~from Suguha's POV 1st person~
It's been a week since Kazuto first awoke. At first, I was so overjoyed...I still am. Happy that he's alive and back, I mean.
But...
It's so hard.
***
Every day, he asks me when he can see Takahiiro Aiko, and I keep telling him that they'll let him out after two weeks, if he's lucky and regains his strength. Of course, he'll still have to do physical therapy every day, but he's allowed to have visitors by then.
Only he won't be seeing the visitor he expects to see.
It's so hard.
***
I have to tell him.
It's just...
...so hard.

~from Kirito's POV 1st person~
It's been two weeks since I first woke up, and now I can walk all by myself, although the doctor insists that I keep someone with me just for safety's sake.
Suguha came into my room the same time as usual, at 8:30 A.M. every morning. "How are you doing?" she asked, smiling, and I smiled back.
"I'm feeling great," I replied. "So can I see Aiko now?"
She stiffened almost imperceptibly. "Are you sure that you're strong enough now?"
I nodded eagerly. "And I already asked the doctor about visitors, and both he and the psychologist thought it would help me recover more quickly if I was able to talk with other players. They want to start up a therapy group, and they said I could help choose players I was comfortable with, so I'm supposed to make a list."
She swallowed. "That sounds great, Kazuto. Is she...Aiko...on the list?"
I nodded. "Yep. Her, Klein, Asu-" I cut off abruptly, shaking my head and closing my eyes. "Silica, Lisbeth, and Agil. Maybe one or two others."
"When is the first meeting?" she asked, and I smiled gently, thinking of reuniting with all of my friends.
"Two weeks from today. They need to get everyone's consent and then gather all the medical files and work out the details of patient transfers and stuff." I looked out the window. "But soon. Soon we'll all be back together."
There was a moment of silence before Suguha responded. "Yeah. Soon," she said. Then, abruptly, "Bye, Kazuto."
"Hm? Bye, Suguha! See you tomorrow!" I called out after her, but she was already racing out.
Strange.
***
The day of the therapy session, Agil was the first to show up, nearly breaking my hand with his powerful handshake before joking about how scrawny I was IRL, then Klein, who nearly killed me with a hug. "Man, right before we were sent back here, you started going crazy, Kirito!" he yelled, rubbing my hair. "I was seriously worried about you! What was that all about?"
I didn't want anyone else near Aiko's dead body. "Sorry, Klein," I said, laughing weakly. "I can't even remember."
The conversation was dropped as the rest trickled in.
All of them except Aiko.
"Hey, Kirito. Weren't you going to introduce us to someone?" Agil asked, and everyone turned expectantly to you.
"Oh? Is it that girl you were hanging out with in level 100?" Klein asked, and Silica and Lisbeth's eyes both widened.
"What girl?!" they asked in unison, blushing slightly.
I frowned. "Yeah, Klein. Olivera was supposed to come today..."
Agil patted me on the back. "I'm sure she'll be here next week, and you can introduce her to us then, all right?"
I nodded and tried to push my unease to the back of my mind as everyone began talking and reminiscing together and explaining what their real lives were like, what they'd be going back to.
***
Eventually, I was alone in my room again, but then Suguha entered.
"Eh? Isn't it kind of late for you to be here?" I asked, turning towards her in surprise. "Suguha! Why are you crying?"
She shook her head and practically fell into the chair beside my bed. "I'm so sorry, Kazuto!"
"Calm down, Suguha," I said soothingly, and when she had quieted down, I said, "Now, tell me what's wrong."
She swallowed and wouldn't meet my eyes. "Kazuto?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember when you were searching on that one website for your friends to see if they were alive?"
"Yeah." I smiled. "That list made it possible for me to find them and bring everyone back together."
She shook her head. "Kazuto...Kazuto..."
"Suguha, it's okay. You can tell me anything." What is she so scared about?
She took another moment to collect herself before saying, "Kazuto, about that-" She stopped in mid-sentence and abruptly stood up. "Sorry, I forgot that I have to be home for dinner and I'm already late. I'll talk to you tomorrow!" she said before running out the door.
"Bye," I said, but my voice was quiet, thoughtful.
***
The next morning, she was there at her usual time.
"Morning, Kazuto!" she said, her voice bright but forced.
"Morning, Suguha," I said with a smile as she set her bag down. She usually stopped by to see me on her way to school, so she had to bring her things with. "So, what did you want to tell me last night?"
She froze before giving me another fake smile. "It's nothing! I'm all good now."
"You're sure?"
"Yep!" she said, nodding.
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence during which neither of us seemed to know what to say. Finally, "Um, Suguha?"
"Hm?"
"Could I bother you to get me a cup of water?" I asked, and she immediately said yes, jumping up and running off to go get some.
I felt guilty, but I had to know.
I slipped her tablet out of her school bag and went back to Google and found the list of names and statuses.
I scrolled down to the T's...
Takahiiro Aiko
Olivera
My eyes moved slowly to the third column.
Dead
I dropped the tablet from my hands as though it induced pain. That's how Suguha found me a minute later as she walked in with another glass of water. Slowing her pace dramatically, she placed the water on my bedside tablet before taking a seat.
"Why..." My voice was choked. "When? When did she die?"
Tears shone in her eyes. "I checked the doctor's logs. A few minutes before you woke up."
My tears spilled down my cheeks and onto the hospital blanket. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked, horrified. For a month...I've thought...I believed that she...that it wasn't really my fault...
"The doctor said not to upset you," Suguha said, tears streaming down her face as well. "I didn't know that she was dead until after you gave me my tablet back. The website that you used, Kazuto...it updates weekly, and the last update was a few days before you saw it, so she was still listed as alive." She bowed her head. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know how to tell you!"
But I wasn't paying attention to her anymore. I was looking out the window, looking up at the sky.
Maybe Aiko's up there.
Because I killed her.
I ended a human life, even though it was my job to protect people.
Thanks to her sacrifice, I was able to save everyone except the one person that truly counted.
***
After that day, despite making so much progress with making my unfamiliar body stronger, I stopped trying. I just sat in bed and stared out the window.
I was alone again, plagued by guilt, loneliness, and self-hatred.
There was no point anymore, in anything.
Nobody left worth living for, worth fighting for, worth dying for.