked-up thing is, there's real pain at the thought of never seeing him again. I don't know what that means, though. Is it the pain that comes along when you miss the love of your life or is it the injustice done to Melody?

No, that's not what's most fucked-up. What's worse is my incapability to tell the police, how I hesitate every time I think of going to them for help. I should've done that as soon as I ran out of Christopher's house, but I didn't. Something stronger than me is preventing me from doing so. Whether it's Levittown itself or my own bias, it doesn't really matter.

That doesn't mean that I won't. After making a quick stop at Shaw's diner to see what all the fuss is about, I'll go to the police and tell them everything I know. I can just taste the liberty of it all --- passing the baggage of everyone I know to people who have to figure out how to link the information together, breaking away from my never-ending guilt, moving forward with my life without having the weight of Melody's justice on my shoulders. Nothing has ever sounded so perfect, so freeing to me.

The U tattoo with the Christian cross on its center flashes in my mind, black ink staining what I once thought was a piece of heaven. Now it's just a piece of hell. No, that's not right at all. His skin is still a piece of heaven, only now I know it hides hell. That's its purpose.

Physically, he's still the same Christopher I fell in love with at fourteen. But doesn't that mean that I fell in love with a bad person? Regardless of what I thought of him at the time, it doesn't hide the fact that I fell in love with evil.

My life is controlled by darkness. I was doomed from the moment I found my mother's murdered body. Levittown's darkness seduces me. It's in love with me, just as I am of Christopher.

You're here 'cause you like this version of me. You don't like the darkness inside of me, not really. You don't even know it.

Why didn't I listen to him? Why didn't I read what was said between the lines? Oh right, I almost forgot. I was so stupidly trusting and drunk with love for him that I couldn't see the obvious signs. His words keep repeating in my mind, until they distort and form the voice of a monster. And I realize, once again, that I am in love with his true self. He's right when he says I don't like the darkness in him.

I don't like it. I love it.

There's this pulsating ache spreading through my body. It's in the soreness of the bones, the throbbing of the head, the stabbing on the chest, the stinging in the eyes. The tears accumulate inside of me with no intention to come out, turning the world around me into a golden shower. The once sweet taste of his blood turns bitter on my tongue, throwing fuel to the nausea that doesn't stop swirling in my stomach.

I have the strong desire to run back home and hide from the world. But I know that it wouldn't make a difference. During my desperate attempts to sleep, my body felt awake and anxious and filled with thoughts that were louder than the empty silence. So long as I stay in this toxic town, my suffering will never end. I want --- no, need --- to escape from both the prison of my mind and Levittown.

Only then will I ever truly be free.

I feel stupid and used and heartbroken, all at the same time. It makes sense that Christopher's the killer. There were signs that I misread: his exaggerated insistence on wanting to tell the police; his perfect, innocent exterior inspiring safety and trust; the words he whispered in my ear in Seb's party; how he knew that something was up when I went to exchange Mel's paintings; U's threat in my locker right after I told him everything; how U knows everything about what I'm doing; how he has disappeared before to God-knows-where and with God-knows-who; his insistence on how he couldn't and wouldn't love me; and now the tattoo to make me realize the truth once and for all.

He made a fool out of me and abused my love, my trust, my everything. I feel violated by the man that I love.

But why use the letter U? His name doesn't start with it, but I guess it's smart not to use anything that relates to your true identity. Still, is it short for something? Why the Christian cross on its center? Is it a symbol? What does it mean? And the bruises--- did he make those to himself to make me believe that he wasn't the killer, that it was someone else?

The thought alone makes me shiver. What kind of person would hurt themselves to get what they want? The possibility of it is sick, but gives me an insight to how his twisted mind works. His poisonous mind.

See, he's excellent at pretending. He's, what you call, a wolf in sheep's clothing. He's a great liar. It's easy to be fooled by him. What you see on the outside doesn't match what resides on the inside.

Despite it all, I've never realized how much I love him until now. It's completely fucked-up, but that love hasn't ceased or faltered in the slightest bit. It's ever growing, like an infectious disease that spreads through my body, and makes me sick. It's like a poison I can't squeeze out of my body, a thing that lives to make me succumb to the darkness.

I am my mother's daughter, after all. For the first time ever, I understand why she stayed with W.S. It was because of something as stupid and simple as love. It was love mixed with denial, actually. Her love for him blinded her to the reality of things, to the fact that she fell in love with evil. That's what love does. Although corrupted, it's still love.

My mother's sickness courses through my blood and dominates my life. I'm just like her, whether I want to be or not. It's out of my control. Like Christopher with his father, I inherited my mother's insanity. I'm a victim of genetics, fate, circumstances, society, my own twisted mind. Just like Melody and Christopher and anyone else that hides behind a pretty exterior.

I may love a killer, a monster, like my mother did. The difference is, I don't plan to stand by him. He's on his own and deserves anything he gets.

As I make my way around town, I notice how it looks in broad daylight. Levittown stands innocent, almost holy, as it shines with yellow and orange hues that make it look like gold. At this time of day, the town is still unaware of its own existence, heavy with sleep. It's the night that ushers it to wake up with its infinite darkness, preparing the town to live and exist as its citizens either sleep or are up to no good.

Levittown is in love with anything or anyone who is dark.

Despite how innocent it portrays itself to be during the day, there's still the ominous feeling of what hides underneath all that fake pureness.

The sunlight twinkles on the sidewalk and main street, blinding me for a second as I try to find my way to the diner. People loiter around town with a blanket of sleepiness and tiredness, their eyes never failing to find me. I don't know if it's in my mind, but everyone who sees me makes the effort to stop and stare. I feel a sense of raw exposure, a dread that propels me to walk faster and away from them.

Am I finally going mad? Is Levittown watching me through the eyes of the citizens, its forever puppets? That medicine is fucking with my mind again.

Views stands close by, its mere existence igniting my guilt. I stop in front of it and look without intending to walk inside. A sense of Déjà vu overwhelms me, transporting me back to that night; to September five.

The memory is blurry now, but the contents are vey much alive. I remember the glow of the store illuminating the dark sidewalk and street, connecting with the orange circle light of the lamppost on the other side of the street. Its 'open' sign blinked a flash of red in the night, flickering and sometimes leaving some of the letters without light—open, opn, oen, ope, pen, open again.

I remember thinking: a quick stop won't hurt. It was innocent and naïve and quick. I just wanted some snacks for our sleepover, that was all. Maybe if I hadn't made that stop, she would still be alive. Maybe if I hadn't made that stop, I would be the one dead right now. Maybe if I hadn't made that stop, the killers would've gotten scared and the both of us would be alive to report an attempted murder.

But I did make that stop, and now I have to live with the consequences for the rest of my life. There's nothing I can do to change it. The past is the past and what's special about it is that you can't have it back. There's only the future --- for even the present goes by in a quick swift, turning to the past --- and nothing else.

My vision focuses on what's in the store, rather than the glare of sunlight on its display window. Different faces appear on the other side, their eyes already on me as they hold newspapers open in front of them. This snaps me out of my reverie and propels me to walk faster, as far away from the store as possible. There are news vans loitering around in every corner, searching for an easy prey to catch the best angle of whatever story is circulating in the news right now.

I run as far away from everything as humanly possible, my lungs beginning to burn and calves starting to ache. Whatever is circulating in the news right now, it has to do with me. I'm not going crazy and the medicine is not pulling tricks on me. The new information that has come to light from Melody's case is about me. I wonder whether it's good or bad.

•Word count: 2,140•

Here's chapter 37, guys!!! Better late than never, amirite?

So, as you can already tell, this is one of the shortest chapters in the entire book. It wasn't supposed to be like this, but the outline I already have of the book is subject to changes. This chapter came out sooo long (think 5,000+ words long). Yikes! So, I decided to make what was once a singular chapter into two separate ones (37 and 38 respectively).

The question is, should I publish chapter 38 between Tuesday and Wednesday? Would you guys like that? I already have it finished, but have to edit it.

Questions: what do you think is the news?!?!?! What will Alexa do after noticing that this new information about Melody's case has something to do with her? What will happen next? And we have a new cover!!!! Do you like it or nah?

Feel free to correct any grammatical errors, but be kind about it. Tell me what you think of this chapter.

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Show me love ♡ Next chapter out soon.